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[1155]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Tweed 08 May 03 - 05:07 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 08 May 03 - 05:03 PM
CarolC 08 May 03 - 03:25 PM
artbrooks 08 May 03 - 03:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 May 03 - 02:51 PM
Bill D 08 May 03 - 12:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 May 03 - 12:32 PM
Bill D 08 May 03 - 12:21 PM
CarolC 08 May 03 - 11:44 AM
MMario 08 May 03 - 08:38 AM
gnu 08 May 03 - 07:14 AM
catspaw49 07 May 03 - 11:43 PM
Little Hawk 07 May 03 - 11:25 PM
khandu 07 May 03 - 11:05 PM
khandu 07 May 03 - 10:53 PM
CarolC 07 May 03 - 10:52 PM
CarolC 07 May 03 - 10:50 PM
Bill D 07 May 03 - 10:34 PM
Little Hawk 07 May 03 - 10:34 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 May 03 - 10:23 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 May 03 - 10:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 May 03 - 10:17 PM
khandu 07 May 03 - 09:55 PM
khandu 07 May 03 - 09:48 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 May 03 - 09:44 PM
khandu 07 May 03 - 09:22 PM
Little Hawk 07 May 03 - 06:15 PM
Bill D 07 May 03 - 02:42 PM
MMario 07 May 03 - 01:36 PM
Little Hawk 07 May 03 - 01:24 PM
Tweed 07 May 03 - 10:18 AM
Little Hawk 07 May 03 - 09:53 AM
MMario 07 May 03 - 09:45 AM
artbrooks 07 May 03 - 09:37 AM
CarolC 07 May 03 - 09:33 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 May 03 - 04:38 AM
khandu 07 May 03 - 12:32 AM
khandu 07 May 03 - 12:18 AM
Tweed 07 May 03 - 12:16 AM
Little Hawk 07 May 03 - 12:05 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 May 03 - 12:05 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 May 03 - 11:58 PM
Mark Cohen 06 May 03 - 11:55 PM
CarolC 06 May 03 - 11:45 PM
khandu 06 May 03 - 11:23 PM
Mark Cohen 06 May 03 - 11:19 PM
khandu 06 May 03 - 11:13 PM
khandu 06 May 03 - 10:59 PM
Tweed 06 May 03 - 10:57 PM
CarolC 06 May 03 - 10:56 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 08 May 03 - 05:07 PM

O goddammit...Iz not Carol the Sailorgal the mos beeyutifull queen there culd be. I yam renouncin' all ties wif the corrupted Khingdom obv Mizippi and lay my miserable self at yore feet. O my Queen..which palace would you have me to begin wif? I wod dip them all clean wif a 2 lb coffee can ef it wudde please yore Majesty.

Yerz,
Tweedzrzz
1st Commodore Navy obv Orillia


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 08 May 03 - 05:03 PM

It's odd that the lads from Punch the Horse haven't jumped all over this thread in absolute glee. I shall have to alert them. It's the kind of thing they simply can't resist.

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 08 May 03 - 03:25 PM

Bill D., it's an honourary key in much the same way that a key to the town hall, when presented to someone who is being honored, is an honorary key. But people who aren't awarded the keys to town halls and, in this case, the municipal porta-potty, can still get into them without the key during regular business hours.

BWL (etc. etc. etc.), I was awarded the title by virtue of being the first person ever to write a limerick about Orillia, the "Limerick Capitol of the World", and home of Stephen Leacock, the world renowned "Limerick King".

I went to Orillia on a month-and-a-half long McGillgrimage, where I was graciously hosted by some of Orilia's finest citizens who showed me a really good time, and then I was crowned Ms McGill, and presented with the key.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: artbrooks
Date: 08 May 03 - 03:21 PM

Wa'ul shee'it, Bee-dubya-ell...if'n thet SOB ain't gonna make me sumkinna oskifer in his orginizashun, Ah'll be dam'd if'n Ah cares 'bout no dam Poit Lariet...go bek'n fil in the sex, drugs an drinkin' parts...on secund thot, leeve out the drugs...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 May 03 - 02:51 PM

Dear King khandu,

Ah jus' wanted Yer Lordship t' know that Ah hab revized ma autobiography t' reflect th' honorarities Yer Majesty habs so recently bestowed upon ma humbel self. It now reeds:

1951 - I'ze borned. Ah don' remember much 'bout it. Ah heared thet Ah wuz ugly and thet ma Daddy wanted t' pinch ma head off but ma Mamma hit him wid a skillet insted.

