BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 02:23 PM

Gurlz rool, dudette!! :D



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 02:18 PM

See? I told you I was girl!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 01:16 PM

I'm sorry for picking on Janie in front of Mom and everyone.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 12:30 PM

That's OK, Amos. I know how to fix him. I'm gonna tell MOM on him. Then she'll take away his swords and his pistols, and his spud cannon and the metal screw out of his right knee, and his WI-FI, and his head librarian parking space. Then she'll hand him a feather duster and make him dust every single book in the library, gently removing each one from the shelf and then placing it back carefully. When he's done with out, he can have supper, but it will peas and spinach and he has to eat all of them.

Then, if he tells me he's sorry for picking on me in front of MOM and all the rest of youse, and Mom thinks he sounds and looks believable, he can come back into the house after a month.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 10:16 AM

Well, there goes any claim he has to chivalric instincts; any gentleman knows that although all girls are not women, yet all women are still girls.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 08:26 AM

Okay...if you can prove you're a girl and not a woman.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 11:43 PM

Good job, MOM. You raised Amos up just right.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 11:39 PM

YEah, but you have to listen to her say whatever she feels like until she's done and THEN apologize.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 11:25 PM

No, no, no....

Girls rules means that I can change the rules anytime I am at a disadvantage in such a way as I then have the advantage. Any red-blooded American male who grew up in the 50's and early 60's knows that!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 11:10 PM

Correct. You get an unloaded pistol and I get a sword.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 10:52 PM

Fine!


As long as we are in agreement that Girls Rules prevail.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 10:32 PM

Madam, I have never knowingly been a boor. A poltroon; a coward; a dry-gulchin', lyin', back-shootin', bottom-dealin', hell-bound, good-for-nothin', low-livin' bottom feeder who would sell his little sister into whoredom -- well, perhaps. But never knowingly a boor.

If you persist in calling me such things I must remind you that I am an equal-opportunity duelist.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 07:14 PM

Rapaire,

Have pity on those poor library patrons and keep a goodly supply of this on hand for them.

We now know the rumors are true, Pete Rose turned to baseball and gambling to console himself when his career as a pop singer never took off.

Pray tell, Sir Rapaire, since when did not being boorish become a concern of yours? The land of Erin must have had a civilizing effect!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 05:13 PM

Hey, Shame! They let you use computers in Irish gaols, huh?

Our family, Amos, was not so crass as to discuss the habits of our toilette even amongst ourselves. Except for Uncle Herman, who discussed every tiny little detail with anyone who would listen or appear to listen. I remember on time he talked for four hours about the pimples on his backside with a statue of General Grant (Unk Herman didn't see too good, either).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 05:05 PM

Our Mom did not shave but she should of. You woulda had to see it to beleeve it. I flippin' kid you not. She coulda got a job at the flippin' circus, eh?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 04:44 PM

AT twenty-eight and two and four
It's very plain to see
That in another ninety-six
Comes twenty-eight and three.
And who'd have thunk the very thought,
Back in King Khandu's Day,
That those who spoke in Pure BS
Would have so MUCH to say?


WIlliston Maverick Junior III
Confusions on the Generation Gap
Pioneer Exposition Press, Salt Lake City, 2001

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 12:30 PM

AH. SO your mother DID shave, then? Your recursive semantic trilobytes are spinning madly, waiting for release.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 12:13 PM

No, because I never mentioned that ANY woman shaved, nor would I be so boorish as to ask.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 12:03 PM

So why would you assume she would shave her face if she shaved at all? Did Amos give any hint of growing up in a circus sideshow?

I don't think so.

But if she had used Old Spice on her legs or pits it would have been overpowering unless severely diluted.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 12:02 PM

By that logic, sir, you have made bearded women out of your own mother, the Virgin Mary, Stilly, Janie, Rustic Rebel, your wife, and Twiggy.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 11:33 AM

...if my mother had shaved, she would have used it too.

Ergo, I assumed that your mother didn't shave and, since you made a point of her NOT shaving, your mother must have had a beard because you said that she didn't shave.

I swear, sometimes your lack of logic surprises me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 09:57 AM

I swear, Rapaire, sometimes you seem unfit for your calling, the way you saw away at language. What letter in the word "IF" did you fail to understand?



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 09:38 AM

HI, Mom!

