BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 09 - 05:30 PM

Ah, good day, cher mater! I have, per your instructions, cut the lawn, edged the driveway and sidewalks, trimmed all the grass around the flowerbeds, and now I shall go out and buy some herbicide. There's a great sale on some stuff over at the Army surplus store. You can get a whole barrel for twenty bucks, and it's got the prettiest orange band around it, too! Sure, it's a little old, but the price is right and I'm trying to be as frugal as Amos purports to be.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 09 - 07:07 PM

The wedding went almost just as rehearsed, which was pretty darn good considering the laid-back self-organizing nature of the crowd. The bride and groom are now thoroughly wed. The party thereafter was vibrant and joly and chatty and loud, and a good lot of fine folks had a gay old time. I slept late because I needed to. It is actually quite draining you know, tying a marital knot between young colt and young filly. But they do tend to saty tied when i ties 'em.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 17 May 09 - 08:54 PM

Mommy, what's a saty tied?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 09 - 09:44 PM

He misspelled "satyr" and "tired", dear.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 May 09 - 09:49 PM

He's still all "tuckered out". (see Chongo's post for an explanation)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 17 May 09 - 11:03 PM

Sounds like he needs to clean the dust out of the workin's on the "r" key.

Othewise it appaently eally will not wok. If it eally will not wok, it is had to gok what he eally means. I mean, eally!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 09 - 11:32 PM

STAY TIED you belligerent nincompoop banderlogs!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 09 - 11:52 PM

Amos, not everyone (me, for example) is into bondage.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 09 - 08:58 AM

So Amos has a tied satyr, huh? I'm not quite sure what that has to do with a wedding, but it's SoCal, after all....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 09 - 09:36 AM

Oh, humph, Rapaire. Your twisting is in vain. And shame on you for belittling so sacred a moment. Yes, shame!! Humiliation and beet-red embarassment be yours.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 09 - 11:51 AM

I'm all in favor of weddings, Amos. Especially if there's free food and booze.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 09 - 11:53 AM

I even remember my own wedding: at St. Andrew's Church, Silver Spring, Maryland. The reception was at the Bethesda Naval Medical Center Officers' Club. The party afterwards is a blur, except that my brother pantomimed an automated brewery.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 09 - 12:49 PM

Amos, I'm assuming you're far enough south that you're not all shook up this morning? I heard from my brother up in L.A. Seems his dog is well trained in earthquake response. She headed straight for a table to hide under.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 09 - 01:57 PM

We didn't feel a thing! We were enjoying wine and pork roast at a friend's house perched on a cliff high over the Pacific. It's probably a good thing it wasn't closer and larger or we might have tumbled into the sea.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 09 - 01:59 PM

What you need to do is sit strapped in your kayak as much of the time as possible. Even eat and sleep in it. Then if the worst happens and you tumble into the sea you will be fully prepared to deal with the situation.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 09 - 02:11 PM

And what you need to do is equip yourself with a full-body Kevlar stocking, toes to hair-do, and live in it forever. That way, if one of your dachshunds gets bitten by a rabid mouse and develops psychotic hydrophobic foaming frenzies and decides to go after you, you'll be fully prepared.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 09 - 02:14 PM

What would we do without each other's brilliant advice?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 09 - 02:35 PM

Have more time in the day, for starters. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 09 - 03:52 PM

Kevlar won't stop puncture wounds, like knife thrusts or dog bites. THIS is what you need, especially for dachshunds.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 09 - 04:33 PM

Amazing!! That's EXACTLY the image I had in mind!!!



