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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Rapaire, on another PC 30 Aug 03 - 11:38 AM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 03 - 12:06 PM
Rapparee 01 Sep 03 - 10:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Sep 03 - 11:21 PM
Little Hawk 01 Sep 03 - 11:58 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 03 - 09:03 AM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 03 - 02:51 PM
GUEST,Tweed 02 Sep 03 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 03 - 03:20 PM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 03 - 08:29 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 03 - 09:24 PM
Rustic Rebel 03 Sep 03 - 08:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Sep 03 - 08:36 PM
Rustic Rebel 03 Sep 03 - 09:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Sep 03 - 10:36 PM
GUEST,freds 03 Sep 03 - 11:04 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 03 Sep 03 - 11:42 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 04 Sep 03 - 12:45 AM
GUEST,freds 04 Sep 03 - 09:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Sep 03 - 10:33 AM
GUEST,MMario 04 Sep 03 - 10:38 AM
Little Hawk 04 Sep 03 - 11:21 AM
GUEST 04 Sep 03 - 12:21 PM
Amos 04 Sep 03 - 02:55 PM
MMario 04 Sep 03 - 03:03 PM
Amos 04 Sep 03 - 03:36 PM
GUEST,freds 04 Sep 03 - 09:19 PM
GUEST,MMario 05 Sep 03 - 11:39 AM
Little Hawk 05 Sep 03 - 12:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Sep 03 - 12:46 PM
Amos 05 Sep 03 - 12:54 PM
Amos 05 Sep 03 - 01:11 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 06 Sep 03 - 01:09 PM
Tweed 06 Sep 03 - 05:14 PM
Tweed 06 Sep 03 - 05:24 PM
GUEST,freds 06 Sep 03 - 05:52 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 06 Sep 03 - 06:18 PM
GUEST,freds 07 Sep 03 - 03:57 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 07 Sep 03 - 04:55 PM
Rapparee 07 Sep 03 - 07:46 PM
Little Hawk 07 Sep 03 - 08:41 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 07 Sep 03 - 09:15 PM
GUEST,freds 07 Sep 03 - 09:31 PM
GUEST,Cosmic Honcho 07 Sep 03 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 03 - 10:12 AM
Little Hawk 08 Sep 03 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,Cosmic Honcho 08 Sep 03 - 03:30 PM
Little Hawk 08 Sep 03 - 06:11 PM
GUEST,Stans 08 Sep 03 - 07:47 PM
Amos 08 Sep 03 - 08:02 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire, on another PC
Date: 30 Aug 03 - 11:38 AM

Ralph's my nephew. Ralph's also my father. I am related to and descended from Ralphs. Don't think that Ralphs can't do whatever they want.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 03 - 12:06 PM

I left a Ralphs-style message on my friend Mike's phone last night. Har! He was very annoyed by it. Har! He says he will punch me out if I do it again. Har! This business of being Ralphs-ish can be dangerous. Har! Har!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 03 - 10:36 PM

Well, it couldn't just LAY there, could it??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Sep 03 - 11:21 PM

Sorry, Ralphs, but I think you've finally come to the wrong planet. This is Earth, home of rap music, electric guitars, 2-cycle leaf-blowers, and telemarketers. We are immune to annoyance. Stick around long enough and Mattel will make a Ralphs doll that goes "Har!" when you push a button. It'll be next Christmas's hottest selling item. Kids'll love 'em. Adults'll hate 'em until noon on Christmas Day and then they'll just ignore 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 03 - 11:58 PM

Yup. Har! Annoyance is the raison d'etre of this planet. Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 09:03 AM

"Ralph" is one of my middle names, likewise my brothers. If you don't think that we can be annoying, just let one of us know. Or ask my mother or any other my relatives. Names supplied upon request.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 02:51 PM

Rapaire, I note that you have begun claiming to be the sole author of the repulse of the Martian invasion. You are experiencing delusions of grandeur. I fear that you are becoming too mentally unstable to be allowed to participate in a thread with the gravity, dignity, and deeper meaning of the MOABS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Tweed
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 02:57 PM

Liddle Harg, you like thet H.P.Lovecrapht right? Mebbe you habv been to this site but mebbe you ain't so I will give you this link. Truly a disturbing place, as all things Lovecrapht should be.

