BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 03:06 PM

(Shakes head sympathetically and goes out for a stroll in his shirtsleeves along the green lawns at work.)


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 02:52 PM

No groundhog has shown his face around here. We're socked in with snow and frigid temperatures.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 02:42 PM

and your coat and your snowshoes, sounds like!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 01:23 PM

Oh kill in balm, oh Krill in balm
how springlike are thy brunches...







I'll get my hat...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 01:19 PM

Out here, we're enjoying spring-like balm intermingled with a bit of krill.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 01:09 PM

gee willikers - that's what we do in MAY - when we can (almost) count on the temperature staying above 32 degrees F. We won't mention the infamous Mother's Day Blizzard, or the not infrequent killing frosts that we have been known to get in May.

Haven't seen hide nor hair of any of our *local* groundhogs yet so far this year...and given the snowcover their tracks would be highly visible not to mention their holes if they burrowed up through the snow. And we normally have a LOT of groundhogs.

Did you know they are the largest member of the marmot family?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 01:05 PM

Spring-like balm intermingled with a bit of cill, occasional showers. I even have to wear a jacket sometimes in the early morning. Teejus, innit?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 12:54 PM

It is March now, MMario. Haven't you made a big deal about it so the weather comes around to behaving itself? Get out your gardening tools or something. The wading pool for the kids. Show some intent.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 12:48 PM

Hi there MOM! We had another snow day this week - this one more due to wind and chill factor and blowing snow and white outs then actual snowfall - but I ended up staying at a niece's much closer to work then home- and her husband ended up staying at his brother-in-laws in my hometoown...so we at least kept the world balanced....because they went and closed the roads. Since it probably would have taken four or more hours to get home anyway, I much more enjoyed snuggling with the great nieces. That was the night before the actual snow day...

it still took an extra hour after the storm warnings came down to drive home yesterday - and I went back to sleep; such a great wintertime activity, sleep.

have to w*rk today though. yuck. Why can't I get paid for *NOT* working? That would be much more fun.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 12:37 PM

At sixteen-four and eight-six
The watchers came alive.
"If they post fourteen times, this thread
Will get to sixteen five!!"
The MOABITES they smiled, they laughed,
It saw no contest there;
They knew that fourteen posts were like
The wafting of a hair.
The light would twinkle once, and then
The count would roll around.
There was no doubt a-haunting them;
They stood on certain ground.
And as the numbers trickled in,
The media gasped and roared,
First one--a lonely poem -- came in,
Then two, then three -- then four.
We knew the outcome warn't in doubt,
We knew how lay the land.
We knew we'd see sixteen-five laid out,
And we'd head fer seventeen grand.

Alex Smart
Wise Acres In a Foolish Land
Hardover and Tacking, Wet Rail Publications
Greenwish Village, 1938

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 10:56 AM

Well, I think there have been some examples of premature stamina in this very thread, Stilly! There ahe been, for example, assertions of being God and being able to outwrassle alligators and out dance Mike Fink and outrun the wind. It is a self-induced state of apparent psychological strength and ability to endure long exertion down a path that was totally fictitious in the first place. A puffing up, preparatory to engaging a battle that was never going to happen. A splattering of imaginary testosterone, if you will...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 10:43 AM

So why, when we come to this juncture in the conversation, do the Google ads offer "Erectile Dysfunction News" and "Avoid Premature Stamina."

Avoid Premature Stamina? Who in the hell writes these things? Does that idiocy clear the filters and let school children read this in a Google ad?

Premature Stamina. The mind boggles.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 10:06 AM

You mean this one?

I only post to threads to which Amos has posted first. Amos is my beacon, my guiding light, the lighthouse which prevents me from crashing upon the rocks and shoals, my leader, my hope, the star by which I navigate. There is no one like Amos, who watches over me and insures that I follow in the Paths of Righteousness and Goodness all the days of my life.

