BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 12:24 PM

Dang near everyone is out of town, I guess. Even the Legion Hovel is mostly empty, but that's because they're all at Toenail-Eatin' Jake's political rally up in Potosi Gulch.

Jake's running for Guvner (as he spells it) on the Party ticket. It's called that because nobody could make up their minds on what to call the group. Jake's platform revolves mostly around free sandwiches when you "buy a free beer" and shipping all of Idaho's unused chicken manure to California "where they're used to a lot of that kind of thing."

They must have had a pretty good rally last night, because this morning's news mentioned that the Idaho State Police SWAT Team attended in full battle gear.

The State's political pundits give Jake's chance to be Governor exactly the same odds as those of Lord North, Osama bin Laden, Robespierre, and Jenghis Khan.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 08:13 AM

Hi Mom
I've brought you some nourishing broth
to get you up and at the clan

full of good stuff
like this thread of yours

Rise and SHINE Mom

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 04:52 AM

Down in the depths again, what are we to do,
but raise you with Eighty one Eighty two?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 05:09 PM

8181.

Again.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 05:08 PM

One.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 05:02 PM

Gluon was feeding in NK a couple weeks ago. He was underground and had, well, he was flautulent....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 04:04 PM

Gluon was in North Korea a few weeks ago? Someone feed him up quick, so he doesn't feel the need to wander off so far again. He'll only cause more trouble....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 02:42 PM

WHoa! Look at what Mom found under Amos' bed! I bet he was going to send it to Rapaire for christmas. I hate to spoil the surprise, but he should have hidden it better. She didn't have to pry up many floor boards before she found it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 01:07 PM

I hope she doesn't just sort of bunch it up and throw it in the washer.
Amos did THAT a couple years ago when he tried to wash out where Gluon had thrown up on his bed, and between Gluon's "ejecta" and the Pu-239 dust from Amos's little projects he managed to reach critical mass. It wasn't much, as nuclear explosions go, but the US Geologic Survey is still wondering where the town went.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 10:15 AM

I bet MOM is going to spend the weekend finally cleaning out Amos' room. Get a broom under the bed to evict the dust kittens and sweep up all of the electronic bits, wires, chips, fragments of old projects, spare particles and unused neurons bouncing around in his closet. And that spot on the bed where Gluon sleeps--that bedspread HAS to go in the laundry with her atomic power detergent! I hope she remembers to hang it out to dry on the clothes line. We don't want a repeat of what happened the last time when she forgot and put that coverlet in the dryer. The fire department hasn't stopped talking about it, and I think they run fundraising tours past the place.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 09:05 AM

No, thanks. I've had tea; I'll make coffee when I get to work. I'm off to see an early-morning sale I promised my wife I'd go to so she could sleep in.

(Gad, but I'm a loving husband!)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 05:59 AM

I'd best make you some coffee too, to wake you up.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 10:10 PM

For those at Getaway:

CHESAPEAKE MORNING
Steve Romanoff
c1990

        Wake up, it's a Chesapeake morning!
        Have you ever seen something so new?
        Wake up, it's a Chesapeake mornin',
        There's so much we've been meanin' to do,
        So wake up, it's a Chesapeake mornin',
        Let's tell all of the neighborhood too,
        Wake up to this Chesapeake mornin',
        And if we see the whole mornin' through,
        We'll wake up to more Chesapeake mornin's
        And see all of our Chesapeake daydreams come true.

From the Cumberland hills to Solomon's shore
There's a Chesapeake sunrise outside your front door;
And its promise will wake you like never before.
Can you hear the alarm 'cause it's time to

        Chorus

We could work through the cities and farms on our way
To where the beautiful swimmers and waterbirds play;
'Til there's nothin' at all between us and the Bay.
It's so good we decided today to

        Chorus

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 07:55 PM

I though you got crabs from the Chesepeke (Sp?). I don't want to know what you're getting from Maryland...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 06:54 PM

Well, you can get crabs in Maryland....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 06:42 PM

Maybe the pipes in question have a lot of "threads?" It's in the name. Maybe Google is tweeked just a tad too tight right now.

