BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 14 - 07:25 PM

Mom, you might want to be back in the UK but we can't afford the tickets! Now sit here with your rum and coke and tease Gluon.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 14 - 10:07 AM

'S okay. We were able to make bail.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 May 14 - 09:05 AM

Got the WHOLE thread in two tries! SO sorry to hear about your unavoidable detainment, SRS.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 14 - 11:24 AM

MOM and I were unavoidably detained for a few days, I'm glad to see the thread didn't wither and die without us. And Gluon came for a visit and I missed her! Darn. MOM asked me to send you boys a note via facebook, so go look for it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,gnu w/o cookie
Date: 18 May 14 - 10:24 AM

I'd post if the darn thing would load properly so I could get to the post box. Gotta be at least 30 attempts now and it *might* work.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 May 14 - 10:06 AM

My word. Such erudition doth bring on perdition in the minds of lesser beings, causing a voluminous multitude of fleeings.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 14 - 10:04 AM

None save Gluon and I care!! Alas and alack!! I would edit throw myself into yon river should the duckdog cease humping my leg! Oh, WOE is me!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 14 - 11:12 PM

Haven't heard from that duckdog in a while. I didn't miss the leg humping, either.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon!!
Date: 17 May 14 - 11:24 AM

Quark!

Quark!

Quark! 

Quark!

Quark!

Quark!

Quark!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 14 - 03:03 PM

No, it's from the original of the "Carmina Burana." One assumes that the reader will know both Latin and the source of the poem or prose:

Iam Trimalchio eadem omnia lusu intermisso poposcerat feceratque potestatem clara voce, siquis nostrum iterum vellet mulsum sumere, cum subito signum symphonia datur et gustatoria pariter a choro cantante rapiuntur. Ceterum inter tumultum cum forte paropsis excidisset et puer iacentem sustulisset, animadvertit Trimalchio colaphisque obiurgari puerum ac proicere rursus paropsidem iussit. Insecutus est supellecticarius argentumque inter reliqua purgamenta scopis coepit everrere. Subinde intraverunt duo Aethiopes capillati cum pusillis utribus, quales solent esse qui harenam in amphitheatro spargunt, vinumque dederunt in manus; aquam enim nemo porrexit.

Laudatus propter elegantias dominus: "Aequum, inquit, Mars amat. Itaque iussi suam cuique mensam assignari. Obiter et putidissimi servi minorem nobis aestum frequentia sua facient."

Statim allatae sunt amphorae vitreae diligenter gypsatae, quarum in cervicibus pittacia erant affixa cum hoc titulo: FALERNVM OPIMIANVM ANNORVM CENTVM. Dum titulos perlegimus, complosit Trimalchio manus et: "Eheu, inquit, ergo diutius vivit vinum quam homuncio. Quare tangomenas faciamus. Vita vinum est. Verum Opimianum praesto. Heri non tam bonum posui, et multo honestiores cenabant." Potantibus ergo nobis et accuratissime lautitias mirantibus larvam argenteam attulit servus sic aptatam ut articuli eius vertebraeque laxatae in omnem partem flecterentur. Hanc cum super mensam semel iterumque abiecisset, et catenatio mobilis aliquot figuras exprimeret, Trimalchio adiecit:

Eheu nos miseros, quam totus homuncio nil est!
Sic erimus cuncti, postquam nos auferet Orcus.
Ergo vivamus, dum licet esse bene.

Laudationem ferculum est insecutum plane non pro expectatione magnum, novitas tamen omnium convertit oculos. Rotundum enim repositorium duodecim habebat signa in orbe disposita, super quae proprium convenientemque materiae structor imposuerat cibum: super arietem cicer arietinum, super taurum bubulae frustum, super geminos testiculos ac rienes, super cancrum coronam, super leonem ficum Africanam, super virginem steriliculam, super libram stateram in cuius altera parte scriblita erat, in altera placenta, super scorpionem pisciculum marinum, super sagittarium oclopetam, super capricornum locustam marinam, super aquarium anserem, super pisces duos mullos. In medio autem caespes cum herbis excisus favum sustinebat. Circumferebat Aegyptius puer clibano argenteo panem. Atque ipse etiam taeterrima voce de Laserpiciario mimo canticum extorsit. Nos ut tristiores ad tam viles accessimus cibos: "Suadeo, inquit Trimalchio, cenemus; hoc est ius cenae".

