BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 09:32 AM

LOL!!

Rich!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 10:46 AM

105 here today. Humidity this morning is 55%. It doesn't feel good. It's probably pretty warm in D.C. but Pat will notice the dryer air when she gets home.

Does it cool off in the evening? That was one thing I thought very attractive about the Manzano Mountains, east of Albuquerque when I almost moved there a few years ago. Sunset meant a lot more comfort. Not so here in North Texas.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 12:52 PM

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
August 17, 2005 | Issue 41•33

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.


Enlarge Image

Rev. Gabriel Burdett explains Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 01:40 PM

Yessir, I believe everything that comes out of The Onion. It is my way, truth and life.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 02:51 PM

Thanks for adding the correct attribution, Rapaire. I omitted it in error. But, then, the QUALITY of the BS makes it clear that it is drawn from one of the few really pure wellsprings available.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 03:04 PM

There is but one crystaline well; only one fountain from which springs, pure and complete the finest, the premium, the exquisite, top-notch, transcendent, high-grade, terrific, groovy, BS and that is (all bow) MOAB, and those who think otherwise will be hung, shot, beheaded, drawn-and-quartered, garrotted, and made the centerpiece of an auto-de-fe, right after Mom spanks them for their heresy.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 03:06 PM

As clearly stated in the various qoutes from the book of MOAB earlier in this very conversation!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mother MOAB
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 04:41 PM

Children, please keep your eyes upon The Truth!

For what is
real, and what
is aboriginal,
cannot be
fucked with.

And dear Gluon agrees.

Quark!

Quark!

Quark! 

Quark!

Quark!

Quark!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 05:06 PM

It is clear that between our Mom and our DuckDog, and our deep sensitivity to the Higher Truth, we are absolutely immortal here in the safe bosom of MOAB. This is better than "Old Shep" and "Leave It to Beaver" rolled into one.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 05:23 PM

Because I could not stop for BS
BS kindly stopped for me.
The carriage held just the two of us
And immorality.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 09:11 PM

That's all well and good,
but is the fridge cleared out
of the spoiled food from
two weeks ago before Pat left?

(Doesn't scan worth a damn, but looks like a poem. hehe!)

Give her a hug for all of us tomorrow!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 10:00 PM

It's cleaned out. I ate most of it. Contrary to popular opinion, when she's gone I usually eat at home -- meals that I made, not takeout.

Since the beginning of May, Pat's been home about 17 days, max. She's tired of suitcases and more than ready to spend time here. Of course, she's about ready for another free airplane trip from Southwest, but!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 01:20 AM

I wept up the water
on the flour pastry
that was really meant for bread upon the aboriginal structure
of the promising poetic feature
that sprung from a Stilly River
and as it sang,
a poetic stream of quarky rhythm,
it sprung life
to her refrain.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 01:47 AM

Simply told a story of poetic justice
That which bears the name of man's injustice
Tell the tale and flee for substance
Forefathers warned us of living in a stream of incontinence,
believe what will be will be
But, is there a conscience?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 09:25 AM

The conscience of the world is not as you or I;
It hears and sees in other ways.
It knows the height of every sky
And the rate of dreaming and the cost of pain,
And the length of days.
Windows without number in a house of many mansions,
Unconcerned with our measures, names, or scansions.
But if anything can be called true, it is this:
The conscience of the world is.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 10:52 AM

Very elegant responses! Nice!

I wonder if Rap put away the swords and guns so Pat won't trip over them as she reaquaints herself with the house? She's going to need some time to think and maybe sew a beautiful quilt as she sorts things out. Wouldn't want to get gun oil on the quilt squares, it'd never come out.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 12:38 PM

Swords? Guns? Ihave no swords or guns. Tsk, tsk, to think that I, a peaceful and caring 21st Century type guy, would have a sword or a gun. I have a love of nature and peace, and I rejoice in butterflies and kittens and baby bunnies, even though the baby bunnies do grow up to become rabbits and they eat my flowers and then I get so angry I could take ever one of them little @!$!!s and wring their &%#@!! necks with my bare hands and then there are the neighbor kids and they run through the yard and if I ever got my hands on those little bastards I'd...pant...pant...let me get my breath a moment.

