BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 05:54 AM

These Tetons, Rap?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 10:19 AM

Yup. Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone National Park are only a couple and a half hours drive away. They share a boundary; you can go from one right into the other. Beautiful places -- we go to each at least a couple of times a year. Another nearby place that's beautiful in its own way is Craters of the Moon National Monument -- especially around late May when the flowers come out. Or maybe Gray's Lake; bird refuges are great places to fill in your "life list."   Of course, an hour or so farther out are the Sawtooths, the Frank Church/River of No Return Wilderness, and the Grasslands south of Holbrook. Did I mention Shoshone Falls, or the Bitterroots or the Gates of the Mountains or the Breaks of the Missouri up North of here? Or Bear Lake and that whole area? Or that this here town is located sort of inside the Caribou National Forest, with the valley opening up onto the Snake River Plain and that from my back deck/porch you can look 120 miles over to the Snowy Mountains and the Pioneers and...never mind. You probably wouldn't believe me anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 11:05 AM

Wow.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 02:47 PM

What Pete said.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 04:41 PM

Oh pooh. It's just that the same persons who name Avon colors name Idaho/Wyoming/Montana features. Means nuttin'. :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 07:25 PM

I think I will sell my house. And my truck. And most of my goods and chattels. Turn it all into cash. And put the cash... cold hard cash... into safely deposited boxes in major banks and mattresses. Oh, I will keep my valuables such as my autographed copies of famous people's stuff like my Brady jersey, Kendall's books and CDs/DVDs, Amos' book, my letters from the various Popes and Prime Ministers, my Bodhrans, the works of wood furniture I slaved over, and the like. But, I feel it's time to take stock, to evaluate, to reconcile the bleak future with some reality such that I am not faced with the stark truths which approach me ever so faster at some future date when I shall be far less equipped to deal with them.

Life sucks and then ya die.

May as well get at it eh?

Have a nice day.

Oh! Yeah. When are you going up north to feed yourself to the polar bears, Rap?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 11:28 PM

There are many places other than Moncton awaiting your delighted participation, Gnuzer. Make sure you have a fall-back position, and then go fer uit.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 10:12 AM

Go South, young man! Come to Pocatello! We need more 'hrans here and no one says anything about eccentricities. Well, they do but not to your face.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 10:26 AM

Someday, I hope I can visit 'Catters all over. Fer now, I'll have to make do with just bein able ta get up ta yer Sobeys. Today, I hope to go even further afiel... all the to Bed Batch & Beyond. I have a coupon! 20% off any single item in the store. Hmmm... maybe it's time for a quality mattress protector.

Yup. That's me. I am a Boy Sprout... always prepared.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 10:44 AM

Sprouts. Ugh! Even worse than whelks.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 12:34 PM

Not whelkome in your kitchen?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 03:04 PM

Gnu, maybe you need to get yourself one of these and park it near that great tree you described.

Kat didn't post to the MOAB often, but that wasn't why we dedicated a post to her. It was the shock of each of us losing a personal friend, who most of us never met. Irony is a long suit played often here in MOM's thread.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 08:25 PM

They have Bad Breath and Beyond in Canada?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 07:04 AM

SRS... a medium size black bear would easily drag that away. Maybe sommat a tad more substantial.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 10:08 AM

"The specimen, received in formalin and labeled "right maxillary sinus", consists of multiple irregular fragments of tan-brown, soft tissue measuring 3.4 x 2.1 x0.3 cm in aggregate. The specimen is submitted in a single cassette."

"...negative for tumor."

That's about the size of a small packet of Post-its. My brother told me last evening, "I told you not to stick them up your nose, that that wasn't a good place to keep them! But NOOOOO, just because I'm younger than you are you never listen to me!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 02:21 PM

34mm X 21mm X 3mm of fragments in aggregate. Ouch.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 05:50 PM

That's a full tank of gas trnsferred into my Ford truck, model POS, from gas cans so I can put fresh gas in the cans to provide power to Mum's house via gennie during a power outage. 5 cans. Big job. Tricky and slightly dangerous with my bad back. Twas 8C and no wind so I took advantage.

