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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 20 May 07 - 05:57 PM
Rapparee 20 May 07 - 05:48 PM
Acme 20 May 07 - 04:43 PM
Acme 19 May 07 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 19 May 07 - 10:44 PM
Acme 19 May 07 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 19 May 07 - 03:10 PM
GUEST,freds 19 May 07 - 11:29 AM
Rapparee 19 May 07 - 10:51 AM
Acme 19 May 07 - 01:08 AM
Rapparee 18 May 07 - 10:35 PM
Acme 18 May 07 - 05:34 PM
Rapparee 18 May 07 - 04:59 PM
Amos 18 May 07 - 04:36 PM
Acme 18 May 07 - 04:02 PM
GUEST,freds 18 May 07 - 03:40 PM
Rapparee 18 May 07 - 03:33 PM
MMario 18 May 07 - 02:33 PM
beardedbruce 18 May 07 - 12:55 PM
Rapparee 18 May 07 - 12:52 PM
Amos 18 May 07 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 18 May 07 - 09:53 AM
Rapparee 18 May 07 - 09:36 AM
MMario 18 May 07 - 09:27 AM
Amos 18 May 07 - 09:17 AM
MMario 18 May 07 - 08:07 AM
Amos 17 May 07 - 11:14 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 10:30 PM
John Hardly 17 May 07 - 10:27 PM
Amos 17 May 07 - 10:13 PM
John Hardly 17 May 07 - 09:45 PM
Amos 17 May 07 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 09:36 PM
Amos 17 May 07 - 08:54 PM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 06:27 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 06:03 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 06:03 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 06:02 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 06:01 PM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 05:06 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 02:58 PM
Amos 17 May 07 - 11:31 AM
MMario 17 May 07 - 10:28 AM
Amos 17 May 07 - 10:24 AM
Amos 17 May 07 - 09:47 AM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 09:24 AM
Amos 17 May 07 - 09:09 AM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 09:01 AM
Acme 17 May 07 - 01:11 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 07 - 05:57 PM

She's bigger than I am now, so if that had ever been a favored form of discipline, it wouldn't work any more. And you should see how tall her brother is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 07 - 05:48 PM

Well, doggone, you tell that gal of your'n not to do this not more! And if she does you jist give her a good whack where she sits down!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 07 - 04:43 PM

I guess everyone went to the library to get the book. . .

Mom, Moonglow has her splenectomy tomorrow morning, so I may not be around for a couple of days. It will be laparoscopic and they expect to keep her only overnight. She should feel like a million bucks once her spleen isn't beating up on her sphere-shaped red blood cells any more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 07 - 11:22 PM

An answer to that outrage around here in my wooded creek bottom would be to note that I'm working on creating a chapel in the wood, ala chapter six of The Red Badge of Courage. That'll confuse the heck out of 'em. If they skipped class that day and want to know what I mean then I can tell them to go read a good book. No, not THAT good book, another one. And when they get to the body in the woods they'll wonder what in heck I'm up to in my front yard. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 07 - 10:44 PM

Hope I soaked the cheat grass so that tomorrow morn, when everybody else is goin' to church, I can weed it easily.

Yup, tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm going to scandalize the neighbors.

And Mom, I don't care if I do!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 07 - 09:57 PM

Hey, Mom, it's a nice evening. Why don't you come out on the porch and have a tall glass of iced tea and some homemade bread just out of the oven. The smell of the bread will bring the boys running soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 07 - 03:10 PM

Dog -- the other other other white meat!
Cat -- the other other white meat!
Pork -- the other white meat!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 19 May 07 - 11:29 AM

Malamute - what is this? Is it high in protein and is it tasty?

We have been pursuing the JohnInKansas, and we think he is hiding. We might try to lure him out with a thread about our computer - but we are not accustomed to such primitive forms of communication.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 07 - 10:51 AM

They might like a little snack of malamute. Just a bite, mind you, to whet their appetites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 07 - 01:08 AM

I see your point.

I sent the freds off to Kansas looking for that miscreant John, and even recommended a marinade. I hope they don't head to Indiana--if they locate our potty MOAB member they might get a malamute bite for their trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 07 - 10:35 PM

Better not get me started on decimals....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 07 - 05:34 PM

Dewey do decimals or what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 07 - 04:59 PM

1 + 1 = 2
2 + 2 = 3
3 + 3 = 4
2 + 3 = 3.5

etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 07 - 04:36 PM

Ask around though -- the first one you find will probably be the wrong one.

Mom, I am on the road this weekend. God bless you, stay high and make Rapaire do his homework for once.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 07 - 04:02 PM

freds, go to a place called Kansas and eat a man named John. That should help.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 18 May 07 - 03:40 PM

Did we tell you that guano is not a good source of protein? That even with taste enhancement techniques it still tastes like mammal droppings?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 07 - 03:33 PM

That's neat, Mario. A nice article.

