BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 02:25 PM

So there!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 02:25 PM

Mental monorail--ha! Weaving through this stuff is anything but a direct path. One has to work to pull out the juicy bits.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 02:22 PM

No, it wasn't a sacrifice to Rapaire. With all due respect, no vegetables have been harmed in such an unworthy practice. However I did feed myself a carrot which pretty much decimated the carrot, purely as an act of self-preservation.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 02:06 PM

Thus perishes another innocent vegetable.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 02:05 PM

You sacrificed a Carrot to Rapaire? By EATING it?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 02:02 PM

thirty minutes or until your sandals fill with blood, whichever comes first.

Stilly, you are turning into a mental monorail!! LOL!!

What came first is a flashing insight into how ridiculous the idea of penance to Rapaire was. So I ate a carrot instead.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 02:00 PM

Who? Shane or the Home Depot gals?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 10:51 AM

I tried your penance, but I do not feel any better. For one thing, neither of them came first.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 09:15 AM

Why don't things like that happen to Shane? Speaking of which, it is rumored that Shane # 1 and Shane # 2 may actually meet soon in Blind River and come to blows over which one is the real Shane! This could be quite an event to witness. Will they fight it out mano a mano or will they attempt to drink their rival under the table?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 08:19 AM

You haven't managed to find them yet today, Rapaire?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 07 - 07:46 AM

A friend of mine sent this and I thought I'd better pass it on. Out here in Pocatello we don't have such luxuries as Home Depot or Lowe's, so it doesn't apply to me.


HOME DEPOT OR LOWE'S NEW SCAM

Hey, guys just wanted to throw a heads up to you. I know some of you
guys shop at Home Depot & Lowe's.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out
shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite
traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old
girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping bags into
the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and
Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead
they ask you for a ride to another Home Depot or Lowe's. You agree and they get in the back seat.   On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen February 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
17th, 20th, & 27th. Also March 2nd, twice on the 3rd, three times just yesterday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So watch out and also tell your friends to be careful.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 10:21 PM

Is that a true story? How come the mainstream media have been ignoring it?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 07:50 PM

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men's room and they found a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance.

He said, "Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our
newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something
truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish.

But, be warned: if you say something FALSE, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Bill Clinton stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most intelligent of us three," and he suddenly found the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands.

Al Gore stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most aware of the
environmental problems of us three," and in an instant, he was
surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next Presidential Campaign.

Excited over the possibility of finally having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said, "I think...,"

            ...and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 05:23 PM

What a waste. Just ask him to bake us a pie. I'd like apple, please.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 03:31 PM

In my graciousness and sense of noblesse oblige, I forgive you. For your penance you will say three Hail Marys, three Our Fathers, and flagellate yourself for thirty minutes or until your sandals fill with blood, whichever comes first.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 03:20 PM

Oh, of course. How plebian of me. Thank you so much for keeping me from straying into the path of error!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 02:44 PM

If you cut a pie like a peace symbol you'd have four slices, not three. To get three you'd have to cut it like a Mercedes Benz hood ornament.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 01:16 PM

Any juror rolling her eyes at the idea of Thor is liable to find herself in a fix upon his exit from the courtroom.

Might make an interesting urban legend. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 01:08 PM

Any pie can be made equal to three if it is a normal size pie. You cut it like a Peace symbol and each person gets one-third.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 12:01 PM

considering we have legislatures that think they can make Pi equal to three, and other absurdities

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 11:55 AM

Current international standards on which planet? I dare you to tell a god that he is going to be prosecuted as though mortal. I can see it now--the great Thor, hammer in hand, cape swinging, sits in the witness box and gets ticked off because one of the jurors rolls her eyes at some piece of his testimony. He slams his hammer on the floor, and heads for Valhalla, leaving a gaping hole in the courthouse roof. The bailiff stands agape, his beer belly quivering over his broad belt and his all powerful Colthanging useless by his side. The winds blow through Thor's exit path, sprinkling dust and divine after-burner residue on the startled judge and jury...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 11:55 AM

Securing convictions had proved the hard part. Charging a god with overenthusiastic smiting, failure to carry out rainmaking duties or buggering about with causality is easy enough, but hard evidence is in short supply

