BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 10:44 AM

Okay, it's a large and it says "Kids Love Moab Too!" It's pink and blue and yellow and has biking teddy bears on it. I thought it looked kinda small for a large, but that's the size you wanted.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 11:23 AM

Dedicated, unflagging orneriness is the price of eternal irritation. This is the creed of the House of Rapp.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 12:52 PM

MOAB, Utah, is a fine place. I like the house hollowed out of a hillside about 2 miles outside of the town. It stays a constant temperature year round and was One Man's Dream. It ranks right up there with some of the odd, religious gardens scattered around the country here and there.

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 03:26 PM

Hmmm. I kicked some religious sorts out of my garden today. They had the temerity to ring the bell, bible in hand. "Get Lost!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 03:52 PM

SRS... spring arrived here just minutes ago. I saw my first JW. The two young lads declined to donate to the IWK Children's Hospital in Halifax. I keep a riggin from the IWK by the front door. When the JWs or the Cancer Society or the Kidney Foundation or the... I ask them for a donation to the IWK before they can say a word. Most don't. I say, "Have a nice day." and shut the door.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 04:16 PM

Great strategy. Eiseley, I love that little house carved out of a cave. Visited it years back, before MOAB spawned the BS industry.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 05:08 PM

Well, it's got a whole Disney-world thing going now. Not at all like I remembered it from the 1990s (I specify because some might thing I was there with Robert L. Parker et al.).

I am alone. The others have left me in a search for shops. Shops relating the the "Q-word." They seem to thing that SLC might have a quilt shop, even though they should know better. Besides, we're in South Jordan and everyone knows that the only thing in South Jordan is Cabela's.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 06:09 PM

Them JWs don't come to yer door askin' for donations. They come to talk about religion. All I usually have to do, though, is just open the door...and they are gone in seconds. I don't think they believe in bringin' any apes into their organization. Worse luck for them! If I get a chance, though, I ask 'em for a donation to the APP campaign fund.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:24 PM

HEll, Chongo, you could tell them you're right in with almost all religions, being an imaginary playmate yourself!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 09:24 PM

Listen, pal, if you think religion is about nothin' but havin' an "imaginary playmate", you are way stupider than I ever even imagined you was. Tell me it ain't so. I don't wanna walk around feelin' sorry for you every day.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 09:29 PM

Them JWs DO ask for a donation. TEN CENTS for that there mag. I used to accept it and when they wanted TEN cents I would ask, "I thought you were here to save my Black Irish Catholic soul. Can't I have your "WORD" for free?" The answer was always an enthusiastic yes. I would say, "Good. I am almost out of asswipe."... and close the door.

I have mellowed over the years.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 09:44 PM

I was rooming with a good Lutheran fella from Nigeria. He and some of his friends were all dressed up in Nigerian clothing, getting ready to leave for a show-and-tell about Nigeria at a local Lutheran Church (Missouri Synod, not Evangelical). Some Jesus Freaks knocked at the door, and he stood there and very politely listened to them. Then he said, "Would you like to come in? We about to sacrifice a goat and since I listened to you I think that you should participate with us."

They left. Hurriedly. (He was a graduate of Oxford.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 12 - 10:06 AM

SURE AND BEGONIA!! 'Tis the day of the good Saint Patrick himself!! Happy St. Paddy's Day, Mom!!!!

And lay off the whisky, porter, and (YUCK!) green beer. And the cabbage -- you know what that does to your intestinal system.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Mar 12 - 11:59 AM

That ain't nothin' to the way I react to travellin' salesmen, specially them that are sellin' life insurance or vacumm cleaners. They are way more annoyin' than the religious types. I yell "Bundolo!" and wave the tommy gun in their face, and they are gone in a flash.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 12 - 01:29 PM

I bought two tickets to the St. Pat's supper at St. Bernard's church. Lots of corned beef and cabbage and Irish Stew and such followed by a concert with lots of local talent (last time I played it there was a BIG crowd... well big to me... over 500). Gave them to little old Mrs. Murphy down the street. One son is a little "off" and the other has cancer bad and I don't know her daughters. I hope she found someone to take her. She must have or I think she would given the tickets back to me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 10:45 AM

Rise and shine, MOM. The leprechauns have scattered, and I just de-gnomed the garden, so you can come sit on the sun porch and sip some hot tea and watch the rain.

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 11:38 AM

There might be rain in the valley but there's s*** up here on the hill.

