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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST 02 May 05 - 11:24 AM
Rapparee 02 May 05 - 11:26 AM
GUEST,MMario 02 May 05 - 11:40 AM
Donuel 02 May 05 - 12:15 PM
GUEST,Amos 03 May 05 - 08:08 AM
GUEST,ferds 03 May 05 - 09:36 AM
Acme 03 May 05 - 12:07 PM
GUEST,MMario 03 May 05 - 12:32 PM
Rapparee 03 May 05 - 12:56 PM
Acme 03 May 05 - 05:34 PM
GUEST,Liza 03 May 05 - 06:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 May 05 - 06:29 PM
Rapparee 03 May 05 - 06:43 PM
Acme 03 May 05 - 07:27 PM
Amos 04 May 05 - 08:56 AM
Rapparee 04 May 05 - 12:52 PM
GUEST,MMario 04 May 05 - 12:56 PM
Rapparee 04 May 05 - 01:19 PM
Acme 04 May 05 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 04 May 05 - 02:03 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 04 May 05 - 09:10 PM
Rapparee 04 May 05 - 09:36 PM
Acme 04 May 05 - 10:19 PM
Rapparee 04 May 05 - 10:31 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 05 May 05 - 09:09 AM
GUEST,MMario 05 May 05 - 09:14 AM
GUEST,Amos 05 May 05 - 11:19 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 05 May 05 - 11:35 AM
GUEST 05 May 05 - 11:39 AM
GUEST,Amos 05 May 05 - 11:40 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 05 May 05 - 11:42 AM
GUEST,MMario 05 May 05 - 12:03 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 05 May 05 - 01:09 PM
Rapparee 05 May 05 - 02:27 PM
Acme 05 May 05 - 04:48 PM
Amos 05 May 05 - 06:46 PM
Rustic Rebel 05 May 05 - 08:17 PM
Rustic Rebel 05 May 05 - 08:23 PM
Rapparee 05 May 05 - 11:42 PM
Acme 06 May 05 - 12:09 AM
GUEST,MMario 06 May 05 - 08:15 AM
Rapparee 06 May 05 - 08:39 AM
GUEST 06 May 05 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 06 May 05 - 12:07 PM
Amos 06 May 05 - 07:42 PM
Amos 07 May 05 - 10:08 AM
Bunnahabhain 07 May 05 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 07 May 05 - 12:07 PM
Amos 07 May 05 - 12:32 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 May 05 - 03:47 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 02 May 05 - 11:24 AM

I'm very excited really, about my part in the May Faire this year. I think I can do a lot more with "Wolfgang Tuck" then I was able to do last year as "The worlds largest Dwarf - Rumplestiltskin"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 11:26 AM

My mask, gloves, and larger bell guard just came. I can hardly wait until Thursday when I can stick people with my sword.

Prise de fer, beat, parry sixte, extend, riposte, and touch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 May 05 - 11:40 AM

I keep fogetting to sign my posts!

Do you think a rosary made of meatballs and sausage is a bit "too much?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:15 PM

Amos, the critical step 5 to communicating without words...

Then paint or draw as clearly as you can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 03 May 05 - 08:08 AM

Donuel:

Lots of telepathy occurs without hand lifting pen. But I expect doing that would add a good boost of intentionality to the transmission! :)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,ferds
Date: 03 May 05 - 09:36 AM

We are mighty
We are ferds
We eat freds
And different birds.

No more veggies
No more grain
We are ferds
And we're a pain.

