BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 03:27 PM

Hi! I'm Rapaire! I'm a gas molecule!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 01:16 PM

Yeah, Stilly, I know it looks like quantum leaps in cognitive energy levels, but it is really just random ricochets from the unpredictable vectors of Rapaire's braggadocio troppo.. There's no straight line of reasoning to it, and it can come in from any direction, bounce of anything and be off in anew direction before you have figured out how to make sense of it, since there usually is none.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 01:03 PM

Last time I trust a boy in tights. I'll only trust
men in tights from now on.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 11:58 AM

Whew! I guess I blinked--and you have moved lightyears ahead of the last topic. Or has Gluon been playing tricks, moving the thread around again?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 09:28 AM

No wonder you ended up at Michael's -- the correct instructions are Second star ( I think it is Sandra Bulluck) to the right. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 09:16 AM

Pete told me "first star to the right and straight on until morning." And you know what? When I got there, there was Michael Jackson. Naturally, I immediately left and went searching for The Planet Of The Lost Folkie Bimbos.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 11:42 PM

Sigh. Turn left at the first dramatization you come to, and you'll be right there....


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:31 PM

1966. I'd be old enough to drink legally.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:21 PM

Well, Rapaire had no such plans because he's stuck in 1965. It was as plain as the nose on your face....well, maybe not that plain...but it was obvious!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:54 PM

Hey, Mom!!! Guess what!! We don't have to abandon Newton's Laws!!

Well, actually, I had no plans to do so. And neither did Mom. Mom told me that gravity was The Law, just like the Second Law of Thermodynamics (which for some reason she always thinks of whenever she thinks of her children) and if Amos breaks ANY of those laws I'm to tell her right away.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:36 PM

Hey, Mom!!! Guess what!! We don't have to abandon Newton's Laws!! Isn't that great!! Here, read this!!!

"NEWTON*S SECOND LAW OF MOTION, that pillar of classical physics, the
formula that says the force on an object is proportional to
acceleration, has now been tested, and found to be valid, at the
level of 5 x 10^-14 m/s^2.

This is a thousandfold improvement in
precision over the best previous test, one carried out 21 years ago
(Physical Review D, vol 34, p 3240, 1986). The new test was
performed by physicists at the University of Washington using a
swiveling torsion pendulum, a special kind of pendulum in which the
restoring force is not gravity (as you would have in a hanging
pendulum) but is provided by a very thin torsion fiber.

One
implication of Newton*s law is that the pendulum*s frequency (its
tick-tock rate) should be independent of
the amplitude of its swiveling (as long as the oscillation is
small). Looking for a slight departure from this expected
independence the Washington researchers watched the pendulum at
very small amplitudes; in fact the observed swivel was kept so small
that the Brownian excitation of the pendulum was a considerable
factor in interpreting the results. Newton*s second law is expected
to break down for subatomic size scales, where quantum uncertainty
frustrates any precise definition of velocity.

But for this experiment, where the pendulum
has a mass of 70 g and consists of 10^24 atoms, quantum
considerations were not important.

According to one of the
scientists involved, Jens Gundlach (206-616-3012,
[e-mail]), this new affirmation
that force is proportional to acceleration (at least for
non-relativistic speeds), might influence further discussion of two
anomalies:

(1) oddities in the rotation curves for
galaxies---characterizing the velocity of stars as a function of
their radii from the galactic center---suggest either that extra
gravitational pull in the form of the presence of as-yet-undetected
dark matter is at work or that some new form of Newton*s Second Law could be
operating (referred to as Modified Newtonian Dynamics, or MOND); and

(2) the ongoing mystery surrounding the unaccounted-for
accelerations apparently characterizing the trajectory of the
Pioneer spacecraft"

Yayyyy!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 02:25 PM

See, that's the thing. Man may turn his hand to harmful purposes, but he still, deep inside, must rely on the all-perfect benevolence that is only made available through the Order of the Vowels. And, of course, also, the Order of Consonants.

I think we're really onto something here. It becomes more and more evident that of all the things for which we have language, whether in the real world or some un-real one like Pennsylvania Avenue in DC, no matter who, all must come under the benevolent guidance of the divine Alphabet. For better or for worse, it is deeply felt in ALL human endeavours. That is why it is the perfect thing to venerate and build a religion around.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:40 PM

Fay always did have good taste in cars.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:37 PM

Are you all aware that there are more vowels than those other letters in the word "Inquisition"? And in the technical term "Auto de Fe"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:26 PM

You just object to being upstaged by NUL!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:24 PM

Non-displaying characters are like condoms. They are no part of God's design, but were invented by men, pursuing Mammon.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:14 PM

BeardedBruce appears to currently be First Consonent...*grin*

BTW - his posting leads me to ask.

What is the True Alphabet's policy regarding [shudder] non-displaying characters?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:10 PM

http://www.asciitable.com/

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:05 PM

So, what about Alphanumerics? Are the numerals recognized? Could they precede the First Vowel?

