BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:40 PM

At least that idiot, that schmuck, that lout, that drunken fool, S**** M*B**** won't be around. I've talked to the library in Blind River and they have banned him for the rest of his life and beyond. As the librarian said to me, "Garbage in, garbage out -- permanently."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:08 PM

A pox on lamebrains and dull-wits and marjoys and peabrains, sez Oi.
People with handkerchiefs, broken-souled desperadoes of the tiny and plain. Antimacassar menders and flowerpot tenders, lost mesmerized animal spirits locked in mercantile jacketing, strapped down with tulle and velvet. Pshhw, ptui, fooey, and goddamn. Fed to the birds, their cells would at least go higher than their souls. Give them molecules a chance to fly!! Feed a clutch of nutbags to the birds today!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:22 PM

The passing of Ed McMahon has tossed me over the precipice of gloom and into the pit of dank, dark, deepest depression. Yes it's true. You see, I thought the old goat had died years ago. I'm depressed because I must be losing my memory.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:31 PM

Well, you could ask, "How can they tell?". And, you know, this could all be dejà vue all over again.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:57 PM

I know just how you feel, BWL. I guess now I'll never win the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 02:29 PM

That , BTW, was 29909. A really first rate number, topographically speaking.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 02:56 PM

I've won in the Publishers' Clearing House Sweepstakes. Really, and my very own wife will vouch for it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:01 PM

Fare the well, oh Twenty K.
Before long, you'll be gone away.
Ten thousand posts have started "2",
When "3" comes, we'll be done with you.

Not long ago, when you were young,
Your praises from the heights were sung.
But now you're old and in the way.
Get out of here! You've had your day!

To thee we bid "Goodbye! Shalom!"
As we truck you off to the old posts' home.
And, soon, MOABites will be heard to say,
"Whatever happened to Twenty K?"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:15 PM

Yes, but won WHAT?


Well done, BWL, a lithe and fluid pen you wield.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:25 PM

Here's one more to push MOM closer. It's so hot out and I have to go out so many times as Mom's Taxi that I barely have time for more today.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:47 PM

I can barely see the point in doing it at all, but various casual friends of mine have suggested that I drop in to post here and comment on the fact that this ancient thread is soon to reach 30,000 posts.

Very well, here I am.

My comments shall be limited to a brief shrug, a slight rolling of the eyes, and an interrogative glance as if to say, "Does it really matter?"

No it doesn't. Not in the least. Ask Diane Easeby if you don't believe me.

But far be it from me to rain on your little parade. By all means, celebrate, get tipsy together at the bar, do a little dance in the street, frolic, romp, and enjoy yourselves I suppose...

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:54 PM

That is one of LH's snottiest facets. Really. I am surprised he dares to show it in public. He must have been an awful Tory in a past life.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:02 PM

I said it before and I am gonna flippin' well say it again....and say it LOWD!

YOUSE people are ALL FLIPPED!

Speschully Rapiare. He is flipped so bad that it would make me feel real sad if he was not a total fliphead allreddy. And he is, eh?

- Shane

p.f. I am on Don's girl fiend's computer today. She is hot. But I ain't been buggin' her none so she let me use the computer. Maybe later when Don is out she will let me look at her floppy disks, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:08 PM

This is LH's lizard-brain persona. It comes out from time to time when he reaches the end of a cold, gray day and realizes he has only a cold, gray night ahead. The temptation to dramatize complete abandon and embrace bottomless hoserhood grows strong. I can't tell you how many times Mom and his sibs have pulled him back from the brink. When that happens this personality usually submerges temporarily and one of his DIvine Archangel characters moves in, instead.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:13 PM

Money, Amos, money.

They sent me a check for US $50.00 for being one of the first 100 people in Indiana to enter. I thanked my wife for entering me, since I wouldn't have done so myself.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:13 PM

LOL! Aww Christ. I love it when you start analyzing the shards of my multi-faceted soul in that fashion, Amos...

Let's see who else shows up. This is great. It's like a class reunion, only better.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Colonel Sir Nigel West, CGC (Ret.)
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:17 PM

Good show. I never thought that this would continue as long as that set-to in Iraq; perhaps there is cause and effect, eh what?

I was able to help young Veronica get her car out the ditch last week. Difficult, what with the leg acting up and all, but I managed. Nice young girl; I hope she lands a nice young man one of these days.