We are conquering
Planet Urth
We are ferds
And you are a significant source of dietary fiber.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 May 05 - 12:07 PM

If ferds are looking for substantial dietary fibre, then may I suggest they start with Mongolia or perhaps the sub-continent of India? Too many twinkies have been consumed by Americans to make them anything more than slick balls of lard. And those who aren't so tubby have been on such protien-rich Atkins diets that they will cause indigestion also.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 May 05 - 12:32 PM

sorry ferds - humans are NOT a significant source of dietary fiber.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 05 - 12:56 PM

Maybe, MMario, it depends upon your digestive system. I think a lot of people would be dietary grease, myself. Of course, there are the Four Basic Building Blocks of a good diet: salt, sugar, alcohol, and grease....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 May 05 - 05:34 PM

It's five food groups. You forgot chocolate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Liza
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:05 PM

Hi! I'm Liza! That's with a long "i" as in Ms Minelli. Did I spell that correctly? Who cares? I never cared for the bitch anyway, Her mom was too cool, but Liza was just a wannabee. Wow! I'm saying "was" as if the bitch was dead or something. She's not, is she? I don't know for sure. All I know is, like, when's the last time anyone heard anything from her? Maybe she is dead. Who cares?

Anyway, I'm trying to find my so-called boyfriend Ferd and I heard he was hangin' around here pretending to be an alien or something. Yeah, that's right... Go ahead and say it... "Oh! He's Ferd, and you're Liza! If you have a baby, will you name it Ferd'liza?" Yuck, yuck, har, har. Get a life!

Anyway, if you see that worthless sack of shit, tell him supper's on the table and to get his sorry ass home.

And if this is supposed to be a folk music place, why are there ads for CDs by Yes at the bottom of this page? They so very suck. If they gave, like, an award for stupid songs with lame-ass lyrics there wouldn't be any need for anyone else to attend the ceremony. Just give 'em all to Yes. Wouldn't even have to have a banquet or anything. Just take 'em to an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:29 PM

Oh boy! Just two more days 'til Mom's birthday! So many things to do in so little time!

1) Get tux from cleaners.
2) Buy new tophat.
3) Polish chrome on Bentley.
4) Find out what spats are and see if they should be washed, polished, or ironed.
5) Order semi-load of extra spicy Buffalo wings.
6) Have portable toilets delivered.
7) Rent golf cart. (No good reason. They're just fun.)
8) Order two full-sized Marshall stacks and a shit-load of effects pedals.
9) Put new strings on Strat.
10) Learn to play "Happy Birthday".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:43 PM

Who, oh who, will open the Mother's Birthday Y Cinco De Mayo Tavern? Are the mariachis ready? Are the frijoles ready? Is MOAB decked out in her finest clothes and ready to git down an' party?

I've taken the liberty of ordering a little guacamole and got a good deal on avocados at the same time. Also some raspberry jello and creme fraiche.

If nobody opens the Tavern the truck drivers have been instructed to dump it in the parking lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 May 05 - 07:27 PM

I've been making guacamole for several weeks now, but mine is in the freezer. If you run out, let me know and I'll thaw some.

Do you have a good source of chips to go with the guac?

I'm planning to bring a lot of Negra Modelo to go with this. And how's about a nice batch of fajitas on the grill (chicken and beef both, please).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:56 AM

I began my travails in the dusty bowels of Gummint yesterday -- a huge series of converted hangars down on the Pacific Highway, where the Atlas missile used to be built, cavernous four-story high ceilings, steel girders as wide as your back and gigantic steel rolling doors about twenty feet high to let the giant carriages carrying the Atlas out. But now, it is all a cubicle farm with endless miles of Ethernet cabling and the air filled with a sort of machine-like process-talk which typifies middle management in large bureaucracies. It is not a bad place, really, but it is redolent with the sort of lifeless exhalations of people who have had too much administration, and sold their souls for it. I am joining them for a month or two. I must be careful not to laugh, or stand out too much. I need to practice my carefully intelligent but content face.

Sigh....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 12:52 PM

I believe it was in the movie "Mr. Roberts": the sailors were on an unarmed boat when they were confronted with a Japanese submarine or aircraft or something.

"What do we do now?"