1952 -1970 - Ah were a chile. It were boring. Ah habs no ideal how thet chile grew up t' be me.

1971 - 2000 - Ah tried t' be a responsibal adult. Ah failed. Somewhere 'long in there Ah learned t' play th' geetar. Thet did not help much wid th' responsibal part.

2000 - Ah discobvered th' "Mudcat Cafe". Ma life started t' go downhill.

2003 - Khandu, King of All Mississippi habs named ma humbel self Royal Poet Lariat of Mississippi and Knower of Things. Duz this mean that if'n Ah dies tomorrow Ah'll die happy? No, but Ah will hab lived longer than Jerry Garcia did.

PS: T' hab room t' squeeze in th' last part Ah had t' take out th' stuff 'bout th' drugs n' alkihol n' sex n' stuff. Hope thet's OK.

Your Humbel Survent,

BWL-RPLOM-KOT


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 08 May 03 - 12:33 PM

....and, it doth bemuse me that the only post which is truly NOT BS, has been acclaimed pure BS! Have any of you looked up the dire situation of the Ogalalah aquifer?

oh...wait...perhaps the serendipitous juxtiposition of the competing claims to the position in the heirarchy of purity constitute a new category of META-BS! In which case I withdraw my admonition to ignore the original statement...(which probably negates the entire BS-ness of the exercise, which leaves our King in the position of having to wade through the strained logic of one of his non-subjects in order to rule on the status...or ignore it entirely...your call, your Majesty.)


HUH?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 May 03 - 12:32 PM

Wow RPIA! We are stunned, shocked and awed! Are those shots from thes swimsuit or evening gown competition? So, who got Miss Congeniality? Did you have to answer one of those tricky beauty pageant questions like, "If you were standing in shit up to your neck and somebody threw a bucket if puke at you, would you duck?"

BWL-RPLOM-KOT


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 08 May 03 - 12:21 PM

well! a great honor indeed!...but......I wasn't aware porta-potties NEEDED keys....pray tell, what happens to everyone without one?
Does only one person a year get a key? And is part of the honor standing guard to unlock the 'facility' for others? Enquiring minds want to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 08 May 03 - 11:44 AM

I've been waiting for just the right moment and context for posting this. It's taken more than two years, but yesterday, in a moment of epiphany, I realized that this is it! The moment I, and the rest of the Mudcat (*) have been waiting for since March of 2001. So without further fanfare, I give you:

Susie McGill crowns CarolC Ms. McGill 2001, and presents her with the key to the Orillia Municipal Porta-Potty

(*or maybe just a couple of you)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 May 03 - 08:38 AM

SEVEN WEEKS? LH? - they taught that at Cornell in one 15 minute lab!

The tough course was Chicken hypnotism!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 03 - 07:14 AM

HEY CC.... wakey wakey.... time to get up and post the big surprise. I think I know what it is and I can't wait to see if I'm right. C'mon c'mon... forget the OJ, spit it out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 May 03 - 11:43 PM

Look LH, you got too much on your plate....and it's a damn small plate....so let me help you out so you can be appointed as Second Magnolia Copulator in the Kingdom. Here's what you do......

Have Winona Ryder go out and steal all of the frozen horse semen and then she and Shatner can ride off into space on the next Orillian Crop Circle making UFO that comes along on the hunt of Major Tom the psychotic astronaut so they can start a new race of Centaurs at Starbase Cuba Cubed.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 May 03 - 11:25 PM

I must implore, nay demand, that I not be appointed to any glorious post here. Why? Well, because I am too busy already, that's why. Being William Shatner's foremost North American proponent, for one thing, carries a lot of weight. Am I up to the task? Well, yes, but it's consuming a great deal of my time and energy. Then there's my pursuit (ongoing) of Winona Ryder, which is consuming almost as much. Then there's my attempt to qualify as a chicken sexer...it's a seven week course, and I'm in the 3rd week.

