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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 11 May 10 - 03:26 PM
Amos 11 May 10 - 03:06 PM
Rapparee 11 May 10 - 02:58 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 10 - 01:52 PM
MMario 11 May 10 - 01:30 PM
Amos 11 May 10 - 01:11 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 10 - 12:17 PM
MMario 11 May 10 - 11:20 AM
Amos 11 May 10 - 10:21 AM
Rapparee 11 May 10 - 09:46 AM
Little Hawk 11 May 10 - 12:47 AM
Eiseley 10 May 10 - 11:34 PM
Acme 10 May 10 - 10:58 PM
Janie 10 May 10 - 10:36 PM
Rapparee 10 May 10 - 09:43 PM
Eiseley 10 May 10 - 08:30 PM
Amos 10 May 10 - 07:03 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 10 - 06:36 PM
Acme 10 May 10 - 06:07 PM
Amos 10 May 10 - 04:49 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 10 - 03:54 PM
Rapparee 10 May 10 - 03:04 PM
Amos 10 May 10 - 02:35 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 10 - 02:23 PM
GUEST,Star Trek Police 10 May 10 - 02:12 PM
Rapparee 10 May 10 - 01:49 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 10 - 12:47 PM
Amos 10 May 10 - 12:25 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 10 - 12:00 PM
Eiseley 10 May 10 - 11:57 AM
Amos 10 May 10 - 11:53 AM
Little Hawk 10 May 10 - 11:43 AM
Amos 10 May 10 - 10:56 AM
MMario 10 May 10 - 10:25 AM
Rapparee 10 May 10 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 10 May 10 - 09:53 AM
Amos 10 May 10 - 12:46 AM
Rapparee 09 May 10 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 09 May 10 - 10:22 PM
Eiseley 09 May 10 - 10:07 PM
Acme 09 May 10 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 09 May 10 - 09:43 PM
Amos 09 May 10 - 09:36 PM
Rapparee 09 May 10 - 08:55 PM
Amos 09 May 10 - 02:59 PM
Amos 09 May 10 - 02:26 PM
Eiseley 09 May 10 - 02:11 PM
Little Hawk 09 May 10 - 01:56 PM
Acme 09 May 10 - 01:48 PM
Rapparee 09 May 10 - 01:17 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 10 - 03:26 PM

He doth fantasize large. Gigantic, in fact.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 10 - 03:06 PM

While I agree with the Special Purpose part, I think it is MOST presumptuous of an identity like "Rapaire", only lately coughed out upon the carpet of Mudcat Life by a one-time library director, to be given such arrogant lines to assert.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 10 - 02:58 PM

All of which is true, except that you have overlooked that Khandu is MY creation and without me there is nothing at all, for I created everything. I had special reasons for creating Amos; he is destined for a Special Purpose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 10 - 01:52 PM

Ha! ;-D Great answer, Amos.

Mario, I think that sounds quite plausible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 May 10 - 01:30 PM

I thought it had been established that we were all nothing but Turing programs on Max's computer? And Max is a delusion of Khandu's?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 10 - 01:11 PM

And this would be bad because....?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 10 - 12:17 PM

Your whole flippin' existence is an imaginary projection, Amos. And no one else could possibly have come up with it except for you, so I understand why you cleave to it so faithfully. ;-)

Ask yourself sometime what you would DO if you didn't have people like me and Rapaire to joust with here, and if you didn't have this silly thread to expound on daily. You know what I think? I think you'd be sitting, sweaty and disheveled in some sweltering cabana in the Caribbean, rolling contraband cigars, and surrounded by your long-suffering wife and about 18 brown-skinned progeny. Your view of the world would be summed up in one simple set of phrases: "Hijo de puta! Es muy caliente hoy. Da me otra serveza, mujer!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 May 10 - 11:20 AM

So we send her *IMAGINARY* cards.


yeesh--- I guess MOM may have raised at least one dummie....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 10 - 10:21 AM

Wait--this is all wrong.

Shane is an imaginary projection of Little Hawk's internal Disheveled Self.

His mother and father were both Little Hawk. Unless he delegated one of the hats to Chongo.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 10 - 09:46 AM

I think we should all send HER congratulations cards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 10 - 12:47 AM

If it turns out that Shane's mother IS dead, we should all send him sympathy cards, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 May 10 - 11:34 PM

And be sure to read the really great stories Rapaire wrote.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 10 - 10:58 PM

It drifts pretty deep here, Janie, like a batch of high quality compost. Dig through, sift it around, enjoy it. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 10 May 10 - 10:36 PM

And here I was, worrying that I would get too far behind the drift to catch up.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 10 - 09:43 PM

Wait until he's standing with some friends. Let's say the group is made up of Bob, Tom, Jim, and Shame. You say, "Hey, any of you guys have living mothers? No, no, not you Shame." Or you can ask him, "Hey, how does it feel when your mother's dead?" Be subtle, because you wouldn't want to hurt whatever passes for his feelings, assuming he has any -- I've heard rumours that when his biology class pithed a frog they missed and got you-know-who.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 May 10 - 08:30 PM

You may have to break the news to him, LH, in case he doesn't know already. If so, I urge you to do it gently, like the character in one of Charles Dickens' books: "Your mother is sick, your mother is dying, your mother is dead."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 10 - 07:03 PM

"Hey, Shane--yo mommmma's daid, right?"

