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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 17 Sep 07 - 03:26 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 03:38 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 04:28 PM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 05:55 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Sep 07 - 06:29 PM
Acme 17 Sep 07 - 07:24 PM
Acme 17 Sep 07 - 07:25 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 08:57 PM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 10:53 PM
Little Hawk 17 Sep 07 - 11:45 PM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 01:00 AM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 01:18 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 09:12 AM
MMario 18 Sep 07 - 09:34 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 09:37 AM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 10:09 AM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 12:45 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 01:20 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 01:23 PM
MMario 18 Sep 07 - 01:25 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 01:27 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 01:30 PM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 02:49 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 03:18 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 03:23 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 03:40 PM
MMario 18 Sep 07 - 03:42 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 04:20 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 05:33 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 05:36 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 05:44 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 05:51 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 06:14 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 06:35 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 08:22 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 08:41 PM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 09:40 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 09:44 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 09:57 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 10:31 PM
beardedbruce 18 Sep 07 - 10:50 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 11:47 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 12:20 AM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 09:18 AM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 09:29 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 03:26 PM

You're a nasty man, Amos. ;-) The word "chinga" is the most obscene word in the entire Spanish language. It's also one you hear almost constantly if you hang out with young Mexican men. I can attest to this from my visits to that country.

Chongo is more than a little irritated with you, Amos. He is trying to decide on which way of dealing with it. He's torn between methods involving your sudden death...or those which would simply entail maiming you severely enough to cause a few years of acute suffering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 03:38 PM

Hey! I could make some sugges...no, Amos is a nice guy, for the most part.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 04:28 PM

And then there was this AP headline:

Seals Leaking on Discovery

and I immediately thought of aquatic mammals....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 05:55 PM

LH, take some responsibility here; you decided to name your imaginary playmate with a word that sounded halfway to chinga anyway, and it immediately brought about the perception that you yourself were uno pobro gringo chingado, cabronito. It stands perfectly to reason in the invented language with which you named him that his sister (feminine) would be either Chingate, Chongita or, for simplicity, Chinga.

So chinga te, Chinga she is. I invented her after all, and I say she is Chongo's sister.

Watch your step or I'll have her reveal she is ALSO his mother.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM

That would be...unique. Especially if she was his younger sister.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 06:29 PM

This is amazin', cos you don't often hear the deceased talkin' out loud and givin' other people advice...except in the movies. You're toast, Roscoe. You are more defunct than Jimmy Hoffa. You're a stool pigeon with its eyes shut and its little toes pointin' up. You are yesterday's discarded banana peel after it got run over by a semi and peed on by a passing stray dog. This is you I'm talkin' to Amos. Get ready to sing in the choir invisible, you sap.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 07:24 PM

Is this a twirly?

19661? Kind of.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 07:25 PM

It might wobble a little, but I'll take it for a spin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 08:57 PM

Chongo, buddy -- Amos is not a sap. A sap is like a flat blackjack, like this one here. A sap is right useful, since it doesn't bulge up your pocket like a blackjack does. You can even stick it down your boot. And you can use it just like a blackjack; some even got a spring in the flat handle to give you that little extra you need when the chump on the receiving end needs that little something extra, ya know? My uncle the cop carried a sap that was made in 1921; he never used it except once, when a punk kid kicked his partner, who was driving, the back of the head. THEN my Uncle Eddy went around to the back of the car and very scientifically sapped the punk on the shins. Then he put ankle cuffs on him.

Kicking his partner wasn't smart, because all the other cops knew about real fast. And cops don't LIKE punks who kick them in the back of the head....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 10:53 PM

My dear Chingo:

Your problem, I have realized, is not with me. You have simply been forced to select a wrong target, which is a typical aberration of people in the undereducated classes. It's like blaming 9-11 on Iraq, see? Makes no sense. The real problem you have, amigo, is with the author of your personality. Usually in these cases I try to invoke a sense of personal responsibility, but in your case, it is not your responsibility, it is just the way you were drawn.

Some people would think you extremely fortunate, because unlike most sentient beings, you can get away with this explanation and thus avoid all responsibility of any weight.

