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BS: The Mother of all BS threads
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM Ya missed it, Bill. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Jeri Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM SWOOP! 30,000 (Was trying to figure it out in Roman numerals, but couldn't manage the x's with little hats.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,William Shatner Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM Are we there yet? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM Whoahhhh! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM You're all bloody well mad. Mad as hatters. Daft. Bonkers. Beyond fecking reason. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:01 PM Mom just told me that whoever posts the 30,000th post gets to read all of MOAB from the beginning -- and there will be a test before you're allowed to go home. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Penelope Rutledge Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:00 PM Veronica, put a sock in it! Winston has a point. * PR |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM Oops. Mispelled my name. Too many banana dacquiris. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Chong Chimp Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM But not that one. Ook! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM And this one. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM Ladies, Gentlemen, and Undecideds: Within the next few moments we will reach that magical number of 30,000. No one knew at the start that Mom would so prosper. Indeed, I myself felt that MOAB was but a mere flash in the pan and did not post in those giddy, heady days of the onset. But I have since learned differently, as have you all. I shall not take the 30,000th post. I will leave it to someone else, someone less worthy that I. I shall, however, take the 100,000th post -- dibs on it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Little Hawk Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:55 PM Amos J. and Bearded Bruce Live together, they have now formed a truce Side by side on my computer keyboard, oh, lord Why not youse? Amos J. and Bearderd Bruce Now agree on political abuse They have joined in a common concord, oh lord Why not youse? Republicans and Democrats Joining hands, the silly prats No more arguments or spats...etc... (sing to the tune of Ebony and Ivory) |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:54 PM Good Lord, girl! Don't beat about the bush so much! Say what you mean! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:51 PM I am SOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY at Uncle Winston! I could just explode. Oooooo....! I could burst! He's an unfeeling and cruel man. I shall disinherit him when he's old, feeble, and helpless, and leave him to die miserabley in an alleyway! Pfui! I HATE you, Uncle Winston! * VR |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:49 PM And now The time draws near When I must face My final curtain Alas, I know not fear But diarrhea Of that I'm certain My stomach growls My heart goes thump I open each and every byway And more, much more than this I did it Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy way. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,William Shatner Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:48 PM Bill here. I'm attempting to deal with an important business meeting, but I had to drop in for a moment just to see how you're all doing. I can't promise to be there for the big 3-0000000000000....you know. Please don't get your hopes up too high. Well, I must be off now... Bill |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:45 PM Flip me. This is intense! - Shane |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Freddy the White Rat Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:45 PM Dear me. What an exciting night this is! I have been fanning Corridus, my hamster friend, because his little head was getting so hot I was afraid he might suffer a stroke. Many, many excited rodents are observing the countdown to 30,000! Or is it the countup to 30,000? Well, we are all on tenterhooks here. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Peace Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:44 PM I agree with BWL and whatever he said. POST 30,000. Bingo. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Peace Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:43 PM What pressipuss/pressipis/pr--aw, fuck it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:42 PM So, "Bollocksworthy"....I see they've let you out of the padded cell again? Or did you escape custody? Are the men in white coats in hot pursuit even as I write this? I do hope you're enjoying those few heady hours of freedom amongst the hoi polloi, and having fun ferreting out the "lizard men" among us. Ha! Ha! Ha! I must tell you that I and my mates gather at the Vicar's Inn every Friday night (as you probably know) and that everything stops SHARP at 2 AM when your silly "news" show comes on the Cable telly. We all sit, watch it, get drunk, and laugh ourselves into virtual insensibility! ;-D You are the funniest damn thing on late night TV. Do you know that, Hector? Last week Ponsonby actually fell off his chair and started hyperventilating after a fit of laughing over your latest feverish editorial presentation. By heaven, I thought we'd lost him! Fortunately he recovered his equilibrium after having some ice water poured over his head and being walked around outside in the fresh night air. Hector Bollocksworthy, you are a dangerous man. You make people laugh too hard. You make them laugh so hard that they rupture themselves, suffer heart seizures, and require immediate medical assistance. It is not the lizard men who will destroy our genetic material, Bollocksworthy, it is you. You are a menace to society. If you