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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 14 Sep 07 - 09:02 AM
MMario 14 Sep 07 - 08:36 AM
Amos 14 Sep 07 - 08:12 AM
Amos 13 Sep 07 - 11:39 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 10:50 PM
Amos 13 Sep 07 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 10:39 PM
Acme 13 Sep 07 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 10:12 PM
Genie 13 Sep 07 - 09:25 PM
Genie 13 Sep 07 - 09:17 PM
Genie 13 Sep 07 - 09:14 PM
Little Hawk 13 Sep 07 - 07:18 PM
Amos 13 Sep 07 - 07:01 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 05:37 PM
Acme 13 Sep 07 - 05:09 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 11:42 AM
Amos 13 Sep 07 - 10:48 AM
Acme 13 Sep 07 - 10:36 AM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 09:48 AM
Amos 13 Sep 07 - 09:43 AM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 09:09 AM
Amos 13 Sep 07 - 12:12 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 10:49 PM
Acme 12 Sep 07 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 09:47 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 08:27 PM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 07:16 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 04:08 PM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 02:52 PM
MMario 12 Sep 07 - 02:50 PM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 02:29 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 01:42 PM
MMario 12 Sep 07 - 01:31 PM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 12:21 PM
Acme 12 Sep 07 - 11:08 AM
MMario 12 Sep 07 - 09:57 AM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 09:45 AM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 09:28 AM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 09:24 AM
Genie 12 Sep 07 - 01:21 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 12:20 AM
Acme 12 Sep 07 - 12:16 AM
Acme 12 Sep 07 - 12:15 AM
Genie 11 Sep 07 - 11:59 PM
Rapparee 11 Sep 07 - 11:37 PM
Amos 11 Sep 07 - 04:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 09:02 AM

Did I mention that I recently found my yo-yo? Or that the Smothers Brothers will be performing around here next April?

I don't think it was nice of Amos to call Mom a "ho." I think he should be either keelhauled or sent to bed without dessert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 08:36 AM

Amos? Did you just call MOM a Ho?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 08:12 AM

YO!

Heaaaave-HO!


After all it's your Mom.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 11:39 PM

Who'd have thought the old librarian had so much savvy in him!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:50 PM

Chorus:
Whatever you say, say nothing
When you talk about you know what
For if you know who could hear you
You know what you'd get
For they'd take you off to you know where
For you wouldn't know how long
So for you know who's sake
Don't let anyone hear you singing this song

And you all know what I'm speaking of
When I mention you know what
And I think it's very dangerous to even mention that
For the other ones are always near
Although you may not see
And if anyone asks who told you that
Please don't mention me

And you all know who I'm speaking of
When I mention you know who
And if you know who could hear me
You know what he'd do
So if you don't see me around
You'll know why I'm away
And if anyone asks you where I've gone
Here's what you must say

Well that's enough about so and so
Not to mention such and such
I think I'll end my song now
Sure I've already said too much
For the less you say, the less you hear
And the less you'll go astray
And the less you think, the less you do
And the more you'll hear them say


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:43 PM

YEah. God knows WHAT would happen if those lists of overdue fines from 1997 got out, and those inventories of the "Library Books Sale Cheeep!" authors were to be leaked to the press. Karl Rove has now been forced into retirement just for leaking the name of an undercover librarian!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:39 PM

Never, ever, mention those documents again. You work in a library and you know what happens to those who do, or you've at least heard rumors, which are actually Truth. You know about the Pseuds and how they take those who even breath the faintest hint of Certain Documents away. I can only mention this here because this is MOAB and the Pseuds have given Permissions. No one should even try to guess at the contents of those documents. If you want to see your children grow older, please don't mention those documents again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:26 PM

The guy who cut my hair for several years was the best hair cutter I've ever been to, and over the years he became a good friend. I know I'll eventually get it worked out, but I won't have as good a chat in the chair as I used to, I know that.