Haec ut dixit, ad symphoniam quattuor tripudiantes procurrerunt superioremque partem repositorii abstulerunt. Quo facto, videmus infra altitia et sumina leporemque in medio pinnis subornatum, ut Pegasus videretur. Notavimus etiam circa angulos repositorii Marsyas quattuor, ex quorum utriculis garum piperatum currebat super pisces, qui tamquam in euripo natabant. Damus omnes plausum a familia inceptum et res electissimas ridentes aggredimur. Non minus et Trimalchio eiusmodi methodio laetus: "Carpe!", inquit. Processit statim scissor et ad symphoniam gesticulatus ita laceravit obsonium, ut putares essedarium hydraule cantante pugnare. Ingerebat nihilo minus Trimalchio lentissima voce: "Carpe! Carpe!" Ego suspicatus ad aliquam urbanitatem totiens iteratam vocem pertinere, non erubui eum qui supra me accumbebat, hoc ipsum interrogare. At ille, qui saepius eiusmodi ludos spectaverat: "Vides illum, inquit, qui obsonium carpit: Carpus vocatur. Ita quotiescumque dicit 'Carpe', eodem verbo et vocat et imperat".

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 14 - 10:22 PM

There you go, again....

From Carmina Burana, by C. Orff:

Behold, the welcome and desirable Spring brings back joys. The brightly coloured meadow is in flower. The sun brightens everything. Now let sorrows depart! Summer returns, now the rage of Winter retires.

Now hail, snow and the rest turn to water and flow away. Winter flees and already Spring sucks at the breasts of Summer. He bears an unhappy heart who neither lives nor plays under Summer's right hand.

They who strive to enjoy the reward of Cupid rejoice and take pleasure in honey sweetness. Let us be at the command of the Cyprian (Venus), glorying and rejoicing to be the equals of Paris.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 14 - 10:11 PM

Ecce gratum
    et optatum
    Ver reducit gaudia.
    purpuratum
    floret pratum.
    Sol serenat omnia.
    iamiam cedant tristia!
    Aestas redit,
    nunc recedit
    Hiemis saevitia.

    Iam liquescit
    et decrescit
    grando, nix et cetera.
    Bruma fugit,
    et iam sugit
    Ver Aestatis ubera.
    illi mens est misera,
    qui nec vivit,
    nec lascivit
    sub Aestatis dextera.

    Gloriantur
    et laetantur
    in melle dulcedinis
    qui conantur,
    ut utantur
    praemio Cupidinis.
    simus iussu Cypridis
    gloriantes et
    laetantes
    pares esse Paridis.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 14 - 06:46 PM

And just to show our Mom that I'm alive,
Here's FIVE OH SIX and then OH FIVE
A number which will soon grow bigger,
ANd looks more graceful done in figgers:

5          0          6       0      5

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 14 - 05:27 PM

My ticket is in hand; the time draws nigh
When I will take unto the silvered sky
ANd leave the desert smoke and fire below
And to the far north of the nation go.
Then for a week I will meander
Like some long lost, tempest-torn Lysander
Into the mountainous wilds with all my will,
Where high winds face the high Olympic hills,
Where fogs and misted breezes prattle
Down to the sea, just northwest of Seattle.
Therefore be still, dear Mom, and strong of heart
For though we seperated be, we shall not part!
And when eight days have passed, will end your wait
By coming back to settle up your fate
And put young Rapp again upon the strait.

Adjustable T. Gollywobble
High Winds In the Early Spring

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 14 - 03:27 PM

Notice, Amos, as through the thread you tread
That I did stop at five oh five nine nine
And not grab. like hungry pig,
The next hundred, Oh! so big!
But now I post and feel so much alive
For I or someone will get 5-0-6-0-5.

         --Laurel Hardy, On Being Generous To Others
          (Fifty Thousand Publications, 1936).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 14 - 12:00 PM

Had we but world enough, and time,
This BS, lady, were no crime.
HEre in a BS lover's nook
We could spend years upon each kook!
A century to random language loose,
And one for every poem by Bearded Bruce!
Millennia we'd slowly gladly see
Pass in the parsing of young Rapparree
ANd then a thousand years or even two
Examining the utterances of Gnu.
But at my back, like some forgotten bomb
I hear the rustling, harping voice of Mom
Urging the days and posts from every mind
To leave BS upon the sands of Time.