If I take on any more responsibilities at this point I am afraid that I may suffer a teleological breakdown and lapse into babbling, incoherent gibberish and be taken for a fool. This could derail my normal activities.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 May 03 - 11:05 PM

Carol the Sailor has been a Royal delight for my whole time at Mudcat. And now, she honors me with a surprise that she chooses to post on this thread! It is true that her position at the Polka Circus is one of Glorious Importance, and I can understand her humility in asking that I do not grant her Honor, which shows me that she is worthy of Royal Honor.
Oooooo, another announcement shall be made:

Hear Ye, all. Carol C the Sailor is hereby honored by khandu, King of Mississippi as the Royal Pain in the Arse. She shall posthaste and henceforth be given all honor and respect worthy of the title, by command of khandu, King of Mississippi.

As the creator of this thread, I, and I alone, am authorized to call business "BS" and/or BS "Business". Therefore, none shall be qualified to question my authority.

As an example, I deem Bill D's "aquafier" post to be pure, undefiled BS!

I do look forward to your (Carol C) posting tomorrow!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 May 03 - 10:53 PM

NONONO, LH! The question was asked in this thread! It remained unanswered in this thread I spoke only to those who ignored him in this thread...except for you, of course, since I was aware that you had already published the pronunciation in the other thread!

bee-dubya-ell-the KNOWER OF THINGS was the Excellent choice for his position. His magnanimity is befitting his position. He is worthy of honor!

Rustic Rebel, I appreciate the quick response to my request. I believe that I have made yet another fine chioce.

An important announcement shall follow:

Hear ye, all. Rustic Rebel has proven herself worthy of the King's notice and of his benediction and benefaction. She is hereby named, by khandu, King of Mississippi, the ROYAL POETESS-LARIAT of the KINGDOM of MISSISSIPPI an shall be given all honors and respect due her Royal Standing, by command of khandu, King of Mississippi.

To refresh memories, my chosen are:

Sir Tweed-Knight of the Realm of Tupelo, First Duck and Coote D'Jour
bee-dubya-ell-Royal Poet Lariat and KNOWER OF THINGS
Rustic Rebel-Royal Poetess-Lariat
Joe Offer-Third Duck of Pelahatchie

Candidates for future honors (in no particular order):
Allan C.
Little Hawk
Bobert

More can/will be added as they prove themselves worthy.

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 07 May 03 - 10:52 PM

P.S. I don't want any jobs please (thank you very much), but I will be posting a surprise tomorrow. It's a big surprise that I've been waiting two years to present to the people here in the Mudcat. And I'm going to do it on your thread.

But don't give me any jobs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 07 May 03 - 10:50 PM

I think the appointing of positions and jobs and sucking up to Joe Offer is not BS either, come to think of it, Bill D.

khandu, you have been conducting serious business in this thread. In fact, most of your posts to this thread have been serious business. I think there must be some sort of dereliction of duty or something that's going on here. We need an inquiry!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 07 May 03 - 10:34 PM

The Ogalalah aquifer is in big trouble......wait...that's NOT BS!

please ignore the above


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 May 03 - 10:34 PM

It so happens that I already had posted the pronunciation of pusillanimous on the thread devoted to that glorious word! I think King Khandu is becoming besotted with power and losing sight of the finer points here...

Hubris is a terrible thing.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 May 03 - 10:23 PM

Now that will show you how wise and wonderous Bee-dubya-ell Royal Poet Lariat of Mississippi is. He answered before I questioned. King Khandu you choose wisely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 May 03 - 10:18 PM

With great honor and only through permission from Bee-dubya-ell Royal Poet Lariat of Mississippi and Knower of Things, do I accept such a fine title as Poetess-Lariat. I await the word, oh, Knower of things, with rings on my fingers and bells on my toes and a bone in my nose-ho-ho


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 May 03 - 10:17 PM

Let all who praise khandu, King of all Mississippi benefit from his benevolence. And anybody that likes to dance at concerts is okay by me anyway. Boogie down, Rustic Rebel.

