BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 09:37 AM

I have reason to believe that they have infiltrated the city government of San Diego.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 09:37 AM

we'll be missing pets, livestock and relatives if we don't.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 09:38 AM

Besides, which, Amos - they are threatening to re-introduce the polyester leisure suit.

You want that on your conscience?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 10:14 AM

I didn't squash them, I booted them off of the porch.

Funny, the dogs seemed to like the smell. But then, the dogs need baths themselves.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 10:28 AM

I could not abide the responsibility of reintroducing the polyester leisure suit, no. If that is truly what they are about, it is clear they mean no good for mankind. Boot away, dear Stilly.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 10:56 AM

Here is a strange hobby, videotaping satilites. http://www.rense.com/general79/wdx1.htm

Hey buddy, thery are probably watching you with better resolution than you will ever have.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 01:20 PM

I think, but am not at all certain, that all of the things pictures (including those labeled as "helicopters") are actually the starships of freds.

But that's just an educated guess.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 01:56 PM

Now stands revealed all that is false and what is true:
THou posted 21-111
I posted 112.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 02:09 PM

MOM!! MOM!!!

Amos stole my number!! Ground him! Ground him!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 02:29 PM

He is already perfectly grounded, thank you, sir.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 04:06 PM

Did I ever mention the last time I grew a mustache? Well, it wasn't really a mustache, I actually let my nose hairs grow long enough to provide me with a really good "Yosemite Sam".

One day I noticed that my ear hairs were also getting pretty long, and soon I was able to braid my nose hairs and ear hairs together. People would stand in awe of my facial hair, and cowboys and cops came from miles around to admire.

But I wasn't meant to be the center of attention for long. My brothers, jealous of my popularity, shouted my name and as I turned my head to the left I ripped my right ear off. Then my other brother shouted at me from my right and I ripped off the left side of my nose.

Ever since then I have been clean shaven.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 04:15 PM

My God!! That strange person who came to my house was a complete IMPOSTER!! You have been duped, Rapaire!



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 07 - 05:15 PM

No, years of therapy and surgery restored my rugged good looks. I have, however, cut both brothers out of my will.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 09:18 AM

Well, Mom, I see that they left you to sit home alone yestereve. Stilly was off carousing, Amos was doing whatever SoCals do (probably with movie starlets), and I thought that someone else would at least bring you a festive cup of eggnog and yes, I'm sorry I didn't.

But here are some nice raspberry muffins, a cheese omelet, and a cup of coffee made from freshly roasted and ground Jamaica Blue Mountain beans. The butter is home churned from good cream, too. There's Demarara sugar for your coffee and some of that good heavy cream over there. Oh, the toast is home-made sourdough bread!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 11:12 AM

No, Stilly was busy describing Whataburger t-shirts to sell for her daughter's boyfriend on eBay.

One can put too many words on ads such as that. I used the old boilerplate. I think I'll trim the next few down a tad.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 12:09 PM

Amos, unfortunately, had been laid low by influenza or pneumonia or some such damn thing and was lying semiconscious in bed most of the day, exploring the Dark Side.

He is better today, though, still creaky and sore but he has received the beinitiŽ from Saint Tylenol, and seems to have recovered Grace.

Next thing is to recover Alice, Susy, Mary and Annie.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 12:18 PM

Here are some Holiday Wishes for my MOAB buddies.

A very talented performance....


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 04:46 PM

Two one-one
Two -one-two!
Now the foot's in
The other shoe!



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 05:16 PM

I think you should have a theme song. Something simple you could play on the autoharp or mouth harp.

WhattaBurger is my tee-shirt
All day long to keep me warm,
If your tee was Whattaburger,
It would keep you safe from harm.
Whattaburgers are delicious
Round and firm and hot and sweet
Wear your Whattaburger tee-shirt
When you go down-town to eat.


