BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 11:32 PM

Heck, you jist wanna see iffen I kin out-cuss you. Well, I kin.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 10:59 PM

The answer is that it is not in fact preferable to many people, who can handle the honesty and a bit of spark without crumpling. However those who are badly overburdened, emotionally, go bozo at the slightest provocation. So a little politesse goes a long way to making the wheels of social interaction turn more smoothly. Any jabberwock knows that, MM. What the fuck is the matter with you? Keee-rist man! Get a grip!

A.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 04:01 PM

ah! I see. "brownnose" triggered my reaction, but I'd still rather see the profanities right out then wonder what the ^&(*^%*^$*^() stands for.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 03:56 PM

The first is my way of being polite and obsequious and fawning and nice. The second is my usual attitude.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 03:15 PM

The former. true or untrue. that is if you mean true "brown-nosing", rather then indifferent politeness or habitual politeness, or the type that occurs to prevent harm to a third party.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 03:11 PM

Would you rather be called a whey-faced, fistulous, stealing, gutter-crawling, shallow, thoughtless, lickspittle or a @#$!!ing $(#@(!@#%%!! of a !!!@#!$#^&!ing !<@!#%! brownnoser?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM

good thing I've got a dentist appointment this month then! And I see what you mean about the taste.

On a serious note - why is it that hypocritical politeness is more acceptable (in general) then brash-faced but honest venom? Even if the latter does not include scatology or blasphemy?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM

Well, if yer being sickly sweet on the outside, and not feeling thet way on the inside, the dissonance can wreak havoc with yer immune system or your ductless glands.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM

No, it cannot make you diabetic but it CAN rot your teeth. And it takes like forever to get that taste out of your mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM

shucks, golly gee, SRS - I'm not looking for approval. I figure I'll get smacked down if I do wrong - and my Daddy always said - no need to thank a person for what you should do in the first place. (come to think of it, that *is* one of the things about the way I was raised that rankled.)

and they were seperate incidents.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:45 PM

Looks like little Leo has been out running around Mudcatland, then come back to MOM to see if she approves. What have you been up to, dear? Sweetness AND getting attacked by the nasty MG?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:26 PM

hey MOM! or fellow MOABites.

I gotta question.


Can being sickeningly sweet and polite make you contract diebetes? Or can it effect the blood sugar levels of diabetics reading such?

Just wanna make sure I'm not causing any medical emergencies.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:31 PM

Now yer comin' oyut in style, Rap!! I always knew you had a creative genius lurking behind them bookish looks.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 10:24 AM

Perhaps in her Rowdy Ramblin' days.

I am a young man who has gone wrong
Fiddly foodly fee,
I am a young who has gone wrong
So you sit still and list to my song,
Foodly fiddly fee.

Chorus (ad nauseam):
Sing foodly fiddly fiddly foo,
Rarely rearly roo
I am a young man
Who has gone wrong
And I'll swing for it
But not for this song,
Mumblety rootelee dee.

I took my sword and I took my gun,
Fiddly foodly fee,
And I left dear MOAB on the run
And took to the highway to have some fun,
Foodly fiddly fee.

I robbed the poor and I robbed the rich
Fiddly foodly fee,
I robbed the poor and I robbed the rich,
And even Lord Backstrap, that sonuvabitch,
Foodly fiddly fee.

Fair young maids I kissed each day,
Fiddly foodly fee,
Fair young maids I kissed each day,
And with some rolled in the fresh-cut hay,
Foodly fiddly fee.

I diddled Lord Backstrap's daughter fair
Fiddly foodly fee,
I diddled Lord Backstrap's daughter fair,
And how his servants they did stare,
Fiddly foodly fee.

They took me up and threw me in gaol,
Fiddly, etc.
They took me up and threw me in gaol,
With a splintery cot and a stinking pail
Fiddly, etc.

Tomorrow morning I'll be hung,
Fiddly, etc.
Tomorrow morning I'll be...hung,
Aw, shit man! You think I'm happy about it, doncha?
You think I'm one of those romantic twits who robbed the rich and gave to the poor! Bull! I robbed them both and kept it! And spent it, too! Well, I want a lawyer! I want an appeal, damnit!
At least a reprieve! Better yet, a pardon! I'll do gross and disgusting things for a pardon! I'll become a Republic...well, no, better dead than red....

             --From the singing of "Big" Johnny Littlejohn, ca. 1712.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 09:10 AM

Say, Rapaire! Did yon Maybelline ever meet one Rasty Rusty Raritan, the Rambling Rip-roarer? Seems like they might have met somehow.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 09:07 AM

I'm an old MOABite poster
I wallow in its muck,
And for these other posters
I do not give a...shuck,
I'll tell all those do-gooders
Just where they all can go,
Saying I don't want your opinions, man,
I like the status quo.