But again, good show.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:27 PM

This is a second-string bit part in LH's vivid interior dramatic dialogue; as can be seen, the characterization is thin, based only on faint impressions of the actual "plum" style of speech the character wishes he could master. Notice, too, how many of LH's own traits, such as a tendency toward middle-aged lechery, have been distributed amonghis "others" to be acted out at a safe distance.

Liebenscheiss

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:53 PM

You could be onto somethin' there, Amos. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy. He is my pal. Still, I keep findin' these links to Winona Ryder picture sites on his computer. He just can't accept the fact that he ain't got a dog's chance in hell with a woman her age, let alone that woman. Talk about yer dreamers, huh? He reminds me of a baboon searchin' the desert for a mango tree. Hopeless.

Well, it looks like you people are closin' in on 30,000 posts here. Impressive. Useless, but still impressive. Man, I only wish I had a dollar for every one of them posts! I would have all my bills paid off and be able to just coast for a month or two. That would be a nice change from poundin' the pavement, lemme tell ya.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM

Hi! Veronica here! That nice Colonel West is such a gentleman. He helped me get my new lemon-yellow Porsche out of the ditch. England needs more good men like Colonel West if you ask me. Young men these days are mostly a sorry lot. They don't have any idea how to behave because they've all been brought up watching WAY too much television and coddled by their mummies! It's sad, but what's a girl to do?

Well, I have found a few boys who are a cut above the pathetic average, thank God! One just has to look a bit harder.

My Aunt Penelope says I am looking altogether too hard. She really is becoming a trial! She complains about my driving (which is almost perfect), she complains about the men I date (not her problem!), she complains about the hours I keep (And I'm not that late generally. I feel that it can't really be said to be "late" if the sun hasn't risen yet...) She complains about the clothing I wear (too "suggestive"). She complains about the way I talk!!!

What a bore she has become. I can't believe that I used to worship her and hang on her every word! Anyway, she's not that smart. She should have married Nigel West, not Uncle Winston, because he's a selfish, egocentric boor. I can't imagine why a man like him would marry anyone...he's already married to his own reflection in the mirror of life as it is!

Mind you, he did pay for the lemon-yellow Porsche, so I shouldn't be so critical of him, should I? No, that needs to be taken into account.   

My wretched Aunt Penelope refused point-blank to buy me another Porsche after what happened to the zebra-striped one. And it wasn't MY fault!

Ah, well, water under the bridge. Just like the zebra-striped Porsche (sigh). I did love that car just to death. I did.

TTFN!

* Veronica

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:25 PM

Hi. This is Bill. I just had to drop in and make a brief comment, because I may not be able to be here when the thread hits the great 30,000th post later tonight, as I expect it will. I've got a very busy evening ahead of me at this point. Appointments to keep, people to see, papers to sign, obligations to fulfill.

I hope you can understand just how busy a man I am and realize that I am not rejecting you or failing to appreciate just how vitally important it is for this thread to reach the critical benchmark of 30,000 posts. I can think of some things that are more important of course....but not many! Well, not too many. Only a moderate number. Not a small number, mind you, but not what I'd call an...enormous...number. We all have different ideas, of course, about what would constitute an enormous number, but I think you get my drift. At least I hope you do.

My good friend Leonard would probably say something like "Live Long and Prosper", but I wouldn't want to visit a hoary old cliche like that on good folks like you. No. I'd say something more along the lines of...

Get a life!!! ;-D

Ha! Ha! Just joshing you there. Look, enjoy the 30,000th post even if I'm not there. Make the best of it. That's the advice I always try to follow. Have a good time while you still have a time to have.

- Bill

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:29 PM

Aha. Here we see the paradigmatic tension within the multipersona syndrome, the core tension. The virginal feminine principal which cannot take any responsibility for existence, and the hard-hearted animal side which bares its teeth to achieve survival in the crudest terms, and at any price. These two aspects of LH's perfervid interior battleground demonstrate between them the alpha and omega of his inner core being, which is battered beyond recognition by the emotional forces motivating these poor substitutes.

This will take several years of intensive work. But it will be worth it. LH, have your people call my people.


Liebenscheiss

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:34 PM

How many more, Amos???

Bettter get here soon 'er we might just loose LH to exhaustion... Or melt down...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:42 PM

Hello! Congratulations on approaching EJ9. Sorry, 30,000 in your cumbersome base 10 rather than in our much more efficient base 22. While we have found several sources of DNA here on your planet, and some of it was excellent, we are still looking for more. We sampled a "Shanne MkBrid" (or some similar nomenclature) but found the DNA was not suitable even for our disposal. If you know of excellent DNA sources please let us know.

Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:47 PM

That did it, man. I found him rollin' around on the floor gaspin' for breath. He was either laughin' too hard to stand or he was havin' a heart attack. You gotta tone it down, Amos...or Liebenscheiss or whoever the heck it is...I do not want to lose LH. I need this place to get away to now and then when the heat gets too bad in Chicago.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:52 PM

gloria in excelsis deo....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:57 PM

Okay, how many more using base 22??? Heck, if we used base 316 we could get one heck of alotta threads to EJ9... Thatw ould be real cool... Whaddayathink, Amos???

Might of fact if we used a higher base then LH would have even more personalities, right??? Or would it be less??? I doona... I'll put the Wes Ginny Slide Rule on it at once... Maybe there is hope for the boy???












Nah...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:59 PM

Keep in mind, Veronica dear, that I bought you another car in a fit of extreme generosity, coupled with a desire to reduce the absurd amount of whining I have to put up with around here, and that I can repossess it at any time I decide to, should I fear that you might damage it beyond repair in which case I should lose my investment, as it were. You have the keys. You do not have the ownership papers.

If you had just run OVER the bloody dog and the old fool who was walking it across a public thoroughfare, and if had you not been exceeding the posted speed limit by a factor of 3 X, in which case you could have probably avoided them without putting the car in the Thames, well, then you would not now be needing a second Porsche, would you? And I would not be out an obscene amount of cash which I can think of better uses for.

Yellow Porsches do not grow on trees. Neither is my patience inexhaustible.

WW-J

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Colonel Sir Nigel West, CGC (Ret.)
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 06:24 PM

Easy there, Winston old man. She's a young girl and prone to folly, just as you were at that age. what is she now -- 20? 21? Isn't she out of University? Or am I thinking of someone else?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 06:54 PM

Aw, man! Veronica smashed up the zebra-striped Porsche? Damn! I really liked that car!

The rest of Little Hawk's inventions aren't worth sun-dried donkey turds, but that car was nice!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 08:20 PM

Where do yellow Porsches grow???

BTW, I know where the red ones grow so don't try no funny stuff, ya hear???

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 08:57 PM

My monitor is hopping around on the desk top--I fear Little Hawk is perilously close to blowing out an aneurysm.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 09:01 PM

Okay, the Wes Ginny Slide Rule just informed me that this thread is rigged...

Yeah, I was hopin' to have a chance at the big 3-0 but that will never happen... Yup. this is between LH and Amos... I don't think poor ol' Khanny would have ever guessed it...

No, it ain't about yellow porsches or Miss Peneloby 'er the drunk guy passed out by the river... It's gonna be Amos and LH...

I mean, yeah, I'd like to be the one who walks down the runway (why the f do they call it a runway???) to the cheers of all those infirmed Mudrunners who think that the son sets and rises on this Catbox... Yeah, those were my dreams as a young man... If only... If only...

But alas...

It's rigged... We've all seen it before... It's down to LH and Amos for the biggie... I even contacted one of them ebay sniper websites who guarentee that they will win you any ebay auction and they tolt me to forget my dreams...

Sniff...

Yeah, I checked the latest Vegas odds and Amos was 4-3 favorite with LH not far behind at 3-4... Me??? 1-818!!! Like who came up with 818??? Where do you go to school to have a job where you can come up with an odds of 1-818??? I mean, if it had been like, ahhhh, 1-10 I could understand that but 1-818??? I want a recount!!!

(Hey, Boberdz... This aion't like serious stuff like the next president, 'er nuthin'...)

Hey, don't tell me it ain't serious when I'm booked at 1 to 818, pal and BTW go f yerself...

(A little testy, Bobz...)

Like I said...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Nubile Young Bookworm in a Yellow Halter To
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 09:13 PM

Why anyone would want to drive a Porsche when they could be behind the wheel of a bookmobile powered by shirtless young men, sweat glistening on their muscular torsos as they push and heave, moving the behemoth conveyance of fine literature along the highways and byways Idaho is beyond me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 10:20 PM

Bobert, if you want it you go for it. Amos is old and crippled up from living in Southern California, and LH is crippled up and old from living in some godforsaken dump in Northern Ontario.

If I get it (and I have dibs on 29992) I'll dedicate it to you. So you keep trying.