No, I'm nonviolent and I'll kill anyone who says otherwise.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 12:41 PM

the baby bunnies do grow up to become rabbits and they eat my flowers and then

yes - Baby Bunnies are cute, and nice and well, pleasant, and they should be cared for, nurtured and appreciated.

Unfortunately they do, as Rapaire has said, become vile vicious lily-eating RODENTS! every single one of which should be shot on site, maimed, killed, tortured and then seriously hurt.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 02:18 PM

Give them a sporting chance--let my dogs chase them (I don't think these dogs could catch a rabbit, but you never know.) Still, it would give the rabbits second thoughts about inhabiting the yard (though our regular mama bunny has had at least two batches in the front yard so far this year. I think she usually manages three a year).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 03:59 PM

Here, Gluon Gluon Gluon. C'mere you mangy old duckdog! That's a good doggie. Okay, you see those rabbits? KILL!!








No, you stupid...don't dance with them!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 04:03 PM

I have just experienced the strangest moment.

yes, stranger then watching Gluon dance with rabbits (there's a movie in there somewhere, tho, I do think). (Funny, I never knew Gluon could tango!)

I find myself agreeing with Clinton Hammond.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 09:36 AM

Much of what CH says is sensible. Much of what Shambles says is sensible and coherent. Much of what Hubby says is good sense. Much of what MG said is true. Claymore is right. Much of what George W. Bush, our President and Supreme Leader, says is correct. Anything else is claptrap, senseless moaning and complaining and whining, and that is against the Federal Anti-complaining Restrictions Tariff (FART). You are subject to FART and cannot complain. If you bitch, cajole, complain, whine, or act perform any similar deed no matter how remotely associated with the expression of dissatisfaction you will be arrested, found guilty, tried, imprisoned, and slammed into maximum solitary confinement where your only contact with humanity will be the enforced watching of "Leave It To Beaver" and "The Beverly Hillbillies" until you either commit suicide or kill yourself, whichever comes first (FART, Chapter 7, Section A, Paragraphs 13-18, as amended). All of your property, spouses, offspring, and extended family defaults to the State of course, and will be sold to help pay off the National Debtor.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 09:49 AM

I could watch Ellie Mae for quite some time.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:41 AM

It was amazing the talent that went to waste in that program.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:46 AM

stilly you lost me on that one.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:49 AM

an inspired post to the Democracy in forums thread

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:21 AM

I've experienced what appeared to be the sound of a ball bat hitting the pillow next to my head. Turned out it was only my brother, trying to bash me again. I took the bat away and went back to sleep; he sat up all night crying and lamenting his bad aim.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:31 AM

Good Lord! This is important! Please read it very carefully, as you never know when you might need this information!



Surgical removal of a seminoma from a black sea bass.

Weisse C, Weber ES, Matzkin Z, Klide A.

Department of Clinical Studies, School of Veterinary Medicine, University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia 19104-6010, USA.

An adult black sea bass was examined because of abdominal distention and decreased appetite. A large abdominal swelling was evident and was firm on palpation. Differential diagnoses included neoplasia, abscess or granuloma, hematoma, or swim bladder abnormality. Diagnostic tests included survey radiography, positive-contrast radiography, and computed tomography. The sea bass was anesthetized with tricaine methanesulfonate. A ventral midline abdominal incision was made, and adhesions to the mass were gently dissected. The fish recovered without complications. Radiography was repeated 8 weeks after surgery, and there was no evidence of mass regrowth. To the authors' knowledge, this is the first report of a barium enema being performed in a fish. Although surgical procedures are performed more commonly on fish for research, a few reports of clinical surgical cases have been described. Our experience supports the conclusions of other reports that certain surgical procedures can be performed safely in fish.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:37 AM

surgical procedures can be performed safely in fish.