Yes, you may well be after child support after Zeus got you pregnant disguised as a swan again, but how are you going to prove it? The chances of a swan appearing in court, throwing a few thunderbolts about to prove his credentials, and meekly paying up is, lets face it, not good.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 10:13 AM

ahhh- but the Code of Thor has been superceded. (Don't ask me how they managed to do an end-run around a God - but it's happenned) and current International standards are to prosecute Gods (and gods) as if mortal.

bummer, ain't it?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 10:03 AM

Why? He's a god! The legal constraints applying to gods are summed up in the first line of Code of Thor: "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:44 AM

Possibly we are jumping to conclusions here - what if the Lawyers of Jupiter are not, as we seem to be assuming, *on* the planet Jupiter, but are rather the Lawyers representing the god Jupiter. given his propenisty for adulterous affairs, Jupiter certainly has need to retain lawyers.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:39 AM

It was Carl Sagan who said that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. This idea that there are lawyers on Jupiter is unsettling and certainly extraordinary. I call on Rapaire, who I am sure will not do so, to provide evidence about these lawyers. Have you ever gottten a subpoena from one of these rascals? WHy are they on Jupiter, anyway? Vacation ?

I know this leaves the field wide-open for lawyer jokes, but they started it.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:39 AM

I'm intregued that Rapaire has had enough experience to recognize the Lawyers of Jupiter. Has the Legion been involved in Interplanetary scandel?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:36 AM

Bunn, it's all in your technique. I also save soap that way, and find that with gentle persuasion, a light touch that allows one piece of soap that is almost dry to slide alongside the moist and slippery shard and slowly wiggle and massage them together, running ones thumb over and over the edges until the melding is complete. . . er, maybe you will first want to take this bar of soap into a cold shower?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:25 AM

Paying careful attention to Rapiere, I notice he has created the Lawyers of Jupiter. I know not if they are an obscure religious sect, a wandering band of 777 left handed banjo players, or merely a very long established law firm.

Besides it is well known that it is impossible to squeeze two bars of soap together without them making several escape attempts, and scattering pieces across a wide area. This would however explain the asteroid belt...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 08:45 AM

I wish to announce a wonderful new discovery that solves a long-time astronomical puzzle.

The other day when I was having a shower I noticed that the streaks in the bar of soap resembled the various lawyers on Jupiter and other planets. And when I squeezed a nearly-used-up bar of the same soap into the larger bar ("Waste not, want not" as my great-great aunt used to say) lo and behold! the result resembled the so-called "Great Red Spot" on Jupiter!

I therefore wish to announce that Jupiter and planets which demonstrate similar layering are simply humungous balls of soap and their "Great Spots" (of whatever color) are simply where the Universe is saving soap by continuing to use slivers of older soap balls.

Okay, when do I collect my Nobel Prize?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 08:44 AM

I have been buried under stuff, things, deadlines and lack of sleep, therefore have not had the creative energy to meet the exacting standards of MOAB recently. I have dealt with these, and buried the evidence, so can now return with renewed energy and a strong drink.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 08:36 AM

Free at last! Free at last!
Great Gawdamighty, I'se free at last!

Freds, it warms my heart to hear you let us know that everyone here is free. Thank you. Way things have been goin' the last eight years, it was beginning to look like the "free " part of our lives was goin't hell in a handbasket, right along with the "equal". It's jes' wunnerful how you can make a thing so like that by asserting it is so, and have it jes' be. It makes a powerful impression, I don't mind saying. Especially when the local aspirants to Undying Glory believe it takes a trillion of dollars and bunkerbusters, too.

Lemme know about the skyhook, now, ya hear?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 08:14 AM

Thank you. We tried those that you call "Republican" and found them to have an off-taste and not suitable for sensitive palates. But we are no longer looking at your planet as a source for yummy protein. We want to be your best friends and help you to achieve great things and good taste. Everyone here is free.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:32 PM

Hey Freds:

Maybe I spoke too soon. Come to think of it, maybe we can make a deal. Now that you have your planet back and so on, you must have a burgeoning technological base in full renewal, right?