I'd do somethin' poetic, but I gotta go fix a light switch.

BWLRPLOM-KOT


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 May 03 - 09:55 PM

MY GAWD!!! I only wish I had a place for two Royal Poet-Lariats of Mississippi! Rustic Rebel, the dearie, has proven herself worthy of higher things with her wonderful poetic endeavor!

Hmmmm....maybe a Poetess-Lariat Why not? Heck, I am King! I can creat such an office if I choose. But first, I must consult with the worthy one, Rustic Rebel, and consider her wishes.

And, I must allow input by bee-dubya-ell...the KNOWER OF THINGS. Since he is the Royal Poet-Lariat, I shall consider his thoughts on the matter.

My ears are open to your responses, R.R. and the KNOWER OF THINGS!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 May 03 - 09:48 PM

None of you showed any respect to Joe Offer when he posted to this thread. He went completely ignored. I waited all this time to see if anyone would respond to him. Alas, you did not. I am saddened.

Don't know of what I speak? Let me refresh your short-term memories.


Yeah, but how do you pronounce "pusillanimous"?
Inquiring minds want to know.
-Joe Offer-


So, Joe, on behalf of these miscreants and plebians who have ignored you, I offer my heart-felt apologies. And, to atone for their peccadillo, I give you this:

pusillanimous-PEW-sil-AN'-e-mus

Many make the mistake of saying "PUSsy-LAN'-e-mus". Do not make this mistake. It will mark you as a igmo.

And Joe Offer, Sir, is NO IGMO!!!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 May 03 - 09:44 PM

The mother of all threads, that's what King K. said,
trying hard to perpetuate a scene.
To behave, is simply a jesterly thing, and the situation close to obscene.
King K. proclaimed that the thread will be, nothing less than purlieu.
Start it and they will come, and leave as quickly when they read it through.
To come here with anything less than bullshit, would be a subject of a different matter,
This would be an outrage, an act of defiance, the King will have your head on a platter.
So listen to your head, and this bullshit thread,
and let the words flow from your hearts
King K's thread is here stay , and for ever a place for Spaws farts.
The End.
Rustic


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 May 03 - 09:22 PM

One of the most bothersome things I know of is harrassing phone calls.
Ther is one that I can expect, regular as clockwork. Once a month, about this time of month, it comes. It came last evening.

Bob Dylan gets drunk, finds an old friend and calls me. This month, his old friend is Clint Eastwood. They were both sloppy, greass-grabbibg, ass-slapping drunk.

It is hard to understand Dylan's speech even when he is sober. When he is drunk, it is nearly impossible. It is hard to follow his train of thought when he is sober. He has none when he is drunk.

Clint is almost as bad.

Finally, after an hour, I understood what they were trying to say. They had written a new song and wanted my opinion.

It was "Call and Response". Dylan would "call", Clint would respond.

"Well, I'm gonna do something big and special"
"Go ahead, Make my day"
What it is, you'll never guessial"
(Yes, he rhymed "special" with "guess"!)
"Go ahead, Make my day"
"I think I'm gonna let the reins out"
"Go ahead, Make my day"
"I think I'm gonna blow my brains out"
"Go ahead, Make my day"


At this point, I was ready to blow his brains out, but I kept my cool until they passed out.

But it gets to be such a burden, month after month.

khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 May 03 - 06:15 PM

We need Sister Flatulencia's word on this matter before reaching a final decision.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 07 May 03 - 02:42 PM

"OMNIA SPAWLIA EST DIVISA IN FARTES TRES"

"Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate"

"Pluritas non est ponenda, sine necessitate"

"Sibile, si ergo,
Fortibuses in ero,
O nobile, demis trux,
Vatis inem? Causan dux."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 May 03 - 01:36 PM

References to Shatner actually belong anyplace?