I'd refer you to an article about my Uncle Xantippe, but there are things about him we're trying to keep hushed up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 07 - 02:33 PM

Hey MOM!

iffen ya go to http://capecodnow.net/artman/publish/sandwich/index.shtml you can read all about my Dad!

well, not all about, there are things we are still trying to get him to tell us kids - and there are things his babysitter told me that aren't in the article, and ....

well - you know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 18 May 07 - 12:55 PM

better looking and healthier, anyway...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 07 - 12:52 PM

Well, I'd much rather you did it than me. I'm old and pretty much stove up, and you are young and virile and handsome. But if Mom wants to handle it hers4lf, okay, she's younger, healthier, and better looking than either of us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 07 - 10:33 AM

No need to thank you? For starting a "let's you and him fight" scenario with a respected colleague? I should think not!!

Please refrain from representing me to anyone at all in future; I will gladly reciprocate. Mom is quite capable of taking care of herself. I am miffed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 07 - 09:53 AM

Amos, I have told JiK that whatever friends you might have will call upon him so that you can avenge the insult to Mom. I told him that you would want a duel to the death ("Third Blood").

No, no need to thank me. Happy to do it for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 07 - 09:36 AM

'Sokay. I donated yesterday and so did my wife. BP was 138/68, which they liked. Lots better than, oh, say, 0/0.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 07 - 09:27 AM

jay-suess, Amos! That almost sounds like you are reccomending excercise!

*shudder*

actually - as i need to do yard cleanup I'll be getting that - just have to be careful with the wheebarrow as it is murder on my lower back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 07 - 09:17 AM

All the aspects of your health are connected, good Man of Emms.

A regimen of long walks, vigorously completed, would do both off us a world of good.

Unlikely, I know. For both of us.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 07 - 08:07 AM

G'mornin MOM!

well, this am I'm still a bit pissed off, still a bit depressed, and a little bit scared, all at the same time; but I figure I can talk to you about it, right? If I can't talk to - well, things just wouldn't be right.

I got deferred as a blood donor yesterday. Never happenned before - though I came close twice. Once for low blood pressure - but I had a cig and ran around the building and they accepted me. Another time they couldn't find a vein through the scarring from previous donations; but switching to the other arm solved that problem.

and yeah, I know it ain't the end of the world or anything, but it is disturbing to me. Especially *why* I got defferred.

see, I've always had low blood pressure - especially for someone my size. (Morbidly obese is the description most medical people use) - so even though my pressure are usually in the "normal" range, they are way low for my weight. and tend to dip lower. or have until recently.

Eight weeks ago the last time I donated my blood pressure was the highest I've ever read. 139 over 80. Didn't worry me too much, I'd had a couple cigerettes driving to the blood bank and had 12 cups of coffee that day. so, okay, cut back on the coffee and try not to smoke on the way to donate, right?

Which I did yesterday - had 1 cola and water during the day; only two cigerettes all day. and they took my blood pressure three times.

148 over 104; 152 over 98; 162 over 106.

crap.

double crap.

hopefully a fluke. and the blood pressure cuff *hurt* when they inflated it - which didn't make me happier.

so I suppose I should get it checked out - which is a pain.

figures - the one aspect of my health I have never had to worry about


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 11:14 PM

Your evasion, sir, is no less insulting than your original complaint. As you will not reply, you are no correspondent, but a jackanapes, a mere wordmonger, a will o'the wisp in the swamp of mental paroxysms.

By the way, I recommend "River of Doubt", a jolly good read and well-grounded in fact, a new experience for you. C. Millard reconstructs Teddy Roosevelt surfing the Amazon.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:49 PM

That's really interesting. I didn't realize that they spell "Quincy" G-U-N-D-E-R-S-O-N. Obviously a few silent letters and a couple of elisions at work there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:30 PM

I care not what you walk in, sir. Nor do I care if a skunk washes your footwear clean. But since you require an answer to your earlier and quite impertinent question, the answer is all of the above. Or none of the above. You may chose whichever fits your reality.

I could not find, online, copies of the photos taken of Sam and friends. I did, however, find this picture of the steamboat "Quincy" , which was finally sunk in 1917 or 18, when this picture was taken at the St. Louis waterfront.

I thought it quite a nice one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:27 PM

Time travel, of course. sheesh, a dominant subtheme for a page and yet...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:13 PM

How did Thoreau guess that, about iPods, i mean? Very impressive. Does Steve know? It's a co-branding opportunity, you ask me...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:45 PM

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them, and an ipod in their ears, and the bus that hit them driving off in the distance. --Thoreau


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:39 PM

OK, then. I see the lie of the land, so to speak.

