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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 02 Dec 15 - 09:32 PM
Amos 02 Dec 15 - 10:35 AM
Rapparee 02 Dec 15 - 10:15 AM
gnu 02 Dec 15 - 05:06 AM
Little Hawk 02 Dec 15 - 03:29 AM
Amos 01 Dec 15 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 15 - 08:18 PM
gnu 01 Dec 15 - 06:03 PM
gnu 01 Dec 15 - 11:29 AM
Rapparee 01 Dec 15 - 09:00 AM
Rapparee 30 Nov 15 - 07:29 PM
Acme 30 Nov 15 - 07:16 PM
gnu 30 Nov 15 - 12:45 PM
Amos 30 Nov 15 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 30 Nov 15 - 10:02 AM
Acme 29 Nov 15 - 09:10 PM
Acme 29 Nov 15 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 15 - 09:17 AM
Amos 28 Nov 15 - 11:40 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 15 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 15 - 09:30 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 15 - 06:55 PM
gnu 28 Nov 15 - 12:21 PM
Acme 27 Nov 15 - 10:38 PM
gnu 27 Nov 15 - 04:31 PM
Little Hawk 27 Nov 15 - 04:26 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 15 - 01:12 PM
Amos 27 Nov 15 - 01:00 PM
Little Hawk 27 Nov 15 - 12:28 PM
gnu 27 Nov 15 - 06:08 AM
Amos 26 Nov 15 - 11:23 PM
Acme 26 Nov 15 - 10:56 PM
Amos 26 Nov 15 - 10:20 PM
GUEST,Reposez en paix 26 Nov 15 - 10:06 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 15 - 09:13 PM
GUEST, St. Winifred 26 Nov 15 - 01:55 PM
frogprince 26 Nov 15 - 10:44 AM
Amos 26 Nov 15 - 12:52 AM
Rapparee 25 Nov 15 - 09:40 PM
Little Hawk 25 Nov 15 - 06:38 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 15 - 12:27 PM
Amos 25 Nov 15 - 11:31 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Nov 15 - 11:24 AM
Rapparee 25 Nov 15 - 10:14 AM
Amos 24 Nov 15 - 10:43 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 24 Nov 15 - 08:54 PM
gnu 24 Nov 15 - 08:40 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 24 Nov 15 - 07:21 PM
Amos 24 Nov 15 - 05:19 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 24 Nov 15 - 01:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 15 - 09:32 PM

Those are all excellent ideas. This could be the spark that kickstarts Shane into a glorious, if repugnant career.

Or he might just go on bumming smokes, laying about in a drunken stupor, pestering the local women, and keeping the cops motivated...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 15 - 10:35 AM

Black Hairy Tongue would be a real winner. Or The Dead Wrong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 15 - 10:15 AM

Black Hairy Tongues. I could get him a great gig in Rason, DPRK.

Picture him now: on stage at the Pipa Hotel, face painted a la Kiss (but way cooler!), spandex pants, no shirt, licking a microphone with his Black Hair Tongue cohorts backing on bass. Shame, of course, would be the drummer and lead singer, doubling on a Post-Modern Fender (custom made to his specs, of course), the light show and pyrotechnics behind and around him, women throwing themselves at him as his tour "Rason To ROCK!!" takes off.

I'll even toss in some money to make the tour a go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Dec 15 - 05:06 AM

The Armedpits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 15 - 03:29 AM

Shane still has dreams of becoming a heavy metal rock star and fronting a very loud and offensive band that will tour all over the world offending people, gaining hordes of moronic fans, etc...the usual thing. The only things standing in his way are: An almost total lack of musical talent. Extreme laziness. A lack of funds and equipment. No idea of how to start. An inability to set realistic priorities. And he has not yet decided on the right name for the band.

