BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 07 - 11:21 AM

I had a nice niece in Nice. I think that's where British Airways sent my luggage when I went to France. Oh, wait. That was Nimes. Totally different place, where they have an aquaduct (which the Romans built and which, for some reason, doesn't go any where) and where the people don't lay around getting brown and wasting money all the time. My baggage ORIGINALLY when to Bangkok. It made it from DC to Heathrow, but somehow got on the plane to Thailand while I went to Paris and then to Avignon (yes, I've been on the bridge there but I didn't dance because the sign said "Pas de deux" which means "No dancing" in French and besides, that bridge ends abruptly in the middle of the river). So BA found my luggage in Bangkok and flew it back to London and then to Paris and then to Nimes and had it delivered by van to my hotel in Avignon, and I finally had some clean underwear.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Jan 07 - 11:06 AM

Are Nice biscuits obligatory on a nice day, or don't they make it over the Atlantic? I found various UK related websites obsessing over biscuits, without any actual information content in them.....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jan 07 - 10:27 AM

Hi, Mom! Today is

Nice Day!!!

Yes, when people tell you to "Have a Nice Day!" this is the day they're talking about! Nice Day is the day when we observe the importance of the French city of Nice. Yeah, we know it's pronounced like "niece", but it's not our problem if supermarket cashiers are ignorant. Nice is the fifth largest city in France, with a population of 993,000 people, and is hot shit with people who believe spending money to turn brown is a prerequisite for Nirvana. Nice is near Cannes and Monaco where people with even more money waste it on similarly ill-conceived attempts at self-actualization.

Have a Nice Day!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 07 - 10:03 AM

Everyone, Duck!















maybe he's actually a quacker

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 07 - 09:32 AM

I am neither cracker nor hacker, good Rapaire, but a fakir. One who pretends to do mystical things by means of computers.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 07 - 09:00 AM

"Hack" is computerese for "knocking out code" or "programming like crazy." I assume that Amos knows how to do this and is a premier hacker.

(Those who break into other people's computers are called "crackers", no matter WHAT the press says. They are also criminals and should have painful things done to them.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jan 07 - 08:35 AM

Rap said:

    höggva -- to hew or carve

       Amos! You don't know how to hack??


Well, (and I will probably regret this) there are some who would say Amos *is* a hack; not that I would ever contemplate such a sentiment.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Jan 07 - 05:20 AM

Thought for the day....

How many halls must a man ring round, before he finds space to dance?



At the moment, seven and counting...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 07 - 12:08 AM

Don't even mention it. That damned chewing tobacco usurped a perfectly good word!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 06:56 PM

Yes, Skoal is good. So is Copenhagen and Grizzly, I'm told. Me, I smoked a pipe and never got into that smokeless tobacco stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 06:43 PM

"Nissetroll" is a good word. I have a nissetroll who works every year we have a yule tree. Ja. She does a good job protecting it!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 05:20 PM

blundra "shut one's eyes" in the oldest sense in Middle English, "to stumble around blindly"

Or, perhaps, the root of our word "blunder"?

drit -- Norwegian for "shit" or something negative.

...mayhap the source of the English word "dirt"?

höggva -- to hew or carve

Amos! You don't know how to hack????

myki -- dung (Old Norse)

Cow (or bull) manure, something appropriate here

viska: a form of literary irresponsib....

One would think you knew about whisk (or viska) brooms....

I shall assume that no one is offended by my emendations of Amos's gibberings.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 05:11 PM

Odd- Safari never showed it double.

Microsoft Blundra, perhaps.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 04:05 PM

blundra "shut one's eyes" in the oldest sense in Middle English, "to stumble around blindly"

drit -- Norwegian for "shit" or something negative.

höggva -- to hew or carve

myki -- dung (Old Norse)



viska: a form of literary irresponsibility practiced by certain Nordic fish.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 04:00 PM

BWL, if you want to learn an Old Norse word, it's hard to go wrong if you start out with Skoal! One of my favorites! I'll make it purple in honor of your made up holiday.