If you don't like my walking in doodoo, Mister R., stop spreading it in front of my feet!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:36 PM

I got it at Sears, but the next time I'll buy a Honda. High probability of NOT having the mower in the shop at least once per year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 08:54 PM

From your reaction it appears that you chose one as having the highest probability. WHich one was it?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:27 PM

You can sure as heck bet that I use the self-propelled feature!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:03 PM

And I don't use the self-propelled switch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:03 PM

The grass is so thick and tall and juicy from all of the rain, you see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:02 PM

Well, okay, you're right. The growing season is long. And this year, so is the mowing season.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:01 PM

Hey MOM! My tiller is ready to pick up. Only been in the shop two months (at least). Almost missed the growing season down here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 05:06 PM

Sirrah, you have deeply offended and wounded me. Tho' I speak naught but the truth, and sometimes more than the truth, you have impugned my character, my veracity, and my honour. And since honour demands satisfaction (and the challenged gets the choice of weapons), I will say that the mongrel pup which so courteously washed clean your boot of the vileness in which you habitually tread hath a visage finer than your own.

There are photographs, taken by a perverted photographer on the steamboat, of Sam and his friends cavorting and gamboling amidst Nature.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 02:58 PM

The Liberry folks have kept me busy today, Mom. Just checking in to see if you had your afternoon snack and to be sure the dogs are still in the yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 11:31 AM

Here on the MOAB, anything is possible. It is a place of unlimited buffonery magic, where most anything can happen, and most everything does. This magical property, however, is not pure license to broadcast drivel, and no true MOABite confuses the two. Of this I am certain.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:28 AM

Isn't it possible he travels in time? or that Sam does? (Come to think of it, I have met Sam - and that was in the current "present" )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:24 AM

So let me get this straight, you windy blowhard fascinating source of rich historic detail:

a. You are approximately 180 years old.
b. You are living proof of reincarnation with complete and perfect recall.
c. You are an incorrigible compulsive fabricator.

Choose one and get back to me, wouldja?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:47 AM

We're seventeen-five-and-ninety now,
I said to Mom today.
It's really quite miraculous
You've made this madness pay.
You've drawn them out, you've made them shout,
You've coddled the craziest loons.
And you've built a monument in this thread,
While the others jes' talked tunes.

It was Mom who kept the back door wide,
For those who needed rest
Who just wanted a place they could eat and hide,
While they dreamed up better B.S.
It was Mom who brought their fiery souls
To settle down a spell,
When Rapaire would draw his vorpal blade,
And threaten Bee Dubya Ell.

It was Mom who paid to replace the glass,
When Amos hit grand slams
And Mom who couseled Rustic lass,
To be only what she am.
It was Mom who gave out gardening tips
When Stilly got frustrated,
And yes, Mom it was who called the fuzz
And got LH incarcerated.

And through it all, in her treasured hall,
While we all were coming and going,
It was Mom who manned the parlor couch,
And kept the BS flowing.
When the world was too much on our minds,
And we couldn't raise a smile,
It was Mom who'd turn us on our heads
In her best spatulate smile.

The BS has run both long and deep,
Both wise, and terse, and silly.
And though some have left, we still have the best,
Like Rapaire, and Bunn, and Stilly.
We still get talk from Little Hawk,
(Who was let out for good behavior)
And we all -- deep inside -- recognize with pride,
We are rich with that MOAB flavor.

Yes, you're seventeen-five-and-ninety now,
I said to Mom today.
There is no telling how much time
This game has left to play.
But wherever folkies congregate,
And argue 'bout keys and time,
There's an awe-struck sound, when the talk comes round
To the depth of the MOAB mind.

For the BS was long, and the BS was deep,
And it ranged full wide and far.
There was color and tone, and the length alone
Would see you past the stars!
And if some far day sees our Eighteen K,
Come rolling down the pike,
Folks out for the ride will just say with pride,
"Well, that's what Mom is like!"

Aspartane Swelling Wotsat IV.
Ballads of Good Medicine in Bad Hands
Woodby, Betirov, Dedd, pubs., Woodstock-on-Rhyffle, 1989


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:24 AM

Well, Amos ol' buddy, I grew up in Mark Twain Country. Yessir, me an' Sam Clemens go back a long, long way. I remember one time I showed Sam how to make money by not whitewashin' a fence. 'Nother time I showed him some tricks about steamboat navigatin'. But mostly we'd drink beer and tell each other tales. I told him one about a guy who loaded up a frog with lead shot; Sam used that in one of the things he wrote, if I 'member aright. Then there was the time that Same and three or four of the girls from "Rosie's" were "picnicin'" on Long Island and the boat "James K. Fletcher" pulled a bit too close to shore. The boat was carryin' a load of Methodist preachers and their congrygations on an excursion up to Keokuk and when they got an eyeful of Sam and girls cavortin' and skinny dippin' them tight-laced ladies and gents like to took the williwaws! Well, at least the ladies did. The gents were cheerin' Sam on and the preachers were takin' notes for their next Sunday's sermons, they said.

Hard ta make a hero outa a good friend like Sam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:09 AM

That explains a great deal that would be otherwise completely unfathomable. Mine was Mark Twain, who, as you know, is not at all unfathomable, but is known to be bi-fathomable.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:01 AM

My personal hero was Cutter John.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 01:11 AM

I never paid much attention to Bill the Cat. Except his


!!Aaccckkkkkk!!!!!


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