Any ideas out there on what would be a good name for Shane's dream band?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 15 - 10:31 PM

I think Ross River Fever would be a GREAT name for an old-time music band. Don't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 15 - 08:18 PM

You act like it might snow. New Brunswick, as we all know, has benefited by Global Climate Warming and Change and enjoys a lush, tropical climate similar to that of Hawai'i the year around. Or perhaps Panama before the canal: Yellow Fever, malaria, dengue fever, clap, schistosomiosis, cholera, tuberculosis, spontaneous amputation, guinea worm, silicosis, measles, pertussis, Ross River fever, coccidioidomycosis, HFMD, infectious pododermatitis, black hairy tongue, and similar musical groups.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Dec 15 - 06:03 PM

Snowblower gassed up? check. Lined leather work gloves, snow pants and parka in position? Check. Long handled aluminium shovel in position? Check. Big lined rubber boots near back door? Check. Plastic push shovel tied with bungee cord to back steps railing? Check. Generator on charger? Check. Portable power packs charged? Overnight bag for Mum's packed? Check. Fridge stocked with beer? FUCK ME! 9:55 AM... beer run! Proper planning prevents piss poor performance, I always say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Dec 15 - 11:29 AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u06DpcFXc4U


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 15 - 09:00 AM

As I said to Ian, who owns the electronics store "Tubes" here, "Christmas is coming! Geez, it's Fall; open Ian's Tubes." He explained that he needed some quick cash because his Tubs were tied up in a court case, so I said to Dave, "You stake Ian's Tubes!" Ian sold enough radio parts to start delivering stuff himself, and now you can see his brown Kia all over town. Dave, a real old-fashioned hepcat, said to me just yesterday, "Yer'r reet ter give ol' Ian some help, even if it was my bread you gave him! Slip me five, man!"

As for the tubes that LED us down the primrose path, see this. And I suggest that you share it with friends who might be affected.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 15 - 07:29 PM

Seems like the local distributor wasn't told there was a recall on the tubes. A bad driver in the tube -- the local shop is picking up all costs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 15 - 07:16 PM

Heh. Big shot . . .

It is a good thing, though, to fix the lighting before it burns down the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 15 - 12:45 PM

Well played!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 15 - 10:38 AM

I suppose new tubes makes a vas deferens in those parts, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 15 - 10:02 AM

No, under the bad lights. Saturday I called the electrician who installed our new, energy saving, LED "fluorescent" tubes. Of the 12 tubes in the kitchen only 4 were working and those in different fixtures. He decided that "there were big things wrong" and came by yesterday morning.

Wow! The tubes had not just burned out very prematurely, they had literally split and melted (and LEDs don't put out heat!). The covers and the fixtures were literally scorched in a couple of places. And when we went to check one in my orifice and Pat's office one tube of four in each was bad in the new, never before used, fixtures.

He, his son and helper, and both of us, were shook. He and the kid took off to talk with the supplier, who said that it was ALL a warranty issue, who opened the shop and gave them what tubes he had, and said again it was warrantied and to make the work right.

It appears that there were two sets of tubes and it was those in the first batch that were bad -- the second batch had different part numbers and the ones yesterday still different ones. The electrician is coming back today to do a full-house scan.

As electrifying and shocking as it may seem, Shame did not (could not!) drink me under any table real or metaphoric. Shame could drink my old second grade teacher, Sister Angela Merici, under the table and she'd been teaching for at least half a century and was one of the original women who followed John the Baptist before he lost his head over a hootchy-kootchy dancer. Shame can, however, drink himself under that table with just the smell of Kool-Aid or orange juice or even water (preferably from the bottom of a fetid and festering pool from the water treatment plant).

I don't have the stomach right now to discuss that Typhoid Monkey, Chongx.