And by the way, did you know that the double listing of MOAB in the Forum seems to only appear in IE? I just opened Firefox to check the color if worked right (displaying a visited link color) and there MOM is, just ONCE in the forum? How can this be?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 03:59 PM

I would not want to insult anyone's intelligence by translating into English that which I presume is already known. How would you feel if I thought it needful to translate something as simple as

Quot viae quae homo peragranda,
Donec grandem anima fit.
Sic, et quot maria columba velanda
Donec quiescit acta,
Sic et quot sagitt'ab arcibus volanda,
Ante pac'aeternam fore?

or

Upon the vices to procede
After the cause of mannes dede,
The ferste point of Slowthe I calle
Lachesce, and is the chief of alle,
And hath this propreliche of kinde,
To leven alle thing behinde.
Of that he mihte do now hier
He tarieth al the longe yer,
And everemore he seith, "Tomorwe";
And so he wol his time borwe,
And wissheth after "God me sende,"
That whan he weneth have an ende,
Thanne is he ferthest to beginne.

(Which, being in English, is impossible to translate INTO English.)

or

Us is riht micel         ðæt we rodera weard,
    wereda wuldorcining,         wordum herigen,
    modum lufien!         He is mægna sped,
    heafod ealra         heahgesceafta,

    frea ælmihtig.         Næs him fruma æfre,
    or geworden,         ne nu ende cymþ
    ecean drihtnes,         ac he bið a rice
    ofer heofenstolas.         Heagum þrymmum
    soðfæst and swiðfeorm         sweglbosmas heold,

    þa wæron gesette         wide and side
    þurh geweald godes         wuldres bearnum,
    gasta weardum.         Hæfdon gleam and dream,
    and heora ordfruman,         engla þreatas,
    beorhte blisse.         Wæs heora blæd micel!

No, Amos. I could never insult you or any MOABite in such a manner!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 03:36 PM

A courtesy woould be the inclusion of synonyms in modern Anglo, old fruit.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 01:47 PM

Here are some, Bee-Dub:

blundra
drit
höggva
myki

and of course the ever-popular

viska

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 01:26 PM

Would that be learning New Chaucerian?** or learning Chaucerian words that are new?

but can one really say any Chaucerian words are "new"? Most of them are at least 600 years old, and given the changes that English has undergone, that is not very "new".


Or possibly might you mean learning Chaucerian words that are not in one's own vocabulary?






**as spoken by the Residents of New Chaucer?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 01:15 PM

Swyve thee, Amos! Thou knowst that others use measures that differ from ours! Should it not be "Ten Yards (Meters) Above Your Head"?

And thou hast also learned a new Chaucerian word!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 01:07 PM

Hell, back in the long-ago university days, I was so proficient at speaking in Chaucerian Middle English it was scary. I was voted "Most Likely Recite the Prologue to Canterbury Tales on His Deathbed". Would it be okay if I learned a new word in Old Norse instead?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 12:36 PM

I think we ought to have a "National Be Ten Yards Above Your Head " day, for those who don't get out often enough. And maybe a "ESP At Home Day" -- for those who ...well, you know who you are. And how about "Act Out a Past Life Day" for people like Little Hawk whose past lives are more interesting than their current ones? And "Learn a New Word in Chaucerian" for those with nothing better to do.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 12:31 PM

less then 200 posts to 16 thousand! Whodathunk those many moons and hundreds of thousands of words ago that the glory that is MOAB would arise?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 12:24 PM

Yes, Bunn, I have to admit to making up those holidays, though I've recently discovered that there really is an "iNTERNATIONAL tYPE wITH yOUR cAPS lOCK oN dAY", but its actual date of observance is July 1. But who cares? To paraphrasae Dick Van Dyke, "Every day's a 'oliday with MOAB, 'cos MOAB makes ya feel so grand!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 11:56 AM

I'm a happy purple wearer. It's my favourite colour - I LOVE it!

Of course, now we must have this poem.

Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

By Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
and run my stick along the public railings
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people's gardens
and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
or only bread and pickles for a week
and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 11:19 AM

I think BWL is making these days up. The real national/international xyw awareness/activity days are very rarely interesting. There's talk like a pirate day, and there's always a wind up the neighbors day, often disguised as the national holiday, celebrating a time you beat them up particularly*.
    It would explain why we're trying our best to come up with some better ones, but even so, they're just not going to hold their meaning without a critical mass of people to do so, and I don't think we're both a mass and critical at the same time all that often..