Don't worry about the lowly fart joke being hidden - Everyone knows the harder you try to hide a fart the more self-evident it is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 May 03 - 01:24 PM

The situation will definitely get worse. Solipsism will increase exponentially. The lowly fart joke will be buried under an avalanche of less predictable drivel. People's intelligence will be insulted. Their tolerance will be put to the test. William Shatner references will pop up in all kinds of places where they patently do not belong.

Those who were not alive to witness this exciting time will envy those of us who lived through it. These are the days of legend, the best of times and the worst of times. Thesa are the salad days. This is the cherry on the cake, the turd in the crapper.

Cherish it, ye heathen! (While yet ye may...)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 07 May 03 - 10:18 AM

To Mr.Joe Offer:
I culd not help but notiss yore unabashed pandering to our khing's dillusions. Obv corse this is perspiring to yore footnote at the bottom ob this mother of all BS threads whar you declare allegenz to khandoo and even thet you worship at hiz feet. This behavior coming from a father figure like yoreself, will prolly only serve to amplicate hiz ego which iz obsculately out obv control.

The hole darned BS section is now aswarm wif BS threads like gnats on a cows ass in August. an' I kin only hope thet ef they iz enny serois minded folks left who ain't contaminated tharselfs by enterin' this snakepit thet they are happy and contentled, smog in the khnoledge thet we hav ben dribben into the abyss and ar no longer fit fer mingling wif intelligetn minded humans. I did not imagine thet my mind could be enny mor nummd than normal but you habv accompanied this wif handy proximity and ease wif this insecretion. Keep up the good work but keep one eye open when sleeping az the Khing obv Mizippi may try to maek a forced entry in order to vacuum yore rugs and put new oil cloth in the cupboards now that he seez you habv finally noticed him. It iz my opinion that the situation will only get worst from all this.

Yerz,
Tweedzrzz
Coot d'Fromage


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 May 03 - 09:53 AM

An apt question to ponder, methinks...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 May 03 - 09:45 AM

personally - I think that 'spaw's b'day thread is the Mother of all BS threads... which would be hard as it is younger then most of the BS threads, but older then many - yet it actually almost has a true purpose, which means it's not BS at all - but then again, what do I kow?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: artbrooks
Date: 07 May 03 - 09:37 AM

OK, all you muthers...be happy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 07 May 03 - 09:33 AM

My dear King Khandu. I have taken your invitation to osculate with your hind-quarters into consideration. I feel that under the circumstances, what with me being married to a fine fellow like JtS and all, it would be unbefitting and a bit disrespectful of my hubby for me to accept. And if I were to ululate with Joy (which I wouldn't), that would be between me and Joy, now wouldn't it?

Are we going to have to wish this thread a happy Mother's Day or anything?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 May 03 - 04:38 AM

The scary thing is, I understand this one a lot better than I do the Henery 8th quiz and I read the book for that one!

Morty - G U Entwhistle sends his regards and can you bring him in the china fishslice when you come for your next session with Dr Spritzentitz.

If I'd known you wanted portapotties, I could have bought you two fine examples of the wedge shaped bed variety, one in vitreous blue glazed china and the other in a fresh white and dalmation effect enamel....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 May 03 - 12:32 AM

SEE!!! Just as I said in the introductory post of this thread, Pene Azul and Joe Offer will thank me for making their job easier.

I looked back on the introduction and, sure enough, Joe Offer has added to it! Look! Look for yourselves! Let your own eyes drink deeply of the khandu prophecy fulfilling itself! Be agog with wonder as you see with your own eyes that the word of khandu brings forth much BS!!!

Indeed! This is.....

THE MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS!!!!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 May 03 - 12:18 AM

I knew some mystical force guided my hand to start this thread! Now, it is all becoming clear! And, may I say (beaming with uninhibited pride) that my own Royal Poet-Lariat of Mississippi was the one to see beyond the riff-raff and read the real meaning of this thread!!!