How does the True Alphabet reccomend one should deal with "special" characters, such as the Ampersand and the semi-colen?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 12:58 PM

All letters are brothers, good Rapaire. The First Vowel who speaks for Deus Alphabeticus himself has pronounced this as the First Lesson. In His Heart, there is even room for the unlettered (shudder) and the un-alphabetized.

But, within this generous and benevolent love, the True Alphabet is first among equals, and those letters are more brothers than the ones you mention.

As for vowel movements, of course there have been many throughout the glorious History of the Church. The Elder's Wisdom in this regard is to accept vowel movements as part of life, but not to foment or particularly encourage them. The Elder's guidance in this respect is, if you must make vowel movements, do so in private.

In this respect there is a common wisdom between The Church of the Alphabet and that of the Christians.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 12:12 PM

So, ah, what about things like the intermixing of "I" and "J" or the use of "W" as a vowel? What about Hebrew vowels, which can be an important sticking point? Are there Secrets hidden in the Vowels, such as the one supposedly contained in the first four vowels of the Phonetic Alphabet: Alpha Echo India Oscar?

And what does the Church teach about shifting vowels around -- the so-called "vowel movement"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 11:43 AM

Ah, MM, you have laden me with exertions this morning. I have consulted with the eldest of the Alphabetic Elders concerning your excellent questions. They offer the following guidance:

What is the Canon of the Church of the Alphabet regarding such writings as "On Beyond Zebra"?

The Church encourages exploration of Alphabetical Glory in general, but admonishes adherents not to resort to heretical combinations or to lightly abandon the centuries of wisdom that are inherent in the modern alphabet.

What is the stance of the Church on Syllabic writing, heiroglyphs and Pictographs?

Deus Alphabeticus has worked many wonders over the millenia while perfecting Its Best Begotten Alphabet, the one which we are now famililar with. These ancient wonders are not to be made less of. However, it is clear that such works were early trials at revealing Alphabetic Glory, and are not substitutes for the Real Alphabet as we now know it. In evidence of which, you will find that there are no children's songs reciting the Pictographic alphabet, are there? Such a song is impossible -- it would never scan. (Little dog, big dog, three-quarters of a square, Thing lilke a tree with wavy hair. Something kind of like an ampersand but bigger, arrow pointing at a 45 degree angle, circle with lines coming out of it, lady-face-looking-right... it's hopeless!)

(Were Pictographs the results of pre-celtic mathematics?)

They were a pre-enlightenment effort by ancient peoples to discover the Glory of the True Alphabet, but not a successful one.


Most importantly, what is the Church's stand on dipthongs?

Thongs of all kinds are encouraged as part of the Church's policy of encouraging ecumenical brotherhood with other religious organizations such as the honorable Temple of the Golden Globes.

Hope this helps.

A.
First Vowel

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:58 AM

A Question O First Vowel!

(or perhaps that should be "A" First Vowel?)

What is the Canon of the Church of the Alphabet regarding such writings as "On Beyond Zebra"?

What is the stance of the Church on Syllabic writing, heiroglyphs and Pictographs?

(Were Pictographs the results of pre-celtic mathematics?)

Most importantly, what is the Church's stand on dipthongs? Can two vowel or consonents blend, or must it be a vowel and a consonent? Are tripthongs allowable?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:54 AM

A moment of silence, please. Mom says so.

Hats off.

Kurt Vonnegut has left the building.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:45 AM

Well, personally, I am always in favor of people getting laid. But as far as the Church of the Alphabet is concerned, we are concerned with higher things, and leave such decisions up to the individual.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:41 AM

Which would make me a Lay Person? Are you telling me I need to get Lay'd?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:39 AM

MM:

If you change your name to BBarry you can be First Consonant. How's that?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:24 AM

MOM!

Amos sez he's First Vowel and he's already High Priest of the Golden Globes. It's not fair!

Make him share!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:18 AM

I think you write heresy, good MM. You are, after all, a man of Ms. Your transcript strikes me as finctional -- it could not be authentic. But for it to be heretical, it must not only fly in the face of alphabetical orthodoxy, but it must ALSO pass the test of violating the doctrine of a religion.

I am half-tempted, therefore, to found yet another religious organization, the Church of the Alphabet, with its Order of the Vowels for those who wish to dedicate their lives wholly to the Purposes laid down so long ago by the Deus Alphabeticus, and the Order of the Consonants for those laymen who wish to particpate only part of the time.

Ideas for services, prayers, hymns, and doctrinal lessons are welcome. If someone could come up with a mess of absolutely improbable tales about the divine interference of the Alphabet God in the lives of ordinary mortals in ancient history, which we could then present as historical fact, not to be questioned, it would be really great.