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 09 - 06:58 PM

The image I have in mind is more like this:


Much better....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 09 - 07:41 PM

I thought it would be more like this.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 09 - 10:57 PM

I found Rapaire's photo album.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 08:05 AM

Now, that explains all kinds of things...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 09:26 AM

I say, are you disparaging my mother? She used that sword numerous times and it is, in fact, our family's more treasured keepsake (along with my grandfather's still).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 09:45 AM

Hmmmm--I acknowledge insight, and you claim disparagement??? Surely there is an aging problem in play...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 09:47 AM

Grandpa turned out some mighty good drinkin' from that still, and it can do so still.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 10:15 AM

IF drinking gallons, nay, whole rivers of moonshine from Rapaire's grandfather's whiskey still could somehow make him actually wise (instead of making him simply loud and swollen-headed), would he not become the Stilly River Sage?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 02:55 PM

Oh, what a place for stunning looks!
The man of Emms, the man of Books,
The glowing health of Leedle Hack,
And AMos in his sea-kayak.
The curvy form (I beg your pardon)
OF Stilly, kneeling in her garden,
And, like a sylph found in your dreams,
Yon Janie, dressed to show her seams.
No need to ask what Mom is cooking,
When all her kids are so good-looking!


Winnie Snortin-Naye,
Romantic Horselaughs and Other Doggerel
Pansy-on-Wuss, 1928

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 03:06 PM

The "man of books" is going to have shoulder surgery in July.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 03:36 PM

One thought to bring you some small comfort.   It will NOT, for once, be a pain in the ass.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 May 09 - 03:39 PM

I call dibbs on post # 30,000



PS July is a good month for surgury since healing goes more quicly in the summer.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 09 - 04:00 PM

I've been working on a new blog page, Mom. It's a lot of work, figuring it all out. Next I have to design a printed newsletter. Being a "writer" is so much more than words on a page. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 06:21 PM

Hell, yes, it is. I'd rather be a snorkeller or a kayaker. But my fingers keep jumpingback to the goddamn keys...

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 07:45 PM

Alone, all alone in my pain...oh Mom, thank you for caring and for the warm cookies and the cold milk.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 May 09 - 10:38 PM

Take your oxycotin like a good boy, and go to sleep.


It will all feel better after 6 months of physical therapy.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:24 AM

Wanted: Super-super-cheap summer vacation.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:52 AM

Come to Texas. :) We have spare beds.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 08:34 AM

Come to Idaho. We have spare potatoes. Besides, I need more folks to nurse me through my pain & suffering to come.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 08:50 AM

Rapaire, you have to take some responsibility here. If you hadn't been so determined to shoulder the woes and cares of the world, your shoulder would not be hurting so much. You and your shoulder need to have a heart-to-heart talk.

Janie, the cheapest vacation I know of is going to the beach with a good book.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:11 PM

Janie, go to Amos' house. He has that new guest house up in a tree. Remember that little remodel job we did a couple of weeks ago? Might as well go try it out. And see if that San Simeon kitchen (the rustic one on 40 acres, not the Hearst Castle) is as nice as it looked.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:49 PM

That's a great idea, Stilly!

Oh, but wait - I can actually go anywhere and do anything that I want - I still have that little piece of plastic he left lying around -

New Zealand, here I come!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:53 PM

AHa...the velleities and the palimpsest behind the virginal screen of innocence begin to come into focus.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 09 - 02:02 PM

Hi, Mom!

I found an artificial leg in the recyclables drop-box today. I say "found", but that doesn't mean I brought it home. It's still there, as far as I know. It was plastic, so I guess it's recyclable.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 02:07 PM

Ooooo!! Ya shoulda got it for Rapaire!! He's having shoulder surgery!! And he might not know the difference...



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 02:54 PM

At twenty-nine two fifty, Mom,
The wind does veer and play
ANd on its air, the golden smell
Of the coming thirty K.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:24 PM

This morning some of the PAMMSC went out to the range. One shot a 10X -- a bullet right through the middle of the "bullseye". Then I had to get back by 10:30 for an energy audit visit so we can get some of that stimulus money to improve the weatherization/energy efficiency of the joint.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:33 PM

THe problem with the joint is not weatherization, its wearing down of the ligaments.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 09:39 PM

My ligaments are just about wore down, too. Been a lot of wear and tear on this ol' body, some of which was, in hindsight, quite unnecessary.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 May 09 - 09:47 PM

If ya got good foresight ya don't need hindsight.