"Commence smilling and waving."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 12:56 PM

Amos - botox injections might help.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 01:19 PM

Hmmm...ever read "Strange Interlude" by Eugene O'Neill?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 May 05 - 01:55 PM

Or Dr. Strangelove by Peter George?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:03 PM

Or "The Crying of Lot 49" by Thomas Pynchon?

Or "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia-Marquez?

Or "Moby-Dick" by Herman Melville?

Or "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien?

Or "The Secret Sharer" by Joseph Conrad?

Or "Candy" or "Lolita" or "Fanny Hill" or...never mind, I'm too excited to go on now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 May 05 - 09:10 PM

"The Crying of Lot 49"? Kid stuff! Real men (and women) read "Gravity's Rainbow"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 09:36 PM

Ah, but you should read it in the original version. The one that was published a couple years before the "commercial" version. It's quite hard to find; some universities might have it, or the very large public libraries.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:19 PM

Hey, Mom--Happy Birthday in a couple of hours! I have to go to bed soon (though I may tiptoe over to the Mudcat Tavern before I finally turn off the 'puter) but I wanted to tell you how glad I am that you're our MOAB Mom!

(Amos is over in the tavern telling lies about you--please tell him he isn't getting all of your galactic loot and leftover blueberries when you're gone!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:31 PM

Happy, Happy Birthday, Mom, from the kid you've always loved best.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:09 AM

Ha! See, Mom? What did I tell you?

I am the very first person to post to you on your birthday! Nobody else cares, and that's why you love me best. Happy Birthday to my very favorite Mother from her very favorite child.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:14 AM

HA! Little you know Rapaire! Our MOM-MOAB is at the new SPA section of NYCFTTS enjoying herself before she goes to the party at the Tavern! So she's not even home!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:19 AM

I was NOT telling lies, Stilly, and why should you be complaining about my cutting you in on the legacy, in rebuttal of Rapaire's "mammy's favourite chile" syndrome. Everyone knows this is an aberrant, pre-pubescent fantasy complex with the potential; of long-lasting psychosis if not outgrown early in life.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:35 AM

My biological mother set me out on the porch one night when I was four months old and put the empty milk bottles to bed. I was discovered by a roving pack of timber wolves, who raised me until they became extinct in Illinois. I was then adopted, at the age of eight years, by a group of nomadic debutantes who taught me about Life and Art and Everything, eventually fostering me to the Ard Ri, Aodh I (called Ruadh), for my training as a warrior, sage, and poet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:39 AM

define "early"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:40 AM

What a load of self centred bollocks this thread has become. Pretentious? Moi?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:42 AM

Yes Amos, we do appear to have turned into a brace of total wankers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 05 May 05 - 12:03 PM

inevitable, really - but surely just a phase?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 05 May 05 - 01:09 PM

The last post under my nom-de-claviers was not done by me. I rarely, if ever, use the word "wankers." I'd use the term "jerkoffs" since I'm not in the UK.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 05 - 02:27 PM

And if it happens again...not even God can help you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 May 05 - 04:48 PM

Now that it's opened for MOMs birthday bash, the Mudcat Tavern has potential to get as sticky as it has ever been in it's entire history. Let's hope the giant squid stays away this time, or the ensuing slime/sticky trail will be like Nads' Central.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 05 - 06:46 PM

The last post in my name, complaining of pretentiousness, was not by me, but by some half-brained idiot who thought it would be cute to take advantage of a system failure to steal my ID, a pusillanimous minicephalic wanker if ever there was.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 May 05 - 08:17 PM

As I pulled out of my driveway this, cool, misty morning, I was witness to a beautiful blonde stallion mounting an equally beautiful blonde mare,and thought to myself,
Oh, Mother, Ooo..Mother...
Oh Yes!! It's the Mother's Birthday!!
Happy Birthday Mother, Here's 'Mud' in your eye!


(I didn't miss it this year. Last year I was a day late. Page 93 descending, Amos posted the 3000 post to celebrate one year and MOAB became an official member to Mudcat Cafe. Time sure flies when your flinging the bullshit.)