Henry Whatsworth Widerman
Centuries in Collapse
Armageddon Press, Wistful-on-Occasion, 2001

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 14 - 07:35 AM

The Habs can SKATE!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 14 - 12:52 AM

THe issue is that you have not taken enough
Guff
And never failed to snidely dismiss his very best
Tricks
But don't forget who raised the bar to Kays Fifty Point
Six.

l.l. gowings
refused alphabets and other conundrums
greenwich village press, 1967

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 14 - 11:39 PM

Poor Mom! Dropping down again
Full figments from a frenetic brain --
I come and help her to arise
To take her place among the skies
And other come and help her too:
Stilly, BB, e'en gnu
We post and post, but who can blame us
When we take such guff from such as Amos?
       Mudlark O'Kelly, Poems For Mother (Dunquin:
       Preas Anseo, 1916)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 14 - 08:23 PM

I cannot watch our Mom decline
AMong the dank, forgotten lines
The posts of anger, red-complected
ANd other topics much neglected.
I will not stand or idly go
When Mom has started sinking low,
But will, with all my wit and main,
But strive to raise her up again!
While others, who are unlike me,
But more like mean old Rapparree
With softened pates and dull neglect
Reveal the depth of disrespect
By being elsewhere in their brain,
ANd letting Mom drift down again!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 14 - 10:41 AM

EVen the winds in the forest
Begin to tell lies.
The solipsist arrives!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 14 - 09:23 AM

I shall write a little poem
That will live long after me
So future students can enjoy it
And read things into it that aren't there so they can write theses and dissertations that no one will read but will get them employed.

            Curly Moe (Kinderhook: Press One, 1834)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 14 - 09:15 AM

Mom was down associating with Kendall's birthday thread. Oh, the horror! The horror!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 14 - 01:07 AM

I'd rather master perfect scansion
Than live in some fancy mansion.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

As for accusations, sirrah, you have brought them all upon your own shoulders. A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 14 - 10:32 PM

Penguins vs. Rangers??? Rangers carry guns and stuff!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 14 - 08:14 PM

Poetry ABOUNDS in all it's glory! Wonderful. But, alas, I am a Canuck and the poetry on ice between the Penguins and the Rangers is simply amazing and actually takes longer to read. I haven't seen hockey at this level in years. These guys are amazing!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 14 - 06:49 PM

I studied all that ABABACBCAB stuff in college. I studied all sorts of poems in English, French, Olde Englishe, and other languages too numerous to mention. I wrote some that got rave reviews from the other guys who used the same men's room. Like

There were two old ladies of Birmingham
And this is the story concerning 'em...

and

There was a young feller named Ed
Whose...

Never mind, this is a family thread. I shan't continue for Amos would accuse me of plagiarism. But I do know a caesura from an Alexandrine, when the wind is northerly.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 13 May 14 - 11:54 AM

Sonnet 24/01/02                        DCL

A sonnet is a frozen tear, a kiss,
Preserved in fourteen lines. It is a pearl
Of layered thought, a gem too bright to miss
When set on page: One blossom, to unfurl
To perfect flower. As amber, sealed soul
In timeless tomb, it can show time long past,
Or hold this instant in it's grasp. The whole
Of heart upon one single page, to last
Beyond even our dreams, it seems a sip,
Distilled to essence. Refined within mind,
Lines sing sweet song, and rhymes in patterns slip,
To weave image that leaves mere vision blind.
A single chord, to resound in one's heart:
Echo of past that might your future start.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 13 May 14 - 11:27 AM

You just need to nail down the couplet real well with that solid rhyme. Then it stays put.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 14 - 11:14 AM

I gave up sonnetizing many years ago when I couldn't get them to stay at 14 lines. I tried the Petrachean and Shakespearean models and even blank verse, the the silly little buggers either ended up at 15 or 16 lines or shyly pulled back to 13 or even 10. And the last couplet never would hold still long enough to rhyme.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 14 - 07:13 AM

-2C at 6AM. But, it's sunny.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 13 May 14 - 07:04 AM

Sonnet 19/05/01                        DLIII

        A perfect day for planting, with no sun
        To burn life from small leaves; The promise of
        Water to sustain new growth. Here's one
        Of Nature's subtle gifts, to show her love.
        You plant sweet herbs for future use, and weed
        Unwanted growth, but know a use for all
        The garden grows. Four senses gardens feed,
        And birds, who nourish fifth with evening call.
        The breeze brings cool contentment, as the day
        Slides into night. You have the future sown.
        In time, all that you plant will grow, to pay,
        With interest, labor done by harvest grown.
        With laughter in eyes, and smile touching cheek,
        You have in your garden all I might seek.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 14 - 11:18 PM

