BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jun 09 - 02:04 AM

Well, now I have finished Lord Fauntleroy, and I am sorry to have done. If I were not finished with it, I would still have the pleasure of reading it some more, you see, but now I don't   But that is all right. I shall have another book to read tomorrow.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 11:12 PM

Mom:

Thanks to my iPhone I have recently had the unanticipated delight of reading all of:

Crome Yellow
Call of the Wild
Candide
Daisy Miller
Flatland
The Hound of the Baskervilles
The Jungle Book
Maggie, A Girl of the Streets
Miss Lulu Bett
Siddhartha
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
and I have many more such delights ahead, having just embarked on the remarkable tale of Little Lord Fauntleroy.

I tell ya, Mom, they do not make them like they useter!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 10:43 PM

Jeez!


Now, wonderful sirs, go put your creativity to work at some worthy endeavor!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 05:06 PM

It is clear to me, Sir Hack, that you have never done much meditation of the sort taught by the Temple. Therefore you know not of those things of which we speak, and are, therefore, below the curve, around the bend, and severely missing the point. I see dark hues in your spiritual aureola, from which I conclude that you do NOT suck...much, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 05:03 PM

Only after probate.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 04:56 PM

Can I be a deceiving dissolute disapprobate?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 04:48 PM

Let's hear it for disapprobation
It's better than censure or condemnation,
It trumps reproof or accusation
Or disapproval or damnation
It's sure to be the next sensation
You just can't beat disapprobation

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 04:10 PM

LH! Bite your tongue!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 04:07 PM

People who attend that particular temple are lower than a fat dachshund's belly after he's eaten an entire rump roast. They are vile scum, worthy of extreme disapprobation.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 04:01 PM

Yes, and more to be envied than censored.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 04:00 PM

I'll bet confession at the Temple of the Golden Globes is more to be censored then pitied.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 03:58 PM

You, sir, have a tin ear and a blind eye, a limp dick, a sharp tongue, and an oversized nose.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 03:57 PM

You, sir, are a self-indulgent prat. It is not legitimate to grab the 29,600th post by posting 5 times in a row! Go at once to the confessional booth and beg forgiveness.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 03:54 PM

Until they reached six hundred!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 03:54 PM

By singing softly,
Each to each...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 03:53 PM

Improve their lives?
Restore their peace?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 03:53 PM

How did the hive of gentle bees,
When past them, stallions thundred...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 03:52 PM

I am honored by your remarks, sir, at least until you find some way to retract them. In the meanwhile, I have to say that although I had a vivid picture of the heroine in my mind when composing the ditty, the picture did not include any patronyms. I am sure she resisted goosiness wherever it was offered.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 03:11 PM

I'm doing research on the most touching song I've ever read. It beats "The Empty Chair" and "the Drunkard's Child" and "The Drunkard's Son" and "The Drunken Maidens" and "Take My Bridgework Back To Mother" all hollow.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 01:30 PM

There are no morels where I live. It is an amorel society.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 12:41 PM

You're trying to make pate de fois gras out of my doggerel with your gooserel, sirrah!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 12:28 PM

I've just checked, and her father's name was Brucey and her mother was Ruthie.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 12:17 PM

Was Lucy's last name Goosey?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 12:03 PM

That was very good! I saw MOM chuckling into her sleeve when you read it out loud for her.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 11:44 AM

MOM!

A-man's trying to be punny again!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 10:36 AM

Poor Lucy's father died one night
From a stroke at forty-three;
WIth complications caused by drink
And perhaps an S.T.D.
Her mother, she could not recall.
She went to Heaven, see,
When Daddy worked at a banking job,
And Lucy was but three.

And Daddy could not handle it.
The loss destroyed his heart.
The life he'd built had suddenly lost
Its one most precious part.
And so he drank, and drank again
And lost a job or three.
And Lucy wondered at his grave,
"What will become of me?"

A lovely lass of seventeen
And full of love and hope,
She quickly spent her savings bank
And found she could not cope.
She'd used a small inheritance
To pay her Daddy's bills.
And now she starved, no roof or food,
Beset with woes and ills.

She would not turn to the dirty streets,
She had her pride, at least,
And many's the offer she turned down
From a monied, hungry beast.
She held her morels dear and close,
While in this living hell.
And finally found her pathway out:
She became a chanterelle.

And now she tours in a velvet car,
And sings before the Crown,
And many a suitor, rich and kind,
She regretfully turns down.
Oh, there's many a song-bird on the wing,
From the Liffey to the Don,
But of them all, no man denies,
Our Lucy's champignon.

Aloyisius Allcott Winslow Lodge
Morels in Modern Thyme
Cordon Bleu Press, Le Vesinet, 1892

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 09:03 AM

Rapaire's culinary criteria have cratered, it appears.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 08:53 AM

Wot is this? Does no one else CARE? Poor Mom. Here, have a good slug of grain alcohol and some sardines (they're in mustard sauce, like you like them) and some of these extra-dill pickles. And look! -- here's a nice doughnut that only a couple days old!