I'm erudite and really smart,
I can post in Latin too!
I've posted so much BS here
Politicians kiss my shoe.
I'm talented and musical
I play an instrument or six,
And I know the diff between E-flat
A glissando and a pick.

Someday when I'm dead and gone
And all this pain is o'er,
I'll spend Eternity with Mom,
And post and post some more.
'Cause Mom's the best there ever was,
The best that you Khandu,
And I'll post in Pictish, Greek and fred
But rarely in Urdu.
          -- Maybelline Nolver, The Unrepentant MOABite
             (Moab, Utah: Privately Published, fl.1831).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 08:48 AM

woo-hoo! I have *arrived*! Martin Gibson took a crack at me! I feel, oh, how to say it, fulfilled ?


no - that's not quite right, but I do feel something...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Alba
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 06:47 AM

Refresh....ing

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:29 AM

:-D

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:28 AM

You have to crack a smile at that one!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:27 AM

With a slight modification:

With all respect I do not care
Fer numbers being claimed.
The divil lays a hand on Mom
Will find out who I am,

Paying attention to where Flamenco Ted is these days, Amos?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 12:39 AM

A crack in the Universe...is that like when a galactic plumber bends over?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM

The American Institute of Physics Bulletin of Physics News
Number 775 April 26, 2006 by Phillip F. Schewe, Ben Stein, and
Davide Castelvecchi
                
LOOKING FOR A CRACK IN THE UNIVERSE, in the form of very faint field
pervading the Cosmos, one that exerts a force on electron spin,
would be equivalent to the end of Lorentz invariance. Lorentz
invariance is the proposition that says that the laws of physics are
the same for an observer at rest on the Earth or one who is rotated
through some angle or traveling at a constant speed relative to the
observer at rest. An important ingredient in Einstein's theory of
special relativity, Lorentz invariance has been borne out in
numerous experiments. A new experiment conducted at the University
of Washington has sought such an anomalous field and not found it
even at an energy scale no larger than 10^-21 eV. This is the most
stringent search yet (by a factor of 100) for
Lorentz-invariance-violating effects involving electrons.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:14 PM



Kathleen Antonelli, 85, computer pioneer
By Sally A. Downey
Inquirer Staff Writer

Kathleen McNulty Mauchly Antonelli, 85, of Ambler, one of the original
programmers of the first electronic computer, died of cancer Thursday at
Keystone Hospice in Wyndmoor....She was inducted into
the Women in Technology International Hall of Fame, and recognized for
her many contributions to the history of early digital computing in America.

---

Sic Transit Gloria Binarii

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 07:05 PM

Molly is that faint voice that still echoes in the back of our minds every day singing and lilting Yes, yes I will, yes, yes.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 06:29 PM

Molly? The bolt or my wife's car? If the latter she'll be very upset that someone else is selling it, mostly because she still has payments to make on it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 06:25 PM

Oddly enough, I've just spent most of the day sealing up Bunnie-Holes, or at least holes big enough for bunnies round the base of a Poly-Tunnel. Rabbits and Radishes don't mix at all well...


Google has decided that the closest thing to MOAB it can sell us is Molly. Molly! Most sensible people would pay good money to avoid it, and certainly avoid the pubs with Molly dancers in, for no other reason than thay are about to run dry.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:58 AM

I'm a good ole MOAB sojer,
An' that is whut I am
And fer yer pink salvation,
I do not give a damn
I've written things on MOAB
It feels like twenny years
But I flung me lots of fine BS
While hanging on 'round hyere.

I do not care fer fly-by-nights
Or hollow power grabs.
I like a joke whut is a joke,
Like ya find here on MOAB
AN' not them pearly wonders
The collared kind let fall,
Which they assert all serious-like,
Thuh biggest joke of all.

With all respect I do not care
Fer threats of bein' damned.
The divil lays a hand on me
Will find out who I am,
And as fer yer ascensions,
I don't care to pass yore test.
So I think I'll stay on the MOAB
Where life still has some zest.

I can't take to the streets no more,
Like we did in '68.
But I ain't about to be yer sheep,
No, sheep will have to wait.
And I will not pray to anyone
To forgive for what I am.
And I don't want yer salvation, sir,
And I do not give a damn.


Rasty Rusty Raritan, the Rambling Rip-roarer
"Songs Full of Rs"
Wallaby Dammed Publishing
Incontinence, New South Wales, 1939

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:21 AM

Rev -- I'm into dry cleaning, myself.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 12:15 AM

Who is he calling "Bunnie-hole"? And while I have occasionally called LH Leedle Hack, I have not misspelled it.   