The new tubes were put in


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 15 - 09:10 PM

Did Shane get the better of all of you? Are you all in the hoosegow after trying to drink him under the table? MOM, let's turn on some lights and fix dinner. More Thanksgiving leftovers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 15 - 11:33 AM

The Society for the Protection of Under-appreciated Doughnuts (SPUD) is going to blacklist this thread if you're not careful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 15 - 09:17 AM

Is it true that both Shame and Chongx have continuously skinned-up private parts from their love of rolling doughnuts? Is it really true that the horse Shame rode in on gets more "action" than he does (except from pigs)?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 15 - 11:40 PM

In fact, Shane's family tree all by itself has lowered the IQ of the human species by 11.8 points on average. The other 6.5 points of loss in the average of the species' IQ can be attributed to the influence of Chongo , Chinga and their relatives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 15 - 11:01 PM

He is NOT the only person capable of that! Shane has relatives scattered all over the place. Lots of them. And they breed like rabbits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 15 - 09:30 PM

Or start puking from his breath-and-body stink like everyone else. He is the only person in the Western Hemisphere who can make a building uninhabitable simply by exhaling and a city by merely existing. His scabrous, suppurating, malodorous existence gives a new depth of meaning to purulence, miasma, and pestilence; his shopping is done solely at Bad Breath and Beyond.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 15 - 06:55 PM

She'd probably keep walking if Shane spoke to her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Nov 15 - 12:21 PM

Just struck me today why Mum stops walking every time I speak to her in Sobeys grocery.. she's French. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 15 - 10:38 PM

Saudi Arabia is close enough to the land of Scheherazade that I can't believe they have no imagination. But the imagination there may wear blinders.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Nov 15 - 04:31 PM

In Saudi Arabia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Nov 15 - 04:26 PM

No one could possibly deny the brilliance of Herr Doktor Liebenscheiss, and I must say that his analysis, as always, is right on the mark. As he so wisely puts it, "ALL identities are imaginary"...and where would we be without imagination?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 15 - 01:12 PM

Bars of metal wear spandex? Well, maybe in Sandy Ego, but certainly not in Pocatello, Idaho!!! WE would never stand for such a thing! The very idea!!!!!! OUR bars of metal are quite properly dressed for the time of day and the function they are attending. Even for a simple evening at home they would wear slippers, rather casual clothing, and a dressing gown (preferably mouse coloured).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 15 - 01:00 PM

I think there must be a great deal to be said about the social value of imaginary identities. Unfortunately, I can't think of any. However the good Doctor Liebenscheiss has a great deal to say. His thesis is that imaginary identities are essentially all we have as a medium into the shared material universe, and that ALL identities are imaginary; therefore, the exercise of creative talent invested in standing up and fleshing out such identities is the spiritual equivalent of going to the gym and pushing bars of metal around wearing Spandex pants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Nov 15 - 12:28 PM

Shane has worshiped at the Church of Timbits for years, and look at all it's done for him! His first loyalty, though, is to the LCBO, the Beer Store, and the Iron Horse Tavern, all of which collectively make up the Church of Booze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Nov 15 - 06:08 AM

"timocracy"-- Church of Timbits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 15 - 11:23 PM

Mom's fridge is actually just a plastic frame around a wormhole which exits into a segment of interstellar vacuum where the temps can go down to -280K. So she has unlimited amount of freezer space, but the defrost cycle takes a couple of months. Just sayin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 15 - 10:56 PM

Does MOM have any more room in her fridge? I have a pumpkin pie that I need to put away and don't have the space for it. I suppose I could leave it on the kitchen counter and some of you would finish it off.

Have a great evening, everyone, and don't get trampled tomorrow in the mess that is Black Friday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 15 - 10:20 PM

Vous etes tous un band des peda et des peteurs, sans merite ni grace ni savoir-faire point! Grrr!

Aristotle came to the conclusion that neither democracy nor plutocracy would work for long, and recommended and sort of mixture called a "timocracy"--a combination of aristocracy and democracy with suffrage restricted to those who owned land.

Benevolent dictatorship such as that conducted by Mom always works until some blatherskite uses hot air and witless rhetorical devices to try to wreak undue influence and favoritism. Fortunately,none of Mom's subjects would ever sink that low.