Whatever happened to those things that [as seen on TV] you could attach to the vacuum cleaner hose and cut your hair at a uniform length? I think that would appeal to Rapaire no end. And if he wasn't using it to cut his hair he could use it to shred top-secret library documents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:12 PM

I too now cut my own hair. I simply cut what I can see and reach easily and let the rest alone. While this does make for an interesting "look" it also established me as unique, just like everyone else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 09:25 PM

Stilly River Sage,
I've long since given up paying people to cut my hair. Too many tales like yours.   Most hairstylists just have no clue about how curly hair changes - e.g. in apparent length - from its wet to its dry state, so they inevitably cut mine WAY too short. They also disregard my desire to compensate for a natural "widow's peak," and the result is I usually end up looking like I have a sort of cross between a football helmet and a bicycle helmet on my head till my hair has a couple weeks to grow out - at which time I can tweak the front myself.

So I cut mine in the shower stall, usually without benefit of mirror till later.   Usually it works pretty well.   If not, it'll grow out just as fast as when the salon butchers it, and I don't have to pay $10 to $50 for the assault.

*g*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 09:17 PM

[[Amos is actually George W. Bush, President of the US.

I'm sorry to have doubted you, Mr. Prez. Is it true that Jena is preggers?

Rapaire]]

No, Rap. I'm inclinated to surmisify that this is a case of mistaken identicality.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 09:14 PM

Nah, Rap,
When Amos says he's speaking "ex cathedra," he just means he's plopped down in his ergonomically designed seat in front of his monitor as he "speak" with his fingers on the keyboard.

Either that or he was once married to some woman named Cathy Dra.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 07:18 PM

You can also get a "neck job". They surgically remove your neck, placing your head directly on top of your torso. This eliminates any further comfort or beauty problems associated with that ever troublesome bit of anatomy, the human neck, an appendage which many of us feel we could well do without. Still, you might then find yourself bothered by the subsequent feeling of your hair touching your shoulders and back....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 07:01 PM

Hell, you don't have to swap genders to go bald, Stilly. Unless you really, really want to.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 05:37 PM

Shave your head down the middle in a swath about 6 or 8 inches wide. That will keep it off the back of your neck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 05:09 PM

I'll give it a couple of days to relax from being cut. Trouble is, she wasn't listening, or I was telling her so much she couldn't sort it out. Maybe a bit of both. We're in an unusual situation--my hairdresser died suddenly a couple of months ago, and he'd been cutting my hair for years. I was growing it out and we were doing a new style. I tried to let it grow a little more and figure out what he had described to me would be a good look, but I couldn't stand the hair on my neck, so I'm trying to go to an intermediate cut that I only had once and that this woman never saw in the years back she cut hair beside my friend.

I shouldn't be complaining--I could be a man going bald and not have these options or things to complain about.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 11:42 AM

But remember, he speaks infallible heresy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:48 AM

Don't cut from a snit. It never works. Get another, more trusted cutter to do minimal reshaping on it so you lilke it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:36 AM

Damn! Blanketyblank spammers have hit my topical news thread again. That seems to spell the beginning of the end once that moron starts posting trash. I'd like to reach out through his computer screen and dope slap the jerk then take away his keyboard.

Okay. I feel a little better. Now I have to figure out how I'm going to live with this idiotic haircut my new stylist did yesterday. I kept trying to tell her NOT to do that undercut, cut it the length like the picture in the magazine but make it blunt. Nope. Now my round face has an equally round haircut that will drive me nuts. Do I go back and ask her to fix it, or go to someone else and have them fix it? Will they fix it or make it worse? Do I get out my sissors and do it myself? Arrrrgggh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 09:48 AM

Yes. Heretical infallibility and/or infallible heresy. I'm still sorry I doubted you, Mr. President. Please don't lock me up with Mr. Cheney again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 09:43 AM

My heresy is not relative to my infallibility, silly. It is itself part of my infallibility. Don't you see?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 09:09 AM

Amos: infallible heretic.

That would mean that you have to disagree with your own infallible pronouncements, wouldn't it? And wouldn't that lead to certain personality disorders?

Or...a new church, founded upon the doctrine of Infallible Heresy.

No, wait. We already have that at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC.

Could it be...that Amos...is actually...no, it can't be...but an infallible herectic...it MUST be so!

Amos is actually George W. Bush, President of the US.