Amos, have fun. Bring something back for us.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 06:34 PM

Humph. I knew it. Half off the page with her relevancy trailing in the breeze and her precious validity exposed for just anyone to peek at. Tell ya what, Mom, why'ncha dip into the trust fund Dad left you and come to the Getaway with me?



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 03:44 PM

'S okay, Mom. SRS and I will be here, and so will Bunn, to pat your withered old hand and soothe your fevered brow. And who knows? Maybe others will drop in from time to time to cheer you while Amos is off "cutting a rug" and doing all sorts of wild stuff on the Eastern Shore, drinking rotgut booze and cavorting with floozies and zoot-suiters.






Ya know, Mom, I'd still like to know why the bottomads are for polybutylene pipe and "east lay insulated pipe".

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 12:41 PM

Reckon you better come on down and scout the ground for 'em, so they don't get bushwhacked by Red Thunder Bird or any of his cousins. This is still the a-little-bit-wild West.

BTW don't you owe me a PM or somp'n?

Anyway, Mom, I am off to the Wilde Bleue in a big metal bird this afternoon, and will arrive in BWI at 0530 local tomorrow morning. So I abjure all irresponsibilities until I return late Monday. I am Getawaying. I entrust you to the sobersided stay-at-home skills of my dear siblings who will, I know, take the very best care of you until I return to apply first aid and straighten things out.

Love,


Amos

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 10:36 AM

Refreshing! And I paced myself while I read it so I didn't pass out or hyperventilate.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 09:37 AM

Oh hell, Amos. The boys just wanted an excuse to go to SoCal, assuming that they make it out of town at all. They're easily sidetracked by others guys like Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 09:22 AM

Ya know, Rapaire, the self-offense always speaks loudest in accusation. If you look at the recent posts you will find NONE in which I say anything about non-attribution. So perhaps your string of epithets (inclusing that very obscure one about hats and beds) is better suited for mirror-talk. I just said you were a better bottom reader.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 09:07 AM

The very IDEA that I would post something without attribution!

I am offended, sir, deeply offended.

I would have my friends call upon you if I had any. Instead, I have given your name and address to three members of the Legion (Larry, Moe, and Steeple Sam The Big Tall Man) and they will demand satisfaction, if they ever get that far. If they do finally find you and cannot get satisfaction they would post you as an arrant coward and knave, bald-faced liar, a low-down bushwhacking rattlesnake, and someone who tosses his hat on a bed if they were literate and could remember to do so.

(Why is there an ad for polybutylene pipe and no-dig pipe lining at the bottom? I no longer smoke a pipe or anything else.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 11:02 PM

Thanks for reading it to me. You were always a better bottom reader than I was. Taking those home correspondence courses in Braille and How To Pick Up Anyone.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 10:44 PM

Well, it says so at the bottom....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 10:39 PM

I bet that was written by H. Hahn. Am I right?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 10:33 PM

Unix Sysadmin:

I am the very model of a modern Unix Sysadmin,
I've information relevant to programs in slash usr bin,
I know the tricks of emacs and the vi bugs historical,
From a to ZZ upper case, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted too with matters of the interface,
I understand commands of pine, and how they hurt the human race.
About the pico editor I'm teeming with a lot o' bosh –
With many cheerful facts of how it's dumber than a Macintosh.

Everyone:

With many cheerful facts of how it's dumber than a Macintosh.

Unix Sysadmin:

I'm very good at showing users how to pick the best of tools,
I know I should avoid the nerds who hang out in the vestibules;
In short, in matters relevant to programs in slash usr bin,
I am the very model of a modern Unix Sysadmin.

Everyone:

In short, in matters relevant to programs in slash usr bin,
He is the very model of a modern Unix Sysadmin.

                        -- Harley Hahn

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 09:58 PM

That;s nothing he wrote -- there's not a sign of a Col O'Troof anywhere in it. I think it was written by Major Cointreau L. Issue.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 09:33 PM

1. To take charge of this post and all government property in view.

2. To walk my post in a military manner, keeping always on then alert and observing everything that takes place within sight or hearing.

