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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 07 Jun 12 - 01:49 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 12 - 12:57 PM
Amos 07 Jun 12 - 12:33 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 12 - 12:19 PM
Acme 07 Jun 12 - 12:07 PM
Amos 07 Jun 12 - 10:29 AM
Rapparee 07 Jun 12 - 09:05 AM
Acme 07 Jun 12 - 01:02 AM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 12 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 12 - 09:35 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:27 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:23 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:23 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:23 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:22 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:22 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:21 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:21 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:21 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:19 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:19 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:19 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:17 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 09:08 PM
Janie 06 Jun 12 - 07:35 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 04:29 PM
Eiseley 06 Jun 12 - 03:25 PM
Amos 06 Jun 12 - 01:34 PM
Acme 06 Jun 12 - 11:56 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 12 - 09:11 AM
Amos 05 Jun 12 - 11:15 PM
Amos 05 Jun 12 - 11:10 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 12 - 09:48 PM
WalkaboutsVerse 05 Jun 12 - 03:15 PM
Amos 05 Jun 12 - 03:05 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 12 - 01:44 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 12 - 01:05 PM
Amos 05 Jun 12 - 12:51 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 12 - 11:18 AM
Rapparee 05 Jun 12 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 05 Jun 12 - 10:38 AM
Amos 05 Jun 12 - 04:20 AM
Acme 05 Jun 12 - 01:16 AM
Janie 05 Jun 12 - 12:07 AM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 12 - 07:25 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 12 - 07:23 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 12 - 07:08 PM
Eiseley 04 Jun 12 - 06:15 PM
Amos 04 Jun 12 - 04:02 PM
Rapparee 04 Jun 12 - 02:35 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 12 - 01:49 PM

Call him irrepressible
Call him underwearable
Throw in unDependsable, too

Do his foolish alibis bore you?
Well, he's not too clever, 'cause he
Lives in the San Diego Zoo.

       Douglas Lincoln de Bates Collected Shorts
          (Gallows Hill Park: Lynch & Stretchum, 1843)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 12 - 12:57 PM

You're irrepressible, aren't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 12 - 12:33 PM

The clock was running down too fast!
Oh, how our hearts did whirl.
Said I, "One trick will save our ass!
"Just hand-off to the girls!"

So on the snap I faked a throw
And whirled around to Jane,
And she lateraled to Stilly Sage
With a speed that was 'most insane!

And Stilly held that ball aloft,
And danced with grace amazing,
Her fingers flew, her windows too,
Her trail was bright, and blazing!

She danced, she leapt, she dodged, she twirled!
She posted without pausing,
The Goal Posts then were all her world,
And a ruction she was causing.

The stoppers tried to stop her, boys,
They fell right on their faces.
They goofed the fluke and fell apart,
And fainted in the traces.

And Stilly stepped across that line,
And new light filled the day,
She spiked the ball, and let out a cvall.
"There's Forty Five of Kay!!"

THe crowd went wild, they spilled their beer,
They screamed to beat the band.
And then they all went home, to wait
For the next dramatic Grand.

But Stilly says she's done her bit,
And although the thrill was nifty,
She thinks she's gonna rest a bit,
Until the Kays reach Fifty.

And as the sun goes slowly down,
And the birds sleep in the park,
The sun sets, too, on Little Hawk
WHo carps there in the dark.

Winston Merriwether Strumpet-Toes Junior
The Rising of the Kay
Poobah and Boffin, Inc.
NYC, NY, 2012


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 12 - 12:19 PM

Heh! Heh! Lovely responses indeed. Amos even called me "sirrah" again. Stilly, I can only say I admire your forbearance, holding off for a whole 5,000 posts.

I palpitate to think what will happen when post 50,000 starts approaching! As for post 100,000...well...no, it's not even worth thinking about.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 12 - 12:07 PM

I'm not a poet, in the long sense that Amos and Rap subscribe to, so I don't attempt it. I just wanted to keep some of those outlyers from pouncing on the number. I noticed Walksabout Verse hanging around the entrance to the alley, waiting the jump the line.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 12 - 10:29 AM

The idle complaints of the indolent onlooker, always ready to criticize those who do, carp about those who raise the dust, who hew the stone, who pen the verses, who reach out to capture the gigantic numbers. Piffle, sirrah!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 12 - 09:05 AM

Envy ill becomes you, LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 12 - 01:02 AM

Pfffle. I don't post a bunch in a row for a simple 1000 posts. I do it for large substantial numbers. You can rely on me to not fuss with this kind of thing for at least another 5,000 posts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:52 PM

How long before this nonsense starts up again? I mean...the race to 46,000. When will Amos start composing florid rhymes heralding the approach of the great moment? When will Rapparee answer them with doggerel of his own? When will SRS post 15 or 20 times in a row as the deadline approaches?