A
First Vowel

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:07 AM

A recent partial transcription of various Linear 'B" fragments from anciant Crete have been rendered thusly:

And it shall come to pass, that the Great Vowel Shift shall come over the world, and the First shall be Last, and the Last shall be First. There shall be no more axes and oxen, but yxes and ixun shyll flierosh bunuyth the vyelts of the huyvuns ynd yll shyll bu ys irdyonud.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:30 AM

No question. It is just not at risk, and hence does not need to be saved. The dignity of the First Vowel shelters ALL the letters from harm. This is the secret behind the fact that every other letter is always happy to form a phoneme with the First Vowel. Other vowels, with less dignity (I am thinking in particular of "Y" here") do not enjoy such universal support from their colleages in the alphabet industry. There are, for example, axes and oxen, but nary an yxe.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:02 AM

Oh. Well, lap my a and call me a ucker! I kinda alway thought " " wa kinda important.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 12:53 AM

The First Vowel has no need of having his "S" saved, sirrah! ;>)


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 11:05 PM

You think that will save your S???

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 08:42 PM

Well, I had made a promise, and singing it "S" was like crossing my fingers, in case I forget...er...something like that.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 08:37 PM

S ?

You missed. One letter for the whole, and you missed it.

Are your hands shaking still from that last performance?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 06:34 PM

Why, MM! Younever said!!! :D I'll put one in next time.


S

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 04:18 PM

Why no attribution, though? Those are frequently my favorite part.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 04:15 PM

Oh, boy-os, I feel SO much better I just can't tell youse.

A.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:23 PM

BRAVISSIMO!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:22 PM

Ha! Obviously I can do less! (Maybe I should apply to LFPS; but applying myself would probably disqualify me - anyone want to apply for me?)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:15 PM

The least you could do, if you insist on calling Spaw the least of us, is include my grammatically correct rejoinder, which I forget what was.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:15 PM


BRAVO!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:13 PM

In August of this year. The Hadron collider http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider
will be switched on and power proton particle streams at such velocities that their mass will exceed that of a couple city buses and create a collision that may open new doors to an understanding of particle physics, dimensions, black holes, dark matter and the search for the elusive Higgs boson.

I've been aloft in gale and breeze,
All across the Southern Ocean,
But a defter dodger ne'er I seed
Than Higgs, the absent Bosun.
He'd sign the sheet, before we sailed,
And promise work a-plenty,
But searching for him down below,
The bosun's bunk was empty.
He warn't on deck, nor up aloft,
Nor in the locker round,
He wasn't curled up by the gun.
He was nowhere to be found!

One night off the Newfoundland shoals
All hands were called for watches,
The fog had grown as thick as mud
Which before had just been patches.
The chaplain was even sent aloft,
From the stabbd yard to dandle,
Thinking from there, he'd be more apt
Some miracle to handle.

But no-one took the topmast perch,
As we cruised the fog-blind ocean.
That weas the station, at such times,
Reserved for the old ship's bosun.
We mighta had a chance that night,
Through pea-soup fog a-gliding
But no-one saw the Hadron's lights
Before we were colliding.

Our ship was never built for such,
A trader, not a fighter,
And most of the hands went down with her,
That poor Hadron collider.
I lost a lot of friends of mine,
In the freezing, midnight ocean;
And I curse until the end of time,
"Goddamn that Higgs, the bosun!!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:02 PM

Hey MOM!

Just so you know that at least on of your kids is out inspiring others:

this little exchange really needs to be archived for posterity:

From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:37 PM

I have seen some Greeks bare, but their gifts were all above the equator.

A

------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:05 PM

Athena Greek goddeth oneth, Amoth
--------------------------------------------------------------------
From: John 'Giok' MacKenzie
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:18 PM

Amos Amoth amat?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:55 PM

Amos Amoth amat

Uh.....I came, I saw Amos nekkid, I tossed lunch?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:59 PM

About all of whom, for reasons never made public knowledge, E.E. Smith denied all cognizance.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:34 PM

Don't forget those classic tales

The Tin woodsmen of the Lens
The Cowardly lion of the Lens
The Scarecrow of the Lens
The emerald City of the Lens
The gnome King of the Lens
The Hungry Tiger of the Lens

Frank Baum was really very derivitive - he even changed his name to Lens Frank Baum; but usually abbreviated it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:29 PM

About all of whom, for reasons never made public knowledge, E.E. Smith denied all cognizance.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:24 PM

Yeah, there are a whole bunch of us. Uncles of the Lens, Great-Aunts Twiced Removed On Uncle Worsel's Side of the Lens, Natural Children of the Lens, Unnatural Children of the Lens, Orphans of the Lens, Adopted Children of the Lens, Foster Children of the Lens, Best Friends of Sisters of the Lens' Best Friend's Boy Friend's Neighbor of the Lens...just lots of us.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:01 PM

The Lensman Series, a series of fantastic futuristic sci-fi by a chap named E.E. "Doc" Smith, written about 50 years ago and a major artifact of the Golden Era of Sci Fi.


A