Already, he steps into the annointed position and assumes the stance of "One Who Knows! I am amazed at the speed in which he has risen to the task!

bee-dubya-ell- Royal Poet-Lariat of Mississippi, you shall now be forevermore referred to as THE KNOWER OF THINGS!!!

If it were not improper, I, the King of Mississippi, would bow before you! Ooooo- an important announcement shall be spoken...

Hear Ye, Subjects of the King of Mississippi. Ye shall henceforth bow in the presence of the KNOWER OF THINGS, by Royal Command of the King of Mississippi, khandu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 07 May 03 - 12:16 AM

O! Lord have mercy on me...I don't know how I could have missed such an obvious omen...It's all so clear now...it's...it's ...all BS!! All of it, every single word!! Thank you Poet Bee-Lariat-ell, finally a windexed window has opened and allowed even more BS to flow in, it's like the blob and khandu iz a demented Steve Mcqueen herding it like wild Bufoes.   Ar khing habv chosen the Royal Rhymer wisely az iz hiz custom in all things regarding high intensity BS.

Yerz,
Tweed
Coot d'Ville


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 May 03 - 12:05 AM

The sheer depth and meaning of this thread has me breathless. I am in awe. More, I say! More!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 May 03 - 12:05 AM

Goddam computer! Hit the friggin' "backspace" key and the sumbitch submits my message. Well, it's OK. I was only going to add a few of these: !!!!!!!! and sign off

Bee-dubya-ell Royal Poet Lariat of Mississippi

Hey, Kenny, that's a lot to type. Can I just be

BWLRPLOM?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 May 03 - 11:58 PM

HOLY SERENDIPITY!!!!

Does nobody else see the cosmic connection that has been revealed to us in this very thread, The Mother of all BS threads?

Here's a hint:

Porta-potty
Carol the Sailor
White plastic Walmart chairs
Buzzards

Don't you see?

White plastic Walmart chairs are buzzard Porta-potties


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 06 May 03 - 11:55 PM

So there was this guy whose member (not to be confused with his "GUEST") started to turn purple. He went to the doctor and said, "Hey, Doc! What's up with this?" The doctor ambled into the examining room, did a complete examination, and shuddered, "Oh, my, my, my. I haven't seen this since Vietnam. You have" -- he seemed to struggle to get the words out, so great was his horror -- "CATSPAW CROTCHROT!"

"OK, whatever. So, what's the treatment?" the guy says. He was a man who prided himself on his ability to cut to the chase--which, under the circumstances soon to be narrated, might not have been the most appropriate metaphor.

"Well, it's generally fatal," said the trembling doctor, who was surreptitiously glancing around the office for some Lysol. "But there is one possible cure."

"OK, tell me."

"Amputation," said the doctor grimly.

"Oh, no way, Jose!" the man said, so upset that he lapsed into outdated slang.

"My name is Marvin," said the doctor. "See the receptionist on your way out. And try not to touch anything."

The poor gentleman dragged his purple pecker from doctor to doctor, desperate to find a countervailing opinion, but in each office he heard the same deadly refrain: "Catspaw Crotchrot...it'll kill you for sure...only cure is amputation."

Finally, a female urologist (with the unfortunate name of Dr. Ophelia Johnson) said the words he had been hoping to hear. "Well, I'm not saying this will help, but I once met this real old hillbilly doctor from Mississippi who said he'd treated dozens of cases of Catspaw Crotchrot back in the 50's, when it was running rampant in several counties in Ohio. He lives here in town now. Here, I think I have his name and number written down in the back of this book." She opened a volume labeled 50 Years of Reader's Digest's "Laughter, the Best Medicine" (Large-Print Edition), copied a name and phone number onto a pre-printed Viagra prescription, and handed it to the suddenly smiling patient.

Overjoyed, the man called the old-timer and quickly made an appointment for that afternoon. After several wrong turns, he found the tiny, cramped office. The old man had bushy white eyebrows, a bushy white beard, and a full head of sleek, black hair. A small statuette of an opossum sat playfully on his desk.

"So, what do you think, Doc?" the man asked, trembling with anxiety.

