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BS: The Mother of all BS threads
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 18 Jun 09 - 04:23 PM Those without wit to create or plagarize Will often turn to anthologize. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 18 Jun 09 - 02:02 PM I had a friend, upon a time, and a mighty friend was he. His tongue went loop-de-loop-de-loop, and his blade went "Snicker! Snee!". His fingers typed words of delight Dancing like light gone mad, But he disappeared quite late, one night, And the story turned out bad. It seems his door was knocked upon, When most folks were in bed, By two large gents in wrinkled suits And large, and wrinkled, heads. They said he had been singled out, That someone Big was pissed, Berated him as a useless lout, And a goddamned plagiarist. They listed tomes and poems and works He'd borrowed for a while, And touted up and frilled out In inimitable style. The said he'd never paid a dime To those whose works he'd borrow, And all of this was coming back, To visit him with sorrow. They told him he was going away, Into the darkling deeps Where bad men worry through the day, And fret too much to sleep. Where hard men break, and life is hard, And you scramble for what you get, And there's no such thing as e-mail, OR a high-speed Internet. My friend, he blanched, he paled, he flinched, He knew that he'd done wrong, He knew that even then his screen Held a half-baked stolen song. He realized then -- too late, too late -- He should have listened, way back when, To his dear Mom; too late, too late, He was heard from ne'er again. And so I come to this Cafe, To write, and to forget, But something still recalls to me This friend I think on yet. I never learned if he had ever re-crossed that chilling schism That split him from the world he loved, On account of plagiarism. So good folks all, pray heed this call, Think of this man, cast doon, And make your good works all your own, From your own hand, alone. Steal not the works of other men, Or lines of other poets; For if you do, they'll come for you, And everyone will know it. Seamus Sanmerci O'Toole Lilting the Right -- Poems from the Lexington Express Dublin Upp Press, New York, 1937 All rights reserved except for Bearded Bruce |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 18 Jun 09 - 02:00 PM The Icons of Mudcat are brave souls and bold, And folks to whom fear is a stranger, They don't flinch at trolls, or at snidety cold, Nor at anger or spam, or at danger. It is not for the words that these honorable birds Continue to say things that matter! They are not just yakkers, but thinkers, not slackers, But hard working friends of Mudcatters. They are strong, but serene -- not just talking machines! Beware how you choose to malign them! For the good that they seek's not the words that they speak! 'T is the noble ideas, sir, behind 'em. B.S. Jelliott Poet Laureate of the Lesser Vowels |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 18 Jun 09 - 01:28 PM Far past the unsheathed range of night, Beyond the plane where mortal beings stress, Struggling to master lesser rights And fearing greater wrongs to e'er confess, Beyond the realm where human turmoil reigns And cruel force reduces all to nil, There is a sphere, free from contriving pain, Where all is whim, and light, and Will. In these high ranges darkness yields to light, And high creative spirit bans duress; Here is the answer to the mortal night, Immortal font of all true, pure, B.S. None here does suffer from confusion's strains Nor stumbles, crushed in flesh and will; Here doth every soul their right regain, And in creative honor shine both bright and still. These are the powerful sources of our Mother's hand, Which do inform her every smile and turn; Then, stranger, follow, to a better land, Where bright B.S. doth every honor earn, And proud BS' torches burn, and burn. Antony Anstyly Where Dwells The Not Murk and Maunder, pubs. New London, 2001 |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 18 Jun 09 - 01:14 PM You braggardly snake-in-the-grass; do you think I do not recognize my own style? For fie, for foo, you trifle with me in a most unbecoming way. Tell your wife your suits are all full of holes. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 18 Jun 09 - 11:51 AM |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 18 Jun 09 - 11:50 AM Hay, Little Hawk, Shatner got himself (or his middle digit of his right hand) pixilated on Conan. Gasp! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 18 Jun 09 - 09:14 AM I did 'em, Amos. Would I do else? And if you think so, you still gotta prove it. And my wife's a LAWYER who taught me all sorts of law stuff about untellectual properties and things. So I just say to you, "Ipso ex post facto, de minimis non regit lex", which was clearly established in U.S. v. Burr, Ariz. Terr. v. Wyatt Earp, et al., Crown v. Louis Riel, and of course, Falwell v. Flynt. And this can all be ultimately decided, as so many cases in the Old West have been, by the precedents set in such cases John Henry Holliday, et al. v. Clanton Family, et al., City of Northfield, Minn. v. Frank and Jesse James, et al., City of Coffeyville, Kans. v. Gratt Dalton, et al., and many others. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 18 Jun 09 - 12:12 AM Um...Rapaire...it is not advisable to revert to your plagiarizing ways, old son. Give signatures where you may and credit where it is due, I allus sez. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 17 Jun 09 - 10:32 PM Has MOM set some kind of record yet? Has anyone inquired? (If so, what happens then?) |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 10:11 PM I left my parents' homestead "Succeed!" they did often me tell. And little did I think I would shame them By the cruel fate, that then me befell. I wandered from city to sity, Endeavouring my talents to sell, But my efforts did fail, and at the end of my trail, I'm only a poor ne'er-do-well. I'm only a poor ne'er-do-well. I'm only a poor ne'er-do-well. At the end of the line, I look 'round me and find, I'm only a poor ne'er-do-well. So I wandered to far distant regions, I hoped to leave shame far behind, 'Neath the Idaho stars, in the cheapest of bars With worry my poor face is lined. I cannot reach Upper CLass Heaven, Not even Middle Class Hell, I'm afraid in my time, I will turn next to crime, As a nefarious ne'er-do-well A nefarious ne'er-do-well! A nefarious ne'er-do-well! I have fallen so low, to my fate I must go, As a nefarious ne'er-do-well! So come, all you lads from the city And may your endeavours be blessed, Take a lesson from me, No ne'er-do-well be! Go become a nefarious success! Become a nefarious success! Become a nefarious success! Take a lesson from me, No ne'er-do-well be! Go become a nefarious success! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 08:55 PM My lover came to see me; I served him my very best! Cappucino and a Scottish scone Most elegantly pressed He kissed me before eating And in a manly show He shoved that whole scone down his hatch The whole thing in one go. The crumbs they flew like fireflies All across my kitchen floor His shirtfront with them was covered up Sure half a pound, or more! He held me hard when parting It made my heart to throb I could scarcely to speak to tell him he Was a true, God-awful slob. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 08:36 PM Yeah, look what it did to Henry Fonda! He got so drunk on it one night that he ran off and shacked up with the chambermaid for the night. Of course, he was aghast when he woke up the next morning and hastily beat a retreat, covered with embarassment. He never acknowledged the girl, even though it later turned out she was pregnant as a result of the liaison. She gave birth to a boy, but gave up on trying to get Henry to take responsibility, settling for some payoff or other to forget about it, and she moved up to a small coastal town in Oregon and raised the lad --whonm she had named Hargrove, after her own father--as a single mom for years. Finally when he was about nine, he asked his mother where he had come from, and she had to face the big question of how much to tell him. She looked at him sadly and said, ... .... "Absinthe made thee, Hargrove Fonda." |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 17 Jun 09 - 07:34 PM My, you are rife with tangential rockets today!! Lovely bit of doggerel or birderel. I see you've been reading the thread on rapid erection equipment. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 06:53 PM I want Big Bird Viagara Oh, Big Bird Viagara, Big Bird Viagara, Fast as light and strong as hell. Gimme Big Bird Viagara! Big Bird Viagara! Big Bird VIagara! To make my ostrich well. Swell, swell, swell! Make my ostrich well. Them idle-handed no-good slackers Settin' off them firecrackers, Blew my emu's self-esteem, Sixteen ways to hell. So I want Big Bird VIagara Big Bird Viagara Gimme Big Bird Viagara, To make my Ostrich well. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 17 Jun 09 - 04:55 PM Your aim of sur-reality is being handsomely fulfilled, Rapaire. IS there any referent to your post about something being an unqualified opinion? Or is it just a bit of free-floating fugue on your part? A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 04:16 PM Of course it's an unqualified opinion. It was then and it is now. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 17 Jun 09 - 03:41 PM A Brief Walk with Mom DOwn Memory Lane. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 17 Jun 09 - 02:57 PM He certainly has the best CV he could have!! Send us a recording, then! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 02:21 PM His name is Robert Johnson. Plays a GOOD flamenco guitar -- we're going to put him on the TV show tomorrow and see about getting him on the Library's radio show as well. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 17 Jun 09 - 02:19 PM Is THIS the guy? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 17 Jun 09 - 02:13 PM Wow! Studying with Montoya, Segovia, and John Lennon is no mean feat! Especially for a flamingo! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 02:03 PM Lousy in the new part, fine here in the old. By the way, he studied with Montoya, Segovia, and John Lennon(!). |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 17 Jun 09 - 01:58 PM Now that sounds great! How are your library acoustics as a music venue? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 01:54 PM And I sit here in my office listening to a flamenco guitarist playing outside the door.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 17 Jun 09 - 01:47 PM On the other hand, the trend so clearly set by Hemingway toward super-dense, unembellished prose can obviously be carried so far as to completely undermine intelligibility. Acknowledgements to Ye Mon of Bookes for so eruditely making the case. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 01:35 PM 165/200, 2X, standing, 2 hands, 50 feet, .22 High Standard "The Victor", Aguila Golden Eagle Match Ammunition. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 17 Jun 09 - 01:30 PM I am now pursuing the woeful travails of Silas Marner. THe dense romantacism and super-floral style of these writers certainly smacks of a slower and dreamier world, whether real or not. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 17 Jun 09 - 12:46 PM A man can dream, a man can think, and sometimes deeply feel. A man can scheme and curse and drink, and lose his even keel. Oh, a man can chase after many a goal, He can strive for wealth like a real asshole, Or spend life watching the waters roll, Where the oceans meet the fields. But the test of a man who is truly a man Is to do everything that a real man can To weaken the grip of reality's brand, And throw off the cold realistic hand, And make lesser thinkers' minds rock and reel, Turning red to mauve and white to teal, Leaving systems of thought all in dishabile, As he makes things more surreal, my lads, Makes things more surreal. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 09 - 09:04 AM It's a 29765 morning. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 16 Jun 09 - 11:51 PM What else can be said this evening, but 29764 |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 16 Jun 09 - 10:35 PM MY ambition is to make everyone's day a little more surreal. As for randomization, you seem to forget that I work in a public library. This afternoon, for instance, the Board of Trustees agreed to a Memorandum of Understanding with the local United Way to transfer a Winnebago from a UW agency to the Library for use as a bookmobile, PROVIDED that the City Council agrees. This would transfer the title from the UW Agency to the Friends of the Library after the Friends give the UW Agency $5,000, who would immediately transfer the title to the Library as an agency of the City, EXCEPT that the UW Agency would act in a very advisory capacity for the usable life of the unit UNLESS the arrangement was terminated by mutual agreement before then. I've only been working on this since December, right after we got the dinosaur. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 16 Jun 09 - 08:27 PM One thing I admire about Rapaire is the steady tranquility with which he greets my small efforts at randomizing his days for him. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 16 Jun 09 - 05:29 PM Use it on Shame. HE was null and void long ago. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Jun 09 - 05:05 PM "your pretentious eloquence is void and nul, free of merit, and absent all bearing on the question" Oh! Marvelous! By God, I can find many useful occasions in the future for using those very words, I just know it. Only I'll change "void and nul" to "null and void". I can hardly wait. But whom shall I inflict them upon? Bill D? Lonesome E.J.? Spaw? Stilly River Sage? Guest from Sanity? Bearded Bruce? Amos himself??? I'll have to think carefully about it. Such choice words should be hoarded like the finest wine and saved for the perfect moment. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 16 Jun 09 - 04:43 PM Prospice tibi--ut Gallia, tu quoque in tres partes dividareis. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 16 Jun 09 - 03:55 PM For it is wisely and widely said, in discussions such as this, "Nemo surdior est quam is qui non audiet." There, sir, is a pontification well related to the present situation. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 16 Jun 09 - 03:51 PM Oh, Pshaw, your pretentious eloquence is void and nul, free of merit, and absent all bearing on the question. That the ignorant among our species will reject knowledge or learning is an easy assertion, but nothing to do with my small sins, sirrah. You are a braggart and a granfalloon. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 16 Jun 09 - 03:29 PM I would refute your words, Goode Sire, save that I must prepare for a meeting of the bibliotecal Trustees this post meridian. Hence I will forebear the retorts and arguments which crowd my keyboard aimply remind you commune hoc ignorantiae vitium est: quae nescias, nequicquam esse profiteri. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 16 Jun 09 - 03:08 PM Oh, sir, you do me great disservice; it was not for my own sake that I transferred my silly ditty to another thread, but for the greater glory of Mom. Surely even you can see that plainly. For to see it as you have insinuated, you would have to believe that some great acclaim would accrue to me as a person by the readers of said anthology, which is in truth merely a thread upon the 'Cat and no greate Booke at all. And such a precept therefore falls to dust before the merest inspection, and without such a premise on which to predicate your implication, it has no merit, and must yield to the more reasonable Case. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 16 Jun 09 - 12:55 PM All mortal things are subject to decay And when A--- writes, e'en monarchs must obey. So 'twas a Bloomsday e'er to fine With smiling sun and skies sublime That A--- cut a chantey down to size And then proceeded himself to anthologize. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 16 Jun 09 - 11:16 AM Me mother was a BS thread Heave and haul, my bully boys! With rings of fancies 'round her head! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line She was mighty long and awful tall Heave and haul, my bully boys! And she moved around like a cannon-ball! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line Me mother she had twenty kids, Heave and haul, my bully boys! An' never minded what they did! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line She kept them clothed and kept them fed Heave and haul, my bully boys! And laid belying bars to their heads! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line And though this made their puir heads sore. Heave and haul, my bully boys! She says we often asked for more Oh, heave and haul on the BS line One night when I my watch did stand Heave and haul, my bully boys! I felt me Mother's ghostly hand! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line "What has of all my young became?" Heave and haul, my bully boys! Her spirit whispered in my brain. Oh, heave and haul on the BS line Oh, one has joined a band of cooks Heave and haul, my bully boys! And another trawls among old books! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line And several more have gone a stray Heave and haul, my bully boys! ANd never write from day to day! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line And one, the most contrarian Heave and haul, my bully boys! Says he is now a librarian! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line Me mother's spirit wept and wailed Heave and haul, my bully boys! And swore as Mom she'd surely failed! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line She cussed and swore and wept her tears Heave and haul, my bully boys! ANd suddenly, she disappeared! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line And to the day I do confess Heave and haul, my bully boys! I miss my Mom of All BS Oh, heave and haul on the BS line Me mother was a BS thread Heave and haul, my bully boys! With rings of fancies 'round her head! Oh, heave and haul on the BS line |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 16 Jun 09 - 09:49 AM I did too, my boastful friend. It is in the rediscovery of them as a full grown twit that I am finding so much pleasure. They have matured remarkably since 1955. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 16 Jun 09 - 08:43 AM Goodness gracious, Amos -- I read all those before I was ten years old (really). "LW" was good, and the rest were boring. Kinda like "Uncle Tom" and then the rest of Harriet's output. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 15 Jun 09 - 11:20 PM Moderation in everything, my friend. I wouldn't want to get Alcott up in one author. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 15 Jun 09 - 10:53 PM You should also read "Little Men" and "Jo's Girls". If you're going to read that stuff you should just go Alcott. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 15 Jun 09 - 10:50 PM I am not sure what you mean by vice-versa--perhaps you are still disoriented from all that Bah Habbah condescension? I merely wished to point out that "hopefully" is an adverb. I have finished "Little Women" to good effect and am half waythrough an early Wodehouse book called "The Girl on the Boat". I haven't read this much in years, all thanks to my wee iPhone. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 15 Jun 09 - 10:49 PM Clearly, you should want a foggy day. Dew you? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 15 Jun 09 - 10:35 PM And vice-versa. Rapaire An English Literature major. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Charley Noble Date: 15 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM Only 256 more posts and we hit 1 million! Cheerily, Charley Noble, mathematically challenged |
