BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 06 - 09:44 AM

I did read your wonderful post, Rapaire. Truly I did.

It was wonderful fantasy writing. But I was taking about the REAL Illium.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 06 - 09:34 AM

And if you had read my earlier posts, you'd know that the town was originally called "Ilap" and was moved by continental drifting to its present location in the Philippines. The poet Jethro Homer renamed it "Ilium" after a very active ingredietn in the toothpaste of the time.

Sheesh. Like I don't have my hands full enough with people who don't do the reading and I have to do every damned thing around here........

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 06 - 09:31 AM

Squeeze Helen from the bottom.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 06 - 09:28 AM

How could you burn the topless towers of a toothpaste? Who left the tops off?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:55 PM

Yes, Amos. On that I must agree with you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:54 PM

Ilium is, as noted before, an old time Greek toothpaste additive.

Schmilium refers to Jasper Schmilium, a vaudeville comic who used to do a dialogue with himself at quilting bees. Kept the audience in stitches.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:53 PM

Damn right. It's a matter of integrity -- you don't weasel yer neighbors or go back on a deal.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:40 PM

Ilium, schmilium--isn't that a bowel disorder?

I don't want to talk about unhappy bowels or faces starting wars, I want to count coups--I got a freezer at an estate sale this morning. Several siblings running the sale, and I paid the sister for the freezer and a couple of other things I took with me. I was there right at 8, hadn't planned to go, but I was coming back from dropping my son off for school and saw the sign and stopped. There was too much activity and stuff in the way to collect it right then. Okay, it's harvest gold, about 30 years old, but it's a big solid upright freezer and I'm set for next year's garden! I've always given away a lot of produce because I didn't have room to store it frozen and I haven't learned how to can, like my mom did when we were little (anyone else remember when we kids used to sneak to the basement with a spoon and a bottle opener and open mom's canned pints of fruit and eat them right there in the dark?)

I went over this evening after 5 to pick up the freezer--and the brother was gracious but still kind of fussy--he'd half-way planned to keep it, and they had so many offers for it during the day that he knew he could have gotten it for more than $30. (As we were standing there beside it discussing how to empty the contents a fussy little lady pushed past us to take a look at it--ignoring the "sold" sign and our discussion.) I figured for that price I could afford to have a new gasket put on if it needs it. It's thawing in the garage right now--and it looks great. As the brother cleaned out the freezer we talked, and at least he knows it's going to a good home--a gardener wanting a place for produce, plus we found we had a lot in common (he has worked in theater set design, and that is what Caroline will study, along with costume design). I figured it was better for me to charm the fellow than to 1) offer to pay more for the freezer or 2) let him give me back my $30 and sell it for more. I bought it in good faith and in the end he'll feel better that he honored the sale. I think so, anyway. But I didn't leave anything to chance so I got it out of there this evening. :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:34 PM

So the originals were written in Greek, most likely.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:33 PM

Further research (you do your own; I did it and so can you!) clearly demonstrates that Ilap was, at the time that Jethro Homer flourished (probably sometime between the 10th and 7th centuries BCE) and wrote "The Iliad," located on the coast of what is now Turkey and in pretty much the precise location where Schliemann found "Troy"!!!! Ilap was moved by the action of plate tectonics to its current location following the explosion of Thera, which shook it loose from its anchorage (so to speak).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:23 PM

Amos, you have now endowed dear MOAB with what MOAB was created for!

Ilap.

This discovery places J. Homer's magnum opus in a whole new light since it is entirely possible that the original was not written in Greek at all, but in Tagalog, Cebuano, Ilocano, Hiligaynon, Ilonggo, Bicol, Waray, Pampango, or Pangasinan!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:18 PM

Faustus

One thing, good servant, let me crave of thee
To glut the longing of my heart's desire,
That I may have unto my paramour,
That heavenly Helen, which I saw of late,
Whose sweet embraces may extinguish clear
Those thoughts that do dissuade me from my vow,
And keep my vow I made to Lucifer.
Mephistophilis
This, or what else my Faustus shall desire,
Shall be performed in twinkling of an eye.

Enter Helen again, passing over between
two cupids.

Faustus

Was this the face that launched a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss.
Her lips suck forth my soul; see where it flies.
Come, Helen, come, give me my soul again.
Here will I dwell, for heaven is in these lips,
And all is dross that is not Helena.
I will be Paris, and for love of thee,
Instead of Troy shall Wittenberg be sacked,
And I will combat with weak Menelaus,
And wear thy colours on my plumed crest.
Yea, I will wound Achilles in the heel,
And then return to Helen for a kiss.
O, thou art fairer than the evening's air
Clad in the beauty of a thousand stars.
Brighter art thou then flaming Jupiter,
When he appeared to hapless Semele,
More lovely than the Monarch of the sky,
In wanton Arethusa's azure arms,
And none but thou shalt be my paramour.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 10:50 PM

Old Marlowe wrote "burned", not toppled.

