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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 02 Jul 07 - 12:36 PM
MMario 02 Jul 07 - 12:40 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 07 - 01:31 PM
beardedbruce 02 Jul 07 - 01:32 PM
Acme 02 Jul 07 - 03:51 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 07 - 04:02 PM
beardedbruce 02 Jul 07 - 04:07 PM
beardedbruce 02 Jul 07 - 04:09 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 07 - 04:14 PM
beardedbruce 02 Jul 07 - 04:17 PM
JennyO 02 Jul 07 - 07:56 PM
GUEST,Amos 02 Jul 07 - 08:27 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 07 - 10:11 PM
Acme 03 Jul 07 - 12:19 AM
JennyO 03 Jul 07 - 01:20 AM
Rapparee 03 Jul 07 - 01:45 AM
JennyO 03 Jul 07 - 02:14 AM
MMario 03 Jul 07 - 10:20 AM
beardedbruce 03 Jul 07 - 10:22 AM
JennyO 03 Jul 07 - 10:25 AM
Amos 03 Jul 07 - 10:27 AM
MMario 03 Jul 07 - 10:28 AM
JennyO 03 Jul 07 - 10:35 AM
beardedbruce 03 Jul 07 - 10:38 AM
Acme 03 Jul 07 - 11:18 AM
JennyO 03 Jul 07 - 11:37 AM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 07 - 12:40 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 07 - 02:15 PM
Amos 03 Jul 07 - 03:30 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 07 - 03:40 PM
Acme 03 Jul 07 - 04:07 PM
Amos 03 Jul 07 - 08:46 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 07 - 08:50 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 07 - 08:51 PM
John Hardly 03 Jul 07 - 08:55 PM
Acme 03 Jul 07 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 07 - 11:15 PM
JennyO 03 Jul 07 - 11:35 PM
Acme 04 Jul 07 - 01:43 AM
JennyO 04 Jul 07 - 02:02 AM
John Hardly 04 Jul 07 - 05:42 AM
Little Hawk 04 Jul 07 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 07 - 01:39 PM
Acme 04 Jul 07 - 02:34 PM
Acme 05 Jul 07 - 01:58 AM
Acme 05 Jul 07 - 10:14 AM
Rapparee 05 Jul 07 - 11:57 AM
Amos 05 Jul 07 - 03:36 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 07 - 04:04 PM
MMario 05 Jul 07 - 04:12 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 12:36 PM

Hmmm. Does that mean you don't need a bathmat to keep water off the floor?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 12:40 PM

Didn't they teach you in grammer schol about the hydrological cycle? How in the Southern hemisphere water seeps out of the earth and falls into the sky, thus replenishing the clouds?

That's why so much of Australia is desert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 01:31 PM

That's why it was used as a prison colony.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 01:32 PM

Because it rains on the bottoms of one's feet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 03:51 PM

When little boys pee and miss the toilet they hit the ceiling instead of the floor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 04:02 PM

Well, that, and everyone there has to walk on their hands and type with their toes. Also, their feet smell and their noses run due to gradual adaptation to being upside down all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 04:07 PM

And many of the inhabitants play BANJOS!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 04:09 PM

Speaking of which, are there any left-handed banjo players out there? I picked up a left-handed 5 string...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 04:14 PM

You can play it right-handed by turning the strings toward you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 04:17 PM

Or by playying it upside-down... I should send it to Australia!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 07:56 PM

SRS, you're quite right that we don't need a bathmat to keep water off the floor. It's tacked to the ceiling to keep water off the ceiling!

The little boys are a problem though - I've got one here right now - my grandson Max. He's very cute but he wants to take over my computer and play computer games. Those upside down games are very strange - particularly the one with the balls that keep falling off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 08:27 PM

Reminds me of some folkies I have not yet met but who have that problem, too.

It is very hot today in San Jose, where I am now, Mom. I am taking it slow and easy for the first time in years, and I must say it is a very bizarre experience, like walking around underwater.

And I have to say I am thrilled at all the support Mom is getting. A fine head of steam, indeed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 07 - 10:11 PM

San Jose spelled backwards is esoJ naS, which are a couple of extremely obscene words describing an indescribably filthy sexual practice in the language of the Omtig people of Great Eastern Desert of South Ohadi land.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 12:19 AM

I may sound nuts to say it, but I kinda wish it would get hot here again. It rained three times today, an inch each time. It has rained every day for the last week, and several times a week for the last month. We're a bit waterlogged right now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 01:20 AM

Well at least your water stays on the ground, where it's supposed to, instead of flying off into space.

I see you have quite a nice number there SRS - 18118 - not quite symmetrical, but nice all the same.

an indescribably filthy sexual practice

Does it make their balls fall off?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 01:45 AM

I'm sorry, but I really can't bring myself to describe it. Suffice to say that it involves several swans, chicken fat, several members of the human sexes, fresh raw liver, a couple of live snakes, several pounds of melted chocolate, five or six largish pieces of quartzite, a copy of the original unexpurgated Kama Sutra, several white mice, and a room in a seedy motel that has one of those vibrating beds.