I'm sorry to have doubted you, Mr. Prez. Is it true that Jena is preggers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 12:12 AM

I confess, since you press me hard, to both heresy AND infallibility, and speaking from the throne. Well, from recently on the throne, anyway...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 10:49 PM

Well, after a while we just clamped down on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 10:29 PM

And that really pissed him off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:47 PM

Now, I once knew a guy who spoke ex catheter, but nobody paid him any attention. Either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 08:27 PM

"Ex Cathedra" = "From the chair."

Perhaps this one. Or maybe one of these. Or this one? Or
these, maybe.

You know, Amos, one should be quite careful about using such phrases as "ex cathedra." This little quote from the Catholic Encyclopedia should enlighten you:

Literally "from the chair", a theological term which signifies authoritative teaching and is more particularly applied to the definitions given by the Roman pontiff. Originally the name of the seat occupied by a professor or a bishop, cathedra was used later on to denote the magisterium, or teaching authority. The phrase ex cathedra occurs in the writings of the medieval theologians, and more frequently in the discussions which arose after the Reformation in regard to the papal prerogatives. But its present meaning was formally determined by the Vatican Council, Sess. IV, Const. de Ecclesiâ Christi, c. iv: "We teach and define that it is a dogma Divinely revealed that the Roman pontiff when he speaks ex cathedra, that is when in discharge of the office of pastor and doctor of all Christians, by virtue of his supreme Apostolic authority, he defines a doctrine regarding faith or morals to be held by the universal Church, by the Divine assistance promised to him in Blessed Peter, is possessed of that infallibility with which the Divine Redeemer willed that his Church should be endowed in defining doctrine regarding faith or morals, and that therefore such definitions of the Roman pontiff are of themselves and not from the consent of the Church irreformable."

Ergo, if you wish you speak ex cathedra you'd best be speaking from this one.

The Opus Dei crowd takes a mighty dim view of things otherwise....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 07:16 PM

Ha, You don't impress me pretending to be a hick. Your words bounce of my chest like pellets of bird-seed. For I speak EX CATHEDRA!!!, than which there is no stronger speech. Even dei ex machinae and old res ipsa loquitur have to listen when Ex Cathedra opens his mouth. Just like that old E.F. Hutton advertisement.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 04:08 PM

We don't need to know 'bout no ablative out here in Idaho, where we only use the jinnytive and positive. We usta do the negative, but we decided to acksentuate the positive and not mess with Mr. In Between.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 02:52 PM

That's "hubris"--the operation where you cut the tippy end off of a Who.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 02:50 PM

I thought 'libris' was the chinese-jewish ceremony conducted 8 days after the birth of a male child...

No?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 02:29 PM

You really piss me off, Rapaire. You are a disgrace to your profession.

Blpppphhhhhht!!! :>)

Libris is the ablative plural form of the noun "liber", book.

Ex libris means "out from among the books...". The posessive is implicit, in those little stickers people used to get printed up to put in their books, back when having books was a sign of civilization.

And I speak ex cathedra.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:42 PM

ex : (= e ) (prep. + abl.) out of, from within, from / on account of.

liber libri : book.



Ergo, "out of book(s)" or "from within book(s)" or "from book(s)".

Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry: ex
Pronunciation: (')eks
Function: preposition
Etymology: Latin
1 : out of : FROM: as a : from a specified place or source b : from a specified dam
2 : free from : WITHOUT: as a : without an indicated value or right -- used especially of securities b : free of charges precedent to removal from the specified place with purchaser to provide means of subsequent transportation


Hence, "(formerly) from book(s)", as in "ex-Californian."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:31 PM

"Ex Librus" - I always thought that was sorta "The book formerly known as. . ."


Amos - occasionally you forget whose children we are, here at the MOAB

Live a little, be less literal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:27 PM

Cllllaaaang. "From the books of...".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 12:21 PM

Owned now by Ex Libris, or "Formerly Books."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 11:08 AM

While you listen to music, we travel with Voyager.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:57 AM

5. The replacement system can't even handle positive credit balances;

Right there is a valid reason to tell them they have an un-marketable product.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:55 AM

I think you need to get in touch with their CEO, sir, and pin his ears back with a stream of well-selected librarian invective. Hell hath no fury like a Librarian BS'd by marketing people.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:45 AM

Well....

