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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Janie 05 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM
Amos 05 Apr 09 - 10:20 PM
Acme 05 Apr 09 - 08:28 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 09 - 08:17 PM
Amos 05 Apr 09 - 06:16 PM
Amos 05 Apr 09 - 10:32 AM
Acme 05 Apr 09 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 05 Apr 09 - 08:13 AM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 11:35 PM
Rapparee 04 Apr 09 - 05:13 PM
Janie 04 Apr 09 - 03:03 PM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM
Rapparee 04 Apr 09 - 12:36 PM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 12:18 PM
Rapparee 04 Apr 09 - 11:53 AM
MMario 04 Apr 09 - 10:00 AM
Janie 04 Apr 09 - 09:11 AM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 04:48 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 08:35 PM
Acme 03 Apr 09 - 06:47 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 06:14 PM
Acme 03 Apr 09 - 04:34 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 04:29 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 04:10 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 01:20 PM
Acme 03 Apr 09 - 12:52 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 12:41 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 09:07 AM
MMario 03 Apr 09 - 08:32 AM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 08:19 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 06:21 PM
MMario 02 Apr 09 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 03:18 PM
Acme 02 Apr 09 - 03:12 PM
MMario 02 Apr 09 - 03:05 PM
Janie 02 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 02:52 PM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 02:18 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 01:54 PM
MMario 02 Apr 09 - 12:27 PM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 11:07 AM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 10:38 AM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 09:33 AM
Amos 01 Apr 09 - 10:42 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 09 - 10:24 PM
Amos 01 Apr 09 - 10:05 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM

I have confidence that Maggie can disarm him....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:20 PM

This confirms Rapaire is in a revivification of a past life: nobody mortars boats anymore since it has been proven scientifically that it makes them sticky and hard to steer.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:28 PM

Sorry it isn't warmer for the battle. But tomorrow is another day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:17 PM

I made it, Mom! The boat was mortared as we came in a couple of guys were hurt, but I made it. I hope you get this. We're pinned down on at a sea wall; lost a lot of good men getting up the beach. We're going to have to Do Something before the tide comes in. I lost my rifle in the surf (went head over heels) but I picked up a flamethrower so I guess it all comes out even.

Well, there's the whistle. We're going over the top. Tell Annabelle my last thoughts were of her and her sweet, tender kiss.

R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 06:16 PM

We went out to Lakeside, a sleepy town hovering in the vicinity of 1935, for a dose of quainitude which we found in full, a place that still has a Rexall. THere's a theater in the Old Town area that would make a bodfo coffeeshop/folkhouose, but I am not sure the area is ready for gentirefication.


Mom git up!! Lazy ole thang!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:32 AM

Seems to me ole Rap needs to come to terms with his last lifetime.

Enjoy your dinner, Stilly. He's going to want to talk about me, I just know. So please take notes.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:17 AM

It's a pretty day in North Texas, though we had a "cold front" come through overnight. Still, it'll probably be warmer than Pocotello.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:13 AM

Dear Mom,

In a little while we'll get in the boats and head for shore. We know it's going to be hell on the beach, but the navy has done a pretty good job of softening it up and we hope that most of the enemy resistance has been blown all to heck. Of course, we know that won't have happened, but we also know that Our Cause is Just and that we WILL win for you and all of the folks who are doing so much in the airplane plants, the ammunition plants, the shipyards, and farms to give us the stuff we need for Victory.

But if you don't hear from me again, remember that my last thoughts were of you, of our little home on the farm, of your apple pie, and of the little brown church in the dell. And if you see her, please tell Mary Lou that my last thoughts were of her and of the sweet kiss on the cheek she gave me when I left. I haven't washed or shaved that spot since, and I don't care what the sergeant or the other guys say or the names they call me. Some things are sacred.

There's the bell, Mom. Well, my rifle is clean and oiled, my bayonet is sharpened, and I have the old family brass knuckles in my pocket. I also have that little bible in my shirt pocket because it always stops enemy bullets there. Got to load into the boat now.

Take care.

Your fave rave son,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 11:35 PM

When that Cotton Bowl gets rotten
All the customers get forgotten
In that old Cotton Field back home...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 05:13 PM

The last time I was in Dallas was to see Notre Dame play Texas A&M in the Cotton Bowl.

Come to think of it, that's the ONLY time I've been in Dallas (except once to change planes).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 03:03 PM

Prayin' for you, Stilly....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM

Big doin's???

So the mail-order pharmaceuticals have workd????



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 12:36 PM

Oh, good! They're SOOOOOOOOOOOO tasty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 12:18 PM

Wave your saber thingy at it the next time. It will freeze its very blood!!

Yes, of course I mean Las Vegas, New Mexico, a charming town I almost bought a house in once.

IT is where las Vegans all go to retire.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 11:53 AM

Gotta git packed! Big doin's! Gonna FLY tomorrow!

Amos, do you mean Las VEgas, New Mexico?