weren't so damned funny, I'd talk to my good friends in military intelligence, and I'd have you sent to Guantanamo...but I don't. I like a good laugh on Friday nights. It quickens the blood. Don't disappoint me next friday, Hector. I am on tenterhooks awaiting your next world-saving "revelation".... WW-J |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Colonel-General Helena Smyte-Withers Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:40 PM What sort of bullshit is this? You call yourselves bullshitters? You look more like calfshitters to me! You there, Amos! Put your cap on straight and pull up your pants -- you look like you're trolling for...never mind, you're from California. Now snap to, all of you! When I say I want bullshit, I want you to ask "How much?" as you bullshit! Quality will be to MY standards or you'll find yourselves learning about the quality of bullshit from the bottom of the pile up! Ready...BULLSHIT!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Sheela N. Gig Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:33 PM Hello, happy people! I'm glad to see you approaching such a mystical number! Did you know that 30,000 is the exact number of casualties in the First Battle of Magh Tuireadh? Come around and I'll tell you all about it...you can learn a lot from me. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Connie Purcell Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:29 PM I dated Wilfred Penifere once. It was stupid of me, but I had to win a bet with a friend who said I wouldn't dare do it. The five quid I won from her was not worth the experience, I can assure you. The poor wretch was so pitifully eager to please and made an utter ass of himself in a great variety of ways which I haven't the heart to recount here. It was one of the most uncomfortable evenings I have ever spent. The episode at the restaurant was tragic, and I have never returned there since. It was mortifying! Has anyone seen the Woody Allen movie where he goes with Diane Keaton and her beau to a Chinese restaurant and attempts to impress Diane's girlfriend whom they have set him up with. It was like that. But worse! You'd have to see it to believe it. There is no hope for Wilfred. None. He should give up on women entirely and become a renunciate in some godawful hermitage somewhere where they all shave their heads and engage in solitary vices better imagined than described. I must have been utterly mad to have taken that bet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Janie Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:11 PM Jeez MOM. Amos and BWL seem a bit over-wrought. Not too much tho'. Neither the prose or the poetry have turned purple. At least not yet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Wilfred's Mum Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:07 PM His dear, deceased father and I did everything we could to make Wilfred a success and a manly man. It is not our fault that he has turned out the way he has. We gave him every advantage. We instructed him at every turn at what he needed to do differently, calling his attention to every wrong move and imperfection, providing structure and corrective discipline to nudge him along the right path to success. it breaks my heart to acknowledge that he is a complete failure as a man, but it is absolutely through no fault of my own. The sacrifices we made for that boy! And is he grateful? Does he appreciate one iota of it? Absolutely not! He remains a snivelling, weak, limp dick whiner who blames his character defects on everyone else, especially me, his ever sacrificing mother. I sometimes wonder if he got switched with another baby in the hospital nursery. In fact, I think it likely. It is simply implausibe that any biological son of the General and me could have been such a loser. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:07 PM The fact that there is a historic precipice looming ahead doesn't mean we should go lurching madly toward it, posting willy-nilly in an attempt to capture a number. We should endeavor to maintain the high standards of BS for which this thread is rightly known. To do otherwise just wouldn't be the MOAB way. It would be chickenshit, and this is The Mother of All Bullshit Threads , not The Mother of All Chickenshit Threads! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Bobert Date: 24 Jun 09 - 08:22 PM BTW, latest Vegas line: LH & Co. have pulled ahead at 5-3 favorite in the recent betting... Amos has fallen back to 5-4... Not sure why but I reckon then he being a Californicator has something to do with it... You know them folks like to get stoned early and then pass out at their work sites... Poor ol' Bobert has fallen from 1-818 to 1-949??? That ain't good... No, that ain't good, at all... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Bobert Date: 24 Jun 09 - 08:18 PM But what about polymorphous perverse guilt, Amos??? Lotta that goin' 'round... How many more, por favor??? Hey, wait just a flippin' minute!!! Unless this thing get handled tonight before the American contingent passes out on the floor then one of the UKers is goina' just stumble into 3-Oh by accident... Hey, ain't hat waht 1776 was about??