Either that or the thread must be interesting. I'm not all that interested in topics like "The US Being Awful To Iraqis" or "Bush Is A Lying Wuss" or "The US, UK, EU and Canada Suck Ditch Water and the Aussies Stink Too."


I am really glad you finally got to say what you really feel, Rapaire...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 09:31 AM

Dear Mom,

I said nice things about Amos in another thread today. And you know what, Mom? Amos sure doesn't steal much for such a nice guy. And when he's sober he's...well, when he's sober he's not drunk! When I met him I noticed that he doesn't play with himself much in public anymore, either. But on that other thread I said even nicer things about him.

Betcha he can't find it!!!

Your Favorite (or Favourite) kid,

Rapaire

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 01:21 AM

I think pére Baudrillard has migrated out of his gourd, though, back to a first-order simalucrum of reality nested in his gentle spiritual bosom.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 11:06 PM

Get whiplash at the speed topics shift around here. . . it never pays to turn your back to the veggies. . .

Don, would you believe, you can buy those on eBay. I saw several when I was searching for images. I'm not kidding.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 10:53 PM

Stilly, They are seldom out of their gourds.

Still a straight hollow gourd like that might make for a better aim and cleaner bathroom for kids.

but what to call it on the shopping channel, hmmm

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 10:50 PM

...the disappearance of reality...

HE wasn't the first to recognize that, I was. I said so earlier. Me. Not this French cat, me. Out here in Idaho, which is about as unreal as you can get.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 10:27 PM

sniff

No takers on my Baudrillard thread. I thought for sure Little Hawk or Bill D or BWL might offer some profound observations. Even Amos or Rapaire. Or Nerd. Nope. Nada so far.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 05:04 PM

Reality disappeared long, long ago -- at least for me. Now I revel in unreality, which is my reality.

Unreal, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 04:47 PM

Toujours les dommages continuent, d'antan jus'qu'e demain.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 04:42 PM

Our world has shifted today! Gluon, come curl up and stay put a while, and think about your friend Jean Baudrillard. Perhaps Mickey Mouse and his Disney friends also should pull up a footstool and thin about all they owe to Jean.


French philosopher Jean Baudrillard dies

The Associated Press
Tuesday, March 6, 2007

PARIS: French philosopher Jean Baudrillard, a social theorist known for his provocative commentaries on consumerism, excess and what he said was the disappearance of reality, died Tuesday, his publishing house said. He was 77.

Baudrillard died at his home in Paris, said Michel Delorme of the Galilee publishing house. He died after a "long illness," Delorme said, a term that in France most often means cancer.

The two men had worked together since the publication in 1977, when "Oublier Foucault" (Forget Foucault) was published, one of some 30 books by Baudrillard, Delorme said by telephone.

Among his last published books was "Cool Memories V," in 2005.

Baudrillard, a sociologist by training, is perhaps best known for his concepts of "hyperreality" and "simulation."

"We lose a great creator," Education Minister Gilles de Robien said. "Jean Baudrillard was one of the great figures of French sociological thought."

Born in June 20, 1979, in Reims, west of Paris, Baudrillard, the son of civil servants, began a long teaching career instructing high school students in German. After receiving a doctorate in sociology, he taught at the University of Paris in Nanterre.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 04:14 PM

Oy, have you got that right!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 04:00 PM

It's quiet here today. You must all have JOBS or something. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 01:35 PM

I'm thinking of the day my mother decided to have a group of professional cleaners come into the house and wash down the walls and ceiling in the kitchen. We had high gloss enamel, and she was a heavy smoker. It was as good as any of those commercials where they wipe a path through the grime--the paint under the smoke was many shades lighter than the sepia colored walls we'd been looking at for years. With each pass of the sponge with heavy-duty cleaner and the room lightened. But to taste it? Uggg.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 01:11 PM

The polar cow I've never seen
Subsists on sautéed aubergine,
And feeds his yen for deeper feeling,
By licking old library ceilings.
Now of these myths, is born a fusion,
Which to my heart brings harsh contusion,
And to mine 'umble friends,
Confusion.