Had another coyote in the backyard this morning -- it jumped the fence and tore off across the golf course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 10:00 AM

yes, it's a beuatiful upstate nY dpring day here as well; Grey clouds, drizzle, cold rain falling and brown squelchy stuff on the ground surface where snow used to be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 09:11 AM

Wake Up!

Gorgeous day. You sit here in the morning sun, Mom, and drink your tea.

Off to see clients then to work on taxes and the yard, then to watch basketball.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 04:48 AM

IN that case, you should go to Las VEgas for dinner.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 08:35 PM

I'm a Vegan, brought here by a starship from Vega.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 06:47 PM

Of course! That makes perfect sense! The Mongolian Grill is very popular down here. We'll just let him go out back and slice up the beef in the meat locker, no need to wait for it to arrive chopped up at the counter where you choose your ingredients.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 06:14 PM

Be sure and find one of those "carve your own roastbeef" buffets for the occasion...


It promises to be a sabery dining experience.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:34 PM

It should be a lot of fun. Fingers crossed no tornadoes blow through to dampen the occasion

Pssss. Amos. Can I take this guy out in public to eat, or do I need to find a place where he won't set off the metal detectors and they have a cloak room with a rack for sabres?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:29 PM

Well of course not! That would be silly, paying yourself to fly in your private jet (all Socalists have private jets).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:10 PM

Sure. As I said, I am free. But I don't pay my own transport.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM

Stilly and I are having dinner in Dallas -- wanna join us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 01:20 PM

I'm always free for dinner. I think ifsoeoneis going tot he trouble of making you dinner or buying you dinner, it is just poor form to charge them for your company.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 12:52 PM

No trash down here in Dallas, though. Send a PM and let me know your schedule and when you think you'll be free for dinner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 12:41 PM

They're lots better than trench kissing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 10:34 AM

Which explains the lost weekend. Mind you, that's not what I fed him. It's what he polished off in his hotel room afterwards. It was part of the military tradition--trench cocktails.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 09:07 AM

Yes, but it's not usually made of food coloring, Sterno, and antifreeze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 08:32 AM

I thought cheap red vino was the basis of a Mediterranean lifestyle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM

Oh, THAT'S what that was.

Best wine I ever drank, best food I ever ate.

Yes, I've met Amos and even been in his abode or dwelling (as the case may be). He is by no means a shriveled, dried up husk. In fact, he is very well rounded indeed, probably weighing well over 25 stone and all of it well-toned muscle. He is about 2.5 meters tall and he showed me how he could break a logging chain wrapped loosely around his chest simply by taking a deep breath. He carefully and gently lifted the corner of his house to tuck his car in the garage, explaining that doing so saves the energy his garage door opener would use. His guitar (a Martin Gibson Dreadnought) is strung with half-inch steel cable and instead of pegs he tunes each string with a winch. I enjoyed my repast and watched as he ate about 3 stone of raw beef, the blood still squirting with every bite he took. We shared some wine, as I mentioned earlier; I had a couple of glasses and Amos drank the tun from the tun.

No, he's not a dried up husk. I was just funnin' him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 08:19 PM

Dried up? You really did have a lost weekend when you visited. You've forgotten all that cheap red vino we use down here to offset the Mediterranean lifestyle.

I'm going where the sun shines all the time.
I'm going where the sun shines all the time.
I'm going where the sun shines all the time, Lord, Lord.
I ain't a-gonne be treated this a-way.




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 06:21 PM

I thunk he was already a dried up husk, living in the middle of all that California sun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:42 PM

Which is why MOM is worried about Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:18 PM

Yes. He returned home just a dried husk of his former self: a cold, pallid, bloodless, type similar to Scrooge before the Ghosts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:12 PM

Fer shure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:05 PM

Amos - MOM is very nervous about you diving with those reef mosquitos. She hears that the saltwater mosquitos are worse then barracudas. She says she just saw a FOX news special where a person skindiving in Belize scratched himself on a piece of coral and the reef mosquitos swarmed down on him and sucked every last bit of blood out of him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM

I'm convinced the only reason Rapaire is in Idaho is because of the sheep.

Of course, it could be that Amos is so at home in San Diego because of the zoo.

Normal people live in places like Texas, Florida, Canada, North Carolina and New York.








Or maybe Saturn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 02:52 PM

Tasty-Ego? What an odd, yet somehow fitting, name for a town in Southern California.

As for clean, sandy beaches -- with Global Warming I expect to have a beach outside of town any day now. My home will be close to the oceanfront and right on a golf course. Surfing, swimming, kayaking, golfing -- what more could you ask for?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 02:18 PM

Rapaire:

There's a fine line between the art of BS and the crime of vile and anti-social prevarication, calumny, and slander. In your most recent post, you have demonstrated a remarkable degree of deep insensitivity to that distinction. You imply, and overtly state, things that are not true.

San Diego is often called "America's Most Beautiful City".

We have miles of beautiful beaches, miles of beautiful mountains and miles of beautiful desert. None of which are experiencing problems with sewage, garbage, or rampant egoism as I write, unlike Pokeyfeller's most renowned citizen. Clean up thine own yard, scurrilous knave, ere casting remarks at thy neighbors.