So how about this: you come up with a skyhook that will keep Mom from drifting down the threads here on the 'Cat, and we of the MOAB will find some volunteers to be your best friends. Maybe a whole LEgion of them!! We have connections with all sorts of interesting, if semi-scrupulous people.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 02:40 PM

Sorry, we already have best friends, Freds. Our best friends are our fellow humans, wherever we meet them. Except for the Republicans. Ask them, why doncha?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 02:24 PM

Hallo. We have retaken our planet and our planetary system. We no longer want to use you as a source of protein. We want to be your best friends. Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 01:56 PM

Quibble, quibble, quibble. One lousy typo and the man is a sea-lawyer...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 12:30 PM

Do you mean post 15,560 (the signatory of the post just below the post below this one) or post 16,560 (the post below the post below this one)?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 11:00 AM

And further that a scurrilous Rapscallion known only as Rapaire has commited identity theft on said post.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:59 AM

Now cometh One Six Five Six Oh, known in the world as 16560, and to this honored hearing he doth affirm:

1. That he is the 16,560th post to the thread known herein and to all and sundry as The Mother of All BS;

2. That he avers he has no bond, link, tie, association, affinity or shared interest with the person real or imaginary known generaly as William Shatner;

3. That said William Shatner is an overweight second-rate balding Canadian who has occasionaly presented himself as an out-of-work actor;

4. That to the certain knowledge of this post, the persona of said Candian, William Shatner, has been misapproriated and injected into the dialogues of the Mudcat, and more particularly the thread aforemention known hereafters as MOAB;

5. That sai dinjection is the primary and confessedly deliberate work of one anonymous Canadian known to the MOAB as Little Hawk;

6. That the inclusion of said boring actor into the dialogues of the MOAB thread is an act of unspeakable perfidy, pusillanimous betrayal of communcal trust, and of bad taste on the part of said Little Hawk;

7. Finally, that these affirmation are known to this post to be true and correct affirmations to the best of this post's knowldge.

(Signed)

15560

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:52 AM

You'll need
Adobe Acrobat Reader 'cause it's in PDF.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:11 AM

Like this, only different. (The picture enlarges if you click on it.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:01 AM

That's pretty funny, Little Hawk!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:54 AM

Meanwhile, in other news, biochemists say that the WOAD plant has been discovered to have strong cancer fighting properties - complete article here.

From woad warriors to cancer-buster

The medieval Scottish rebels made famous in the movie Braveheart used dye from the woad plant to paint their faces blue for battle. Now Italian biochemists say this plant could become a promising weapon in the fight against cancer.

The researchers have demonstrated that under the right growth conditions woad (Isatis tinctoria) produces astonishing amounts of glucobrassicin (GBS), a biochemical which may account for some of the cancer-fighting properties of related plants, such as broccoli.

"It can make more than 60 times the amount found in broccoli, and in a much purer form," says Stefania Galletti at the Experimental Institute for Industrial Crops in Bologna, who carried out the study with colleagues at the University of Bologna in Italy.

Glucobrassicin is a natural component of broccoli, cabbage and other members of the Brassicaceae plant family. It is a highly reactive chemical and at least one of its by-products, indole-3-carbonyl, is a well known tumour-busting compound.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:40 AM

Only if you're lysdexic.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:14 AM

Normans? Is this a mis-reading of "Romans"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:10 AM

Let us never forget the battle-hymn of the Pict Republic, "On the Woad Again"!

On the woad again
Just can't wait to put on the Woad again
Thing that I like best is fighting Normans with my friends
And I can't wait to put on the woad again...

I am sure Shatner does not know this song. He is culturally illiterate.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:04 AM

Yes, it is quite striking, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:02 AM

That's one of the best photos I've seen of the shatman in a long time.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 08:55 AM

Is this something like what you had in mind, Rapaire?

Title: Woad - Bufo tinctoria. Common name: Woad

Identification: The Woad differs from the Common Toad in having shorter limbs and in usually possessing blue pigmentation. The head is wider than it is long with large protruding eyes typical of the family Bufoisatis. The skin is tough and adult specimens exhibit distinct whorl markings. The back is dark blue - blue grey with various spiral markings irregularly orientated. The underside of the Woad is pale blue or whitish grey with distinct decorative markings. It is further remarkable for the very loud croak of the males, produced by a large vocal bladder on the throat which, when inflated, is larger than the head. Adults reach a size of about 8 inches in length.

Biology: The Woad had a markedly terrestrial habit being found in many fairly dry habitats and sometimes close to human settlements, this has accelerated the environmental and human pressures on the animal accounting for it's remarkable rarity. The Woad usually makes it's home in a dry place close to a small pool often known as a vat.