3. To report all violations of orders I am instructed to enforce.

4. To repeat all calls from posts more distant from the guardhouse than my own.

5. To quit my post only when properly relieved.

6. To receive, obey, and pass on the sentry who relieves me, all orders from the commanding officer, officer of the day, and officers and noncommissioned officers of the guard only.

7. To talk to no one except in line of duty.

8. To give the alarm in case of fire or disorder.

9. To call the corporal of the guard in any case not covered by instructions.

10. To salute all officers and all colors and standards not cased.

11. To be especially watchful at night and, during the time for challenging, to challenge all persons on or near my post and to allow no one to pass without proper authority.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 07:47 PM

Hey, who you talkin' bout. I'm a Yank an' never been in da Army.

I think there's a Colonel O'Troof in the Legionnaires, but he's been wasted so long it looks like up to him.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 06:12 PM

An English major is a terrible thing to waste. It could so easily be something useful, such as a Gilbert and Sulliven lead character, but no, he is doing something vital, and keeps mom going....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 03:57 PM

Fella from out here had heard about scrod, the fish dish for which Boston is famous, for years. He recently had a chance to go to Boston on business, and in the taxi from the airport he asked the driver, "Pardon me, but do you know where I might get scrod?"

Briver turned around and replied, "Ya know, I've often be asked that, but never before in the pluperfect."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 02:39 PM

GET SCREED!

(Bluegrass Banjo intro and tempo count)....

If your mind's forever rambling,
And your heart seems to be gamblin'
And your inner voice is crying out in need
Don'tcha be another Ahab
Just drop on by to MOAB,
Click on a link, come in and you'll get screed.

Get screed! You'll get screed!
The finest scrimshaw prose you ever see'd!
When there's no food for reflection
And you've a hongry mind to feed,
Just come on by to Mom, and you'll get screed

Oh, them MOABites are friendly folk
They love to share a kindly joke
They're decent, straight and clean in word and deed.
But when intellectual starvation
Makes you want to try self-defenstration,
Just click on MOAB's link, and tyou'll get screed!

Get screed! You'll get screed!
The finest scrimshaw prose you ever see'd!
When there's no food for reflection
And you've a hongry mind to feed,
Just come on by to Mom, and you'll get screed

So stop your cogitatin'
All that mental flagellation,
There's no call for jes' sittin' on the shelf.
The thread is out there calling
And once you're out there, balling,
You'll find you've finally truly screed yourself!!

Get screed! You'll get screed!
The finest scrimshaw prose you ever see'd!
When there's no food for reflection
And you've a hongry mind to feed,
Just come on by to Mom, and you'll get screed

Roscoe Thudpumper and the Blue Ball Chain Gang Boys
Lomax Learns Deprivation--Songs Sung By Mental Sharecroppers of America
Disco Dux Folklorico, 1969

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 01:03 PM

Hmmm. I could have sworn that he was the one who wrote

Little MOAB, who made thee?
Does thou know who made thee?
Give thee life and bid thee screed?

etc.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 11:30 AM

That's the one. When Bill found that he'd been cheated out of thousands in royalties he took to drinking and gradually slid downhill from Chateau-Neuf-du-Pape to Wild Irish Rose to Ripple to Boone's Farm. Finally he fell off the rods in the Pocatello railyards and stumbled to the Legion Hovel, mistaking it for a hobo camp, albeit a truly low-class hobo camp. After cadging a few bottles of Stompin' Red (a local wine of extremely low moral character) it was discovered that he couldn't pay for them, pity was taken by the Legion Vice Commander, and Bill was given the job of cleaning cuspidors and teaching Theoretical Quark Mechanics at the University (where his personal hygience, dress, and other habits are written off as 'just another professor').

He has a warm bed in the basement of the Hovel, all the beef 'n' beans he wants, a gallon of red a day, and two part-time jobs that are, he says, in many ways very similar.