I came to work and found 6this new ergonomic keyboard designed to make you type slower and split at the wrist. It is very strange but I appreciate the thought, you betcha.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 08:23 AM

So your mother had a beard?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 11:56 PM

As it happens I do use Old Spice on the rare occasions when I use any after-shave. It was my Grandfather's poison of choice and if my mother had shaved, she would have used it too. :D


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 11:44 PM

Being from the coast, perhaps you prefer Old Spice?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 11:21 PM

When it's all you can get, I guess you'll settle for it. I wouldn't put it in my mouth.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 09:35 PM

We get people in the Library every day who think it's a drink.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 09:10 PM

Somp'n? How 'bout Aqua Velva ? It was, after-all, a mouthwash before it was an aftershave.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 05:39 PM

YEah, but them Reagents are the Board of Purer Spirits--more like aquavite or somp'n.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 04:54 PM

The board of reagents? Like nitric acid and stuff?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 04:43 PM

It's a bit indelicate, but a dead person has "passed" because the sphincters relax upon death, the the expected results.

As far as Amos' comments re: Heavenly Standards, I blame it on the Board of Reagants and their demonic "No Soul Left Behind" program

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 04:30 PM

Well, now, BeeDub, it didn't useter be that simple. Back in the day, the grading system was a lot tougher, and many folks had to re-tread some of their courses before they could actually graduate, but they passed anyway, and went elsewhere, and were otherwise, until such time as they finished it all up with a graduating grade. Nowadays, with populations of congregations declining and the dollar a bit tighter, you practically are guaranteed graduation even if all you know is a couple of basic recitations, no understanding required. And you wonder why life in Heaven ain't what it useter be!! I swan!! Well, mebbe you don't wonder that. But Glory Day, I yam here to tell you it useter be a lot tougher. These days anyone who is smaller than a camel can get in because of all the lobbying that has gone on over the years. It has had an erosive effect, you might say, on the Standards of Eternity.

Don't ax me to 'splain that, eiver. It's over my head, and that is for sartin sho'.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 04:27 PM

It's related to your fortune cookie fortune, Bee-Dubya.

Personally, I use the terms "dead" "croaked" "kicked off" "kicked the bucket" and "died", among others. Longer terms include "pushing up daisies" "inspecting roots from underneath" "decomposing" "staying put for a change" and "deader'n a [doornail, mackerel, yesterday's news...]".

I also like "vitality challenged" and "breath impaired".

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 04:18 PM

Hi again, Mom!

Why do some people say a deceased person has "passed"? Depending upon one's belief system, I would say a dead person has either "failed" or "graduated".

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 03:58 PM

Your capacity for back-force is shocking, sir. You ampere to have grown a bit short.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 03:49 PM

Hi Mom!

Wanna hear my fortune from my Chinese lunch?

"Hardly anyone knows how much is gained by ignoring the future."

What the hell does that mean?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 03:33 PM

Watt wit.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 02:56 PM

If they do I'll just go my current ohm and volt the door.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 02:54 PM

BE careful they don't put you in a position where you become ungrounded, sir. The price of resistance in an ungrounded state can be ext6remely high, depending on the field.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 02:42 PM

Actually, I'm a Director.

I've tried and tried to get them to change my title to either "Dictator" or "My Lord And My God" but my pleas fall upon deaf ears.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 12:32 PM

Are you calling Rapaire a conductor? He's a librarian, isn't he? Did he jump fields and become a conductor?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 12:18 PM

resistance is proportional to length and inversely proportional to cross-section.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 11:53 AM

That is correct: resistance is feudal.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 11:19 AM

Actually he's talking about the lower layer of operation and translation preceding the manual input block of the schema; in short, he uses machine code in his ideation, because, mirabile dictu, Rapaire is a Cyborg. That's why he acts like resistance is futile.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 09:55 AM

Oh, you ass. You do no such thing. I call bullshit. Oh...well...then never mind.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 09:50 AM

Do you use those old cute IBM cards also?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 09:04 AM

A. You don't need to use a QWERTY keyboard and you know it.

B. I don't use a keyboard at all -- I input directly via machine code, as all people who are REALLY technologically literate do.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 12:43 AM

QWERTY rules the ASCII world
With a hand didactic;
QWERTY tells you how to write,
Poem or bureaucratique..
There's no use in crying woe,
Getting snide or shirty.
IF you type or process words
Your life is ruled by QWERTY!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 09 - 11:49 PM

it. I meant to type "it."

I enjoy typing on this old-style keyboard, but it doesn't seem to help with the typos. :-/