* Note to any US presidents reading this. It's just one day a year you're supposed to annoy the neighbors and/or former rulers. Given July 4 is connected with the British empire, that's us. You know, that quaint little place surrounding London. Actually, on second thoughts, Canada might be a better option....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 10:47 AM

Hi, Mom! Today is

National Purple Day!!!

Yes, it's that peculiar day when we applaud the color purple! It's the day when we express our appreciation for people who proudly proclaim their proclivity for purple apparel. It's a day to be impulsive and, perhaps, impetuous, not prudent or pusillanimous! Purchase a pair of purple pants and prance about like a prissy poppinjay! Not pink! Not puce! Not even pumpkin! Proper people prefer purple!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 10:25 AM

Did you run into any historians who are now Dean of Library in a conspicuous Texas university? Just wondering. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 09:30 AM

Oh Mom, poor Mom, I come back and everyone except me is ignoring you and I'm feeling so glum.

Ya know, Mom, contrary to what my postings were I found Seattle to be a nice city. One that I could actually live in, if I could afford it, which I can't because I give all my money away to the poor like you taught me to. I'd better get going because I have to go to work today so that I have money to give to that poor young widow lady who has to take in lots of boarders every night and who can't even afford any more clothes than a corset or a thin tee shirt.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 10:32 PM

Blue skies are never seen in Seattle
And the hills're pretty hilly in Seattle
Like a wayward child growing up but pretty mild
Full of overcast and grays
Full of rain that lasts for days
Full of drizzle lasting years in Seattle
In Seattle...
In Seattle....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 09:41 PM

Beer
(With apologies to Tom Rowe)

Idaho Man grows the barley-o,
Oh the barley
He works in the sun, he works in the snow.
Oh the barley beer
Then he loads it up in a big old truck,
Sends it to Anheuser for lots of bucks.
Oh the barley, oh the barley-0.

        Oh the barley, Ole Anheuser tea.
        You killed my Grampa, killed my Pa.
        And you sure as hell are a killin' me.
        Oh the barley, oh the barley-o.

When they fought the war against the tax on cheer;
They fought it over Anheuser beer.
Old Boise put a tax on it,
All of Idaho nearly took a fit.

In the time of the two-thousand-seven bar;
Beer sitting in the Legion store.
They pumped it in it at minus twelve degrees,
A long cold night in a Idaho freeze.

Then the grease trap combusted 'cause it wasn't clean
Beer barrels done split clean in twain.
Two million gallons spilled that night
People suckin' from the gutters caused a terrible sight.

Grampa, he died a quick good way, sir.
Pa went down in the pool of pilsner.
But I won't go in a pool of blood,
I won't drown in an amber flood;
But still I'll go down to the barley, Oh the barley beer.

Hi Mom. I'm back from Seattle.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 07:17 PM

"Jezebel does not accept Ahab's God, Yahweh. Rather, she leads Ahab to tolerate Baal. This is why she is vilified by the Deuteronomist, whose goal is to stamp out polytheism. She represents a view of womanhood that is the opposite of the one extolled in characters such as Ruth the Moabite, who is also a foreigner. Ruth surrenders her identity and submerges herself in Israelite ways; she adopts the religious and social norms of the Israelites and is universally praised for her conversion to God. Jezebel steadfastly remains true to her own beliefs."


Therefore, mark ye, and learn: as ye emulate the MOABite, so shall ye be blesséd.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 02:16 PM

Well, if you have to explain what MOAB is, you simply have them read through it, from the beginning. When they get to the discontinuity, their brains are sure to have died, and so you get out of whatever it was they were wondering about.

If that doesn't work, the confused numbering system will stick them into an endless loop.

There's nothing to worry about, except possibly that you're part of it...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 01:13 PM

Espcially since I am so roundly busted! I'm too old to start looking for a new career, one in which they have never heard of Mudcat or MOAB. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 01:04 PM

"Miss, D., may I have a word with you in my office, please?"..."Ummm..perhaps you could enlighten me as to what this "MOAB" is to which you seem to have been contributing of late?"


Wooooooeeee!! Momma!! Much too late to be so roundly busted!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 12:24 PM

My boss just got back from Seattle at the ALA meeting. I wonder if he ran into Rapaire? Probably just as well I didn't tell them to look for each other. Who knows what might have occurred if news of this thread got out and someone I know here actually started reading the MOAB? Scary thought. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 12:03 PM

That would teach him to play the lyre with us!!