Helen passes across the stage and so inspires Faustus to speak the famous lines:

Was this the face that launched a thousand ships
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?

The Old Man enters and warns Faustus to leave off his sinful ways. Faustus is not convinced and seals his fate by kissing the demonic spirit of Helen.

I suppose being on a first-name basis with every writer in history is an occupational hazard for Library People.

Anyway, Ilium is nowhere near Ilap, as which there is no such place up at which to put.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 09:53 PM

Amos! Have you never heard of

...the face that launched a thousand ships
And toppled the topless towers of Ilium?

Well, Ilium* was a made-up name for the town of Ilap, which was well known a sleaze bag of a place. Problem was, ol' Jethro Homer, the blind poet, couldn't rhyme Ilap. With what? Jalap?   So when Chris Marlowe wrote about Big Johnny Faustus and his deal with the Capo of the Red Gang, he'd have to write something like

...the result of a thousand pills of Jalap
And buried the topless bars of Ilap

at the very least it wouldn't have been very flattering to Helen, would it?







*Back in Jethro Homer's time "Ilium" was the name of an ingredient in toothpaste. Ilium has the chemical compostion HF, and although it did both whiten teeth and supply fluoride it wasn't used for very long.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 08:00 PM

Because, silly, there is no such place as Ilap.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 07:13 PM

Why don't they call a "palindrome" something like a "palinilap" instead?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 06:32 PM

If you had it would quickly become clear which of you was the painter....

I got friends in high places,
and pals in Drøme, and I draw aces
When I go for a pass
Up in Montparnasse.
I've even got a friend
Out by Land's End,
Who takes me home.
But most of all,
I miss my pal in Drøme.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 05:46 PM

green or any other color.

14441!!! Palindrome!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 05:46 PM

I have never, ever painted a puma

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 05:35 PM

Yeah, I believe pumas share those very same sentiments...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 03:16 PM

Yeah, well, ya paint one squid green and all of 'em become your enemies. And after all I've done for them, too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 03:06 PM

There's a giant squid who has been on the lookout for him for ages.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 01:45 PM

I would not have thought from your pictures that you were vulnerable to being eaten by trout, but I guess you can do anything with Photoshop these days....


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 01:10 PM

There's only two kinds of fish in the world, Amos: them you kin eat and them that eat you.

I go fer the first kind.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 01:00 PM

I think Rapaire has been too long in thrall to the Sign of the Catfish. Mayhap some good spirit will come and free him from his walking dream, that he may learn of the many kinds of fish in the world, and their habitations in it.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 12:50 PM

Nope, wrong in one. Proper science consists of blowing it up, setting it on fire (same thing, only slower), or creating a really massive stink.

I know catfish water when I see it, and that's catfish water. Probably some nice channel cats, maybe even some blues. And if folks don't think that there have ever been catfish in Scotland I'll betcha there's some real whoppers in there 'cause it's never been fished for cat. Probably even a new national record for catfish in Scotland. I'd try a trotline, myself.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:48 AM

Catfish, bah! That looks like a trout lake. Maybe even a little fly fishing in that water.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 11:18 AM

Proper science is giving something six extra legs, and then blowing it up.

From one of the discworlds, and a good a definition as you're going to find.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 10:54 AM

Well, Bunn, consider the math: one trillionth of a second is obviously too fast to even think. Yet here we are debating about a millionth, with no qualms. That qualifies, I would say. 'Course, ti depends on what you mean by "proper".

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 10:07 AM

It has trout, some Arctic char, maybe salmon, but not catfish, I wouldn't think. The only catfish found in Britian is the european catfish, which was introduced in the 19th Century, and is mainly found in southern England.

By existing for one millionth of a second it counts as proper chemistry ?!?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 09:06 AM

Wow, Amos!

...deceleration, from 97% down to 10% the speed of light.

I'd sure hate to have to pay for THAT brake job! Do they do it by pumping the brakes like you're supposed to or by just standing on the pedal?