A
First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Reposez en paix
Date: 26 Nov 15 - 10:06 PM

"... so long as you do not take it (opium) yourselves, but continue to make it and tempt the people of China to buy it, you will be showing yourselves careful of your own lives, but careless of the lives of other people, indifferent in your greed for gain to the harm you do to others: such conduct is repugnant to human feelings ..."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 15 - 09:13 PM

But they are, Winny. It's a matter of choice. I know many who drink Coca-Cola, Red Bull, and other caffeinated beverages. The Church has said, 'The Church revelation spelling out health practices (Doctrine and Covenants 89) does not mention the use of caffeine.

'The Church's health guidelines prohibits alcoholic drinks, smoking or chewing of tobacco, and 'hot drinks' ? taught by Church leaders to refer specifically to tea and coffee.'

Oh -- sacramental wine is excluded from the prohibition on alcoholic beverages.

There is no prohibition against owning coffee shops or a distillery and you'll find both in Salt Lake City. There was a brewery in Nauvoo. "Valley Tan" was distilled in SLC and sold to "gentiles" across the Rockies. Just tithe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, St. Winifred
Date: 26 Nov 15 - 01:55 PM

"Mormons ?
they'd take over the world in a couple more generations ?
if only they were allowed to drink caffeinated beverages!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 26 Nov 15 - 10:44 AM

Hadn't peeked in here in many moons. I had been wondering if the Canadian guy with multiple personality disorder was still alive somewhere. Guess I need to stop in and absorb a little more profound wisdom a little more often.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 15 - 12:52 AM

Perhaps it is sad that so few love their home States well enough anymore. I mean, when did a heavy metal band or a rap or punk artist ever compose a paean to "The State of Decay, far away..."?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 15 - 09:40 PM

Back home again in Indiana,
And it seems that I can see
The gleaming candle light, still shining bright,
Through the Sycamores for me.
The new-mowed hay sends all its fragrance
From the fields I used to roam.
When I dream about the moonlight on the Wabash
Then I long for my Indiana home.

'Round my Indiana homesteads wave the cornfields,
In the distance loom the woodlands clear and cool.
Oftentimes my thoughts revert to scenes of childhood,
Where I first received my lessons, nature's school.
But one thing there is missing in the picture,
Without her face it seems so incomplete.
I long to see my mother in the doorway,
As she stood there years ago, her boy to greet.

[CHORUS]

Oh, the moonlight's fair tonight along the Wabash,
From the fields there comes the breath of newmown hay.
Through the sycamores the candle lights are gleaming,
On the banks of the Wabash, far away.

Many years have passed since I strolled by the river,
Arm in arm, with sweetheart Mary by my side,
It was there I tried to tell her that I loved her,
It was there I begged of her to be my bride.
Long years have passed since I strolled thro' the churchyard.
She's sleeping there, my angel, Mary dear,
I loved her, but she thought I didn't mean it,
Still I'd give my future were she only here.

CHORUS

And, of course, that State Song of My Childhood (albeit the State is now issuing vouchers in place of Lottery winnings):


    By thy rivers gently flowing, Illinois, Illinois,
    O'er the prairies verdant growing, Illinois, Illinois,
    Comes an echo on the breeze.
    Rustling through the leafy trees, and its mellow tones are these, Illinois, Illinois,
    And its mellow tones are these, Illinois.

    Eighteen-eighteen saw your founding, Illinois, Illinois,
    And your progress is unbounding, Illinois, Illinois,
    Pioneers once cleared the lands,
    Where great industries now stand. World renown you do command, Illinois, Illinois,
    World renown you do command, Illinois.

    From a wilderness of prairies, Illinois, Illinois,
    Straight thy way and never varies, Illinois, Illinois,
    Till upon the inland sea,
    Stands thy great commercial tree, turning all the world to thee, Illinois, Illinois,
    Turning all the world to thee, Illinois.

    When you heard your country calling, Illinois, Illinois,
    Where the shot and shell were falling, Illinois, Illinois,
    When the Southern host withdrew,
    Pitting Gray against the Blue, there were none more brave than you, Illinois, Illinois,
    There were none more brave than you, Illinois.