I'll have to go drink one to MOAB at the tavern, to see what the hell your bullshittin' about Amos....See Ya there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 May 05 - 08:23 PM

PS. I believe that last post had to have had a significant meaning in mathmatical terms. I don't know what that meaning could be, but it was post 7640. No '5' in it, but posted on 5/5/05. There must be a mystical 5 in there somewhere?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:42 PM

7640 is divisible by 5, yeilding 1528. And everyone knows that in 1528
Alvar Nunez Cabeza de Vaca, survivor of an ill-fated attempt to
conquer Florida and the southeast, was shipwrecked on Galveston Island off the Texas coast and began his eight year odyssey as one of the first
Europeans to set foot in the American West.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 May 05 - 12:09 AM

We have a first edition of his book at my university.

I hope MOMs birthday was everything she was hoping for!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 06 May 05 - 08:15 AM

Happy UN-birthday MOM! We love you 24/7 365. 366 in leap years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 05 - 08:39 AM

I must admit that Mom does not love me best. I was only saying that in the hope of raising her spirits even more on one of her special days. I know that she'd like, but her inate spirit of fairness won't let her. So now you know. Mom doesn't love me best. She cares for all of us equally, only I'm a little more equal than anybody else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 06 May 05 - 11:31 AM

MOAB-ite good, Rapaire better?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 05 - 12:07 PM

All are created equal, but some are more equal than others.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 05 - 07:42 PM

What an original idea, Rapaire!! You should write a book about it -- you could call it "Bestial Garden" or some such...wow...you're really brilliant. That is so subtle. You could have talking animals who ruin their garden by shoving each other and bragging. I am sure it would be a best-seller.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 05 - 10:08 AM

A Sad Day, when the children all stay in the Tavern drinking and hooting and the Thread of Honor sinks slowly to the south end of the page unnoticed!! What were we THINKING???


Rapaire, come back -- all is forgiven.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 May 05 - 12:02 PM

all is forgiven? You sure about that one?

All the stuff we know about is forgiven

is so much safer...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 05 - 12:07 PM

Dear God.

I've just run across this true story which has to be about Bee-Dubya-Ell.

He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening he decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with
glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence
and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
leave!" The old coodger frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked. Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 05 - 12:32 PM

For Rapaire, who is the Grammar of All MOAB:

There are schemata lexeos and schemata dianoeas, that is, figures of words and of senses, but the schemata dianoeas are for the orator, the schemata lexeos pertain to the grammarian. And though there are so many of them, there are of all of them only 17 you need, of which these are the names: 1. prolepsis, 2. zeugma, 3. hypozeuxis, 4. syllepsis, 5. anadiplosis, 6. anaphora, 7. epanalepsis, 8. epizeuxis, 9. paronomasia, 10. schesis onomaton, 11. parhomoeon, 12. homoeoptoton, 13. homoeoteleuton, 14. polyptoton, 15. hirmos, 16. polysyndeton, 17. dialyton.

1. Prolepsis is the foretelling (Vorwegnahme; presumption) of things which (do not) follow the regular order, such as: continuo reges ingenti mole Latinus (Aeneid 12.161) `Then the kings ride forth, Latinus in mighty pomp ...'

2. Zeugma is subsuming under one verb various phrases properly joined to it, as: Troiugena interpres divum, qui numina Phoebi, qui tripodas, Clari lauros, qui sidera sentis (Aeneid 3.359): `O son of Troy, interpreter of the gods, who knowest the will of Phoebus, the tripods, the laurel of the Clarian, the stars ...'

3. Hypozeuxis is a figure contrary to the above, where various verbs are joined to one clause, as: regem adit et regi memorat nomenque genusque (Aeneid 10.149) `He approached the king and announced to the king his name and his race.'