Wilma Quartside Mantaray
Kitchen Humming Songs
Betty Crocker Publications,
Edmond, MI, 1959

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 12:12 PM

THis is exactly why I think you should stick to Crayola, Rapaire. No sharp edges. And colorful!! !


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 12:00 PM

When you go out for a pint, you need the help of Nurse Ratched, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 08:55 AM

Mom, last night at fencing I was in three bouts. I lost two of them, so I would have had 13 holes in me if we would have been using pointy swords instead of blunted epees. I won the last one 5-3, but the lost the other first two 3-5 and 4-5. All of my inside liquids would have leaked out, Mom, and made a real mess on the gym floor and they probably would have made me clean it up before I went to the hospital or the funeral home. Back in the Old Days I understand that corks were required equipment in your fencing bag.

Nowadays we barely have a first aid kit.

'Tis not as deep as a well nor as wide as a church door, but 'twil serve, 'twil serve. Ask for me tomorrow and you will find me a grave man.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Mar 07 - 12:18 AM

MOM is just scratching her head in amazement at the volume, quality, and volubility of her boys this week. Must be something she put in their oatmeal for breakfast.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 08:35 PM

Ok, ok, I'll stop writing about that sort of stuff, but be nice to your Mom.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 01:36 PM

Those forefathers bold, who all begat,
They never wore no damned French hat,
They all begat like Old Niagara
Without a dose of damn Viagra.

They reproduced, and knew just why,
The Lord said, "Go, and multiply"
And men of plughs, and men of sword,
Knew better than to cross the Lord.

So when their damsels cried for rest,
Six tykes to feed, and one at breast,
Those olden patriarchs replied,
"Lie down, Betsy -- God knows best!"

But now that Godhood's out of favor
Their lives have earned a betterflavor,
Life with less stress, is somewhat sweeter
Thanks to gun-powder and saltpetre.

So now the men sit 'round and schmoose
And sing them Hesitation Blues,
The ladies steal those Viagra pills,
And feed them to them poor E-muze.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 12:49 PM

Gimmee that old time Viagra
Gimmee that old time Viagra
Gimmee that old time Viagra
it's good enough for me...

But it wasn't for old Priapus
Who never didn't have it up
So he left it for the rest of us
and that's good enough for me!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 12:42 PM

Gimme that old time Viagra
Gimme that old time Viagra
Gimme that old time Viagra
It's good enough for me.

It was good enough for Abraham
It was good enough for Abraham
It was good enough for Abraham
And it's good enough for me
(CH)

It was good enough for Solomon
etc.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 12:40 PM

truth be told - Gustav was just exhausted.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 12:34 PM

I want Big Bird Viagara
Oh, Big Bird Viagara,
Big Bird Viagara,
Fast as light and strong as hell.

Gimme Big Bird Viagara!
Big Bird Viagara!
Big Bird VIagara!
To make my ostrich well.

Swell, swell, swell!
Make my ostrich well.

Them idle-handed no-good slackers
Settin' off them firecrackers,
Blew my emu's self-esteem,
Sixteen ways to hell.
So I want Big Bird VIagara
Big Bird Viagara
Gimme Big Bird Viagara,
To make my Ostrich well.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 10:18 AM

What timing! I was going to put this in my "I Read it in the Newspaper" thread, but it fits here perfectly:

Teens Accused of Making Ostrich Impotent
March 05, 2007

BERLIN - Three teenagers may be on the hook for a hefty fine if a court decides that their festive firecrackers outside an eastern German farm scared the libido right out of an ostrich named Gustav. Rico Gabel, a farmer in Lohsa, northeast of Dresden, is claiming $6,450 in damages for the alleged antics of the three youths, ages 17-18, between Dec. 27 and 29, 2005. According to his lawsuit, the farmer claims that fireworks set off by the boys made the previously lustful Gustav both apathetic and depressed, and thus unable to perform for a half-a-year with his two female breeding partners.