Reverend, do me a favor. Save yourself while you still can.

I'll do the same.

OK?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 11:20 PM

Come Bunniehole! Come, Little Hak!. . . one begins to see the light from behind the curtain. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Ray Humbrew
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:51 PM

I would despair of saving you, Amos, except that my faith is in the Lord. You can be saved, you WILL be saved. I have saved hundreds, nay, thousands, many who were worse off than you. I remember one young woman who was steeped in sin, who not only fornicated but poisoned herself with vile liquor! Yes! And she smoked tobacco! And I preached the gospel to her, night after night, and finally she saw the Saving Light and accepted her savior! She has given over her sins; she no longer smokes or drinks, but she goes about doing good and I still counsel her every week after services. Amos, you too can be saved! Confess your sins, for YOU are a sinner and you cannot deny it! Set just one foot on the road to Salvation and you WILL be saved! You too will arise when the Rapture takes the Elect into the Bosom of the Lord! I implore you, do not pass this chance by! You could die in your sleep, sodden with your sins, and go spinning down into the Flames That Water Cannot Quench, the Eternal Flames that will consume you from the inside out! It will not cost you one thin dime, but the saving water is freely given! Afterwards you will WANT to give so that others can be saved as you were! Come Amos! Come Rapaire! Come Bunniehole! Come, Little Hak! Come, SRS! Come to the water that washes you clean, body and soul!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 05:58 PM

As I rambled out on the posts of the MOAB,
As I rambled 'round in the MOAB one day,
I spied a curmedgeon a-shovelin' some BS
Shovelin' stuff that used to be hay.

Chorus:

"Oh, shovel it slowly and shovel it lowly,
Play the "Stable Call" you shuffle along,
It'll make your green valley and you flowers bloom gayily
For it's all fertilizer and you can't go wrong."

"I see by your outfit that you hang around MOAB"
These words he did say as I strode by forlorn,
"Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story,
I've been shovelin' this stuff since the day I was born."

"My friends and relations, they live high in clover,
They know not where this old boy has gone,
I first came to Texas and hired on with a politician
Oh, I'm a curmudgeon and I know I've gone wrong."

"Go write a letter to my hoary-haired Mother,
And carry the same to Stilly so dear,
But not a word of this shall you mention
When a crowd gathers round you my story to hear."

"There is another dearer to me than my Mother,
Dearer to me than my cayuse so free,
There is another who's helped me to shovel,
And I mean, of course, the bold Rapaire."

"Go gather around you a crowd of politicians,
And tell them the story of this, my sad fate;
Tell one and the other before they go further
To stop shoveling their BS, tho' I fear it's too late."

"Oh muffle your drums, and play the pipes merrily
Play "Stable Call" as you go along
And fire your six-guns right into my coffin,
'Cuz given my background, you'll make sureI stay down."

"It was once in the Senate I used to go dashing
Once in the House I used to go gay,
First down to the dram-house and then to the girls' house
But I shoveled too much, and I'm dying today."

"Get six MOABites to carry my coffin,
Get six pretty maidens to carry my pall,
Put bunches of roses all over my coffin,
Roses to deaden the stench as it falls."

"Go bring me a cup, a cup of cold lager
To cool my parched lips," this shoveler said;
Before I had turned, the spirit had left him
And he'd gone to his Maker --- the shoveler was dead.

We beat the drum lowly and played the pipes gayily,
And cheered and huzzaed as we bore him along,
We all thought him a broke-dick mammaluca,,
And we thought it as well that now he was gone.

--DeLay Thomas, Shoveling Songs of Old Texas (Austin: Texas Department of State, 1853).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 04:34 PM

I kinda think it was Gluon. For one thing, there's a pile of partly digested words all over the carpet and Gluon-sized tracks going and coming to it.

I do so hope that it is not a commentary on what was a wonderful post.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 02:26 PM

A-HA!

Why didn't you mention it before?

Obviously the heirs of Mark Twain, working through their connection with the Disney Corp. and Shrub, used the powers of the Illuminati to scrub your post, due to the violation of copyright and obvious plageristic tendency of the writing.

Or Gluon ate it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 02:19 PM

Well, I ain't gort no eejit button, MM. So 'twarn't me, what et Rapaires' poste.