Bunn, that looks like prime water for catfish. I'll bet there's some big one in there. Stinkbait works great, especially on a trotline or if you're jugging. If you don't have any, try cottonseed cake or raw liver. And there ain't nothin' like fried catfish and hushpuppies to help build a strong baby. Just make sure you take lots of lard and cornmeal with you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 06:25 AM

You'll have to excuse me from looking after mom over the weekend, we're galavanting off to Here Unfortunatly, we don't have the time, or the group to get up into the really interesting bits of the Cairngorms, but it could snap into proper winter up on the tops at any time, and our most experinced mountain leader is 6 months preganant...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 11:41 PM

Holy Moly, Mom!! Look at THIS:

The Athena collaboration, an
experimental group working at the CERN lab in Geneva, has measured
chemical reactions involving antiprotonic hydrogen, a bound object
consisting of a negatively charged antiproton paired with a
positively charged proton. This composite object, which can also be
called protonium, eventually annihilates itself, creating an even
number of telltale charged pions. Normally the annihilation comes
about in a trillionth of a second, but in the Athena apparatus (and
its very thorough vacuum conditions) the duration is a whopping
millionth of a second. The protonium comes about in the following
way. First, antiprotons are created in CERN‚s proton synchrotron by
smashing protons into a thin target. The resultant antiprotons then
undergo the deceleration, from 97% down to 10% the speed of light.
Several more stages of cooling, including immersion in a bath of
slow electrons, brings the antiprotons to a point where they can be
caught in Athena‚s electrostatic trap. This allows the researchers
to study then, for the first time, a chemical reaction between the
simplest antimatter ion---the antiproton---and the simplest matter
molecular ion, namely H2+ (two H atoms with one electron missing).
Joining these two ions results in the protonium plus a neutral
hydrogen atom (see figure at http://www.aip.org/png/2006/269.htm ).
This represents the first antimatter-matter chemistry, if you don‚t
count the interaction of positrons (anti-electrons) with ordinary
matter. (Previously antiprotons have been inserted into helium atoms
but this did not really constitute „chemistry‰ since the antiprotons
merely replaced an electron in the helium atom.)
According to Nicola Zurlo of the Universita‚ di Brescia
([e-mail]) and her colleagues, the experimental output from
the eventual protonium annihilation (see depiction at
www.aip.org/png) allowed the Athena scientists to deduce that the
principal quantum number (denoted by the letter n) of the protonium
had an average value of 70 rather than the expected value of 30.
Furthermore, the angular momentum of the protonium was typically
much lower than expected---perhaps because of the low relative
velocity at which the matter and antimatter ions approached each
other before reaction.

---

70!!!! 70!!!! Just imagine that!! Those science fellers are tops!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:50 PM

My wife Pat, who is currently in DC, thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. Being a dutiful spouse I copy 'n' pasted all of them and emailed 'em to her.

And she was appreciative. Really. I'm not making this up. My nickname when I was growing up was "Truthful James." I won the gold star every year I was in grade school for honesty. I would never, ever, tell a lie.

So Pat says, "Thanks for the good wishes."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:03 PM

Long day today, good thing Amos came along. Early to bed, if I get my way. I'll be Mom's favorite tonight because I won't be underfoot around the house.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 08:25 PM

Darn kids. Ya start sinking down toward oblivion, and only Amos shows up to save ya.


Mom

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 04:01 PM

Anyway,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAT!!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 01:26 PM

But, Rapaire is always signing himself off as "Mom's favorite"!! Why wouldn't she talk to him? Has he run away again? Stayed out all night in a cheap hootch house? Been run out of town for gambling debts? Shotgun wedding? What????


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 01:11 PM

Cuz MOM made the request - and I don't think she's talking to Rapaire today.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 01:09 PM

Oh, THAT Pat!!!!! How come Stilly is putting in the reminder instead of Noble Husband?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 12:54 PM

WHich one is Pat? I( lost track.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 10:11 AM

That was me miming. It is generally agreed it is preferable to my singing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:55 AM

auspicious natal day!, Noble Lady!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:54 AM

Mom asks everyone to take a moment to sing "Happy Birthday" to Pat. She promises not to wince if anyone is off-key (but she might gently thwack them upside the head with her rolled up morning newspaper if they're standing too close to her when they do it).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:40 AM

You mean the horses head on the pillow? I just thought that was lunch...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:24 AM

Has Leadfingers contacted you yet about the duel to the death? If he hasn't you might want to ring him up and tell him about it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:14 AM

Patience. That's always useful...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 08:49 AM

Mom? Did you know that today is my wife's birthday? Wadcha git her? Is it something I can use?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 10:53 PM

Well, the Legion is a little short of cash right now, what with the Oktoberfest, the Septemberfest, the Julyfest, and all those things every month. And while they could afford to send me to Scotland I flatly refused to be nailed into the crate, even with their offer of a clean bucket and a fourteen course dinner (to them that means a package of weiners and a six-pack). Besides, knowing them they'd probably mark it wrong-end-up.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 10:41 PM

That there is jest a brilliant solution. I have a real long-standing offense with W Bush, and I think I will arrange a similar substitution an' let him and Richard "The Dick" Cheney stand in for against each other until they do each other in for good.

A