1. They'd announced that they were no longer going to develop the system we're on, which is the most used system in the effing WORLD;

2. They'd been promising that the next development would fix all the bugs, bring peace to the world, fix world hunger, and provide increased functionality;

3. We users were REALLY looking forward to it -- for at least two years;

4. The replacement system is built on 20-year-old architecture, which they called "proven";

5. The replacement system can't even handle positive credit balances;

6. They named the replacement system "Symphony."

This is from the same bunch who, some years back, said they not only wanted to please the customers, but to delight them -- which made it sound like they were selling sex toys or condoms.

Besides, librarians are a pretty cynical bunch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:35 AM

You are remarkably quick, even with tactless remarks! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:28 AM

Well, our library automation company has come out with the slogan "The Power of One." Which prompted me to respond, "Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer." Which temporarily displeased the company....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:24 AM

Mine nods at the drop of a hat -- sometimes while she still has food in her mouth. Quite a sight to see her at the dinner table, snoozing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:21 AM

Do I dare hope for a Grammy nod for that last one, Rap? *g*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 12:20 AM

Brand new OS!
Brand new OS, gonna treat you great!
Gonna give you graphics, security and performance,
Email fer the masses,
Pixels and cursors!
Flowers in the FAT32 where now all bugs zoom,
Needs plen'y of disk space and plen'y of room,
Plen'y of room to on yer hard drive!
Plen'y of RAM and plen'y of hope.

Windows VISTA, where the hype comes sweepin' down the plain
And the wavin'...sheet...can sure smell sweet
When the hype comes right into your brain.

Windows VISTA,
Ev'ry night my honey lamb and I
Sit alone and talk and watch a hawk
Makin' lazy circles in the sky.
Ain't nothin' else we can do
'Cuz VISTA's done filled our hard drive through!

And when we say
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!
We're only sayin'
You should be doin' time
For Windows VISTA
Windows VISTA...oh...ah, yuck.

          --Roger's Hammeredstein, 1912.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 12:16 AM

Oh, and he also needed milk and vinegar. Maybe I can make pancakes in the morning so it doesn't all go to waste? Use the curdled milk in lieu of buttermilk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 12:15 AM

My 15-year-old kitchen chemist is doing various "experiments" for his chemistry class.

"Mom, do you have ammonia?"

"Mom, do you have epsom salts?"

cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough

He's okay, but it seems that milk of magnesia experiment stinks.

He has also asked for (and received) isopropyl alcohol, food coloring, oil and water, vinegar and an egg (I have to let him pickle a perfectly good egg for 24 hours).

I offered to mix some cornstarch in water for him to play with before he goes to bed. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 11:59 PM

Wunnerful, Amos. LOL


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 11:37 PM

They used to tell me I was building a dream, and so I followed the mob,
    When there were programs to parse, or lines to write, I was always there right on the job.
    They used to tell me I was building a dream, with a paperless office ahead,
    Why should I be standing in line, still working for some bread?

    Once I built a network, I made it run, made it under C.
    Once I built a network; now it's done. Brother, it can't run in XP.
    Once I built a server rack, up to the sun, germanium, copper, warez free;
    Once I built a server rack, now it's done. Brother, it can't run on XP.

       Once in vested suits, gee we looked swell,
       Full of that open source deedly Dum,
       Half a terabyte went slogging through Hell,
       And I was the kid with the drum!

    Say, don't you remember, you called me Al; it was Al that you'd need.
    Why don't you remember, I was your pal? Buddy, I can't work in XP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 04:21 PM

Song to My XP Machine

Trash the file that took me all night long,
Open viruses from old Hong Kong,
Tell me that my file name's way too long!
Crash three times by tea.

Lose the email from my favorite gal,
Like some double crossing two-time pal,
But remember, when your router fails
You belong to me!

Mess around with folks in Cybertown
Tell me that my apps are closing down,
But recall when rebuilds come around,
You belong to me!

You won't get Disk Doctor
SOmewhere in MyFace
When you need fixing, you'll
Still be at my place!

So enjoy your high band-width exchange,
Cruise for teenie-boppers on the range,
Just remember when you're feeling strange,

You belong to...
You belong to...
You belong to...
Me!


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