I kinda lak the Gluuon theery mahself.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:52 PM

I even quoted Mark Twain!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:50 PM

Rapaire - obviously one of the following conditions apply to your missing post:

a) you hit the wrong button when you went to submit it.

b) A glitch swallowed it somewhere during transmission

c) Gluon stole it

d) an anonymous fellow poster, swollen with power and rendered meglomaniacal by the possession of an edit button, used their personal judgement and deleted your post in a fit of judgemental ire, in a clear and dicriminatory personal attack on you, thus encouraging other MOABites to treat you in a similar manner.

e) The Idaho Legion requested removal of your post claiming it was too representational of several of their memebers.

f) The attorney representing the NYCFTTS requested removal of your post, claiming that parts of it breached patient/doctor confidentiality and that any portion of it might prevent your timely treeatment.


g) one of them thar "clones" hit the wrong button and "oops-ed" it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:32 PM

The post I posted vanished! It was witty, talked about avocados, sheep, and the Rev. J. Honeybucket, it was intelligent, it was the best post ever posted anywhere and it VANISHED!!! Gone!! Poof!! Not there!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:17 PM

This is a trick question anyway. Why would you let someone who suggests they have the keys to the kingdom bother you? He's talking through his had. Leave the sheep and the avocados be. (Besides, I've never tried a durian, so who knows where it should reside).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:30 AM

oaky - we can't have the seperation of the sheep and the avocados, wouldn't want to make people unjhealthy by depriving them of proper guacamole...

How about the seperation of the sheep and the Durians? I don't think there will be many who will complain if the durians are cast down into the flames.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:24 AM

Avocados are the answer to a high fat diet that is good to you! How could you cast them anywhere except into an exquisite bowl of guacamole (with garlic and onion and a little dollop of picante sauce and some lemon juice to keep it from turning brown and a little salt). Spoon it over tacos or nachos, or eat it plain with chips (be sure they're crisp!)

BTW: Google tells me I've been misspelling it. I typically use "avacado" and got 978,000 hits, but "avocado" gets several million hits.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:41 AM

I didn't think sheep even liked avocadoes. So it doesn't sound like seprating them is a task worthy of Almighty intervention. Probably he will delegate it to a bunch of seraphim or werafim, or neraphim...whatever those guys are called.

I don't remember the names of all the Mouseketeers or the Ninja Turtles, either....).


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:27 AM

Ain't no goats gonna be cast into hell-fire! I *KNOW* for a fact that that the Creator wouldn't waste the effort of creating Angora, karakul and suchlike only to cast them into the flames.

Possibly avacados. they were a mistake anyway, the pit wasn't suppossed to be that big. Avacados he might cast down. Seperating the sheep from the avacados, yessir; that's what's gonna happen.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 04:12 AM

Dear Reverend Humbucker...

I'd like to, honst Injun. You make it all sound so exciting.

But I once took an oath not to do anything I wouldn't want Mom to see me doing, and thus I must decline.

Besides, I can't get my shoes wet.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Ray Humbrew
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:04 AM

Good evening, brethren and sistern! I have long prayed and thought of you all here and at last I have returned to see whether or not you have all turned your face from Mammon and to the Lord. I see that some have but others still are slaves to lust, to greed, to pride, to envy, to gluttony, spitting in the very face of he who died to free you from your sins! I ask you to give it up, to repent! I call upon you by name: Amos, Bee-Dubya-Ell, Rapaire, Stilly River Sage, Bunnaheinie, Little Hack, and all you sinners! Come to the water! Come and let your sins be washed away in the blood of the Good Shepherd, who knows his sheep and the goats and will cast the goats down into the everlasting fire, while he will gather the sheep to his bosom and bring them to eternal bliss! Do not be afraid, sisters; quail not, brothers, for if you are saved by the spirit and the water you will rise again when The Trumpet sounds and dead arise from their imprisoning tombs, clothed in shining glory, ascending on high. But do fear what will happen if you are not among the elect, for you will be cast down into the Eternal Fire, the Flames That Cannot Be Quenched, to spend Eternity with the lustful, the drunkards, the card players, among those who so perverted the music of the Lord into such abominations as hip-hop, reggae, jazz, blues, rap, heavy metal, and the dances of joy the angels perform before the eyes of the Almighty into the lustful contortionings of the lambda, the mambo, the waltz, the tango, the dirty dog, the watusi!

The water and forgiveness await. Only take one tiny step on the path of righteousness. One tiny step....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:28 PM

You may not bite your thumb but Mom's gonna have to ride shank's mare if her thumb doesn't get her a lift back to the top pretty quick.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:51 AM

Snicker Snee!! Deftly turned, sirrah!! LOL! I will no more bite my thumb at thee.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:28 AM

There is no frigate like lampoon        
To take us lands away,        
Nor any coursers like a page        
Of prancing parody.        

This travail may e'en the poet take
Without oppress of toil;        
How frugal is the copyright        
That bares taurian night soil!

Amanda Hortense Dickinsome, For Jessup, Where Ever I May Find Him (Cambridge, Mass.; Hawvawd Universal Press Syndicate, 1898).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:20 AM

or requested help, as per the FAQ