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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 05:10 PM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 01:42 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 01:37 PM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 01:22 PM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 12:14 PM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 12:00 PM
Bunnahabhain 17 Jan 06 - 11:59 AM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 11:51 AM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 11:45 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 11:35 AM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 10:15 AM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 10:09 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 10:01 AM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 08:43 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 08:42 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 08:20 AM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 01:05 AM
Acme 17 Jan 06 - 01:01 AM
Rustic Rebel 17 Jan 06 - 12:49 AM
Amos 16 Jan 06 - 11:42 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 06 - 10:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jan 06 - 09:46 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 06 - 08:54 PM
Amos 16 Jan 06 - 04:07 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 06 - 01:28 PM
Acme 16 Jan 06 - 12:52 PM
Amos 16 Jan 06 - 12:27 PM
Acme 16 Jan 06 - 10:12 AM
Amos 16 Jan 06 - 09:38 AM
Amos 15 Jan 06 - 10:25 PM
Acme 15 Jan 06 - 08:30 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Jan 06 - 08:11 PM
Amos 15 Jan 06 - 07:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 06 - 07:37 PM
Amos 15 Jan 06 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 06 - 02:18 PM
Amos 15 Jan 06 - 12:51 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 06 - 12:46 PM
Amos 15 Jan 06 - 11:49 AM
Acme 15 Jan 06 - 10:36 AM
Rapparee 15 Jan 06 - 10:02 AM
MMario 15 Jan 06 - 10:02 AM
Acme 15 Jan 06 - 09:45 AM
Rapparee 15 Jan 06 - 09:42 AM
Acme 14 Jan 06 - 09:21 PM
Rapparee 14 Jan 06 - 09:43 AM
Amos 14 Jan 06 - 01:10 AM
Acme 13 Jan 06 - 07:41 PM
Amos 13 Jan 06 - 07:27 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 05:10 PM

I was also thinking of the "act," considered "perverted" by some but which psychologists assure us is perfectly natural, called the "Smithfield Hamm." I shan't discuss it's relative, the "Sugar-Cured Hamm," but leave it to your imagination. If you want to know more, I refer you to Kraft-Wrapping's classical study, the "Psychopathia Hammialis."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:42 PM

Ah yes -- you are of course referring to the scandalous mid-1980's commercial that caused such an uproar in the usually quiescent New Age/Celtic/GReek neo-pantheism religiosity subculture...I believed it became known as the Hamm A Dry Ad scandal. The Hamadryad Scandal nearly woke up half the Ents in Middle Earth...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:37 PM

Like the Hamma Sutra?

And while it is part of the Miller Brewing family, we used to be able to get Hamm's Beer. It may no longer be available, however, because of its insidious use in the seduction of underage wood sprites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:22 PM

Seems to me some folks are too weak to hamm, anyway, by the time they are 150.

But they can still write instruction manuals.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 12:14 PM

I said *should*; but I admit though the spirit is willing the flesh is often weak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 12:00 PM

Just for curiousity, which son of Hamm?

Mizraim
Cush
Put
Canaan
Hiva
Jebu
Arvad
Girgas
Amor
Arki
Sinai
Hita
Sidon
Periz
or Zemar?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:59 AM

So MMario says Hamming can only be carried out by various species of tree, whale, and tortoise. I say let the irresponsible young have their fun!

Plenty of Old Testament type charcters lived to beyond 230, but they were too busy finging with their neighbours ass to Hamm, and they'd get stoned if they started hamming. Not sure which kind of stoned in context though...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:51 AM

In my heart, I fing you ARE a hamm, and a son of Ham, of the Hammish house, descended from the King of Hamm. Hamming is what you do, it is in your blood, and so, too, shall your sons hamm unto the seventh generation, for such is the destiny of the house of Hamms.

Unless they get bought out by iHopp or something...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:45 AM

Deep in my spleen I feel noone should hamm until at least 230 years old.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:35 AM

He's too young! He can't be a day over 97, and that's too young to hamm. In your hearts, you both know that I'm right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 10:15 AM

Not a conspiracy that could in any way be called very effective, I'm afraid.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 10:09 AM

ah, yes - the Adult Conspiracy - protecting the young.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 10:01 AM

Mario, Bee-Dubya is TOO YOUNG to know about hamm!! He should be married at least half a dozen times first! You know that! In the meantime, he must remain celebrate!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:57 AM

I fing, therefore I hamm?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:43 AM

Got the palindrome, too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:42 AM

Y'all had your chance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:20 AM

I am the Finger.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:05 AM

MOAB!! Where the fing is the fing!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:01 AM

What was the question?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 12:49 AM

I sit with my fing to my head and think....I hamm what I hamm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 11:42 PM

"Hammer" derives from an old Norse word meaning a stone implement. It is NOT related to the verb to ham, which means to act extravagantly, sentimentally, or in exaggerated fashion; usually hamming is reserved for those who fail in using a hammer correctly.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 10:37 PM

The technical name of that tool you have is a "pounder." It is called this because you pound with it: nails, pegs, chisels, screwdivers, thumbs, screws, whatever you want to pound.

