BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 07:56 PM

I just realized something. It hit me like a brilliant flash of lightning emblazoned across a darkened sky and gave me chills...William Shatner is probably the greatest thespian ever and he usually does not wear black! This has some profound significance upon which may hang the fate of Western civilization, and I am going to figure it out if it takes me all week. I would appreciate help on this if anyone is so inclined...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 06:30 PM

I'm on a strict diet consisting solely of nonfood items...

So, like, what can you eat, Rap? Styrofoam peanuts?



And why is the magic link thingy at the bottom of this page showing a link to law firm that specializes in defending people against federal charges? Have we said something to attract the attention of that Rumsfeld feller? Or is it just a not-so-subtle warning?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 11:33 AM

For my part, if I were to throw myself in to Comfort Food, I can only say that the 10 or so pounds I have gained since quitting smoking would redouble. So much as I appreciate your impulse, I will have to seek my comfort in other avenues.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 11:19 AM

I can't!'

I'm on a strict diet consisting solely of nonfood items due to a diagnosis of insulin resistance. If I went over there my mouth would start to water, and before you know it by blood sugar would be 350.

But, ya know, what a way to go!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 03:34 AM

First feats and now digits. The anatomy of a thread.

You two oughta toddle on over to the comfort food thread. I defy you to come up with zero calories over there. :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 04 - 03:34 PM

Zero is the number of digits in my IQ, I'll have you know!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 04 - 03:30 PM

Rapire:

For you sir, I promise to remember that Zero is a number.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 04 - 03:23 PM

Didja hear about the cat who ate cheese and them waited by the mouse hole with baited breath?

I thought you might have.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 04 - 02:21 PM

Yer feat's too big!! Can't love ya cuz yer feat's too big!! Pull in yer horns, ya know yer feet's too big!! No good, because yer feat's too big!


It has a certain je-ne-sais-quoi to it./.. Should be offered to very large corporations for their executive re-orientation training....


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Jul 04 - 02:07 PM

His feat's too big?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 04 - 01:03 AM

Geeze, BWL, I was just trying to steer him off his obsession and fixation on Shatface. I don't care who knows how to spell what. Did you get wrongly disqualified in the 8th grade Spelling bee? Anyway, my little stunt is obviously overpriced since his feat is much less unusual than I said it was. So, LH, I will have to reduce my offer by half.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jul 04 - 12:41 AM

Amos, Amos, Amos....

Everybody knows that it's "bated" breath. Misspelling it as "baited" is a cheap sophomoric attempt at wit. It's not that we don't know how to spell. It's that we are totally lacking in originality and won't let an old joke die.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 05:14 PM

Oh, all right, then, Little Hawk. Four figures seems fair to me as well. How about .0125?

In Iraqi dirham.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 05:13 PM

Amos, remember that zero is a number.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 04:47 PM

Marvelous, Rapaire! Marvelous! I am touched. Bill is touched. You are definitely touched. This poem of yours will be bronzed and put on display in the Great Hall of the WSSBA, to be read by generations of acolytes of the Great Shatner.

Amos - Thank you, sir! Indeed I do know how to spell "bated breath", and like you I am constantly troubled by the fact that almost no one else does. "For lo, the wind had abated, and the sails hung loose in the still air..." But you CAN reward me financially! I'll email you my street address forthwith, and you can send me a check for an appropriate sum...may I suggest 4 figures? No Italian Lira please!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 04:00 PM

You Are Old, William Shatner
(a parody of Lewis Carroll)

"You are old, William Shatner," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very thin;
And yet you incessantly wear a bad wig
Do you think, at your age, this is "in"?

"In my youth," William Shatner replied to his son,
"I feared that it would be in bad taste;
But, now that I'm perfect sure I have none,
Not do do so would be quite a waste."

"You've grown plumb," said the youth, "Did I mention before?
Indeed, you've grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you tried a back-somersault in at the door
Pray what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his few locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
And by very good luck avoided the pox --
Unlike you, with your brain of a bubble."

"You are old," said the youth, "and your brain is too weak
For anything tougher than mime;
Yet you've massacred Shakespeare, Shaw, and the rest
Pray, why did you commit this fell crime?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the stars,
And commanded the Enterprise there;
And the dictatorial powers I thereby enjoyed,
Have created this cross you must bear."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your voice was as steady as ever;
Yet you failed on recordings of wonderful songs
What made you think you were so clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father. "Don't mess with your Pop!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll call for a cop!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 02:06 PM

*space wasting note: I posted this because I like the poem, not because I think pappa William BS (Bill) Shatner is capable of such sagacity as the old man displays in this poem.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 01:43 PM

You Are Old, Father William
(a parody by Lewis Carroll)

"You are old, father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think, at your age, it is right?