Before Gustav regained his sex drive in the second half of the year, the farmer estimates he lost out on 14 ostrich offspring - worth $460 apiece.

The suit is due to be heard next Monday in a regional court in nearby Bautzen, the court said Monday. The teenagers' names were not released.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 09:59 AM

I've seen men fit their manly forms
With codpiece, gourdand cattle horns.
But I declare, I've never seen
A "tool" bedecked with aubergine.

(Kinda brings the term "eggplant" into a new light, dunnit?)

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 09:16 AM

Take no scorn to wear the horn,
for Aubergines with horns were born
Your father's father ate them
and your father ate them too!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 09:03 AM

Out here, when a man moves to Idaho he's automatically issued a horn from a Texas Longhorn. Well, two really -- one for everyday and a second for formal wear.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 12:34 AM

More modest than gourds, though.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 12:29 AM

I was going to suggest that if you don't have any fig leaves up there in Pocatello that you can offer them each an aubergine to preserve their modesty. But visualizing that is just too strange. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 11:43 PM

Well, I have a confession to make, Rapaire. I actually answered the nice lady with your name and address. So if a clutch of Bantu-like basketball players show up on your doorstep naked, that's why. I knew you could handle it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 05:21 PM

That nice lady in Nigeria can help with that wish, Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 12:55 PM

Hey, Mom!

Friday night I spent 1 1/2 hours free from the earth's surly bonds toward evening, and just as the sun set there was a full moon in full view, the dappled bloodred sunset out across the Pacific, and the twinkling lights of civilization around Palomar mountain down below, and I was driving the plane, doing little swoops and dips and climbs and enjoying it very very very much!! We hung above the thoroughfares and dwellings twinkling in the twilight at 4500 feet, swept through a huge box of space, touched down at Palomar airport, took off, and did it all again.

Then we headed out over the blue-black evening sea and headed south in fading light under the moon, along the faintly glowing line of the ocean's surf on the sand and rocks almost a mile below. We flew high over Mount Soledad with her two red radio-tower lights blinking homily in the dusk, and swung back easterly, found the landing strip and in due course came down at Montgomery Field as darkness settled down for the night. I can fly! An image of Mary Martin swinging from the wires over the audience at Carnegie Hall comes to mind. "I'm FLYING!".

Scary how much you have to remember though!! And how much it costs.

Then yesterday we spent two hours talking plans with a landscape dude.

I wish I were very rich.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 12:43 PM

A nice geriatric generality, old pal. Everything I write is true, too. Even when it implis what you write is not!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 12:41 PM

Everything I write, Amos, is true. Even the stuff that isn't is.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 11:38 AM

Don't get Rapaire started on the set of propositions which are true. We'll e here all night!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 10:29 AM

All of the foregoing and more is true.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 11:35 PM

Eggplant Orgy on Idaho Public Library Lawn

Late Breaking News

Pocatello police surrounded the block in which the public library is situated after an anonymous call from a nearby pay phone alerted them to an unusual picnic on the facility's front lawn. Officer Dana, a police spokeswoman, said that a combination of activities, each harmless in its own way, coincided to create a public nuisance and a copious amount of vegetable trash.

"A man with a rapier, identified as a library employee, possibly the man in charge, was seen swaggering on the lawn with a number of large what he kept calling "aubergines" skewered on his sword." Not an offense in itself, she noted "but he was taunting a number of people who were waving guitars and trumpets at him, and this weird dog/duck thing was barking and quacking and disappearing." Officer Dana seemed a bit dazed by the evening's events and was escorted from the scene by a man she had arrested earlier in the evening as drunk and disorderly. This reporter heard Mr. "Shane" offering her a beer and suggesting that "some broke-dick mamalucca at Mudcat" was responsible.

Nothing is known of "Mudcat" and a call placed to Homeland Security has not been returned.

Film at eleven.