We left SLC yesterday. Got the other two on a wagon heading East, loaded Olaf*, and hit the trail for home. Wasn't too bad -- the Shoshones and Bannacks are pretty much under control these days -- but as we started down Malad Summit we picked up a little rain. As we continued across Marsh Valley it got heavier and by the time we got to the Black Rock Canyon stage stop (near where the big robbery was a few years back) it had changed to s***. Well, we made it home anyway but now I gotta go out and lay in some supplies. They say the s*** will end tomorrow night but I ain't trustin' 'em.

Had to shoot two leprechauns on the way home; poor things were rabid with the hydrophoby. Buried 'em deep under a lot of rocks so the wolves an' coyotes can't get to 'em of course. The dead skunks are out in force all over the place, too. Cain't hardly go down the road without seeing several. Must be the time of year and they're out to breed, but I don't know iffen we need many more dead skunks.




*See "I sing of Olaf glad and big" by e.e. cummings.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 04:36 PM

Ah, road kill! The world at your bumper, for the naturalist who doesn't want to leave the car.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 05:21 PM

The problem with road-kill is it makes Rapparee's mouth water. Except for the little green splotches of leprechauns who had one too many Guinessi and got wiped out by eighteen wheelers.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 06:51 PM

Look here if you really do wish to understand.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 02:40 AM

Just got back to 'Mudcat' after a bit of a 'respite'....Nice song, Little Hawk.....I'll post a comment on your 'Tube' site....That way Bobert and Firth can argue with me, there, too!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 10:07 AM

Fair morrow, Good Mother!! 'Tis a fine day for fishing, except for the cold and snow. Amos, of course, will kayak his way to work -- few know that he's actually a Marine Scout/Sniper and a Navy SEAL who works Black Ops for an Unnamed Government Agency which will deny his very existence if or when it is brought up.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 10:53 AM

Oh, shush, sir. My cover alone has cost the taxpayer $2.11 million, so pray do not blow it.

I am not sure what the white paper on scraping bugs off the windshield is supposed to help me understand, except that BS is truly omnipreent.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 02:42 PM

T, W, Th... 19,22,20C??? It's March! Where am I? Calleeforneeah?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 03:51 PM

Well, actually you're trapped in an aeroplane which is spiraling earthwards, out of control, with no hope of stopping it and no parachute. The doors are sealed shut since the flight attendants parachuted a few minutes ago so you can't even get a drink before you reach terminal velocity and then a terminal cessation of the downwards motion.

Or you might be in New Brunswick, which is almost as bad.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 03:58 PM

I used my box cutter to get thru the cockpit door and managed to pull her up out of the spin. She's on auto pilot now and I am serving drinks and snacks, FREE! That was after we buzzed the attendents who were waving for a rescue in the bog country. I hope the yotes are full... for a day or two.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 07:04 PM

Golly, they wouldn't even let me ON one of them things with a box cutter. Last time I was in that predicament I did the same thing but had to chew my way into the cockpit.

Tasted awful.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 07:49 PM

What a HERO!!! Gawrsh!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 08:28 PM

I can get past security with a box cutter on accounta I don't look like a holy terror. Besides, my box cutter isn't a cavalry sabre. It's actually a small pair of nail clippers with the file removed. Now, I could have just used my fingernails.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 08:56 PM

Little Hawk, (Chongo included)..
You might want to check out, this post on another currently running thread.
I thought you'd appreciate it.
At this time, it is the last, (or near to the last post) on the tread.

RE: BS: How do you decide you can afford it?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 08:46 PM

Anyway, enjoy it.
Sorry, I didn't want to get into details of politics and pollute this thread!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 12:55 AM

Did you read that the TSA scanners can't catch metal objects if you have them directly at your side, like in a little pocket at your waist? A guy has been testing this - if you have it on your chest in a pocket, it can see it because it is a sold object against the light pattern of you as background, but if it is at your side (dark) then the dead air beside your soft body (also dark) and the metal object at the side of your body are indistinguishable.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 10:55 AM

No, but it has possibilities, if true. Hmmmm...a blade fitted into a toothbrush handle.... But then, nobody says anything about a ballpoint or a pencil or a shoestring or a belt or a small Maglite or any one of a number of other things.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 11:08 AM

YouTube video shows the experiment.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 01:28 PM

Here is a link especially for Little Hawk. That isn't you in the video is it?

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 04:44 PM

Little Hawk would never stoop so low as he would have had to have done to fit into the front of that car with the other two large people. He has his standards, you know! :D

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 06:30 PM

Yes! Ihavemy...........standards. (sharp intake of breath!)