    Not without thy wondrous story, Illinois, Illinois,
    Can be writ the nation's glory, Illinois, Illinois,
    On the record of thy years,
    Abraham Lincoln's name appears, Grant and Logan, and our tears, Illinois, Illinois,
    Grant and Logan, and our tears, Illinois.

    Let us pledge in final chorus, Illinois, Illinois
    That in struggles still before us, Illinois, Illinois
    To our heroes we'll be true,
    As their vision we pursue. In abiding love for you, Illinois, Illinois.
    In abiding love for you, Illinois.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Nov 15 - 06:38 PM

Ho! Ho! :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 15 - 12:27 PM

Not bad for a louse-infected, rotten-toothed, drooling, negative IQ, poop-stinking, dingleberried...wait, that's Shame. I agree with Amos on Chongx.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 15 - 11:31 AM

Nice talk for a fur-bearing flea-catching poop=flinging knuckle-dragger,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Nov 15 - 11:24 AM

In yer case, Rap, prayer will not be enough. What is needed to straighten you out and get you flyin' right is a full blown miracle of the sort that ain't often seen in this Universe, let alone this small world here. God himself...or his holy son, Kong, would hafta step down from the rafters, so to speak, and rip apart the entire time-space continuum to even make a start at putting you right! I fear what collateral damage could be done to make that happen. No, I figger it is probably best if you are just left alone in yer present state of idiocy like a bent bicycle wheel...a thing that can't be fixed. Future generations will look back and say, "There will never be another Rapparee", cross themselves, and hope they are right about that!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 15 - 10:14 AM

Which brings up yet another point: doughnuts and other toridal shapes are also endangered. Far too many have been used for tires (tyres in unenlightened points of the multiverse), bent into pretzels, and otherwise bent for the amusement of humanity! From the humble Mobius strip to the quasi-elegant Klein surface, the torus has been twisted and tortured 'til it has been terribly transfigured! Soon, this symbol of All Things Good And Pure will be, like the Equatorial Puffin, critically endangered!! And should it become extinct humanity would be forced to limp along on Bismarks, crullers, and other parallelogrammatic parameters until they, in their turn, become extinct. But there is HOPE! The lowly trapezoid has volunteered to save Humanity from the desolation of deficient geometry. The trapezoid, unsung and unheralded, has long supported Humanities over-arching achievements! That is why December has been named by International Society of Geometers And Geometres And -trixes (yes, the ISOGAGA-t) as "Interspatial Trapezoid Appreciation Month." Make it your personal mission of spread the Good News About Trapezoids to the world and, if you can, take one to lunch.

I am currently in Indiana, home of L'il Orphant Annie, Moonlight on the Wabash, and The Olde Oaken Bucket. Pray for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Nov 15 - 10:43 PM

I'm sorry, Don, but you and your brother have had your MOAB privileges revoked. Mom's orders. She remarked that in order to participate in her thread you have to demonstrate at least a human level of intelligence. Failing that, special exceptions may be made for salient senses of humor. Lacking both, you and BDIBR are both disqualified. Suck it up dude, and go get a doughnut.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 24 Nov 15 - 08:54 PM

Don't take this hard, man, but....































Flip off!, eh? (Har! Har!)

- Don


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Nov 15 - 08:40 PM

WTF? Is huntin season over? We got rednecks in front of the keyboards again? Get back in the woods with a jackin light and leave the erudities alone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 24 Nov 15 - 07:21 PM

Har! Har! That pretty well sums it up, eh? Only truoble is, no nunnary arownd here will even let the baby brother in. They figger he is way too much deep in sin to ever be re-formed or brung to the Lord and they are so right!

- Don


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Nov 15 - 05:19 PM

BDIBR, you are a rock-brained malapropping dunderhead, a ne'er-do-well, a shiftless wastrel and a piss-poor excuse for a tawdry loafer of diminished mind and ragged-assed morals. Go, get thee to a nunnery!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Nov 15 - 01:15 PM

What the FLIP are you talkin' about NOW, eh?

- Shane


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