Famous Citizens of Arkham...and more..

Yerz,
Tweed at work


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 03:20 PM

LH, you are suggesting my unhingement. Such is not the case. I cannot express enough delight at my sanity, my level-headedness, my grasp on reality and truth. I enjoy the same level of sanity as Oscar the Wiener Dog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 08:29 PM

Rapaire, my lad, I have wronged you. You are clearly a Liberty Meadows fan! So am I. This is glorious. So, what do you think about the return of the cow? Have Ralph and Leslie bitten the big one this time or will they escape? Isn't Brandy the greatest? Wow.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 09:24 PM

I read ma comics as gawd intended -- online.

I only read it for the Brandy. And Oscar. And Truman. And Frank. And Julius. And Ralph. And Leslie. And Brandy's roommate. And Khan the Catfish.

And for you poor benighted heathens who wot not what of we speak, enlightenment is to the found here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 08:04 PM

This is not the time or place for all of this Bullshit! Can't you people see we are having a crisis here? Can't you understand that we need honesty, compassion, and love abounding at this time in our measly little existance of life in this measly little time frame of life that we have?
They are taking what we have to be good and pure and turning it into a circus ring. They are exposing human nature for what it really isen't and saying we deserve to be treated like the animals in that circus ring.
They are trying to form groups of loyal subjects to create disturbances throughout the entire Mudcat community. They are infilterating our Governments, our homes and gardens, our lives.
Who are they you might ask? They are exactly the thing you detest, yet yearn for. They are the nostril full of snot,that you want to blow but you snort down your throat, they are the things that make you want to reach out and touch, but you can't reach them, they are preying on us every day, they are...they are mating them for Christsake they are....



ACTORS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 08:36 PM

Thank yew fer th' chuckle, Rusty Kreble. I dunno who summa them peeple are but it were funny anyhow. If yew like that kinda thing yew might like t' play with rubberfaces.com. It are funny too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 09:58 PM

Just as Little Hawk said in another thread, "Ah, that explains why I can't buy extra large condoms". They used 'em all up on the rubber people. (har)
I ain't been called Rusty Kreble since I was born, and I remember the Dr.s saying,as they were scraping the crust of my scalp, "That there looks like a rusty kreble to me, what do you think Dr. Dick?"
Then I remember Dr. Dick saying, " Yeah that sure seems to be an appropriate diagnosis to me Dr. Toosik."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 10:36 PM

Where'd Ralphs go? I hope we didn't offend them. They added a certain panache, a hint of existential dread, a little bit of sangfroid and a whole lotta l'odeur des choux de bruxelles putrfis to the place. They also made me itch. I think they had fleas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 11:04 PM

ralfs wer gud ate them butt hat stumik upsit aftur bubba bubba az yu kal ither iz parint had hatch yisterdai iz sayin beedubyaell iz profivdeer uf y kromozonez an candu profiedid w kromozonez pleez tel us if tru sew wee kan tak tu them aboot hatchlin sueport muny fank yu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 11:42 PM

Yeh, right! Har! Freds ate Ralphs. Har! Har! Freds are lying little fuckers! Har! It'll be a warm day on Ganymede when freds eat Ralphs. Har! Har! Freds can't spell worth a damn either. Har! Ralphs already told you humans that Ralphs hate freds worse than anything in the known Universe. Har! Ralphs hate freds so much that Ralphs wouldn't stoop to eat the little maggots! Har! Har! Har!

