BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 03:19 PM

Sigh. How is it that all I get out of this rootin' tootin' librarian is stuff I don't want or stuff I don't need?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 02:47 PM

Amos, if you play your cards right, you can sneak into Rap's room before he's fully awake and have him sign a form that lets you have all of that bright red carpet from the basement that is stacked in the back of the garage after they pulled it up. That, plus a buried freezer, and maybe a bucket of golf balls, is a pretty darned impressive bequest from this rootin' tootin' libarian.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 01:52 PM

It's sorta like my dear old mother used to tell me: "Son, into each life, a poophead will come. Someday, while you're just minding your own business, someone will tap you on the shoulder and, when you turn to face him, he'll say, 'Hi! I'm your poophead!' It's unavoidable. It happens to everyone. How do you think I met your father?"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 12:15 PM

we may have finally established the limits of natural growth for a thread.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 12:08 PM

Do well, amigo; here at home we will shoulder your burden while you deburr your shoulder.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 06:15 AM

You can have your pick of the buried freezers Amos, or even both of them.

Now they are coming for me.

Adieu.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 12:16 AM

If you can tell the difference.

Rapaire, I have always treated you justly, and only been a poophead when you really needed a poophead in your life. Surely you can agree with that.

So leave me your guns, your trumpet, and one of your buried freezers, okay?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 10:30 PM

Janie can have my chemistry set and Bee-Dubya can have my modeling clay.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 10:08 PM

Dearest Mother,

In a few hours they will come for me. I will rendered unconscious and then I will be filled full of holes -- I suppose they think it's more humane that way. I don't blame those who do this thing; they are only doing what they are ordered to do. Remember that my last thoughts will be of you and the sibs.

And Mom: Let no man (or woman) write my epitaph until MOAB has taken her rightful place among the nations of the Earth.

With Love,
Rapaire


PS: Give my slinky to Stilly because Amos is just a big poop-head.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 08:09 PM

Yep, MOM is getting old, fat and slow. This is the first time today she didn't time out on me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 07:37 PM

MOM has been a little harder to reach this week. But I've been busy, so haven't tried as often as I might.

I'm dreaming html and styles and whatnot these days. Almost finished the design on some pages for work.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 07:02 PM

You are just lucky that my perfect limerick concerning your emergence from the anesthesiologist happened to be perfected at a time when Max wasn' t accepting MOAB posts, or your face would be so red.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 04:39 PM

That's something she made up! There wasn't anyone around at the time! I checked very, very carefully.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 10:36 AM

Seems Janie not only knows her but saw you emerging from her...



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 09:09 AM

Hey, that's my gas passer: Annie Thesia! You know her?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 10:07 PM

I feel so much better knowing that MMario was weeping over the dishes. Pisses me off, though, that he set that night's dishes aside in a pan to mold while awaiting my return.

Don't tell any of the family secrets when emerging from the anesthesia, Rap. Otherwise, we will have to do what we can to make sure you never wake up!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 09:44 PM

Neither were most poets. Those who were, weren't poets. I mean, can you picture Keats waddling down the streets of Rome?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 07:31 PM

I mean, as FAST as ever. I am sure you are not really fat.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 07:26 PM

And with your slick computer set up, you should be able to steal poems from long-forgotten poets almost as fat as ever!!!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 06:54 PM

I can still shoot pistols and supported rifles as well as fence right handed....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 06:05 PM

Ah, woe, woe. But be oif good cheer. You'll be out of there before you know it. Oncer you are, there is a long slow process of rebuilding and re-strengthening, which is a Royal PITA but which you must undertake with courage and optimism.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 05:31 PM

Yes.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 05:23 PM

Is this your shoulder repair, then? You didn't mention why you were intoning the time-tag.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 04:14 PM

Betcha mine's gonna hurt more than yours.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 01:50 PM

A week from next Thursday, Mom....a week from next Thursday!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 01:10 PM

The day after tomorrow, Mom, the day after tomorrow.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 12:29 PM

Sounds like a good weekend!