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 24 Jun 09 - 08:06 PM Polymorphous identity complex is a remarkable syndrome which demonstrates the amount of energy--which in normal people is spent in keeping up with "Jon and Katy and Eight" or reality television--required to erect, energize, define viewpoints for, invent considerations of, and develop and transmit unique communication sets on behalf of each and all of many personalities. In addition, the interactions between these personalities must be tracked and taken into account, and each of these assorted vectors requires its own speculations, estimations, analyses, and predictions of future reality. As can be readily seen this exhausting effort in the abnormal sufferer of PIC leaves them no time to enjoy the finer things in life, such as diagnosing the provenance of different lattes, or predicting the next installment of General Hospital or West Wing. This is because the sufferer is completely absorbed with artificial identities and the non-real but nevertheless complex calculations surrounding them. The difference, once understood, strongly highlights the inadequacy of normal individuals in understanding the plight of multiple personality sufferers. LIebenscheiss A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Wilfred's Mum Date: 24 Jun 09 - 07:52 PM I want to apologize for the most untimely post by my loser of a son. As is usual, he disappoints in all things, even with something as frivolous as this silly thread's race to 30K. Wilfred, stop whining or I will give you something to whine about, you sorry genetic mutation of a son! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 24 Jun 09 - 07:45 PM I been at Duffy's Bar coolin' off with a few cold ones and checkin' on some possible evidence on the latest case. I don't know where the rest of you have been, but maybe things will pick up after hours. - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 24 Jun 09 - 07:35 PM MOM asks if you're all in such a damned hurry to fly over the 30,000 precipice, where'd you all go this afternoon? Are you in Luray laughing at deer bouncing off of Bobert's new fence? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 24 Jun 09 - 06:01 PM Several folks are waxing poetic as the pressure of the moment increases. Me, I borrow from Robert Frost. But I'm not ready to do that yet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 24 Jun 09 - 05:53 PM Boy, this hot summer weather sure brings out the freaks, don't it? Fortunately it also brings out the long-legged dames in skimpy clothing. Not a bad compromise to live with, if ya ask me. - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Wilfred Penifere Date: 24 Jun 09 - 05:50 PM Will someone please abuse me? I've not been scorned, rejected or humiliated for almost a week now, despite my momentary contacts with the postman, my neighbours, the yobbos on the street, and the chaps at work. No women have laughed at me or made those little hand signs they make to symbolize my inadequacy. No men have made rude jokes at my expense or ridiculed my fashion footwear. Nothing. I think they're all in a conspiracy to deny me my one satisfaction in life! It's terrible. I feel utterly unappreciated. On my own. Like a complete unknown. With no direction home. Not even my hours of listening to old Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen records can lift the heavy burden I carry. WHO will take pity on me in my hour of need?????? Who? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 24 Jun 09 - 05:43 PM Holy FLIP, man! I can hardly flippin' stand the tenshun! - Shane |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 24 Jun 09 - 05:42 PM Bobert: Thirty two, man. Not a lot. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 24 Jun 09 - 05:34 PM At 22-9-and-62 The going was hot and dirty; The jocks all swore and popped their crops, They could smell the scent of Thirty. Old Hawkster dreamed up four new names With a persona for each name, And the dark horse who would make the Kay Was unknown, jest the same. And BeeDubEll he wrote a pome, A reg'l'ar BS fountain But Bobert he didn't say too much, Cuz he got confused by countin'. They were running hard, as the noontime sun Made a griddle of the day, But they wouldn't fade, or be dismayed, Grimly set on Thirty K. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 24 Jun 09 - 05:31 PM RECIPE FOR PARBOILED LIZARD PERSON Skin and gut lizard person Allow lizard person to hang from tree overnight until all ichor is drained Fill old cast-iron bathtub with water and bring to a full boil Throw lizard person into boiling water and boil for three hours Remove lizard person from water, discard water, refill bathtub, repeat boiling process for another three hours Remove lizard person from water and discard water Discard lizard person Eat bathtub |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Bobert Date: 24 Jun 09 - 05:20 PM Haw many more now, Amos??? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press Date: 24 Jun 09 - 05:07 PM You are right to be afraid of them, my good man, but remember: they are NOT invincible! Resistance is NOT futile! No indeed. We outnumber them greatly, and therein lies our collective strength. They have no chance once the Mass Awakening occurs across this planet, and it shall! You can spot them most easily by watching their eyes, particularly when they are under great emotional stress. The eyes begin to change visibly. The pupils, which are round in a normal human eye, begin to elongate vertically, rather like a cat's pupils. The elongated pupil is often jet black, sometimes a shade of green. The rest of the eye takes on a yellowish or amber tinge. You may see the eyes shifting back and forth momentarily between a human and a reptilian appearance as the holographically generated outer appearance shifts frequencies between a fully human and a fully reptilian wavelength. You will then begin to see the skin and outer features transforming into a scaly green covering...then perhaps back to human...then back to reptilian...shifting with the oscillation of the sheaths of consciousness. When the shift is complete the Reptilian form is revealed. At that time raise your .45-70, point it directly at the center of the Reptilian creature's chest and press the trigger. Refuse all offers of bribes, TV appearances, fast women, free vacations, and other special favors. Show no mercy! They are just as vulnerable to ordinary weapons as a normal human, and you will have struck a courageous blow for the human race and this entire planet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 24 Jun 09 - 05:02 PM When we get to Thirty K All our blues will go away We'll clap our hands and shout "Hooray!" When we get to Thirty K The deaf will walk and the lame will speak There'll be two Thursday's in next week We'll all take off our clothes and streak When we get to Thirty K There'll be a chicken in every pot And everybody will own a yacht And some other stuff I plumb forgot When we get to Thirty K Yes, when we get to Thirty K All our blues will go away We'll all go surfin' USA When we get to Thirty K |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 24 Jun 09 - 03:58 PM Ah'm plumb skeered of them there lizard folks. Wat'll they look like? Kin I blast 'em with ma .45-70, or will ah need sumthin bigger? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 24 Jun 09 - 03:52 PM I am also too busy to whip our butts. But I will continue to persevere to go on striving to keep up the effort. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 24 Jun 09 - 03:03 PM I thought you'd have pushed this over 30K by now. I've been to busy to |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press Date: 24 Jun 09 - 02:55 PM This is Hector Ballsworthy of the *** Independent Press *** the ONE and ONLY truth telling journal left in the entire United Kingdom and most likely IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!! Yes, friends, this is Hector Ballsworthy, tireless reformer for Truth, Justice, and Sanity, here with more breaking news in perilous times! There is a worldwide dimensional shift on the way! It will render fundamental changes in the way we live, the way we love, and the way we die. Nothing will be the same afterward. That shift will be achieved when the Mother of All BS Threads reaches its 30,000th post....sometime later today according to my calculations! We have less than 12 hours left before the end of the world as we know it!!!!!!! The dimensional change will be subtle. Subtle enough that many people will not even notice it has happened at first. It will remove the subtle layers, the onion skins of consciousness, as it were, that have so long blinded the human race and held them in the common mundane level of consciousness that says things like, "two plus two equals four" and "the bloody ale has gone flat", but which fails to perceive what is going on under the surface of life! And what is going on? Well, you should know if you have been faithfully reading my articles and my journal or if you have tuned in to my cable television show "Ballsworthy and THEN Some!" on Friday nights after 2 AM. The world is being run by heartless lizard beings masquerading in human form. These beings have infiltrated governmental, military, corporate, and financial levels worldwide at the highest level. They are in Buckingham Palace, at Whitehall, in the Oval Office in the USA, in the Kremlin, and in your local Mason's chapter! And what is their intention? Their intention is to enslave and devour the human race, plundering our genetic materials through selective breeding, enslaving us, and ruling us with a hand of iron as they take over the reins of power EVERYWHERE! They would seem unstoppable, because they appear as normal humans. Well, my friends, all that will end at the moment the MOABS threads receives its 30,000th post. This has been revealed to me, Hector Ballsworthy, through revelation and communication from the Angel known as Aerielle. It is irrefutable and undeniable. The lizard men are going to be revealed! Their disguise, which is maintained through a form of primitive hypnosis accomplished by the mass media is going to SLIP! They WILL be seen for what they truly are! I have stated for some years now that the dissolute aristocrat known as Winston Wellington-Jones is nothing other than a FULL-BLOODED REPTILIAN masquerading as a rich Englishman, and that his marriage to his wife, Penelope Rutledge, was arranged to plunder her genetic materials and breed more lizard men to rule the world! And it gets worse! Wellington-Jones has his eye on his young niece, Vernonica Rutledge!!! If his wife Penelope does not produce a son without the next year, she will meet a mysterious and grisly end...a human sacrifice to appease the Reptilian gods. Then Winston will ravish his own niece Veronica in an attempt to sire a line of Rutledge-lizard people! But it's NOT going to happen, friends! I bring you that good news now, that message of salvation for our kind. No! Never! That must be our cry. And when the 30,000th post is made on this thread THAT will be the end of Winston's fiendish plans as his true nature is revealed, subtle layer by subtle layer, for all to see. Thank God that YOU and I have lived to share in our common victory over these reptilian swine! BE THERE when the 30,000th post rolls in!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As always, Hector Ballsworthy, fighting the good fight for Truth, Justice, and Sanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 24 Jun 09 - 01:26 PM Well, no, Shame. It's for rotator cuff problems in my left shoulder. But that reminds me -- have you considered seeing a physician to determine if anything can be done to help the evolution and replacement of your mesonephros and the development of Wolffian ducts? You might also want to consider a leukotomy. You'll probably be happier in both cases. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 24 Jun 09 - 01:01 PM Nine-fifty-two! Nine-fifty-three!! The posts in order came. And Alter-egos said their piece Under seven different names! Even sometimes picking fights And startin' up a squawk! But when the dust'd clear, you'd see They all wuz Little Hawk. One jock pretendin' to be ten, Is quite a sport, they say; But the dark horse jock has not been named Who will ride tuh THirty Kay. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Corridus the Hamster Date: 24 Jun 09 - 12:33 PM Oh my! We are hurtling down the final stretch toward 30 K! I can hardly maintain my composure in the face of this momentous and extremely imminent event! Less than 50 posts to go!!!! |