Oh, you don't know what a model POS is? Piece of Shit. They have been the standard model since 1997. My 1984 standard tranny straight six F150 got well over 20mpg and I could actually pick things out of the box without a fuckin ladder. This POS gets far less mpg and costs close to $2000 for a total tune up at 100,000km. My old, old, old, old truck? $65.

Wanna buy a truck?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 07:25 PM

And NOW, coming to you from the Detroit Car Show, the NEW NEW NEW Ford F150 -- made almost entirely from ALUMINUM!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 09:59 PM

Al? I wish. I think it's made up of many a planned obsolescences and none include a reaonable reaity. Ford Motor Company be damned.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 10:55 PM

Two hundred thirty posts ahead,
A long and tortured way,
OF grumpy farts, and broken hearts,
And clever things to say,
Before the mighty MOAB stream
Achieves her Fifty Kay.

Two hundred thirty different posts!
It seems an awful task,
And we'll run out of answers glib
And questions sly to ask.
And scrape our brains for tattered thoughts
To sledge her on the way
Along the grinding, bumpy road
To reach her Fifty Kay.

But think on this, my MOAB friends,
The celebration roar!
We few--we valiant few--will do
What none have done before.
We'll set a record high as high
No other thread could sway
And glory will rain down on those
Who make the Fifty Kay.

So rub your skulls, and squeeze your brains,
And set your minds to working!
No Facebook 'til your work is done,
No Linked-In circle-jerking.
When duty calls, the dullest lout
Must hasten to the fray!
And duty 'tis that calls you out
To the Fiftieth of Kay!

Gloria Omnes-Tori, First Countess of Many
Rhapsody on High Numbers
Inuit Publishing Services, Nome, Alaska, 1895

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 11:13 PM

Two-twenty-nine posts, two-twenty-nine posts,
two-twenty-nine posts onward,
All in the valley of Fifty Kay
Rode the brave MOABites.
"Forward, the MOABites!
"Charge for the fifty kay!" he said:
Into the valley of BS
Rode the brave MOABites.

2.

"Forward, the MOABites!"
Was there anyone dismay'd?
Not tho' the MOABites knew
No one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to post and fly:
Into the valley of Fifty Kay
Rode the brave MOABites.

3.

Politics to right of them,
Flame wars to left of them,
Incivility in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the brave MOABites.

4.

Flash'd all their wit laid bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd to air,
All the predictions there,
Charging an army, while
All Mudcat wonder'd:
Plunged in the BS smoke
Right thro' the record they broke;
GUEST and other trolls
Reel'd from the witty strokes
Shatter'd and sunder'd.

5.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild record they made!
All Mudcat wondered.
Honor the record they made,
Honor the MOABites,
Noble two-twenty-nine!

    Pocatello Pete (pseud.), Ripping Off Fred Tennyson: Herkimer, NY: Plagiarized Publications, 1909.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jan 14 - 07:59 AM

In light of the above, a fitting work of poetry...

BRAVO! ENCORE! ENCORE!

Dale
A Collection of Short Poems by Louts
Outhouse Publishing, Three Miles in Backa Beyond, circa whenever

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 14 - 01:50 PM

Rapparree dwells in the north
ANd lives on grass and venison
It pleases him to make up posts
Ripped off from Alfred Tennyson!
Although he is a jolly fellow
(Some say, who live in Pocatello)
HE better serve his wits vestigial
By writing something more original!

Elder Crankee Panz III
Nickel-plated Dimes
from "The Paleolithic Reader's Book of Olde Poemes"
Haughty and Miffed, New York, 1941

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jan 14 - 06:05 PM

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I hate snow blowers
And lawn mowers too

Green or white
I consider a blight
They take my time
Away from rhyme
And away from time
With you

If I had
Time by scads
I wouldn't give a shit
I'd think up things
To post herein
And bore you all with it

What's new ask you?
What's a gnu to do?
Except answer with
I am not boring by choice.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 14 - 06:22 PM