Oh, to answer your question, human Bee-dubya-ell, Ralphs were merely sleeping. Har! The days on Ralphs' home planet are the length of your weeks. Har! Ralphs' stay awake for four of your days and then sleep for three days. Har! Ralphs are well rested and ready to get on with the annoying. Har! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 12:45 AM

Oh, by the way, human Bee-dubya-ell, the bit about Ralphs smelling like rotten Brussels sprouts was not exactly funny. Har! I guess you didn't think Ralphs could read French or something. Har! Listen! Har! Ralphs are going to tell you just like we told your friend Amos: Har! Ralphs work entirely by annoyance. Har! Ralphs don't like to become actively involved in the destruction of planetary life-forms. Har! But Ralphs really hate being insulted and will make exceptions. Har! Understand? Har? Har?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 09:29 AM

freds uz translador majine freds bouht frum ralfs no need too lern langij ov pepul who wil not exizt in a lidle wile louzy majine butt wurks an wat kan yu ekspect frum ralfs

The translator we freds developed and use ourselves is far superior to that piece of crap we bought from Ralphs (which, by the way, is a cheap-shit discount store out in the direction of Cygnus and not one of the star-faring races of the Universe). Our translator, as you can see, works impeccably.


As we mentioned earlier, we are looking for someone called “bee-dubya-ell” and someone else called “Khandu.” A little matter of child support, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 10:33 AM

Dear freds,

Please refer to the recent post from your own (late?) "Debbie Earl" which states in part:

...in order to do what she (Bubba Bubba) wished to do she would have had to consume your protein. All of it, and with great mess.

As I still have most of my protein, logic dictates that the act in question never took place. Sorry, but I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere for the donor of your Y chromosome.

King khandu, on the other hand, has not been heard from in a good length of time. It is entirely possible that he is the donor of the W chromosome in question and that the reason we haven't heard from him is that he was consumed during the consumation. Anyway, even if he is still alive he is from Mississippi and, therefore, by definition, has no money. If you're looking for child support money from him (or his estate) you might as well try squeezing it out of a rock instead.

I suggest that Bubba Bubba just put the hatchling(s) up for adoption and get on with herit's life.... such as it is.... being a fungus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 10:38 AM

hey BWL! What if Debbie Earl lied? Huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 11:21 AM

When are we going to get back to discussing something REAL...and IMPORTANT here...like the influence of William Shatner on 20th and 21st century concepts of drama and general deportment? When???

And where is King Khandu? Has he abdicated the throne?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 12:21 PM

the influence of William Shatner on 20th and 21st century concepts of drama and general deportment

certainly an appropriate subject for MOAB!

Answer: none. Thank all the dieties!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 02:55 PM

PRaise your stars th'art nameless, oh, nameless one!! FOr one there is here who, finding where you keep your foul abode, would surely set forth on a mission to hunt you down and destroy you for such blasphemy!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 03:03 PM

Amos? have they changed your meds? Or Been in the sun too much? or possibly even been ingesting recreational chemicals?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 03:36 PM

Well, no, MM, thanks for enquiring. I was just anticipating Little Hawks probable response to the gibe at His Billfulness.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 09:19 PM

We have decided to toss that so-called "translator" we bought at Ralphs in the trash and use our own. And, save for those times when we wish to make a point, we'll just use your typeface, fonts, and so forth.

Perhaps you are wondering how we, as freds, obtain access to your "Mudcat." The answer, of course, is quite simple.

As for Bubba Bubba (we might as well call ither by the name you know), sheit is in perfect health. Moreover, in the fungoid state is it not possible to tell an untruth: if "Khandu" and "bee-dubya-ell" are named as genetic donors for the hatchlings, such must be the case. "bee-dubya-ell" might still exist as viable protein, but Bubba Bubba obviously obtained his (is "bee-dubya-ell" male?) chromosonal pattern somewhere, and as such he is both legally and morally responsible for the hatchlings' maintenance until they are of age to feist for themselves.

Now we must reveal a Great Secret to you. You are members of an elect group, and are bound to take whatever action about this you feel appropriate and necessary. If you are squeamish about taking such action, read no further.