To "hamm" is something very much else. I'd tell you what it is to hamm, but you're not old enough. Perhaps when you're older some nice woman will teach you. Otherwise you can talk to your parish priest, especially if you find your mind dwelling on it. He can forgive you and will recommend icy-cold showers and lots of basketball.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 09:46 PM

I Fing the Body Electric

I'm Finging in the Rain

Little Fings That You Do (Make Me Glad I'm in Love With You)

The list just goes on and on...



By the way, does anyone know how to hamm? I got a new hammer for Christmas and all it will do is drive nails. It's called a "hammer", not a "nailer" or a "driver". There must be some way to make it hamm, I just can't figured it out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 08:54 PM

Is going to the dentist, only to learn that an oral surgeon, extractionS, two implants, and a new bridge (not to mention the bills) are in your future a finging experience? Or is it simply the Universe giving to you a Finger?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 04:07 PM

FING!! FING!!!


I never thought it would pan out this way, but Rapaire and BWL, in their wild and rapturous dancing, have done something truly wonderful -- invented a term for transcendant epiphanies which reveal the interconnectedness of all knowing and all living things, as only those who experience such moments can describe.

Now, though, thanks to these intrepid explorers of the Unknown and the Unsaid and the Unsymbolized, we have a word for such an experience. As Walt Whitman might have said, had he only had this gift, I fing the Universe!.

May you both fing often and richly, and with finging partners who are skilled and compassionate and impassioned, a fair reward for your most excellent gift to mankind in identifying the correct term and the correct definition for big-time transcendental moments of awareness hitherto unamed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 01:28 PM

I get the distinct impression I've been missing out on something for many years.

You have been, but we didn't want you to know. Since you've figured it out for yourself that you've been missing something, I'll give you a quick (and incomplete) idea of what you've been missing.

Finging is a scato/socio/porno/econo/ecologoical activity that involved three live ducks, a warthog (the animal, not the airplane), two other people of the same but opposite sex, a cozy woolen blanket, two quarts of raspberries, a bottle of good booze (your choice), a couple of mushrooms, two dead chickens, and both of your hands. Some people also include an armadillo and either a cat or an alligator (a crocodile will do in a pinch) as well. Perverts will add catsup (or ketchup.

If you don't have two hands none or more will work just fine.

Finging is a wonderful, ecstatic experience that many have compared to The Rapture. You feel your body filling with music, indescribably wonderful music, and at the peak of the experience you KNOW. You KNOW everything, all of the whys and wherefores, the hows and whats and whos and who did what and EVERYTHING.

And that's why we haven't told you. Everyone else knows, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 12:52 PM

Naw, this is an old philosophical question. There was a book out years ago called Do Trees Have Standing? If trees do, then chimps do, don'tcha think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 12:27 PM

I would be most interested in such an opportunity; as far as I know it would be the world's first trans-species (inter-species?) lawsuit and as such would have historical resonances far beyond the immediate question of slandering simians.

Among other things it would require resolving the question of civil rights on the food-chain, a thorny issue at best; it would resurrect the Scopes trial; it would establsih far-reaching precedents for the future encounter between Terrans and other-world forms of life, developed or otherwise. It would open a Pandora's box of questions about territorial rights for cetaceans, re-define the meaning of international waters and exclusion zones and possibly require stringent codes of courtesy to be exhibited towards tuna by Portuguese-American fishermen, raising questions of indigenous American-Indian copyrights on prayers to the soul of game animals. You're really opening a can of...unusual things here, Stilly!!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 10:12 AM

Cross your fingers (!) that Chongo doesn't come along and press a lawsuit on you for defaming simians with that remark. They don't want him either. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 09:38 AM

IT is logical to move from spatulas to fingers, which are often spatulate in simians, such as the President.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 10:25 PM

Just so you know, the word finger, although it looks like the other words that form a noun from a verb (like 'dead ringer' ) is not such a word. It comes from an Old Germanic root meaning "five". WOnder why they chose that?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 08:30 PM

Moving on from the study of spatulas, BWL?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 08:11 PM

I get the distinct impression I've been missing out on something for many years.