How long have I got without having to witness that sort of thing on this thread? Hmmm? That period of 1,000 posts is starting to whiz by way too fast, if you ask me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:35 PM

You ARE going to donate that to PETBEN, aren't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:27 PM

Okay. Now I can go and eat dinner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:23 PM

45,000 is round. And big. And mine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:23 PM

Almost.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:23 PM

Closing in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:22 PM

Closer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:22 PM

Of course a very large number is a nice target.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:21 PM

One of them is bound to hit a big number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:21 PM

I hope not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:21 PM

Of course there could be other players out there so these little statements might end up as non sequiturs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:19 PM

Know what I mean?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:19 PM

With a couple of windows open in reserve.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:19 PM

Might as well keep the hand over the "enter" button.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:17 PM

It seems a good time for the party faithful to hover, since interlopers do try to bag the big numbers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:08 PM

Well! This has been a day for sports news. My niece graduated magna cum laude from USC and since a couple of years ago when she did an internship with the LA Kings she has continued to work there. When the playoffs end her job will be finished and she has a new one to go to. But apparently employees of the team also receive the playoff rings. What a way to start a new career in the direction of business and sports management - with an NHL Stanley cup ring. :)

On a different note, Wesley Smith announced in another thread that his nephew was drafted for the Philadelphia Phillies baseball. A kid from Fort Worth.

Okay, back to the BS of counting down. Or up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 07:35 PM

Now Janie pops in every now and again
Reads, chortles or rolls her eyes
She don't say much or try to touch
the wit of the stalwart five
(or six, or seven, or....
Rat's! Nuthin' rhymes with ....
Wait. .... Rhymes with ....)

And Mom is one post closer!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 04:29 PM

Eiseley, I'll ask her.

Looks like heavy weather coming through - MOM's flipflops aren't so bad now, she won't have to dry out her socks if she gets caught in the rain.

We're getting close to a dozen now, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 03:25 PM

It was raining all day here yesterday, so if Venus transited, she did so without our observation.

Way to go, Moonglow! Stilly, I asked one of my favorite professors to come up to give a storytelling seminar at the annual library conference this fall. I hope Moonglow has the opportunity to take classes from "E."

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 01:34 PM

Old Rapp was going round the bend,
Babbling on divers sports,
So the coach sidelined him, where he spent
TIme building pillow forts.

The Hawk was dreaming up some scheme
Of methods to annoy
And he and Rapp left in pursuit
Of a handsome water boy.

But the rest of us we hunkered down,
A clean BS machine,
And when the scrimmage dust had cleared
The yards stood at fourteen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 11:56 AM

We've made the transition - not the Venus Transit, just the dog walk transition. We'll be going in the mornings now for a walk through the neighborhood; the roads are hot in the evening and they don't enjoy it so much. And MOM was complaining about how hot her feet were in flipflops on the hot asphalt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 12 - 09:11 AM

Then they nailed Amos for double dribble
And LH for high stick
Stilly got six months in the penalty box
And Eiseley a corner kick.
Janie was tossed out at third
And the count was three and two
When Raparree came up to bat
In the test match at Kalamazoo.

Everything depended on him
And he felt the weight of Hope
But he missed the snitch on his first pass
And hearts were nearly broke!
But as he drove that semifinal curve
He cleared the water jump
And finished his vault with a somersault
Stuck the landing without bobble or bump!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 11:15 PM

Well, the yards to go was just nineteen,
ANd the score was locked up tight.
We was pinned down by their blocking line,
Those clods of gloom and night.
But we were all game and fired up,
We were ready for the ride,
There was no defense good enough!
For Mom was on our side.