Beyond that I must draw the veils of Discretion and Good Taste.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 02:14 AM

Wot, no yoghurt or cucumbers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 10:20 AM

Amos?

AMOS?

AMOS!

are you okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 10:22 AM

Here in DC we are having fine weather. Low 80s today, clear skies, low humidity ( well below average for early July.

I guess we can be thankful for all the politicians being on the campaign trail, well away from here. That much less hot air really helps keep things cool.


Break in the Smithsonian Festival. Starts back up tomorrow, so the participants are off on tours and shopping today.



Oh, I am the man,
The very fat man,
Who sells the participants beer.
Oh, I am the man,
The very fat man,
Who sells the participants beer.
What do I care if it makes tham dance,
And sing with a great deal of cheer?
I've a car and a hat and a free parking pass,
And I sell the participants beer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 10:25 AM

Strange - a moment ago there was an empty post from Amos, and now it's gone!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 10:27 AM

Not on;y that, it was followed by a devastatingly witty post full of clever words, and that one is gone too.

Someone is dicking around with Mom.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 10:28 AM

oh no! the Cosmic Author of All has erased Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 10:35 AM

So I guess we'll have to take your word for it Amos, about the devastatingly witty post full of clever words ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 10:38 AM

ALL his deleted posts are "devastatingly witty post(s) full of clever words"

That's why they get deleted!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 11:18 AM

He probably got clobbered by one of the large lopsided pinwheels running around here. Who knows if his words were witty, or just discombobulated?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 11:37 AM

Probably your off-centre 18091 SRS ;-) Nothing lopsided about my pinwheels!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 12:40 PM

Amos violated the laws of sesquipedalian blathertwaddle one too many times. A power greater than any of ours moved upon the waters, and yea, his post was no more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 02:15 PM

Poor Amos is daid,
Poor Amos is daid,
We thought he was livin' but found he was daid.
            -- Gilbert & Rogers, Arkansas!, 1953.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 03:30 PM

The rumpus over my death is far too celebratory, and the rumor far too exaggerated. Pray, calm yourselves, lest Mom overhear and be set back four thousand posts by an onslaught of irremediable grief.

I was commenting that in the grand array of Rapaire's many skills are included tap-dancing as well as the infamous cross-over performance of the Dance of the Thousand Veils. He calls on the tap-dancing to cover up the fact that in doing the latter, for reasons he has never answered for, the Veils of Discretion and of Good Taste are always misplaced and never easily found until some 998 OTHER Veils have been shown and duly penetrated. Their names are legion and their hems higher, and their virtues much lower, than the two he pretends to invoke here. Yet he seems to prefer any of the 998 to these last two.

Perhaps he will some day enlighten us as to why this is.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 03:40 PM

I prefer that you engage in the delightful and intellectually stimulating unwrapping, finding meaning within meaning as each subsequent veil is ripped away as you would eat an artichoke, savoring each leaf until you find, hidden under the inedible choke, the goodness of the heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 04:07 PM

Amos, is it still hot there? Perhaps your words evaporated before they had time to fly through the ether.

Mine are threatening to float away on Sycamore Creek. We're up to several rain storms a day, about an inch for each episode. And more than that, it is now raining according to each major boulevard one crosses on the Interstate. So as I drove Moonglow to work today we had distinct, discreet storms at Granbury Road, Hulen St., Bryant-Irvin, the Trinity River (an avenue of sorts unto itself), Vickery Blvd, and again at the Bluebonnet traffic circle. They probably have their own names on the weather map in effect during that 5 - 10 minute period.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 08:46 PM

Yes. But Barky's imminent move is becoming much easier, as she now has forty sturdy boxes and four new tires on her newly washed, repaired and filled car. Ah, the things we do for those we truly love.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 08:50 PM

According to the news, Stilly, it was quite pleasant in San Diego today. Temperature about 80F.

I have also heard from my nephew, who graduated from the USMC Recruit Depot in San Diego last December, that because the Marines are having a difficult time meeting their enlistment quota they have taken to "impressing" folks. I thought that the kid meant flashing medals and that blue uniform, but he explained that they were recruiting by means of drugged drinks, blackjacks in dark alleys, and the old bag-over-the-head trick.

You don't suppose that Amos has been "impressed," do you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 08:51 PM

Oh, I see. It's Barky who's been impressed, not Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 08:55 PM

Just for the heck of it I am sporting a new name for now. I'm sure I'll change back, but I'm kinda tickled at the new one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 09:11 PM

Who is "I?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 11:15 PM

Well, if you don't know I suggest you look at your driver's license. It should have your picture on it. Look also in a mirror. If the picture on the license and the reflection in the mirror are the same, you're most likely the person whose name appears on the driver's license.

(I do this every morning and evening, just to be sure.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Jul 07 - 11:35 PM

I dunno what it's like in your neck of the woods Rapaire, but here, the driver's license pictures are so bad, it's hard to tell WHO is looking back at you. And that's when you are sober.