What do you think?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 06:00 PM

Sounds like an old ad for Double Cola or Bubble Up or something.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 06:06 PM

Well, exactly, except that its new, and its for Whattabrger and Whattaburger tee shirts.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 08:18 PM

Mom,

I feel much better. Thanks for all the tea. I thought I'd end up in the damn hospital, it felt so bad. But this afternoon, after about 12 hours of sleep, I got up and said, "Fuggit -- I'm done with this!", and I was.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 09:14 PM

Mom, you should wash his mouth out with soap! Such language!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 09:33 PM

I'm slogging away here in the house, trying to clear up in time for company coming later in the week. You guys just go play, let me work. Unless you want to come help bake some cookies or put up the ornaments on the mantle. And you can listen to Amos' YouTube songs again. That was cute.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 07 - 10:01 PM

On December 20 I will, with Pat, be flying to DC. I shall return here on the 27th, she on the 1st. Just so everyone knows just how giving and caring I am...going to DC so you all don't have to.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 12:15 AM

What a sacrifice!!

I just came from a live concert by Geoff Muldaur and Jim Kweskin.

They are both awesome.

Muldaur's techniques of voice and guitar are sans pareil.

Jim Kweskin is a Big Soul who plays and sings beautifully.

Catch them if you can!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 10:47 AM

Dammit, I am still in need of Ibuprofen this morning. I had hoped I would be eighteen again.

Oh, well. It's a clear cool morning, a bit chilly here -- it gets down to 50F at night anymore...I hate cold weather and am threatening to move to Southern California to escape it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 12:13 PM

What a friend is Ibuprofen!
All our aches and pains dispel!
What a joy it is to take it,
When your body aches like hell.
Headaches, too, it quickly conquers,
When old age and stress betray!
What a friend is Ibuprofen!
Run and bring some home today.

Dungblatter, Bigges, Noizes

Library of American Poetry, 13th Edition, 1972

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 01:34 PM

Yeah, well, don't overdo it. Pat did (once) and spent the day throwing up and finally was off to the ER, where ibuprofen poisoning (mild) was diagnosed. Couple days later, off the ibu, she was fine.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 01:45 PM

I dragged my cherry tomatoes, plant support and all, onto the front porch last night so the last several dozen tomatoes might ripen on the large vine out of the freezing temps. I left a trail of tomatoes behind me that I discovered this morning. Rather amusing, but it means I'll be mowing tomatoes next spring.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 01:55 PM

Mowing tomatoes in the Spring -- a wonderful thought, and one which could surely provide fodder for a really whimsical song. But since my last ditty evoked dire warnings about poisoning, I will refrain. Them love-apples are not to be messed with.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 08:54 PM

Well, really, folks.

I mean really, now.

Really really!!

Now, c'mon, now, really.

REALLY really.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 09:07 PM

Reality is a feeble crutch, Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 09:37 PM

OKAY! I'm here again!

See Amos? You think, therefore I am.


We got some RainRain glorious Rain. Not much. Just enough to fill the birdbath and remind me that the roof still leaks. but every little bit helps.

This in from the Bonafide BS Dept:

Early in our separation Hubby let me know "I'd be sorry," if I attempted to move or otherwise deal with any of his huge, disorganized, piles of papers and 'stuff' that are all over the house. He still comes in the house regularly when I am gone, and anytime I have attempted to move things out of the way, or at least tidy up the appearance some, he moves it all back. After about 8 weeks, I surrendered, and haven't touched his stuff except to occasionally trip over it in 9 months.

It was with considerable satisfaction, therefore, that I noticed the drip coming from the ceiling had moved about 9 inches east overnight, out of range of the bucket I had placed yesterday evening, and a large pile of his papers are now sopping wet.

Talk about passive-aggressive enjoyment!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 07 - 09:41 PM

Ach, du lieber schadenfreude!!!

Don't suppose you could burn 'em, huh?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 10:03 AM

Halfway down the Totem Pole
My Mother said to me,
"How come nobody comes around,
When I am falling free?"
"When I am locked in free descent,
And heading for the bottom,
Where are the chilluns of my hearth,
To post ideas so quick and smart,
(If any of 'em has gottem)?"

I took a turn around that pole
And dallied it hard down,
And with a smoking, screeching roar,
Another post came 'round.
And Momma's pale and worried face
Burst out in a radiant smile
"Ah, Sonny Lad, you've done the trick!
You've gone that extra mile!"
And she flew to the top o' the pile.