Well, either you have, or your significant-member-of-the-opposite-sex, has. I'm not quite sure, but there's an expert on most things round here somewhere, and most are an expert on something or other, even occasionaly a useful something, but actually knowing what it is....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 07:47 PM

Swingers, singers, bell-ringers, dong-dingers will never forgive you for this, BWL....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 07:37 PM

Ponder this:

Most of us have things on the ends of our hands that are usually called "fingers". So exactly how does one fing? If cookers are meant for cooking and openers are meant for opening then fingers must be meant for finging. Have you ever finged? (Or is it fang?) If so, please advise how it's done. I get the distinct impression I've been missing out on something for many years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 03:48 PM

Renovation, stoopid-head!! San Diego, rightly called "America's Finest City" by those in the know, has all mod cons.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 02:18 PM

You haven't had a bathroom before? I thought San Diego had had running water for a long time -- or are you a REAL Luddite?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 12:51 PM

No, silly. Two separate projects. The waterfall is almost done. The bathroom is almost started.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 12:46 PM

A waterfall? In the bathroom?

Remind that if I visit not to flush!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 11:49 AM

The last few layers of sturdy rock along the lower bout of the reservoir are uin place and very little more remain to do before she gets turned on--I mean the waterfall. The bathroom engineering plans have been approved and the parts ordered.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 10:36 AM

Good thing I'm not considering unstuffing my bags (as you portrayed it) near his tacky paint job! My bags will retain their baffles and contents, but they will be removed from their stuff sacks, hence being "un-stuffed."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 10:02 AM

The priming of the walls (sounds like a novel!) went well. In some cases the grooves in the paneling disappeared completely, demonstrating the quality of the material. Today the color will be applied -- sort of a very light tan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 10:02 AM

if you unstuff the down sleeping bags they won't be very warm, and the down really gets into just about everything!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 09:45 AM

In the Mudcat weekend calisthentics (Up and Down and Up again) it looks like the place was closed last night, but not so long that Mom got really down about it.

Me, I was doing a little late night grout work so didn't notice.

It's like one of those little party favor puzzles, the ones that had 36 spaces and 35 little tiles (today's children are not being as challenged by dumbed-down puzzles). You had to move everything in and out of that one space to finally achieve order. Well the grout was step one of many. I have tile in the hall outside the bedrooms but haven't grouted it because I haven't finished the cut tiles along the edges. There was a little table and a mirror at the "T" in the hall, but I am going to move an antique lawyer's bookcase there. I put down the grout so that part of the floor would be finished and I won't have to move this bookcase again when I work on the floor. It won't get sealed, but at least the grout is in. Once the bookcase is moved then I can move another, larger lawyer's bookcase from in my office to where the small lawyer's case was in my bedroom. And once that is out of my office I can move file cabinets out of the office closet and put them along the office wall (and make sure to hang a few of my treasures on the wall above them. Right now they're propped against the wall on the bookcase top). After I clear out the closet I'm going to unload the boxes on a set of wire shelves just inside the back door and move that set of shelves into the closet, and move most of the boxes back onto those shelves in there. And I'm going to move my camping gear and packs and luggage to that closet, and also unroll camping sleep pads and hang them up and unstuff down sleeping bags and hang them up. . .

The puzzle on a life-sized scale. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 06 - 09:42 AM

This evening I shall dine with an attorney, an historian, a librarian, a survivor of teen-age cancer, and a mathematician. My wife and I shall go out to dinner....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jan 06 - 09:21 PM

You would have had an entertaining evening with the crew I picked out for you. I hope the living/breathing folks were as much fun as the famous ones would have been. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 06 - 09:43 AM

Gad, but I'm glad that my nephew got out of the Marines before they started engineering them. Is it done genetically or do they just bolt stuff on? Or can you even talk about it without the MIBs finding it necessary to kill you again?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jan 06 - 01:10 AM

No, now, you are unfair. I really do have an oceanographer coming to dinner tomorrow, and his wife who is a notable choreographer. An Austrian mathematician will be joining them, as will my old Canuck buddy the marine engineer and his wife who publishes magazines. I am sorry. But it is true.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jan 06 - 07:41 PM

Yeah right. He has a stack of old VCR movies about Einstein, Jacques Cousteau, Gower Champion, Nevil Shute, and Citizen Kane sitting on his dining room table that he's going to watch over the weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 06 - 07:27 PM

I'm sorry....I have a mathematician, a physical oceanographer, a notable choreographer, a marine engineer and a publisher coming to dinner. Otherwise I'd jump right in the car.

A


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