Bon appetite!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 09:47 PM

I hope he took enough gun. An enraged and wounded mushroom is a fearsome thing, God wot.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 09:28 PM

Friend of mine used to complain that the idiots who went into her cow pastures for "silly-cibin" mushrooms rarely closed the gate behind them. That's why she objected to their gathering them--the cows had to be rounded up a couple of times a week otherwise.

I wonder how Bobert's mushroom hunting went?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 09:27 PM

A thoughtful conscious being should be able to provide his own morels based on his inherent sense of right, truth, justice, and the Good. Chanterels, though, can only be found by hanging around outside music halls.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 09:14 PM

Chanterelles are for whoever is lucky enough to have them growing in the yard under the trees.



Morels are for whoever is lucky enough to know where there is a patch growing in the woods.

Meadow mushrooms are for whoever is lucky enough to tell the difference between them and the amanitas growing on the lawn.

Psilocybins are for whoever is lucky enough to have cow patties on the lawn.



Take-out pizza is for whoever is too busy to cook.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 09:06 PM

Morels. Morels gathered fresh, soaked for a half hour in salt water, sliced lengthwise, and fried in butter with perhaps a soupçon of garlic. Chantrelles are for fancy-shmancy effete Easterners and French people.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 08:55 PM

Ah, a multitude of mushrooms.

sounds like they are so multitudinous as to be a Morbid Pumpernickel Choir of Chanterelles.

Have you had them creamed yet, on bisquits? Chicken a la King, so to speak?

Bisquits are biscuits made from Bisquick, by the by.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 08:15 PM

Hi, Mom! You and the kids come on over for supper!

You see, I've got all these chanterelle mushrooms. They're growing all over the damned place. Can't walk ten steps without finding a bucketful. So, tonight I made chanterelle and chicken potato soup. Imagine New England style chowder, only get rid of the clams and add a couple of diced, sauteed chicken breasts and a whole buncha sauteed chanterelles. Still got half a potful left. Come and get it!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:48 PM

The thing I find with rapscallions is that they have way too heavy a rythm section and not enough melody for my taste.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:27 PM

I must admit that I used the word "unsavory" deliberately, as I dislike the taste of rapscallions. Even when used in a made dish their flavor is too strong for my palate, although I know that others find them delicious.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 03:41 PM

Oh, sir, I could not take credit for such an accomplishment.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:41 PM

Please note that I have overlooked your pathetic attempts at scurrilous verbiage, Amos, and your attempt to link me with the unsavory.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:00 PM

You wastrels and gallivants, moon-beam chasers, idle supernumeraries and poltroon gadabouts, rakes, rascals and Rapairean rapscallions!!!

Although I feel I must apologize to any individuals who were mis-identified by this tasty rubric of disapprobation, and do so freely, I must also add in all honesty that I was pleased with the construction, form, weight, and impact of it.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 01:09 PM

Dreadful, just dreadful.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 11:21 AM

That's because she was sipping from that jar that bee-dubbya left on the porch all last night!

I tried to take it away from her, but she yelled something about "Get your own!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 11:16 AM

Well, I am sure that's easy to _say_, but you didn't see the glazed, painedlook in her eyes as I tenderly picked her up and she mumbled, "Wha..where am I? How did I get here?"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 10:58 AM

Twelve hours and three minutes does not a catastrophe make, Amos. You're hysterical. I prescribe some quiet time in a small boat somewhere.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 10:39 AM

You wastrels and gallivanters, moon-beam chasers, idle supernumeraries and poltroon gadabouts, rakes, rascals and Rapairean rapscallions!!! Mom fell down the threads again last night, and I had to carry her up myself...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 10:36 PM

Strange. It seems that four gorillas drowned last night in the waters off Chicago after a "boating accident". A fisherman claims to have seen an odd submersible vehicle of some unknown kind leaving the area at high speed shortly after hearing an explosion. It was reputedly being driven by a dark-haired woman with goggles who could be seen in the glass enclosed pilot's position on the top of the odd craft, and it had another woman in scuba gear clinging to the rear deck and a chimpanzee standing in a bathtub lashed to the deck beside her. They were embracing.

The police have dismissed the fisherman's claims as the ravings of a drunken idiot who was hallucinating due to having consumed far too much whisky in lieu of catching any fish. He is being charged with causing a public nuisance.

Three of the four drowned gorillas appear to have been members of the famed North Side Gorillas gang. The fourth hales from Harvey and is reputed to also be a gang member with a long record of crimes including illicit banana dealing and armed robbery. It is assumed that they were attempting to illegally dynamite fish, but accidentally set off a charge either in their own boat or too near to it.

A funeral will be held at Shady Acres Crematorium on June 14. Black tie only. Expect no lemurs or chimps to attend.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 10:09 PM

I guess we all exceed the pale of normal existence in our own special little ways, huh?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 10:04 PM

Old car radiators? Hah! That don't put enough lead in the shine to give it a good kick. Ya gotta run it through some old car batteries if ya want real shine! Drink a pint of that stuff an' ya can stop x-rays with yer bare hands!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 09:46 PM

Just for that, Stilly, you get shine from the still made from old car radiators.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 09:43 PM

Sounds wonderful, BWL. Got any extra for anyone who happens to wander in?