Well the ref ran out and his whistle blew
With a shriek like an unoiled owl
But just at the snap, their quarterback
Got nailed for an off-sides foul.
And they tagged our GNu fpor traveling
Though why, Gawd only knows!
So we reset the line in a bad state of mind,
With eighteen yards to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 11:10 PM

Well, somebody had to do it!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 09:48 PM

I knew this subject would get Amos yakking away in a creative and amusing manner! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 03:15 PM

45000 by the transit of Venus..?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 03:05 PM

It's kind of a left-brain, right-brain issue, you see. Both names were used in the formative budding years, and as the fervor grew, neither one seemed more prominent than the other and both were well-supported. We didn't want to start some kind of dramatic cleavage between the two, so we use them interchangeably. Those of our flock who are twins sometimes use both.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 01:44 PM

What happened to the Temple of the Golden Globes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 01:05 PM

That goes without saying, sir! I am shocked that you would even question me in that regard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 12:51 PM

As the Founder of the Temple of the DIvine Curve, Mister Hawk, I am always prepared to handle issues relating to the Divine Manifestation of Geometry to which you refer, but I would request that you only touch this topic if you are prepared to do so with due respect appropriate for the uncovering of a truly miraculous phenomenon.

A.
Founder
Temple of the Divine Curve


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 11:18 AM

"it is not something close to my heart," - Amos

Fine, Amos. Fine. Let's discuss women's breasts then, shall we?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 10:46 AM

44972*d
                         1495*d
                           119*d
                            57*d         
                           

THAT's an arrangement you don't see every day in the BS section! It must be another sign of the Rapture a-comin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 10:38 AM

Amos, I'm certain that this picture will stir your old seafarer's heart. It's got everything an old salt like you loves about the sea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 04:20 AM

Dear EIseley,

Your contribution, from Mister Twain,leaves me awed and inspired, as he usually does. What a voice of a man. Really, a Voice in Full. Many thanks.


And Miss Janie:   What a pleasure to see your sylph-like keystrokes here!!   I hope you will come more often!

As for Grampusi, I have said all I have to say on the subject; it is not something close to my heart, to be sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 01:16 AM

The moment passed, but we'll take your word for it! Lots of unusual juxtapositions occur around here.

Eiseley, my daughter Moonglow is in the same UNT program you graduated from. Has finished her first full semester (though she took one graduate level class during her last undergraduate semester). When she graduates you should come down and at least cheer her on, if you can't walk the walk with your cap and gown. Fingers crossed the plumber doesn't have to make any more expensive house calls. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 05 Jun 12 - 12:07 AM

OMG, it so happened that I posted the 97th post to two consecutive threads, one minute apart, NOW APPEARING ONE RIGHT AFTER THE OTHER LIVE ON MUDCAT, and featuring alternately Spaw and his farts and Bobert' death threats.

Not many places a long lost relative can celebrate such an acheivement, Maw.

Ain't I special!?

How's that for BS?!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 12 - 07:25 PM

I'm thinking Roland Emmerich to direct it. I gotta get the script to him pronto. I'm gonna be rich! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 12 - 07:23 PM

On the other hand, if it was done now it would just be called GRAMPUS, the Grampus would be made by CGI, there'd be simply incredible scenes of sickeningly graphic and bloody death and dismemberment that would finally just numb the viewer, they'd fire hundreds of cruise missiles at the monster and invade the campus with Abrams tanks and black helicopter gunships, the script would be virtually incomprehensible, the acting comparable to watching PacMan or SuperMario, there'd be lots of disposable teenagers to decapitate and destroy in various gross ways, a bit of totally impersonal sex here and there, and many chances to insert the Pepsi and Gap trademarks meaninglessly into scenes in order to remind the viewer of what their culture really stands on. The Grampus would finally get "taken out" with a tactical nuke, and the ex-campus would be declared a disaster area (not unreasonably) and earmarked for the building of a brand new mega-sized WalMart and a couple of gated communities for wealthy white people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 12 - 07:08 PM

Just had an idea here for a cheap late 50's horror film title:

"Grampus on Campus!"

Get Gerry and the Pacemakers or somebody like that to do the theme song. Give Fabian and Ann Francis the starring roles as the hero and the love interest, and build the Grampus out of 800 cubic yards of styrofoam and molded green rubber. It coulda been a classic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 04 Jun 12 - 06:15 PM

Amos, I wish you were coming. Maybe next year!

Rapparee, thank you for forcing me to go to graduate school. (Even though the summer reading program has begun . . . AAACK! As Gaila said, "You cried to come.")