So I suggest you and Monsieur Hack sit down and have a little talk about who's driving the Chongo bus, and where they intend to drive it to. It might not be bananas, you see, so you should get it all out on the table and clear the air. If you can get Your Author to cooperate. I wish you the best of luck with that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 11:45 PM

No, Amos, it's your problem. You cast an insult. You got a response. What did you expect?

You call anyone's sister "Chinga", and they are not going to like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:00 AM

There are a variety of forms that word can take, but I believe it is a verb, not a noun. I've heard experts parse that one grammatcially. One's sister might be asked about it, but she wouldn't have that name.

Just so you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:18 AM

I didn't call her "chinga". I invented her and named her Chinga. It's an entirely different thing.

She did mention to me, recently, that anyone would have to understand Chongo's father to understand how troubled their lives were before they left home.

I am not sure what she was meaning to imply, but if I am patient, perhaps she will reveal more of their little secrets.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:12 AM

I think you should be aware that the Idaho Legion has formed a Board of Investigation to investigate this matter. Colonel-General Smyte-Withers ordered it last evening; she is very concerned about Chongo's sister's self-esteem being harmed by her name and, pending the outcome of the BoI, has ordered everyone in the Legion to refer to Chongo's sister as "Chongo's sister" or "her" or "that poor female chimp with the unfortunate name." In the same order Amos is to be referred to as "Amos" or "the slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling Californicator."

I think the BoI might end up being a bit biased in its report, which is due out sometime within the next 36 months. CG Smyte-Withers is due to sober up sometime during the same period.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:34 AM

report, which is due out sometime within the next 36 months

My G*WD! They are really rushing this one through; 5 or six years is the more normal report processing time.

But I'm confused about the order Amos is to be referred to as "Amos" or "the slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling Californicator.".

Isn't this pretty much how they've always referred to him? given the current tension between OhadI and Californicatia?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:37 AM

Well, that's pretty much how they refer to everyone from "THAT State" (as it is known here), yeah. So there's really nothing personal in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 10:09 AM

I am relieved, as I have alaways valued my personal repute with the Hadio Legion.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 12:45 PM

So here's a guy who invents a fictional character, gives her an insulting name, and then criticizes me for inventing fictional characters...

Just what I'd expect from a Californicator. Rank hypocrisy. You guys elected Reagan too. And Schwarzennegger. Don't forget that.

I'd rather deal with someone from.......from....Schenectady!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:20 PM

Feel free, pal. I didn't (recently) criticize you for your invention, although I have in past. I just told Chongo that his problem was with you, who decided he should react the way he did, put the words in his mouth, and got him all het up, and made him act like the plug-ugly mug he is.

My character, Chinga, has, in comparison, acted like a perfect lady, while patiently waiting for you to initiate overtures for her favors.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:23 PM

I wish I could find a worm that wriggles as energetically and desperately as you do, Amos. I could catch any fish in Lake Couchiching with a worm like that. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:25 PM

Where's Lake Couchichinga?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:27 PM

Oh, fie on you, Leedle Hack!! You invent these spurious aspersions and when I rebut your proclamations you say I am squirming. You are a Republican in the making. Ptui.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:30 PM

Lake Couchiching is one of the two lakes next to which Orillia is positioned. It's about 10 miles long, 2 or 3 miles wide in places...really nice lake. That's "Couchiching". No letter 'a' on the end of it.

I'll have to see if I can get Amos up here for the Perch Festival next year, so I can test my theory. We'll need a big hook, but I think that can be arranged.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM

"Couchiching" is what happens when you let a flea-bit chimp sleep on the sofa night after night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 02:49 PM

Aha! The voice of experience speaking, Stilly? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 03:18 PM

I am sure that if Stilly ever had to resort to an imaginary playmate, she would not elect to create a flea-bitten chimp.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 03:23 PM

Who's talkin' "imaginary" here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 03:40 PM

Amos...please re-read the last chapter to Heinlein's The Number Of The Beast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 03:42 PM

YOu mean where the Budwieser Clydesdales get tp joust?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 04:20 PM

Little Hawk!! Cellar!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:33 PM

Hmmm? Dang it, Amos. I'm sure that was extremely witty, but I don't get it.