Call Khandu and tell him to get his butt over here and snag it...30000, not his butt. Unless he gets off on it. There's no accounting for taste and all that.



                J
Khandu butt snagger,
             Mk II

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 10:32 PM

Now Bobert, when you gonna figger out the Wes' Ginny slide rule don't work too good over there across the State line?

Khandu obviously khant du. Either that or he took Bill Shatner's advice and got a life.

I hear that MOM loves him anyways.

For myself, he was out on his own before I was even born. I don't know him from Adam except for the tales brother BWL tells on him.

He is naught but a legend to his youngest sister.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:19 PM

Good news, MA! ( I hope.)

Almost a year to the day from when it started, the vinyl window and siding job is supposed to get finished this week.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:29 PM

We we were 29, 941
And me, I was '42.
And everyone was hanging around
To see what we could do.
There was odds to win, and place and show,
There were bets to lose, and pay.
But no-one knew who the dark horse was
In the quest for 30 K.

The jockeys were all kind squiff,
And cranky, fer their size,
And they watch the tote board all that day,
With wide and rollin' eyes.
There was not a one over 90 pounds,
Or higher than 4 foot four,
But their souls stood bright as the Montauk light
As we posted eleven more....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:40 PM

With only fifty-eight more possts to go,
Our honor bright to keep,
The jocks all swore that any one
Could win it in their sleep.
They bragged about how fast they wrote
When the posting flag went down,
And every jockey swore that he
Was the glibbest fool in town.

But I stood back and held my cash;
Not that I warn't impressed,
But I knew they had to not just post
But post in pure BS!
And that's a different thing, you see,
When the clock is running out,
And 2-9-9-43 came through,
And the gals began to shout....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 02:16 AM

"LH lives in some godforsaken dump in North Ontario"

What slander! I do not live in North Ontario, sir, I live in southern Ontario. Shane lives in North Ontario. There is a world of difference. As for my godforsaken dump, well, I've seen worse... ;-D

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 04:50 AM

This post is entirely gratuitous.
It serves no meaningful purpose.
It's just a cheesey, slimey way
To move us on toward thirty K.
It doesn't even scan that well.
Who Cares? Screw you! Go to hell!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 08:11 AM

How many more, Amos???

I gotta go to work today which sucks 'cause when I get home the big 3-Oh will have been hit...

Sniff..

B~

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:55 AM

Ole Bobert was a scrawny jock,
His arms were thin as sticks,
But he posted one that made the grade,
At two nine nine four six.
Ole BWL was cracking wise
Like he does most ever' day;
But the dark horse hadn't shown up yet
WHo would run the Thirty K.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 12:04 PM

Hi, Mom! I've had a fasting A1C, a fasting chem panel, and a fasting CBC this morning. I only had to fast for one of them, because the fasting took care of the rest. And then I had an EKG.

After that they let me have breakfast.

All this in preparation for the surgery.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 12:21 PM

Well, it's a good start. I'd say by now you were half-fast.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 12:27 PM

You finally gettin' that head tranzplant like I was advisin' Rapiare?

About flippin' time, eh?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 12:28 PM

Then two-nine-nine and fifty came
There was only fifty more
And the jocks were getting nervous
And the crowd commenced to roar.
The sky was getting bluer, too,
As the sun riz up toward noon
And the thought of Thirty Kay hung high
Like a huge and bright balloon.
And everyone had thoughts and dreams,
But mostly would not say
What they saw occur in those fervent dreams
Of the MOAB's Thirty Kay.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Corridus the Hamster
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 12:33 PM

Oh my! We are hurtling down the final stretch toward 30 K! I can hardly maintain my composure in the face of this momentous and extremely imminent event! Less than 50 posts to go!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 01:01 PM

Nine-fifty-two! Nine-fifty-three!!
The posts in order came.
And Alter-egos said their piece
Under seven different names!
Even sometimes picking fights
And startin' up a squawk!
But when the dust'd clear, you'd see
They all wuz Little Hawk.
One jock pretendin' to be ten,
Is quite a sport, they say;
But the dark horse jock has not been named
Who will ride tuh THirty Kay.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 01:26 PM

Well, no, Shame. It's for rotator cuff problems in my left shoulder. But that reminds me -- have you considered seeing a physician to determine if anything can be done to help the evolution and replacement of your mesonephros and the development of Wolffian ducts? You might also want to consider a leukotomy. You'll probably be happier in both cases.