When Lil's husband got demobbed, I said,        
I didn't mince my words, I said to her myself,        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
Now Albert's coming back, make yourself a bit smart.        
He'll want to know what you done with that money he gave you        
To get yourself some teeth. He did, I was there.        
You have them all out, Lil, and get a nice set,        
He said, I swear, I can't bear to look at you.        
And no more can't I, I said, and think of poor Albert,        
He's been in the army four years, he wants a good time,        
And if you don't give it him, there's others will, I said.        
Oh is there, she said. Something o' that, I said.
Then I'll know who to thank, she said, and give me a straight look.        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
If you don't like it you can get on with it, I said,        
Others can pick and choose if you can't.        
But if Albert makes off, it won't be for lack of telling.
You ought to be ashamed, I said, to look so antique.        
(And her only thirty-one.)        
I can't help it, she said, pulling a long face,        
It's them pills I took, to bring it off, she said.        
(She's had five already, and nearly died of young George.)
The chemist said it would be alright, but I've never been the same.        
You are a proper fool, I said.        
Well, if Albert won't leave you alone, there it is, I said,        
What you get married for if you don't want children?        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
Well, that Sunday Albert was home, they had a hot gammon,        
And they asked me in to dinner, to get the beauty of it hot—        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
Goonight Bill. Goonight Lou. Goonight May. Goonight.
Ta ta. Goonight. Goonight.        
Good night, ladies, good night, sweet ladies, good night, good night.        

                  Tom Eliot, The Wasteland

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 07:24 AM

Blimey. What was he on?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 10:08 AM

Tom was born in St. Louis and lived in London. No more explanation is needed.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 10:23 AM

Someone must compose an elegy to my nearly departed pickup truck. I creased the front bumper, grill, and front of the hood yesterday in a parking lot at work. The signpost stanchion won. Slow moving, no airbag, just a plain silly accident that is the end for this 14-year-old pickup. I was looking to the left as I rolled into it straight in front of me. I know the insurance company will total it and offer low cash, so rather than have a claim I'll trade it in for a used car to drive in the meantime.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 11:13 AM

Wise decision, SRS.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 06:14 PM

An Elegy and an Epithet for Stilly's Truck
             by Ford Rambler
Here rests its hood upon the lap of earth
A truck to fortune and to fame unknown.
Fair automotive science frowned not on its humble birth,
And nigh a Sesquidecade marked it for her own.

Large was its capacity, and its tranny sincere,
Heaven did a recompense as largely send:
It gave to Stilly all it had, a tear,
It gained from her ('twas all it wished), a friend.

No farther seek its merits to disclose,
Or draw its frailties from their dread abode,
(There they alike in trembling hope repose)
The bosom of the junkyard, and its end.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 06:38 PM

Well borrowed is half-made, I allus say. Haven't I allus said that, now, Mom? SUrely I have. And it's true, too. You just ask the Borrowers hereabouts if it ain't so.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 09:12 PM

Borrowed, good Amos? I cited my source, my friend and fellow Idaho Legionaire Ford Rambler. He is quite learned and is often called upon to "say a few words" at funerals, for toasts, etc. and rarely does he make a mistake and say something like, "Here's to you...you got just what you deserved and we all agree that now the world's a better place for it!" at a funeral instead of a celebration honoring a promotion (as happened just last week). No, Legionaire Rambler's words fall trippingly off his tongue or pen, and are usually appropriate for the occasion.

Granted his vast repetoire of arcanity is less than my own, but I never, when in the military and given the order, "Dress right, DRESS!" reached inside my trousers to adjust my "dress" instead of straightening the line as Private Rambler once did. Nor did I respond to the question of a Drill Instructor, his face only a couple of inches from my own, "DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PUKE? with "Did you know that you have bad breath?"

Ford's verses have not yet been published, but several submissions have been made.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 10:05 PM

Very nice, Rap! Thank you. I found a little Chevy SUV from the year of 2009 that will now serve my transport needs.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 11:13 PM

ELEGY WRITTEN IN A TEXAS JUNKYARD

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,

The weary pickup on the black-top rolls,

The weary driver glances once away,

And drives the pickup straight into a pole..


Now bends the chromium bumper on the front,

And all the air a solemn stillness holds,

Save where the beetle wheels his droning flight,

And tinkling headlights crumble in the cold.