Please explain, would you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:36 PM

Yes. With the Rainbow Bridge and Isaac and everyone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:44 PM

Are we on the same street here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:51 PM

If you're talking about the same thing I am, the final chapter in Heinlein's "Number of the Beast," yes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM

Oh, I see. Well, I've read some of Heinlein, but not that one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 06:14 PM

I have to go take my son to his guitar lesson now. Don't litter the house with all of those books you're throwing at each other. Mom doesn't want to trip over them in the dark.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 06:35 PM

Why not just take Little Hawk instead? Since he already plays the guitar, your return on time spent will be much more satisfactory, and he can lend you his imaginary playmate while he's in his lesson. I'm sure he'd be willing to pay for fuel.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 08:22 PM

I'm sorry, LH. I forgot you were Canadian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 08:41 PM

How could you???? And so what if I am? Canadians read Heinlein. We are very well read.

Most Americans, however, have not read "Grapes".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:40 PM

As in "peel me a grape, Beulah" grapes, or Grapes of Wrath grapes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:44 PM

No. Heh! As in the Don Cherry book:

Grapes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:57 PM

Have you read Ian and/or Will Ferguson? How about Beatrice Collignon? Geordie Telfer? Brian Brennan? Katherine Barber? Wayne F. Brown? Nora Hickson Kelly? William Kelly? Laura Berton? Catherine Neering? Doug Urqhart?

This American has read the books of all these Canadians and more. I know the difference between jumpsies and touton, and I've eaten taffy and even made tourtiere from scratch. And I have a bottle of screech upstairs in the cabinet.

Hah!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 10:31 PM

And the moral of that, I am sure, is Never fuck with a librarian.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 10:50 PM

If that was the case, where would little librarians come from?



Just asking...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM

Well...I think Rapaire would say there is no such thing as a little librarian.

All librarians are as big as the sky, as big as all knowledge, as big as the New York Central Library, as big as God Almighty!. That's why the two sometimes get confused. At least, in their own minds...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM

Now NINETEEN THOUAD, SEVEN HUNDRED STRONG
The thread becomes incredibly long...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 11:47 PM

All of this typing hasn't helped your keyboarding skills. NINETEEN THOUAD. Good thing we've been through this exercise a few hundred times so we knew what you were talking about.

Hawk, who cares about hockey? Read something good for you, like this one suggested in an email to me this evening, by Richard Louv, Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder. Don't know where he's from, but it sounds good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 12:20 AM

Stilly, I don't care about hockey! Really, I don't. I just like interjecting Don Cherry into conversations, because the man is simply bizarre. It's a little like the Shatner thing, but different. If you saw Don Cherry doing one of his monologues, you would understand. ;-)

Now Rapaire, to answer your questions...

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. And lastly, no.

And I don't know the difference between jumpsies and touton either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 09:18 AM

What a shame, what an awful shame. That such a man as Little Hawk would so disgrace the great country of Canada that he snuggles up with a Budweiser, a Milky Way bar, a McDonald's hamburger; wears LL Bean boots instead of Sorels; hunts with a Ruger instead of a Ross rifle; and doesn't know the difference between Tim Horton's and an oosik bone. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Next he will be spelling words like "favour" without the "u"! William Shatner, Anne Murray, and McKenzie King will turn on him (the last will haunt him); Sam Steele will shame him; and when he next tries to sing "O Canada" he will choke on his own tears, repentant for now being neither Canadian nor American, neither fish nor fowl. And then, knowing that only one thing can clear his good name, he will move and live amidst the slag heaps of Sudbury, breath the asbestos from the open-pit mines at Thetford and in a final burst of repentance he will eat an entire Canadian yellowcake (with chocolate frosting) because firearms regulations prevent the "empty revolver and one bullet" method. Or he will live out the rest of his life of shame in Schenectday, surrounded by German weiner dogs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 09:29 AM

And years from now, the only memory will be a small booklet, "The Beaver Who Wouldn't Be", popular amongs members of a rarified select set of deep-undercover RMCP agents living secret lives as New York and Chicago taxi-dancers. Oh, tempora, oh mores! That such a fate should befall the Author of Chongo, the Templar of Shatnik, the Voice of Blind River!! Woe betide us all.


A


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