4. Syllepsis the bringing together of different clauses by one word, as _hic illius arma, Hic currus fuit_ (Aeneid 1.15 f.) `Here was her armour, here her chariot.' This scheme is so common that it occurs not only through parts of speech, but also by their accidents (characteristics). It is also syllepsis when singular words are joined by a plural verb, as: sunt nobis mitia poma, castaneae molles et pressi copia lactis. (Eclogues 1.80 f.) "We have ripe apples, soft chestnuts and a wealth of pressed cheese."

5. Anadiplosis is the repetition of words from the end of one verse at the beginning of the next, as: sequitur pulcherrimus Astur, Astur equo fidens. (Aeneid 10.180) `Then follows most beautiful Astur, Astur relying on his steed'.

6. Anaphora is the repetition of the same word at the beginning of several verses, as: nate, meae vires, mea magna potentia solus, nate patris summi, qui tela Typhoea temnis. (Aeneid 1.664) `Oh son, my strength, my mighty power alone, / Oh son, who scorn the Typhoean darts of the highest father'

7. Epanalepsis is the repetition of of a word placed at the beginning of a verse at its end, as: ante etiam sceptrum Dictaci regis et ante. (Georgics 2.536) `Before even the Cretan king held scepter and before' {sounds a little like Snagglepuss}

8. Epizeuxis is the repetition of the same word in one verse without any words between, as: me, me, adsum qui feci, in me convertite ferrum. (Aeneid 9.427) `On me, on me, I am here, who did it, on me turn your blade'

9. Paronomasia is kind of like punning, as: nam inceptio est amentium, haut amantium. (Terence, Andr. 1.3.13; Loeb 218) `This is a scheme more of madmen than of lovers' [a very common pun]

10. Schesis onomaton is a number of nouns joined together in a common way, as: Marsa manus, Peligna cohors, Vestina virum vis. (Ennius, 280) `Marsine hand, Pelignine cohort, Vestine machismo'

11. Parhomoeon happens when several words begin with the same letters, as: o Tite tute Tati tibi tanta tyranne tulisti. (Ennius 1.113; Loeb 109) `Yourself upon yourself, Oh Titus Tatius the Tyrant, you took these terrible troubles.' [very often cited]

12. Homoeoptoton occurs when various words end in the same case, as: merentes flentes lacrimantes commiserantes. (Ennius 1.107; Loeb ?): `sorrowing, weeping, shedding tears, commiserating'.

13. Homoeoteleuton is when several utterances end in a similar fashion, as: eos reduci quam relinqui, devehi quam deseri malui. (Ennius, Iphegenia, fragm. 9) `I did not wish to bring them back as much as to give them up, to lead them as much as to desert them'

14. Polyptoton is the use of many cases in various ways, as: litora litoribus contraria, fluctibus undas inprecor, arma armis, pugnent ipsique nepotesque. (Aeneid 4.628) `Shore against shore, water against wave, I pray, arms against arms, may they fight, they and their children.'

15. Hirmos is a series of utterances keeping their tenor right to the end {linking of associated qualities}, as: principio caelum ac terras camposque liquentes lucentemque globum lunae Titaniaque astra spiritus intus alit (Aeneid 6.724) `First, the watery heavens and the watery earth, and the watery plains, the shining orb of the moon and Titan's stars, a spirit within sustains'

16. Polysyndeton is a phrase joined by many conjunctions, as: Acamasque Thoasque Pelidesque Neoptolemusque (Aeneid 2.262) `Acamus and Thoas and Neoptolemus son of Peleus'

17. Dialyton or asyndeton is a figure contrary to the above, lacking in conjunctions, as: ite, ferte citi flammas, date tela, impellite remos. (Aeneid 4.593) `Go, bring flames quickly, give out spears, ply the oars'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 May 05 - 03:47 PM

Moab, home of Poetry, Quantum physics, Grammar, and more things, Horatio, in heaven and earth than are drempt of in you philosophy.


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