The parking stanchion now is bowed and bent

Unto the lingering sunset does complain

This truck, mis-guided and mis-spent,

Has sadly marred her solitary reign.



Beneath the engine-hood, now creased and bended

The engine beats its fitful, faithful tune

But faith, once broken, is not quickly mended

And new wheels will replace the old truck soon.


For all its loyal service now is ended

And trust to rust will run, however hard

Farewell, first truck she e'er befriended!

We'll meet again, beyond the wrecker's yard.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 11:31 PM

BTW... for a measely $CDN22k, YOU could purchase a four year old JUST LIKE NEW FORD F150! 16,400km. New MVI and tags. Loaded with features! Reason for selling... fuckin Ford.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jan 14 - 12:02 AM

How sweet! The engine is running strong, it's sound as a bell, as they say. I hope someone decides to rescue it from a fate worse than the junkyard.

And now for something completely different.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jan 14 - 06:11 AM

If I ever get a pig, you know what I will name it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 14 - 11:32 AM

You need a sow and a boar for your backyard. Cute little piglets will add joy to your life and enhance your standing with the neighbors. Fresh bacon, home-smoked hams, shared by the guy who did it all himself, what more could they ask?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 18 Jan 14 - 12:09 PM

I'm gonna be grilling pork belly for dinner in a couple of hours time...yum, yum!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jan 14 - 12:12 PM

And you can make cute little videos of piglets diving into breakfast.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jan 14 - 01:26 PM

I have about 8 pounds of pork side ribs. BOGOF = $3/#. They are huge and have little fat... I could resist! Boil em, mariate em in Hickory BBQ sauce and bake em slow so that they stay nice and hot during the AFC/NFC championships tomorrow from 4PM to near 11PM. In total, 10.5 hours of Yankee Football TV coverage tomorrow.

GO PATS!

Go Seahawks... maybe... we'll see.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 14 - 03:18 PM

Isnt' there supposed to be someone named Pest or Dess or something on that mythical football team, the Patriots? Wasn't this person recently arrested or injured or walked out in a fit of pique or something?

See, that's why the Cubs are gonna win the Ryder Cup this year -- all them other teams, like the Patriots and the Browns and the Flames and the White Sox are either full of injured crooks or are mythical at best. Take your Green Bay Packers...please.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jan 14 - 04:51 PM

Cheese!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jan 14 - 09:38 PM

Hmmm. Links never work. Google          cheeshead

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 14 - 01:00 AM

Are you calling me a cheese? I'm old and moldy but...maybe I am a cheese.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 14 - 07:17 AM

Cheeseheads are from Wisconsin, mainly, but anyone can be a cheesehead. Bro was.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 14 - 01:15 PM

No, more than my head is old and moldy. I guess I'm not a cheese head because of that and because I'm not from Wisconsin, my names not Yon Yohnson, and I never worked in the lumber mills there.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jan 14 - 02:25 PM

I don't pay attention to football at all - I know it is too early for the Super Bowl so this must be some kind of playoff this weekend? No need to answer - I won't remember anyway. :)

In the last six months I have dug out photos for five different individuals with significant relationships with my employer (the library). I had to do that again today. In the past it was maybe once every couple of years. I'm glad I have the photo resource, but I'm sad to have to mine it so often.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,gnuonlaptopwatchinChampionshipWeekendNFL
Date: 19 Jan 14 - 03:31 PM

Got my football slippers, my Pats t-shirt, my Brady 2013 AFC Championship QWeekend GAME JERSEY and my tent size Pats hoody on. Got pork side ribs boilin and... game's back.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 14 - 06:13 PM

Apparently, Stilly, there IS some sort of football thing this weekend. I'm working on what to have for dinner and the laundry while trying to figure out the packing for the Aurora-watching trip without the Big Wheeled Duffle we ordered and which hasn't arrived yet...and I'm still lacking in stamina after the surgery 11 days ago. Some people have time to watch television! I wish I had time to watch television. Here I am newly arisen from my sick bed, working and slaving away, just trying to keep things going. And SOME PEOPLE even bag a Century and don't even acknowledge it.

Poor Mom.