Andtheyare.....legendary. (calm look of innate superiority directed at present company)

For...aminor...considerrrr....ation (!)....I'llsharemyinsideinformation...witheeyou! (sharply raised eyebrow and significant glance)

Pretty good stuff, Stilly. ;-D But Kevin Pollack is still the best.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 08:44 PM

Well, not exactly Shatner....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 09:17 AM

This commemorates an event that happened to my nephew, John, some years ago. I thought it somehow fitting to bring it to your attention.


                        John's Deer


                It was mid-November of ninety-two --
                Deer season, opening day --
                John was sitting on a southern slope
                With Ralph fifty yards away.

                Ralph's my brother's oldest
                And John is squeezed between
                Ralph and niece Elizabeth --
                Someday John may be fourteen.

                Yes, Ralph's John's older brother.
                And I wasn't there to see
                When John dropped his first buck deer,
                But Ralph told it all to me.

                "Dawn broke nice and quiet
                It barely brushed the sky with pink
                We'd been on stand for half an hour
                Or thereabouts, I think.

                "Suddenly shots were all around!
                It sounded like a heckuva fight!
                But when I poked my head up I found
                They were fifty yards to the right.

                "Those shots just kept on coming
                But when I looked around I saw
                John putting shot after quickly aimed shot
                Downhill, into the draw!

                "And then he tossed away his weapon,
                And in the early morning light
                John lit the fuse and tossed downhill
                A stick of dynamite!

                "It exploded and I started toward him.
                He was yelling to beat the band!
                And then suddenly he jumped off of the ridge
                Clutching a knife in his right hand.        

                "When I got to the ridge I saw him
                Crouching in the blasted wood,
                Stabbing and cutting a little spike buck --
                John saw me, waved, and stood.

                "'I got him, Ralph!' he hollered,
                But I think he's still alive!'
                And over the cliff John tossed that very dead deer
                In a two hundred fifty foot dive.

                "When we finally got down to him
                That buck was as dead as dead could be.
                He carried a rack of two or three points,
                But John swore thirty-three!

                "To get that deer out of the creek
                Was a job and a half, I'd say!
                It took us all day and half the night
                And my back still aches today.

                "We stuck two four wheel drive pickups
                Broke a winch and an ATV.
                Finally Dad brought in a D-9 Cat
                And moved the hills away.
        
                "We had to build a road to that old deer
                We built three bridges and filled in two bogs,
                Leveled mountains and drilled four tunnels
                And lumbered out five thousand logs.

                "We butchered at last that old deer up
                (John wanted to mount the head)
                We got seven pounds of meat from it,
                And eighty pounds of lead."

                Now, I don't believe Ralph for a minute!
                He stretches the truth some, you know --
                'Cause I've seen John's venisonburger,
                And the bullet holes hardly show!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 11:54 AM

That was pretty impressive drama, Rap. Poor Jar Jar! Let's hope he gets his revenge in Part 9 or whatever part comes next.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 12:17 PM

That's the sort of mellerdrammer Chongo will stay up all night to watch.

I am back at the Orifice, heeding the Orifician Oracle and calculating impedances for a two channel colocated dual polarity detecting antenna system. Is that great, or what? Definitely 'what'.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 12:21 PM

You're all going to Hell, you sinners! Believing that a monkey is the same as a man, that a fat Canadian is as good as an American, undermining the precious liberties upon with this country was founded! You will be carrying burning brimstone over melting sands, crying for help, and God will turn His back on you because of your sins!

I, too, once sinned! I admit it! But God forgave me and so did those in my church and now I walk in The Light! Repent, for there is still time! God will forgive after a suitable penance! Bend your knees and kneel, bow your stiff necks and pray! Reach into the treasure you have laid up on Earth and give all that you have!

You CAN still be saved!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 02:53 PM

Does that offer come with a set of Ginsu knives?

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 03:00 PM

If I agree to be saved and then cannot be saved, do I get to keep the knives?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 03:25 PM

JLOTMABLMYAIKE!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 04:23 PM

Does this savings pay a decent rate of interest? The one at my bank stinks.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 04:39 PM

I signed on last October for 3.24 times less than my 5 year GICs yielded at that time. Ouch! Cruise missiles are FAR too expensive.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 06:45 PM

There goes the lucky fellow gnu
With Forty-Four and Two!
It was not an inspired post,
But it will have to do.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 07:18 PM

LH, Eiseley posted that link to the video about talk like Shatner day. Which is TOMORROW.

Are you ready?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 07:33 PM

Hi Mom! Miss me?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 08:54 PM

The Manne of Emms!! Hail, blithe spirit!!

Little Hawk: Don't talk like Shatner UNTIL tomorrow or we'll take you in for treatment for a bad case of premature emulation.


A