It's July 20 in North Texas and it is a heavily overcast rainy day. (It didn't manage "cool," but anything that isn't "fuckin' hot" is good!) I'm making note of this because a day such as this in July in North Texas is truly as rare as hens' teeth.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 11:48 AM

well! It *was* her turn to do the dishes!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 11:42 AM

Janie has NO idea of the weeping, the moaning, the gnashing of teeth, the chewing of pillowcases, that her long absence induced in some of her siblings. Not missed!! I should say she was!! Why, the house nearly shook to death with people wandering around after hours bemoaning her absence!! We're all just too proud to say so, is all.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 08:52 AM

Good morning, fair Mater! I hope that you slept as well as I and that your dreams were all of wonder.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 12:54 AM

Hi MOM.

Doesn't look like I was much missed, but that's ok - I wasn't much missing anything or anybody either. Nice, low-key week on the Eastern Shore at Sister Annie's. Did a little kayaking in Assateague Sound while Annie taught Sum Yung Sun the rudiments of windsurfing.

Went to see a rather eclectic mix of movies ("Transformers" - awful, but as the Sun said, the whole point is robots and lots of explosions and fight scenes, and there were plenty of all that so he was happy, "Public Enemies", excellent cinematography and very good acting, and the latest Harry Potter - Well-done, but not enjoyable. As the story matured and became darker, I enjoyed reading them less, and so did not enjoy the last two books nearly as much as the earlier books, so it is not surprising that I also did not enjoy this latest movie as much.)

Also a day trip to Smith Island, (very nice, and would like to go back and stay a few days in a B&B with another grown-up,), a community crab and clambake at Crisfield and a very fun and relaxing Sunday cruising country roads, historic sites and State Parks in Annie's 1993 Saab convertible. Nice to drive a fine handling car for a change.

Actually read a novel cover-to-cover in three days, which I haven't had the time or concentration to do in years. Reynolds Price The Promise of Rest. I had read the first two books of the trilogy of the Mayfield family many years ago, when I still lived in West Virginia, and the scene of all three of the novels is the area in which I have lived in North Carolina for the past 20+ years, so I found it quite satisfying to finish up the series with a geographic and anthropological sense of place. (If you aren't familiar with Reynolds Price, I highly recommend his novels. Complex and richly psychologically realistic characters and lives.)

Also a delightful evening at a regular Thursday evening date Annie has with a couple of friends where she plays fiddle, Marion plays hammer dulcimer and Charlie plays guitar and banjo, and an evening with just Annie and me making music together.

The absolute best times were on Annie's back porch, with Annie and I sharing and swapping funny family stories with Sum Yung Sun, and deep belly laughs all around.

Also did a little plumbing. Both Annie and Sum Yung Sun sleep walk. One of them managed to break the bolts on the tank to the toilet in the main bathroom and also turned off the water to the tank, presumably after observing water pouring through the bolt holes at the bottom of the tank while still asleep.   

Under Annie's able direction, we reattached the tank the following evening, and decided we would make an effective plumbing duo, mainly because she is right-handed and I am left-handed, she knows what she is doing, and I can follow directions.

And now, back to real life.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 12:28 AM

Ooooo--read that last couple of posts after a long day and a glass of wine and it is quite a good chuckle! And Chongo is being so, well, civilized.

Hmmmm. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 09:35 PM

Oh, Mom, thank god you're still semi-sober.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 12:13 PM

Neither is as pleasant or delightful as meeting her in person. Not only is she pleasing to the eye, she is a triple black belt in twaekwondo, jui-jitsu, and kendo. An ex-Marine, she revamped the Marines' combat training and then, upon discharge, became a smoke jumper. That led to a career as a Park Ranger, where she not only preserved the Cascades single-handedly, she put the bend in the Big Bend. Although she won't, in her modesty, admit it, she is a dead shot with any small arm and can both throw and use a knife to deadly effect. She is also a highly regarded author and painter, missing the Pulitzer in 2007 by just the slightest amount and the Nobel in 2001 the by the same. Her painting and sculpture (eschewing the lost wax method she sculpts directly to the bronze) are on exhibit in many European galleries and museums.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 11:30 AM

I must say that the image of Ms. Sage, warmly accepting cold brewskis from a hirsute simian wearing a fedora, is ALMOST as delightful as the image of her bathing in moonlight protected by wild dogs...