If you've been drinking tea laced with Bundaberg Rum, as in the tea thread, it becomes well-nigh impossible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jul 07 - 01:43 AM

It seems that you changed it back or Joe changed it for you. Interesting.

Or was one of your dogs typing that and gave you a new moniker? My dogs would love to take a shot at typing on my keyboard. I'm certain the pit bull can spell quite well, but the blue heeler would hog the keyboard and her passion to say everything at once would override the pit's accurate typing and spelling.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 04 Jul 07 - 02:02 AM

I'm sure my cats would love to do some typing too, but their spelling and punctuation is woeful!

Mind you, I'm going to have to watch out tomorrow when my grandson comes to visit again. Not quite four, but very confident around computers - a little TOO confident - so I have to watch that he sticks to the games and doesn't get into anything he isn't supposed to, like my files.

If a strange incomprehensible message appears here under my name some time in the next 24 hours, it might be little Max - or it could mean that the Bundy Rum is especially good :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 04 Jul 07 - 05:42 AM

I changed it back. I wanted to see if a name change changed everything. It does. Everything.

I felt compelled to change my name. "Bo Nash" is a great potter's name. But, as it turns out, not that great.

I'm reading a novel with a theme of compulsion. I guess I don't have to wonder why I'll finish that book.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 07 - 01:26 PM

You couldn't get my dogs interested in a keyboard. It's not edible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 07 - 01:39 PM

Speaking of edibles...to celebrate the Glorious Fourth we'll have grilled salmon, potato salad, a green salad, and roasted corn on the cob for dinner. A true North American Dinner, since the fish came from Alaska and the salad greens from Idaho. Probably have strawberries over angel food cake for dessert.

(I could make corn, roasted camas root, squash, and grilled buffalo tenderloins, but I'm fresh out of camas root.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jul 07 - 02:34 PM

My little chicks have scattered today. It's just me. But I'll probably fix myself a pleasing dinner rather than munch on leftovers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 01:58 AM

Here, MOM, I brought you a chopped brisket barbecue sandwich from that other thread. It has a little extra sauce along with the onions and pickles on the bun. Wash it down with some iced tea. Enjoy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 10:14 AM

MOM! Did you spend the night on the porch swing again? Didn't Rap or Amos come to check on you? Geez, give them an hour or two time difference and you'd think they'd have at least poked their heads out the door to see if you're comfortable. Good thing Gluon came by the sleep on the end by your feet. Her wagging tail would have been good enough to keep the mosquitoes off. (Actually, it might have been kind of nice out here!)

I need to have her come give my dogs lessons in being duck dogs. There has been so much rain here they have webs between their toes now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 11:57 AM

Mom says to be kind to your web-footed friends. Well, she really said web-footed fiends, but I'm sure she meant "friends."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 03:36 PM

I was cruising from SJ down to San Diego, Mom, eight hours of freeway driving, gruesome. But the unusual part, this trip, was that since it was the 4th of July, every town along the freeway started sending up fireworks around 9 PM, so we drove from display to display and right through the middle of a couple of really dramatic blow-outs in Orange County before we finally rolled into our driveway around 11. We spent 30 minutes gawking at the new landscaping that was put in while we were away. I wasn't sure it was the same place until the house numbers checked out.

Very glad to be home, I staggered into the Aulde Bedde around 1 AM, and dragged my sorry butt into the office again six hours later. I was going to stay out until tomorrow but there was the very important and very complex patent that had last minute foofaraw to get it on file with the USPTO by deadline.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 04:04 PM

I've been trying to get up the nerve to tell you all about the Independence Day Blow-Out up at the Legion Hovel. I'm not sure I have the words to describe it all, but I'll provide a vignettes and I think you'll get the idea.

* Sour Rosie O'Mascowitz was shimmy-dancing with Sergeant Mary on the Hovel roof while both were engaged in a contest to see who could drink the greatest number of a drink called "Moose Piss."

* C-G Smyte-Withers was passed out under the Liberty Tree, which was decorated with inflated, ah, "balloons" in red, white, and blue. She was cradling an empty "Mad Dog 20/20" bottle in each arm.

* Gentle Tommy Jukes tried to make his horse "pop a wheelie." He's out of intensive care this morning.

* Hardass kept saying that The Grunt had "bought the farm," even though The Grunt was in plain view, dancing with his wife (of all people). Then the boxcar of Boone's Farm was run up Beer Siding.

* Merry Mary broke a beer keg over Handy Harry's head when he got too handy. He, too, is out of the ICU.

* As per tradition, the three boxcar loads of fireworks were exploded all at once when Stuffy flipped his cigar butt into one of the cars. Only three houses were leveled in the resulting explosion, two fewer than last year.

And the police weren't called until nearly 11 p.m., when they responded with the traditional vomiting gas and rubber truncheons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 04:12 PM

slow night at the hovel then? Usually things are a bit "livlier"


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