The Great Secret is this:

William Shatner, who passes as an actor, singer, and other things on this your world, is in actually a member of the same race as Ralphs, those who run that goddamn cheapo gyp joint out Cygnus way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 11:39 AM

no surprise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 12:13 PM

No! It can't be true. Har! Omigod. Har! It's like having hiccups, only worse! Har! Lord take me now!!! (Har!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 12:46 PM

Dear Freds,

If Bubba Bubba's hatchlings do, in fact, have my Y chromosome then it is an obvious case of cross-dimensional-fertilization. In other words, the "Bubba Bubba" which exists in dimension must have mated with the "Bee-dubya-ell" which also exists in dimension and produced offspring which have somehow manifested themselves in our decidedly non- dimension.

As you are doubtlessly aware, the Pangalactic Treaty of Cosmic Year 8576409 excludes lower life forms like Homo Sapiens from liabilities incurred by their higher dimensional counterparts. As we poor dumb humans are not even aware of the existence of dimension (or any higher dimension for that matter) we cannot, by Cosmic Law, be held responsible for any activities performed by our higher-dimension counterparts.

Please ascertain from "Bubba Bubba" exactly what dimension this purported mating took place in and refer your request for hatchling support payments the the "Bee-dubya-ell" of the appropriate dimension.

Thank You


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 12:54 PM

BRuce,

You have elevated the shady-dad-paternity-ducking letter to COSMIC proportions!! I stand amazed and awed!! It gives a whole new meaning to the concept of passing the buck!! Cosmic, man!!! Cosmic!! Like....wooooaaaah!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 01:11 PM

! Snur!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 01:09 PM

Refresh. Har! How can we annoy you people if you let the thread fall off of the page? Har! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 05:14 PM

To remove the smell of "freds" from clothing, dog, person, home foundation, horse, saddle or anything else that comes in contact with the wrong end of a "freds", follow this old tip first aired in the 50's on a CBC program.

Use peppermint extract which is found in every grocery store beside the vanilla extract. Use 1 teaspoon to a washer full of skunked clothing. Wash with cold water the first time, and if the smell is not completely gone, wash the clothing a second time in warm water using more extract.

This is less expensive than the more traditional tomato juice remedy, it will not stain and provides your wardrobe the benefit of smelling like an after dinner mint. Yum!


Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 05:24 PM

Ralphs (HAR!) Stink Remover

  • 1 quart   3% Hydrogen Peroxide   
  • 1/4 cup Baking Soda
  • 2 tbsp Dish Detergent. (The stuff for washing dishes in the sink, not something for dishwashers.)

Mix the ingredients in a large bowl, because it will boil up like Vesuvius. We are, after all, making an oxygen generator. Wash the dog/mule/cow/goat/hog with this while it is still foaming, because it is the oxygen which reacts with the thiols in the Ralphs stink to neutralize the odor. If it sits around, it will loose it's efficacy because the oxygen boils off. Don't try to store it in an airtight container, because it will blow up (har!). The brew also works for clothes, khandus and Mudcats.

Amos, What is a thiol and why do ralphs have this sorta chemistry?

Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 05:52 PM

The body chemistry of Ralphs is such that they sweat CH3CH2CH2CH2SH, flatulate H2S, mictruate C3H7COOH, and respire C9H9N. We do not have the names you use for these compounds in our data bases, and hence use the chemical symbology. Briefly put, Ralphs stink. They physically stink, just like that cheapo damned translator those infected, mammy-jammin' adenoids sold us figuratively stinks.

By the way, you will be interested to know that the usual method used by Ralphs is the one they are now employing: they annoy civilizations to death.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 06:18 PM

Har! Har! Har! Very funny, human Tweed. Har!

Freds, you still suck and Ralphs hates freds worse than Gollum hates Baggins! Har!

Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore. Har! Ralphs have a new secret weapon. Har! Ralphs were in a "music store" today and discovered somthing called a "banjo". Har! Banjos were obviously left behind by the last space-faring race that tried to annoy you humans off of this nice little planet. Har! Anyway, Ralphs bought lots of them! Har! Every Ralphs now has a banjo! Har! Ralphs ability to be annoying has been doubled! Har! If that doesn't have you humans off of the planet within a month Ralphs will all learn to sing like Tori Amos! Har! Ralphs playing banjos and singing like Tori Amos! Har! Just the thought of it should be driving you humans to suicide by the millions. Har! Har! Har! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 03:57 PM

Oddly enough, freds don't hate Ralphs, as freds find it counterproductive to hate anyone. We know where the home planet of Ralphs is and will very, very shortly be giving it a slight twist, 90 degrees to the plane of its stellar dimension. It will get colder and colder and colder there, and eventually every stinking Ralph will be a stinking, icy, snotball instead of the stinking snotballs they are now. It will serve them all right for selling us freds that tawdry excuse for a translator.

Once this is done the Ralphs who remain will wither and die from lack of contact with their home planet. (This is as close a picture of their planet as is easily available on Earth.)

Earth people should be glad that Ralphs have only discovered banjos -- they could also have discovered tiples.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 04:55 PM

Stinking freds,

Har! Ralphs have thoroughly researched the claim that freds made on September Third which states:

William Shatner, who passes as an actor, singer, and other things on this your world, is in actually a member of the same race as Ralphs... Har!

Ralphs were not well-aquainted with this particular human and have spent several days perusing examples of his "acting" and "singing". Har! Ralphs have come to the inescapable conclusion that freds have lied as usual. Har! William Shatner is far too annoying to be of Ralphsian stock. Har! Perhaps he is a descendant of the race that left the banjos on this planet. Har! If an individual as annoying as this "Shatner" can be held in high regard by many of the inhabitants of this planet then perhaps Ralphs have greatly underestimated their tolerance for annoyance. Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 07:46 PM

I dunno, Ralphs, our tolerance level for annoyance is pretty darned high. Take a look at our politicians, for instance. Or those who drive automobiles. Or -- God help us! -- research the fans of the Chicago Cubs or the Cincinnati Bengals or the Boston Red Sox sports teams in the US and their equivalents in other countries. I'd suggest that you watch some of our television, but your heads (if you have any) might explode.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 08:41 PM

I am relieved. Har! I didn't think Shatner was Ralphs. Har! He is simply too great to be a member of something as insipid as Ralphs. Har! Hey, Ralphs, I want to draw your attention to something. Har! You (Ralphs) said the following: "Banjos were obviously left behind by the last space-faring race that tried to annoy you humans off of this nice little planet. Har!" That's right, Ralphs said "off of". Har!

Well, "off of" is an incorrect use of grammar. Har! Ralphs should have said "off this nice little planet" not "off of this nice little planet". Har! Ralphs are wrong. Har! Ralphs have poor grammar usage. Har! Shatner rules, Ralphs don't. Har! Har! Har!

Aren't Ralphs glad that I am now back after my canoe trip? Har!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 09:15 PM

Little Hawk (Har!),

Please refer to Ralphs post of 28 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM which states (Har!):

Ralphs are not like freds. Har! Ralphs understand your grammatical system and can spell, punctuate and capitalize as well as most of you do. Har!

Please note the specific reference to "most of you". Har! It does not say "Ralphs' grammar and spelling are impeccable". Har! Yes, Ralphs made a mistake, but it's a mistake that only a very small handful of pedantic grammar Nazis would even notice. Har!

Listen. Har! Ralphs have about given up on trying to annoy you people off of this planet since you seem to be extremely annoyance resistant. Har! As we have enjoyed our stay here and have developed a fondness for a few of you humans, we would be willing to take the pipsqueak Little Hawk with us and drop him off on another planet some light years away. Har! Har! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 09:31 PM

This demonstrates one of the significant differences between freds and Ralphs: freds has perserverance, stick-to-itiveness. freds are also possessed of humility, as evidenced in freds' lack of a capital letter. And although freds do act as hitpeople for the Galactic Overlord and will eventually have to blow this lovely planet into pieces no larger than a grain of sand, freds are, overall, rather charming and nice people.

Ralphs are stinkers who sell crappy translators and carry the nickname of "Galactic Nuisances."