Or something like that.

Don't worry about hurting his feelings. Figments have no intestinal delicacy.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 10 - 06:36 PM

I think she passed away some years ago. I'll have to ask him, in a diplomatic way, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 10 - 06:07 PM

His poor mother. No, not MOM. The other mother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 10 - 04:49 PM

SOunds like he never really graduated from the birth canal, psychologically...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 10 - 03:54 PM

Shane feels a woman in virtually everything he touches. Beer bottles, door handles, steering wheels, hamburgers, and some other things we won't mention.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 10 - 03:04 PM

And the problem with extensive upper body surgery is what? It's been and is being done every day. Shame McBride, for instance, has applied for a "gender-bending" operation which will do for him what it did for Winona; he put on his application that he "always felt a woman in a man's body" and would feel "sikolojikly" better if he were changed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 10 - 02:35 PM

Jeeze, here I try to encourage you to fulfill your dreams instead of putting them off, and you just cuss at me!!! Fine, then. See if I try to encourage you anymore!! Even Rapaire would be put off helping an ingrate!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 10 - 02:23 PM

Don't be silly, Rapaire. Have you seen pictures of Winona recently? A male does not have the sort of upper bodily structure Winona does unless he has done major cosmetic surgery.

But I'm sure you'll come up with some sort of grotesque explanation. ;-D I await it with calm resignation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Star Trek Police
Date: 10 May 10 - 02:12 PM

Remember this lovely hermaphroditic image:
Here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 10 - 01:49 PM

Genetically, Winona Ryder is still male. Check it if you think I'm wrong -- a blood sample or some saliva will do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 10 - 12:47 PM

You are such a dolt. ;-) Look, man, I am presently committed to life as a male and I shall make the best of it. I was looking ahead to future possibilities.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 10 - 12:25 PM

Well, Little Hawk, no need to sit around and stew in jealousy. You are at liberty to wear all the foxy women's clothing you like, and as for your singing range, Rapaire has the perfect answer somewhere in his blades collection.

And you'll never get preggers!! Who could ask for anything more?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 10 - 12:00 PM

Oh, well, yes...in that sense. I have often thought I might try the next life as a cute girl myself. Women have far better choices in clothing than men these days, and they also often have a better singing range, I think.

The only part that worries me is pregnancy..... ;-)

Winona seems to have avoided that so far.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 May 10 - 11:57 AM

I still like to write letters and send them in the mail. Mostly I like to GET letters, so I have to write them to receive them. So, although the habit of letter writing may be dwindling, it's not dead yet!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 10 - 11:53 AM

Sure she did, LH. She was a counter-intelligence officer for the French army stationed in Vietnam, and got taken out by the jealous brother of a tea-house cutie with whom the then "he" got entangled romantically. He was so surprised at having his brains blown out he decided to leave the whole guy business behind for a liftetime and sought out a quite farm in Winona, Minnesota (owned by the Horowitz family, good friends of Alan Ginsberg, the beat poet) to start his next life cycle as a cute girl.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 10 - 11:43 AM

Wiser and saner times on the whole, in my opinion, Amos, but we do have some neat stuff now, no doubt about that. Guitar accessories have made leaps and bounds in my lifetime, and Winona Ryder didn't exist prior to the early 1970s.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 10 - 10:56 AM

Oh, the pain, the pain!! Return to the Dark Ages.

Funny, I remember a time before there was ANY net, internet, local area net, wide area net, etc. You'd walk into the house and there would be a radio playing in the kitchen, and maybe an iron heating up, there might be a TV on in the TV room, but that was about it. Black rotary dial phones on each floor.

If you wanted to send someone a letter you sat down and wrote it on a typewriter or with a pen, stuck it in the envelope and sent it along. If it was an important letter, you made no mistakes or you had to start the whole page over.