I gave her a kiss, and I closed the door
And gently shut the glims;
And climbed back in to my feather bed
To nurse my agued limbs.
I shivered with chill and with fever I swore,
And sweated through the night;
But I knew, at least, I had done my part
To keep Mom's feelings bright,
On a cold and lonely night.

Rutherford Kizzbudt Ferphame
From Out On the Plains, A Song
Guttersnipe & Goops, pubs.
Cincinnati, 1907

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 11:33 AM

Er, Janie, not to be too nosy, but does the owner of those piles of paper pay part of the mortgage, or are you tolerating that clutter out of the goodness of your heart?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 01:30 PM

Amos, which totem pole were you sliding down? And did it hurt, hitting all the carvings and noses and beaks and wings and things? Did you get any splinters, and if so, do you want to say where?

Mom could slide down a balustrade wrapped in razor wire, but I don't think you could.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 02:19 PM

Dear Rapaire:

One does not free-fall down a totem pole if one is hitting the beaks and heads of the totems, clearly. That would be impeded fall.

In fact we did not hit the actual Totem POle until I cinched 'er down and tightened the dally round the horn enough to stop Mom's fall.

And by that fact she arose from plummet to pinnacle, you see, so no hurt done.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 03:52 PM

You took a dally around your horn? Goldang but you're tougher'n I thought you were! I'll betcha I could get you a place in Dodge National Championship Finals Rodeo here next March to show that off, iffen the police would allow it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 05:33 PM

Wal, amigo, thanks for the kind words, even though meretricious and disingeuous.

As you know, dally-around-the-horn USUALLY refers to the saddle horn.


But never mind that--I think I like your version better.

Toughest horn in the West. Yeehaw, and all that.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 06:26 PM

No problem for most buckaroos until about a thousand pounds of runnin' cow suddenly takes up the slack in the rope.

I understand that's where the cowboy's cry of "YAHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!" came from.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 08:28 PM

Whoopy Tai-yiiiii,
Get unwound, ya lil dogie
It's my misfortune, t'ain't none of yourn.
Whoopy tai-yiii, unwind, li'l dogie,
I think Ah'm ah-suffering
From third-degree burn.

But see, it worked. Mom jes' floated right back to the top of the heap. It's a pure wonder evvy time. I loves to watch it happen. Boi-OINNNNNG! ANd up she goes.

Amazing, innit?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 07 - 11:40 PM

A dallyman was brought into the Emergency Room, minus his thumb like so many dallymen are. Doc asked what happened, the guy said, "Just took my dally and didn't git ma thumb outa the way in time."

Doc said, "So where's the thumb? Maybe we can sew it back on for you."

Man said, "She flew right up inta the air and the dog ate it."

"My God, man!" exclaimed the doctor. "Why didn't you shoot the dog and try to retrieve the thumb??"

"Best blue heeler we ever had," replied the cowboy.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 12:05 AM

You guys have been listening to Sam Hinton again, haven't you? (except for that dog joke. . .)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:32 AM

Well, Amos COULD tie on hard and fast...the jerk's the same at the end, but your fingers are out of the way.

(Who's Sam Hinton? A team roper? And if so is s/he a header or a heeler?)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:37 AM

A renowned collector and singer of folk songs.


And harmonicas.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:45 AM

Oh, that Sam Hinton! I was thinking of the heeler who didn't tighten his cinch at the rodeo last summer in Preston and got dragged all around the arena. 'Course, he'd had a few beers beforehand.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 12:35 PM

It's amazing what advenmtures await you when you mix large hostile animals with a few beers.

I saw a TV show, Mom!! I hardly ever do that. But htis one I chanced upon followed a phtographer into the wilds of the outlying ALeutian Islands, to film giant brown Kodiak bears. I gotta say a big Kodiak moving fast is a pretty awesome site, even at some safe remove. And their babies are cuter'n bugs.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 05:24 PM

Considering them critters kin run 30 mph, you ain't gonna outrun one. And their claws are...well, they could use a pedicure.