Oh, some of you might be interesting in knowing that Bubba Bubba managed to escape last night. Itshe has apparently taken herit's last shape, and was overheard by a rather stunned-looking witness as muttering something about "damned double-dealing bee-dubya-ell and khandu" and "doing a bobbit on them," whatever that means.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Cosmic Honcho
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 10:34 PM

Hi, ya'll.

Please don't confuse me with that tinhorn phony the "Galactic Overlord". What a wuss! No wonder those freds are so screwed up, workin' for that dimbulb.

Now, listen! I'm gonna put it to you people straight. You screwed up. You had your chance and you blew it. What am I talking about? Ralphs, that's what. Ralphs are gone, bye-bye, adios, outta here, Elvis. "So?" you ask, "Good riddance to bad rubbish. Hope they didn't let the door hit 'em in the ass." Yeh, yeh, yeh. Wrong!

Pay attention! Ralphs work for me, the Cosmic Honcho, the Big Dog of the Universe, the Head Hoodoo, whatever you wanna call me. I send Ralphs out when I sense that a planetary civilization is ready to make the jump. Yeh, I said, "the jump". As in ready to leave the nest, fly on their own, boldly go where no man etc. Ralphs were supposed to give you morons that last little shove that you needed to get your asses movin' toward the stars.

But, no! You nitwits are immune to annoyance because you annoy your own selves damn near to death practically all the time. You sit and watch those damned television sets and bitch about how annoying they are and keep on watching them anyway. Why don't you just try hittin' yourselves in the heads with ball-peen hammers instead? That'll annoy the shit out of ya and might have the side effect of knockin' some sense into ya.   

If Ralphs had succeeded you jagoffs would have probably had a working star-drive within a couple of years. But I has wrong. You people aren't ready for the stars yet. You're still too busy annoying each other to work together on a project of that scale.

Well, bye. Maybe I'll send Ralphs back around in a coupla hundred years and see if you shitbirds have got it together by then. But, maybe I won't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 03 - 10:12 AM

I think that maybe perhaps Ralphs have infected Mudcat. It's certainly annoying when it goes down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Sep 03 - 12:13 PM

I wonder which planet Ralphs has in mind for me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Cosmic Honcho
Date: 08 Sep 03 - 03:30 PM

Oh, by the way. Ralphs were right about the human known as "William Shatner". He is a descendant of the race who left the banjos behind. They are known as "Shats". As if the banjos weren't bad enough, Shats' most annoying feature is...... a...... marked...... tendency...... toward...... taking...... long...... unnecessary...... dramatic...... pauses...... between...... words. Almost as bad as Ralphs with that "Har!" crap. But not nearly as bad as Stans.

Whoa! Wait a minute! You haven't met Stans yet, have you? Oh boy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Sep 03 - 06:11 PM

I have. I've met several Stans. They are almost always a pain in the @$$, but Stan Rogers had a great singing voice so it can't all be bad.

We are now only 2 posts away from 1100.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stans
Date: 08 Sep 03 - 07:47 PM

Greetings Earthlings (Greetings Earthlings),

We are Stans (We are Stans). The Cosmic Honcho (The Cosmic Honcho) asked us to drop by (asked us to drop by). Stans are born with incurable echolalia (Stans are born with incurable echolalia). Stans say everything twice (Stans say everything twice). Stans are far more annoying than Ralphs (Stans are far more annoying than Ralphs). Fortunately (Fortunately), Stans are only here for a brief visit (Stans are only here for a brief visit). We will leave this one message (We will leave this one message) and be on our way (and be on our way). Aren't you glad (Aren't you glad)?

Bye, Bye (Bye, Bye)

Oh, by the way (Oh, by the way), just wait until you meet Steves (just wait until you meet Steves). Steves not only say everything twice (Steves not only say everything twice), they say it in different colors as well (they say it in different colors as well).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 03 - 08:02 PM

I think you've made the point about an infinite potential for BS....that false data are an unbounded set...thanks for all the hard work!!

A


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