This is indeed stupendous news of the highest and most important sort! Why think of the thousands upon thousands of people who have, until now, languished in despair, because they could not have their surgical procedures performed safely in their family fish.

After all, it is much less costly to have the surgery performed in fish - have you seen the cost of operating rooms lately? And I'm sure that the recuperation would go better in fish then in hospitals. Fish are living, careing entities, hospitals are dead, architechtural structures incapable of nurturing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 03:42 PM

How do they get the surgeon in there? Is this related to the Jonah Syndrome?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 04:56 PM

For fish surgery one would use a sturgeon.

re: the Ellie May remark, I just thought that that television show had good talent that went to waste in such a trite storyline. Buddy Ebsen and Nancy Culp in particular. What were they thinking?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 05:40 PM

I think I'll never meet, or can
A sturgeon nimble as a man
For sturgeons often act quite dumb
And haven't an opposable thumb
Which means, to me, a man's the best
If hit with cardiac arrest,
Or if my belly wall should schism
Or brain stall from an aneurism.
But to be cut up inside a fish,
Why then a sturgeon'd be my wish,
Not for his skill in matters surgical
Nor for his thoughts on things liturgical
But for his talents speaking Sturgical.

Joan Anada Wale,
Rhymes of an Abused Christian
Ole, Thyme, Relidge and Gyimidat,
Madison, WI, 1951

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 06:22 PM

I have nominated this research for an Ignobel Prize; the submission has been acknowledge by the Ignobel Prize committee.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:00 PM

Dy-no-mite!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:09 PM

Fish surgery is nothing new. I've removed life-threatening fillets from more fish than I'd care to count.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:23 PM

Ah, yes. . ."The operation was a success, but the patient died. . ."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 08:14 AM

The operation was successful, the patient died - and will be ingested interred at a private ceremony at the family home, 5 pm firday. Lemon and tartar sauce suggested in lieu of cash memorials.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 09:48 AM

Ye who from the seas are drawn,
To the seas must now return
All your scales and bones now gone,
In a sewer, not an urn.
Ashes and dust, for men of words,
But you shall be sent off as turds
Into the seas, to rest, and then
Perhaps to become a fish again.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 09:50 AM

That's a qoute from G. Ourmond's 'Caloric Eulogies' is it not, Amos?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 01:02 PM

There was a young sea bass named Clyde
Who fell down a privy and died
His twin brother Arthur
Fell down another
And now they'r interred side-by-slide.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 02:36 PM

I mighta known I couldn't slide one past your keen eye, MM!! Good spotting.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 02:44 PM

Well, I wasn't sure, Amos. It could have been from G. Ourmet's "Ode to an Omnivore's Universe".

I tend to get OUrmond and Ourmet confused. They are so similar except for personal taste.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 02:51 PM

It does get confusing, especially with the price of gastronomics turnng astronomical.

The actual collection in which I found the afore-mentioned gem was "Post-Factum Gastronomy and Epicureal By Products", sub-titled 'Poems of Wasting and Wanting Not' edited by E.P. Keure.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 03:09 PM

Isn't gastronomics the study of plasma and gas giants?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 03:29 PM

too true, Rapaire. People tend to get that branch of science confused with Gastroeconomics - the study of celestial bodies on the money market; just as they confuse astronomy and astrology.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 05:10 PM

Not to mention microgastroeconomics, the study of financial bullshit after it has been swallowed.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 10:51 PM

Rapaire, how about the study of plasma giants?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:25 AM

The image of huge fiberglass statues of nurses with IV rigs int heir hands, towering over the front lawn of the local General hospital, comes to mind.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:19 AM

Well, he said in all humility, I have had delivered just this week a 42" plasma monitor. For the Library, not for myself.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:22 AM

WAs it a difficult delivery?
How large is a plasma monitor at birth?
Are they difficult to breed?
What is the length of the gestation?
Do you need to feed the mother-to-be on a special diet?
What bloodlines to you reccomend?