Got 114 cubic feet of mulch down in the flower beds today. No rain, just chilly wind.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 14 - 10:01 PM

Six hours later we're still hearing the thunder from those storms. I'd guess we have at least 4 inches of rain today. Every little bit helps, but I do wish it would pace itself. An inch a week for a month would be much more helpful than four inches in a day and no rain for weeks after.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 14 - 07:40 PM

I was planting tomatoes as the rain started falling from this huge mass of storms going over the top of us today. They're thoroughly watered in.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 14 - 07:20 PM

-2C tonight. My Roma seedlings are doing nicely in the front room window, where they shall remain until 3 days after the June full moon.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 14 - 04:30 PM

Not on the Cat, certainly, but possibly in some old newsgroup such as alt.religion,bullshit, for example.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 14 - 11:51 AM

The Diane Rehm show is interviewing an author who wrote about Orville and Wilbur Wright. Now there is a great source of pontificating and BS. Early aviation and "pioneer patents." I wonder if we could get a pioneer patent for MOAB? Has anyone looked to see if there is a longer thread extant?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 14 - 10:48 AM

Post? You WANT to POST? Well, me bucko, you only HOPE to post! Interdimensional pirates have seized control of the CPU in the server and even now they are bailing the backup bit buckets of bytes, throwing them into to seething seas of semiconductors! P-junctions are prancing the plank and if/then statements cringe in their own heat sinks! Nay, until the Forces Of Good finally prevail you can only HOPE to post, and in the meantime the black flag of "rm -r *" flies from the fan's tail!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 14 - 10:15 AM

I CAN POST! Maybe. We'll see.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 May 14 - 10:08 AM

Tra la! Tra la!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 14 - 12:41 PM

The Texas lottery runs twice a week and I figured out a sure-fire way to win $104 every year - don't buy lottery tickets. It's more than I won when I was buying them.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 14 - 07:01 PM

I wouldn't bet on the Magic. I don't even like basketball. Now. Yankee football, I do well. Did well. Used to do well. Don't bet much anymore. Baseball? Well, it's not even a real sport unless yer a Cubs fan with money to throw away. Curling? I would but nobody carries it. The horses don't pay. So, I throw $5 at Lotto Max when the pot is $50M and has "extra" $1M payouts.

Just found out my buddy's lad has prostatitis. A tad in his mid 20s. Never heard of it and I woulda googled it long ago if my doc had heard of it on accounta... well, you know. When I read it can cause lower back pain, I near shit myself. When I read that it can be worsened by stress, I shit on my doc. Oddly enough, I immediately felt a bit better and actually just walked 1.3km without stopping. I intend to go back out for another walk tonight now knowing I might only be an imperfect asshole.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 14 - 11:03 AM

I didn't win the Lotto last night eithrer. Well, I got one number right and it was a "Mega" which means I get $1. THe interesting thing is that each person in the huge population who buys these tickets stands in the crossroads of two entirely incompatible views.   They know the statistical odds are one in 147 million that they will win the Big Tamale. ut at the same time they know that it COULD happen, and HAS happened for SOME people, so why not them?   In the endless war between Magic and Math, it is human nature to keep one ear cocked toward Magic.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 14 - 07:27 AM

I didn't win the Lotto Max last night so the party for tonight is cancelled and, as I won't be buying a ticket for the next one due to the fact that it's a paltry $13M, no party next week either.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 14 - 12:40 AM

Two grandiloquent punny posts lost to the Great Submit Chasm! Oh, fie!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 14 - 10:53 PM

I don't want to put a burr under anyone's saddle, but I'm off cowboy shooting tomorrow. Of course, we always eat what we shoot. Tough, stringy, and tasting of cheap beer and snoose, but ya gotta keep the population in check or they'll overrun their environment. Then the next thing ya know there'll even be clusters of cowboys in town and everywhere...in roller skatin' halls and scarin' the horses and who know where else.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 14 - 09:50 PM

Amos, your feeble attempts at punning might baiter be described as carping. You cod do baiter, but you have to be hooked on puns to do so and you do net seem to be. Commitment to the pun is needed, not some feeble (albeit reel) lines. Without it you risk spinning out of control, and I'll bait that you trout out your sinkers every chance you get. But cast away, for I will not stop yawl and who knows? Someday you might land one that doesn't get away.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 May 14 - 07:31 PM

oooooooo. Puns. I love 'em!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 14 - 01:06 AM

Just a matter of scale, after all, as long as you aren't Piscean the soup...