Interesting times, in contrast to the Twitter universe today.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 May 10 - 10:25 AM

we were without internet almost all weekend. The wind knocked out either the tower or the main receiving station.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 10 - 09:59 AM

"Why not have it all?" -- Tom Paxton, Yuppies In The Sky


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 10 - 09:53 AM

No sir, I don't have one single gun in my house. Several, perhaps, not one single one. It would get lonely and then who knows what would happen?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 10 - 12:46 AM

You are a funny man, Rapaire, and I mean that sincerely.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 10 - 10:52 PM

Actually, Amos, I am very, very disappointed in you. Guns are very, very dangerous and I, for one, would NEVER EVER have one around. You know what Mark Twain said about guns:

Never handle firearms carelessly. The sorrow and suffering that have been caused through the innocent but heedless handling of firearms by the young! Only four days ago, right in the next farm house to the one where I am spending the summer, a grandmother, old and gray and sweet, one of the loveliest spirits in the land, was sitting at her work, when her young grandson crept in and got down an old, battered, rusty gun which had not been touched for many years and was supposed not to be loaded, and pointed it at her, laughing and threatening to shoot. In her fright she ran screaming and pleading toward the door on the other side of the room; but as she passed him he placed the gun almost against her very breast and pulled the trigger! He had supposed it was not loaded. And he was right?it wasn't. So there wasn't any harm done. It is the only case of that kind I ever heard of. Therefore, just the same, don't you meddle with old unloaded firearms; they are the most deadly and unerring things that have ever been created by man. You don't have to take any pains at all with them; you don't have to have a rest, you don't have to have any sights on the gun, you don't have to take aim, even. No, you just pick out a relative and bang away, and you are sure to get him. A youth who can't hit a cathedral at thirty yards with a Gatling gun in three quarters of an hour, can take up an old empty musket and bag his grandmother every time, at a hundred. Think what Waterloo would have been if one of the armies had been boys armed with old muskets supposed not to be loaded, and the other army had been composed of their female relations. The very thought of it make one shudder.

No Sir! I would never have one single gun around the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 10 - 10:22 PM

Yeah, on my dualie Dodge Ram with the turbo diesel engine, six-wheel drive, and the elephant gun rack in the back window and the longhorn horns for a hood ornament.

Or my wife's Honda Element. They wouldn't work at all on my 1999 Honda Civic...it's just not MACHO!! enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 May 10 - 10:07 PM

Yeah, and then Rapaire can mount the fins and gills on his big ol' pickup!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 May 10 - 10:02 PM

Why not mix your game devices? Pull the pickup to the side of the lake at night, turn on the lights, and if you see any fisheyes, let 'em have it with buckshot. They'll float to the top after they die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 10 - 09:43 PM

I spent the day driving to and picnicing at Chesterfield Reservoir. We visited old ghost town of Chesterfield, and I think I'll try some shore fishing up that way one of these days soon. I have to check out some of the fishin' holes before my brothers come out in the Fall for fishing. Not a problem with them, but it's getting harder and harder to get any dynamite (they use that fishing classic, the Du Pont Spinner). All I've got is an empty box that once held 50 pounds of Du Pont's best 60%. I'm thinking of foregoing the family tradition and using fish poison.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 10 - 09:36 PM

Nope. I decided to follow the Great Tradition of Rapaire and go shooting down at the gun shop on Morena. It's very entertaining. Got to unload a S&W PK .40 which packs one helluva punch very accurately. And to work out my old Colt revolver.

In honor of Mother's day, a Bluegrass Tribute.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 10 - 08:55 PM

Oh Lord. Were you out paddling your own Camus today, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 10 - 02:59 PM

Heraclitus, e.e. cummings,
Sisyphus, and the fire-giver,
Met for tea around the rock-face
Where Prometheus lost his liver.

He assured his guests quite calmly
It would grow back in again,
And Sisyphus remarked, all kindly,
"Lucky they don't eat your brain!"

This, they all agreed, was lucky!
"That would be an awful shock!
"For the sin of giving fire,
To lose your brains upon this rock!"

"Never fear," said mister cummings,
"Gods are feeble in their schemes.
"What they call a ghost is waking,
Not a hypnotized undream!"

Sisyphus then made excuses,
For he had a rock to roll.
As he left them, e.e. asked them,
"Is he happy in his soul?"

Heraclitus nodded wisely,
"This, I think, is hard to know."
"Even Gods can't reach the answer.
Still, we must imagine so."

Kam Ooeue
Songs of a French Colon
Cambodian Free Press, 1969


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 10 - 02:26 PM

To have a brood is to know life,
Mother and helpmeet, friend and wife,
Pluck me from my surly mood
And let's go off and make a brood.
Leave the vapors, troubles rude,
Leave the strife and efforts crude!
Come with me, and make a brood!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 May 10 - 02:11 PM

Happy Mother's Day!

My brood is making dinner for me. Breakfast?---Too early in the morning for teenagers to manage.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 May 10 - 01:56 PM

It's the aftereffect of reading too many of Bearded Bruce's sonnets, Rapaire. He talks like Yoda in them. Annoying it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 May 10 - 01:48 PM

This mother's first born is coming down from school to take her dear old mom to lunch. Nice!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 10 - 01:17 PM

Gee you talk funny, LH. Even for a Canadian.


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