But why would he want, like, to, umm, lye?

BWL is, many um, things, to....many, like, people...but...he is not..a lyre. And, I would, add, he, is not... ... a sleeping, dog.. so.. we should not let him lye.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 10:45 AM

MOM!

Did you hear what he said? He should have his mouth washed out with lye soap. Better yet, LYE!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 10:41 AM

Hi, Mom! Guess, what, today, is! Why, it's,

International, Talk, Like, William, Shatner, Day!!!

Anyone, who, doesn't, have, a, sufficient, stockpile, of, commas, to, be, able, to, talk, like, The, Shat, can, order, some, from, www.commas_r_us.com.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 10:14 AM

Well I did that, and it worked.

Next thing I knew, it was 5:10.

Another day, another peso, as they say in the old country. Really though, I think it is time khandu and Tweed came back to MOAB and took some responsibililty.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 10:51 PM

Oh. Huh....

Hadn't quite looked at it like that.

Mom I am tired. I had to go look up who Pitot was.

I aim to retire for the night, early.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 09:07 PM

But you'll be dead, where typing and timing don't matter. So don't worry about it!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 08:11 PM

What a wasted opportunity. Sigh. Someday my timing will become impeccable, and so will my typing.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 02:39 PM

Adieu, my friemds adieu, adieu
I can no longer stay with you.
I will hang my harp on the weepign willow tree
And may the world go well with thee!
Faretheewelll, for I must leave thee
Do not let this parting grieve thee,
And remember that the best of friends must part!
I will hang my harp
On the weeping willow tree,
And may the world go well with thee!

---

There will be a quiz, oh, yes a quiz! (What, a quiz?)
As to lyrics here both hers and his (her or his!)
You will all be asked to recite each line intact!
And may your days go clicky-clack!

Farethewell, and be not grieving
On a choochoo I am leaving
I can here the bold conductor call "Aboard! All Aboard!"

Farewell, as I move down the line (Long line!)
And watch the crossings mark the time (Mark the time!)
I will spend my days rolling down the railroad track,
And may your days go clicky-clack!

Red "Bobo" Johnson, Itinerant PO8
Western Wandering Before My Time

Pocatello Chapbooks and Verity Press
1962

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 02:29 PM

so - you are still in the denial phase?

There are none so blind as they who will not see

I sdspect it was no coincedence that your post was number 15777 since seven-seventy-seven is the dread Number of the MOAB

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 02:28 PM

This my last post to Mudcat.*






























































*Until I get home tomorrow evening. Farewell, Seattle! I start walking to Idaho in 10 minutes! Adieu, adieu my friends adieu! I can no longer stay with you! So I'll hand my something or other on a weeping willow tree and do something or other. Heck, I don't remember all the words. Oh, by the way...the Legion hovel had a fire last night, according a phone call I received this morning. They didn't clean the grease trap for a week, and you know how fast THAT would fill up. I'll let you know more when I get home, but I understand that it caused the beer barrels stored in the basement to explode and the result was similar, but not identical, to the Great Boston Molasses Flood.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 02:25 PM

Well, I pay as I go for Xmas, so no depression there. I don't mind my job much, so no great burden. The weather is actually kind of pleasant int hese parts just now, a gentle sunlight bathing the hills. No worries there.

I must be blessed to live among the priveleged few or something, huh? Now, Pocatello...that's a whole other kettle of, um, fish.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 01:20 PM

I heard that story also. I made a note but I can't find it. The day I'll look forward to is his other calculation--the Happiest day of the year. He said that is, if I remember correctly, Friday June 22. Yes. I wondered why that day and have concluded that 1-it is a Friday 2- the kids are out of school so we don't have to tow the school district line 3-it isn't the hottest, most miserable part of summer yet 4-it's not the end of the month yet so I might actually still have a little money left.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 01:17 PM

Yeah, the guy's calculations were based upon factors like typical weather patterns for the time of year, "holiday cheer" having run its course, Christmas bills coming due, lack of any substantial cheering holidays on the horizon, etc. Personally, I expect January to suck so it doesn't bother me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 12:54 PM

hey! they define LEGION

LEGION: Locally Exitable Globally Inhibited Oscillating Numbskulls

I'd say they really *must* have experts!