"Oh, it's Catspaw Crotchrot, all right," replied the old doctor.

"But do you have to cut it off?"

The doctor looked at him for a moment, his eyes widening in amazement, and then suddenly burst into peals of raucous laughter, which soon led to a prolonged coughing fit. When he finally caught his breath, he dabbed at his watery eyes, straightened his sleek, black hair, and looked at the man with a bemused grin.

"Cut it off? Cut it off??? Don't be ridiculous! Is that what all them fancy city doctors were telling you? Hell, man, ain't no need to cut it off. Why, in a few more days it'll fall off by itself."


Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 06 May 03 - 11:45 PM

That's some outhouse there Mark! Looks like it's even got it's own street address.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 03 - 11:23 PM

Dang, Mark...If I ever go to Gays, Ill. I'll be sure to use the TOP level! I pity the bottom level folk!
Uh...no comment whatsoever about the town's name!

K


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 06 May 03 - 11:19 PM

What I want to know is, where do those McGill people get off putting ENVIRONMENTAL on those things? Is that some kind of Canadian joke?

Now this is a potty joke. No comment about the name of the town.

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 03 - 11:13 PM

The bestest cleaner that I have found anywhere is at "Auto Zone". It is called "Power Clean"...fine for plastic Wal-Mart chairs.

I am thrilled! Little Hawk, the wise man of Mudcat, saw what was lacking in this thread becoming the perfect BS thread. He decided and moved quickly to add the nmissing piece...Carol the Crapper girl's Crappers! Perfect!
Thank you, Carol for honoring Harry Lee Wigley,( whom you do not know personally, but I do!) in the manner you did. Harry would be proud!

BTW, have you started osculating my hind-quarters yet? Are you ululating?

Tweed, I am on the edge of my chair waiting to see and hear you, Bobertz and Gatemouth belting out a few tunes!

This is a wonderful thread! It is, after all;

THE MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS!!!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:59 PM

No! Not the accursed Catspaw Crotchrot virus! How diabolical of you to even conceive of this dastardly thing!

But it is better than the Rhodesian Root-Rot! The only symptom of that dreaded monster is when you get up to go tinkle the head of your Patterson falls of and bobbles in the commode!

But even that is not as bad as the malignant artbrooks-arse-rot! I shudder to even think of this botch, much less state the symptom!

Why can't we all just get along?

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:57 PM

Dere Yore Disjointedness,

Boberdz and I are indeed gonna come down to Como MS and check out young Daniel Ballinger's gig at the local bistro, so long as several factors knit themselves together but it looks like a go from here.

Yore attendance is mandatory and if we must, we'll journey clear to Tupelo and set up the Spartanette in yore front yard. Don't worry about us messing up yore pore, long suffering wife's baffroom. I think we kin just dig a open trench from under the trailer and grade it to run towards yore septic tank and in that way we'll stay perdy much outta yore way.

But tell me O khing, yore dillusions seam to be accelamating summat..Whar the hell did you come up wif Gatemouth Brown playing in Como? Did you ilk a toad? Also, what's good fer cleaning them plastic lawn chairs thet they sell down at the super WalMart? I habv unwittingly played host to migrating vultures and they hav left a hell of a mess on Mz.Tweed's patio furniture.

Yerz,
Tweed
Coot d'Azure


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:56 PM

Sure LH.

Here's Me and the McGill man. He was one hell of a guy, but I heard that he ran off with the hordes of Osama bin Lookalikes that were plaguing Orillia for a while a year or so ago.

This used to be known as the Sir Sam Steele Art Gallery McGill, but it has recently been renamed The Harry Lee Wigley Memorial McGill

Now these beauties don't have their McGill logos on them yet because they were only recently purchased from some poor schlubs from the US who seemed a bit stunned, and kept muttering something about "flying Jesuses and Marys", according to my sources within the McGill organization. They said negotiating a price with these guys was like taking candy from a baby and the guys selling them couldn't seem to get rid of them fast enough.

...and of course, here is the McGill Motherlode. I think it speaks for itself.


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