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And you have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door
Pray what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment one shilling a box
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father. "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 01:36 PM

I must commend you Little Hawk. I applaud you. I would reward you financially if I were in a position to do so. I congratulate and acknowledge and thank you. I bestow on you the title of Master.

Not for your fraudulent esteem centered on Shatner, but for being the one person out of ten thousand who knows how to spell "bated" in the expression "bated breath".

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 01:27 PM

I personally think he's holding out for the 10,000th post. He knows how to keep his audience on tenterhooks...waiting with bated breath for his next appearance.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 10:06 AM

Buzz off, brother William
Go away from our door
Post not to the threads here
And plague us no more
Your style is offensive
Your hair piece is trite
Your acting's pathetic
And your singing's not right

You're a wanna-be loser
And a has-been of yore
We don't need you here
You ain't intersting no more!
So Shatner yourself off
To some other club,
You're not wanted here, Bill,
So just buzz off, bub!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 16 Jul 04 - 08:14 AM

come back to us William
come back to us now.
turn your eyes from heaven
rise again somehow.

If you bump into Jesus
maybe he can help you out
come back William Shatner to us now.

j

(loosely paraphrased)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 07:33 PM

yes, SRS, it was like running the long distance mile...always wondering if someone would flash past at the last moment!

(poem by CJ Dennis)

freda

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 05:58 PM

freda, that's pretty scary. And it's hard work posting like that. Congrats--for now. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 05:52 PM

One to change it and seventeen to watch?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 01:21 PM

how many nudists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 12:46 PM

If you would reveal a granfalloon
Remove the skin from a toy balloon

I am pretty sure Kurt VOnnegut said that.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hidden Rapaire
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 12:18 PM

Is that kinda like a spitoon?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 09:52 AM

I hope with fervor and passion that he has abandoned this thread and every thread, now and for all time.

He has no business posting.

He is noithing but a granfaloon

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:57 AM

..just practising for the big one...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:54 AM

My God, the things people will do for their little moment in the sun... :-)

I note that William Shatner sat this one out, either due to his great compassion or because he has abandoned this thread. We shall see.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:27 AM

hadya there......

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:27 AM

It's just a little joke of mine, which you'll forgive, I hope.
Oh, try!
Tri-
    Tri-anti-wonti-
       Triantiwontigongolope.
ps.....................


























4000th post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:26 AM

For there isn't such an insect, though there really might have been
If the trees and grass were purple, and the sky was bottle green.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:25 AM

But of course you haven't seen it; and I truthfully confess
That I haven't seen it either, and I don't know its address.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:24 AM

Tri-anti-wonti-
       Triantiwontigongolope .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:23 AM

And offer it some sandwiches of sealing-wax and soap.
So try:
Tri-

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:23 AM

It trembles if you tickle it or tread upon its toes;
It is not an early riser, but it has a snubbish nose.
If you sneer at it, or scold it, it will scuttle off in shame,
But it purrs and purrs quite proudly if you call it by its name,

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:22 AM

Tri-anti-wonti-
       Triantiwontigongolope.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:21 AM

Tri-

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:20 AM

But when you look for it again, you find it isn't there.
And unless you call it softly it will stay away and mope.
So try:

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:18 AM

Its appetite is hearty, and its manners a disgrace.
When first you come upon it, it will give you quite a scare,

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:17 AM

It lives on weeds and wattle-gum, and has a funny face;

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:17 AM

Triantiwontigongolope!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:16 AM

Its name is quite a hard one, but you'll learn it soon, I hope.
So try:
Tri-
    Tri-anti-wonti-

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:15 AM

It is something like a beetle, and a little like a bee,
But nothing like a wooly grub that climbs upon a tree.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 04 - 08:15 AM

There's a very funny insect that you do not often spy,
And it isn't quite a spider, and it isn't quite a fly;

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 14 Jul 04 - 11:20 AM

this thread is full of bluepers..

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 05:47 PM

No doubt you'd look stunning in bell bottom trousers and a coat of naive blue.... or
ingenuous ochre.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jul 04 - 04:34 PM

You think I'm nave navy niave naive?