Oh, by the way, did I mention I am going to Belize to dive the Blue Hole and the Barrier Reef? It's a fifty-meter wall dive, with sharks, groupers, rays and millions of brightly colored fish, fan coral, rock coral, sponges, and mosquitos.


And by the way, Spring has definitely come. It's shorts and golf-shirts and Birkenstocks at work. Life could be a helluva lot worse. For example, I understand there are parts of the country where the temperature goes below 60 degrees F.!! Fancy that, and be grateful for small blessings, I says to meself. Maybe we should rename this town TOasty-Ego??


A


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 01:54 PM

Man, like, in Sandy Ego, ya know, all I see is, like, oil slicks, sewage, and like, styrofoam cups and beer cans, ya know, like? It's like the man said, like, you know, "You can't step into, like, the same sewage twice, ya know?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 12:27 PM

I've always preffered the full Californinan Translation of the book of Amos to the "Teen Valley" transcription.

The same section in that version (published 1963) reads:

Oh, like, wow man! Mind blowing!
It's a trip, y'know?

I mean. like I love you, you love me, everybody loves everyone, cool?

But you gotta see, 'cause, Like, it's not everyone, that can, like understand how, y'know?

And they listen, but I dunno, they don't GET it, if you know what I mean; like the waves on the beach you see them,and you know how great it would be, but like, They see them and all they see is water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 11:07 AM

Yea, though my mind is large as the world, and my heart filled with adventures;

Though my hands are strong and mine eyes not yet dimmed with time;

Though my blood warms me and my breath still fires my soul;

Yea, though I love more than many, and have been loved, and have owned much and been much owned in turn;

Yea, though I have seen the soul, and the mind, and the body, and the things on the face of the world, and am much traveled;

Yet do I doubt the forms of knowledge, and doubt the names given to the world by men. For verily, though you bring me ten thousand to learn, there is not one who can truly teach; for none knows what the fuck. Though the waves of the ocean may be high, yet they will not ride them in; though they work in full sunlight, yet they are pale. Though their mouths have answers and wisdom, and sound as brass, yet do they see as through a breaker curling, and all their song shall be as whatever, or as a soul in the desert calling out "Hey, maaan! Wot da fuque?" and hearing not any answer thereunto.

Book of Amos 99:123, Californian Translation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 10:38 AM

Funny--you're beginning to sound like Rapaire, too!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 10:10 AM

He opens the door with an axe · He seeks water in the sea.
He is teaching a pig to play on a flute. He chastises the dead.
He catches the wind with a net. He changes a fly into an elephant.
He sprinkles incense on a dunghill. He ploweth a rock and soweth upon the sand. He puts a rope to the eye of a needle.

Lo, he shows us the soul of supererogation and cosmic wind in the spaces of the mind. Bless him, for he condemns himself in folly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 09:33 AM

Don't you want me to teach you a song?

Well, if you don't like that one, how about this one? My old buddy Joe Hill wrote it:


The Workers on the S. P. line to strike sent out a call;
But Casey Jones, the engineer, he wouldn't strike at all;
His boiler it was leaking, and its drivers on the bum,
And his engine and its bearings, they were all out of plumb.

Casey Jones kept his junk pile running;
Casey Jones was working double time;
Cagey Jones got a wooden medal,
For being good and faithful on the S.P. line.

The workers said to Casey: "Won't you help us win this strike ? "
But Casey said: "Let me alone, you'd better take a hike."
Then Casey's wheezy engine ran right off the worn-out track,
And Casey hit the river with an awful crack.

Casey Jones hit the river bottom;
Casey Jones broke his blooming spine;
Casey Jones was an Angeleno,
He took a trip to heaven on the S. P. line.

When Casey Jones got up to heaven to the Pearly Gate,
He said: "I'm Casey Jones, the guy that pulled the S. P. freight."
"You're just the man," said Peter, "our musicians went on strike;
You can get a job a-scabbing any time you like."

Casey Jones got a job in heaven;
Casey Jones was doing mighty fine;
Casey Jones went scabbing on the angels,
Just like he did to workers on the S. P. line.

They got together and they said it wasn't fair
For Casey Jones to go around a-scabbing everywhere.
The Angel Union No. 23 they sure were there,
And they promptly fired Casey down the Golden Stair.

Casey Jones went to Hell a-flying;
Casey Jones, the Devil said, "Oh fine;
Casey Jones, get busy shoveling sulfur
That's what you get for scabbing on the S.P. Line."


There's another one that starts

Casey Jones was a son-of-a-bitch
Parked his engine in a whorehouse ditch...

But you're not old enough to learn that one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 10:42 PM

NEver mind. You've begun to sound like Rapaire!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 10:24 PM

Okay, here goes:

He was dirty and hairy and covered with fleas
But he had his women by twos and threes,
All hail the Bastard King of ING-go-land!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 10:05 PM

Here ya go, Still. No charge if you teach me a song.


A


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