Bill's doing okay, for him.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 09:45 AM

I think that's the one I learned in Boy Scouts.

O Cuspidor, oh cuspidor!
How shiny are your brasses
Oh Cuspidor, oh cuspidor!
The receptacle of masses!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 09:43 AM

Yeah -- he 's the one who penned the immortal American popular song, Oh, Cuspidor, Oh, Cuspidor. One of the best sellling hits of all time, but because of a peculiarity in the legal web about authorship, poor Bill never saw a dime of royalties from it.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 08:53 AM

Nah, this is Bill Blake, PhD, a wino who cleans the cuspidors up at the Legion Hovel and works part time as a theoretical physicist.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 08:39 AM

Is that "Eagle Eye" Bill Blake?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 08:36 AM

3.5

Methinks I see a host of threads
Spreading their sails with glee
Down the Mudcat they do glide
All bound for the troubled Sea
Me thinks I see on each small thread
A few with hearts so brave
Going out to spread their tiny thread
And vanish in a cave

[Chorus]
    And it's three and point five
    Years that Mom's been posting strong
    Even though the recent fix
    Has made her number wrong
    The freds, the Ralphs, the Legion
    And the poetry as well
    They've long defied that bitter Night
    And kept dear MOAB swell!

Me thinks I've heard dear MOAB say
"My kids, we'll onward sail!"
Tho' Khandu falls behind our wake
And wallows like a whale
Me thinks I've heard her yet again
Say "Tweed has long passed out"
Yet our dear Mom is battling here
And spinning many a tale

[Chorus]

November's night brought such a sight
Twas never seen before
There were booze and songs and broken chords
A washing on the shore
There were many a lass "in trouble"
There was many a head was broke,
There were many a fine and hearty lad
Who had gave a cop a poke.

[Chorus]

         -- Bill Blake, Songs of Innocent Joys, 2007

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 08:01 AM

I posted this last night - and somehow it ended up over in the filter thread:

Mom will be having her 3.5 birthday in just a few days. I figure that makes her the equivilant of "three score and ten" - not that I would mention a ladies age, and MOM is most certainly a lady.

Makes you think, though, doesn't it? Many websites don't last 3 and 1/2 years, heck, some of them don't last 3.5 months!

and this thread is going to be 3.5!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 12:11 AM

Mom, I had about 40 kids stop by tonight and I still have candy left over. But it isn't anything I'm too crazy about, so a lot of it will go to work in a few days and let college students munch when they visit our office (library administration). You never waste food when students are nearby. . .

Why is it so many of these folks just tramp all over the yard, and not up the path that is put there for them to walk on? I have a lot of shrubs and things that I don't want them tripping on. I finally got smart and just told them "stay on the path. The grass has stickers (grass burrs)." You get very good compliance when people know they might be getting those sharp as hell little burrs that draw blood when you step on them barefoot on your bedroom floor after they drop off of your shoelace following that trek across the lawn.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 10:16 PM

They don't see it that way. To them, it's like a visit to bloody Lourdes or an act of Gawd. Amazing, it has disappointed far fewer shad than some of our religous elevators have humans....


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 09:11 PM

Hah! They use both ladders and elevators! Nyah, nyah, nyah!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 07:09 PM

Ha! I'm sure Rap could tell us a very elevated fish story.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 07:02 PM

Fish do not use elevators, Rapaire. They have built in ones, like an airplane.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 06:13 PM

Up-currents and down-currents instead of elevators?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 05:36 PM

You cheat at the corners of a tubular fishtank network, and have decent sized vertical tubes there, which could run to the other story, to give you a multi level network. It would take some doing, as there would be quite a bit of pressure at the base, but it would be very interesting.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 01:51 PM

You must have felt like getting shit-faced when you dreamed that one up, amigo!!

Sorry for the Ypto, ClaireBear. It was clearly done in error, ypto facto.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 01:35 PM

I wanted to do the same thing with a termite farm, but my wife wouldn't let me. She also wouldn't let me blow out the sewer lines both ways to insure a good cleanout.