Here is a letter written by Mark Twain to Helen Keller after she was accused of plagiarism.

Riverdale-on-the-Hudson
St. Patrick's Day, '03

Dear Helen,—

I must steal half a moment from my work to say how glad I am to have your book, and how highly I value it, both for its own sake and as a remembrance of an affectionate friendship which has subsisted between us for nine years without a break, and without a single act of violence that I can call to mind. I suppose there is nothing like it in heaven; and not likely to be, until we get there and show off. I often think of it with longing, and how they'll say, "There they come—sit down in front!" I am practicing with a tin halo. You do the same. I was at Henry Roger's last night, and of course we talked of you. He is not at all well;—you will not like to hear that; but like you and me, he is just as lovely as ever.

I am charmed with your book—enchanted. You are a wonderful creature, the most wonderful in the world—you and your other half together—Miss Sullivan, I mean, for it took the pair of you to make a complete and perfect whole. How she stands out in her letters! her brilliancy, penetration, originality, wisdom, character, and the fine literary competencies of her pen—they are all there.

Oh, dear me, how unspeakably funny and owlishly idiotic and grotesque was that "plagiarism" farce! As if there was much of anything in any human utterance, oral or written, except plagiarism! The kernel, the soul—let us go further and say the substance, the bulk, the actual and valuable material of all human utterances—is plagiarism. For substantially all ideas are second-hand, consciously and unconsciously drawn from a million outside sources, and daily use by the garnerer with a pride and satisfaction born of the superstition that he originated them; whereas there is not a rag of originality about them anywhere except the little discoloration they get from his mental and moral calibre and his temperament, and which is revealed in characteristics of phrasing. When a great orator makes a great speech you are listening to ten centuries and ten thousand men—but we call it his speech, and really some exceedingly small portion of it is his. But not enough to signify. It is merely a Waterloo. It is Wellington's battle, in some degree, and we call it his; but there are others that contributed. It takes a thousand men to invent a telegraph, or a steam engine, or a phonograph, or a telephone or any other important thing—and the last man gets the credit and we forget the others. He added his little mite—that is all he did. These object lessons should teach us that ninety-nine parts of all things that proceed from the intellect are plagiarisms, pure and simple; and the lesson ought to make us modest. But nothing can do that.

Then why don't we unwittingly reproduce the phrasing of a story, as well as the story itself? It can hardly happen—to the extent of fifty words except in the case of a child; its memory-tablet is not lumbered with impressions, and the actual language can have graving-room there, and preserve the language a year or two, but a grown person's memory-tablet is a palimpsest, with hardly a bare space upon which to engrave a phrase. It must be a very rare thing that a whole page gets so sharply printed on a man's mind, by a single reading, that it will stay long enough to turn up some time or other to be mistaken by him for his own. No doubt we are constantly littering our literature with disconnected sentences borrowed from books at some unremembered time and now imagined to be our own, but that is about the most we can do. In 1866 I read Dr. Holmes's poems, in the Sandwich Islands. A year and a half later I stole his dedication, without knowing it, and used it to dedicate my "Innocents Abroad" with. Then years afterward I was talking with Dr. Holmes about it. He was not an ignorant ass—no, not he; he was not a collection of decayed human turnips, like your "Plagiarism Court;" and so when I said, "I know now where I stole it, but whom did you steal it from," he said, "I don't remember; I only know I stole it from somebody, because I have never originated anything altogether myself, nor met anyone who had."

To think of those solemn donkeys breaking a little child's heart with their ignorant rubbish about plagiarism! I couldn't sleep for blaspheming about it last night. Why, their whole lives, their whole histories, all their learning, all their thoughts, all their opinions were one solid rock of plagiarism, and they didn't know it and never suspected it. A gang of dull and hoary pirates piously setting themselves the task of disciplining and purifying a kitten that they think they've caught filching a chop! Oh, dam—

But you finish it, dear, I am running short of vocabulary today.

Every lovingly your friend

Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 12 - 04:02 PM

Yeah--the Grampus U that was forced into closure after an overly exuberant visit from Saint Nick.

Grampus got run over by a reindeer
Flying much too low on Christmas Eve.
Methane wiped out every co-ed left there,
And ever since that evening, I believe!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 12 - 02:35 PM

How well I remember Rampus and all that! It happened at a University founded by and named for a sea mammal and has come down through history as the Grampus Campus Rampus Rumpus.


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