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 12:14 AM

It is definitely the thought that counts...cos the thought is father (and mother) to the deed. That's why I never let a friend down. This is always a good thing to remember when the bullets are flyin' and the clock is runnin' down to the last seconds of the game. Yessir, my friends are the ones that have come through thick and thin and never quit when the goin' got tough. Like Chachi the baboon. Like Nymbel the Capuchin. Like Renata Carson, my human campaign manager and best friend. She stuck beside me in the dark days of the last election. We was shut out and marginalized by the corporate mass media. Our supporters was shut out of the voting booths by a corrupt system. We was confronted with the ugliness of innuendo, rank specism, and false allegations of impropriety, but Renata never quit on me.

A friend like that is better than a suitcase fulla gold...or whiskey, for that matter.

You gotta keep yer priorities straight in this life, and that means ya don't forget yer friends.

Speakin' of which, have another beer, Ms Sage. The drinks are on me tonight.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 11:44 PM

(But it is the thought that counts, even if the beer goes somewhat missing between the fridge and the friend)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 11:43 PM

Whoa! Chongo! Another round of beers, and uh, leave the bottle cap on this one so the whole thing gets there. :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 10:14 PM

It just occurred to me: I can't take aspirin, NSAIDs, or stuff like that, but I CAN drink!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 10:04 PM

Ms Sage? Here is yer beer. Fresh and cold, just like ya wanted it.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 09:16 PM

MOM! Make 'em stop talkin' that Franch stuff! Ever since Yahoo got ahold of Babelfish it's so slow it might as well be backin' up.

I could learn t' talk Franch myself in th' length of time it takes fer Babelfish t' translate somethin'.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 08:33 PM

Ah, it is so nice to be home with my beery sibs.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 06:13 PM

MOM says take it out in the yard. She's tired of all of these big words. She asks if Chongo or Rap will bring her a beer.

Me, I've been virtuously playing the ant (or little red hen) and harvesting and putting away food for winter. (I could use a beer. . . )

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 06:06 PM

I shouldn't doubt that about my sister. It's quite possible, given the "life" she leads.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 05:59 PM

C'est point dommage, vieux nourriture des chiens, puis qu' j'l'ai vue plutot que toi-meme, et plus souvent.

Ta soeur, elle pisse bleue--va t'en chercher quelquechose a teinter.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 05:55 PM

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, as I used to say, oui, oui, oui. Better to give the kiss of peace to a Cardinal than to lick up the spittle of harlots and whoremongers. Even with my left arm immobilized I can get any three men to see my point and enjoy my sharp wit, tho' I dally at the same time with a fair lass or two. Meeska, mooska, musketeers...I spit in the direction of your pig-dog ancestors! Monsieur Cyrano can only be felled when timber taps his top.

Have you never seen moonlight over Carcasson? Quelle dommage.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 05:41 PM

Scurrilous jackanapes!! Ungodly carrion-monger!! Spawn of unclean life-forms!! You will find yourself called out, sir, by a younger and spryer man, and find yourself re-thinking your hasty words, or my name is not d'Artagnan, and I no Gascon's son!! You are a bootlicker of unseemly cloaksmen, and a kisser of cardinals.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 04:19 PM

Eaten in moderation (as I do all things, of course) there would be no harm in it. Only when taken in excess (which I take in moderation, of course) does a problem arise. If Amos were to reflect in moderation, which of course is impossible for him since he lacks the needed self-control, he would see that I am correct. It is for this reason that I have begun an investigation to prove my thesis that Amos is Shame McBride's long-lost brother or sister as the may be.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 03:35 PM

Fondness for fry bread is considered a major factor in high obesity and diabetes rates among native Americans. Fly Blead would be a much healthier alternative. Flied food is much lower in fat than fried food.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 10:53 AM

I think, on reflection, that you are mistaken. The immediate impact of my plan for Fly Blead would be to entertain and feed thousands of people. In fueling thousands of human brains, if only briefly, my product would enable Great Thoughts and Aesthetic Visions, untold possible combinations of HUman Affection, and possibly even Literary Inspiration.

Your theoretical condemnation is groundless, hypothetical, in the face of these substantive benefits.


A