BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:55 PM

HEll, we's friends ain't we? WHy should I care if you wanna pack heat?



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:09 PM

Sure. Remember when you pay me that I'll be armed, 'cause I ain't goin' into SoCal without AT LEAST one automatic weapon.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 02:35 PM

I bought a unique tuba case. It was sleek and smooth. It looked aerodynmaic. Even though it was used. It looked like Fat Boy, of the Enola Gay. I filled it with clothes, and painted it grey. I went to the airport and what did they say. They said

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:49 PM

...okay, Big Guy, I'll go for the Beverly Wilshire shtick, if you will accept employment as an under-paid illegal-immigrant chauffeur driving my stretch HUMMER around LA on various errands -- coke runs, massage stops, racquetball dates, mansions of the the rich and anonymous, picking up underage dates and assorted strong-arm calls and collections visits you may have to make on my behalf.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:43 PM

Someone pass MOM the Pepto Bismol. She's looking a little bilious.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:38 PM

There you go. Why, we may soon have Amos circulating amongst the "beautiful people", networking, schmoozing, rubbing shoulders with the likes of Billy Crystal and other such luminaries.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 11:56 AM

white socks and sandels

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 11:46 AM

And lots and lots of heavy gold chains with big medallions hung around his neck. And he should be wearing a polyester shirt with big pointy collars sticking out of the leisure suit's jacket.

Can't decide if he should wear white shoes, though....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 10:33 AM

Dear Sir:

Cut back on the Vicodin; you are close to being surrounded by trumpeting elephants wearing pink tuutuus.


With kind regards,


Amos

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:23 AM

I think Amos would look great in a powder-blue polyester double knit leisure suit. It sort of suits the leisurely San Diego life style, and would look just fah-bulous! in a kayak. And a wig like Donny Trump wears, too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 08:22 AM

Being an expert on leisure suit icons is like, for sure, a sign of a misspent youth.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 01:08 AM

Or Al Harrington? How about him?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:15 AM

No, not at the time; but lately it's kinda double-hung and needs some pressin'.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:00 PM

Anyone seen Artie Fufkin lately?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:38 PM

Was it polyester double knit?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:12 PM

The only leisure suit I've ever worn is the one I was born with.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:59 PM

I tried to wear a leisure suit a long, long time ago but I was already employed AND married, so I no longer had the leisure to do so.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:00 PM

I fly with valise
My duffel is below
I'm catching Jet Blue
For a town in Ohio
They violate the baggage
They bust up your guitar,
Your Samsonite suitcase
Is showing its scars,

Get along, all you baggage
Ride around and 'round and 'round
The conveyor belt is broken,
And its slowing me down,
Get along all you baggage,
Ride around real slow,
A leisure-suited Momma
Is rarin' to go....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 08:21 PM

I see by your outfit
That you are a duffel,
You see by my outfit
That I am luggage too,
We see by our outfits
That we are both baggage,
Let's run away to Denver
To the lost luggage zoo.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:49 PM

Then get me two stainless-steel baggage carts
And place them at head and at toe.
And on them to place this inscription:
"Here lies an old duffel, below".....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:36 PM

Sounds like he's a duffel bag.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:30 PM

The only reason you think you are not baggage is because no-pne is willing to inspect your saggy white butt, Rapaire.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 05:35 PM

All baggage should be inspected, too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:35 PM

EVERYONE is baggage.

Except me, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:26 PM

jeez-louise! I always knew I *had* baggage, didn't realize I *was* baggage.

*sigh*

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:23 PM

The answer is no. There are no fourth class citizens.

If you fall out of third class they put you in the baggage compartment.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 03:42 PM

Hey MOM! I gotta question. If you know less about something then a third class citizen does that make you a fourth class citizen? I judge by reading another thread that there are designated target for personal attack on the mudcat - and that people are encouraged to attack them.

Heck! I never seen no list, nor designation; nor encouragment for that matter.

Guess I'm just a dumb f*cker nobody tells nuthin.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 03:37 PM

Oh!! Alright, then. I'll take your remarks off the "suppressed resentment" stack and send them along the flow of time oproperly, then.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 02:17 PM

Maybe I should, otherwise it gets pulled out as a weed.

I hope, Amos, that you realized that on another thread just now I made an assertion that wasn't intended to hit everyone. I was painting with a rather broad brush and may have hit a few innocent bystanders in the process.

Sometimes these folks just chap my hide and one has to apply the Vaseline liberally at the source of irritation. Kind of like smothering a tick.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 01:47 PM

Do it! Cottonwoods are gracious and an ecological asset as well.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM

Rapaire, do you have a novel or two that employ some of your clever pranks/scenarios?

if not why not

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:59 PM

There's a great willow snag out at the back of the next door neighbor's property that is perfect for owls and hawks, but I've also seen a lot of other birds pause there. It's difficult to plant (intentionally) new trees that close to the creek because digging a hole and putting a tree in means it will probably get washed away next time the creek rises. It really needs to plant itself.

I have a volunteer cottonwood in a pot near the back door, and I've considered taking this little thing down and putting it in, maybe it will suck up the water so fast it will get established before the next flash flood.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:29 PM

Yeah, Bee-Dubya would want any of that other sort of dynamite. Hetero it is!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:58 AM

Only only if it's heterodyne, a mite.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:38 AM

So...dynamite, then?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:58 AM

I'm afraid there will be no burning of this particular massive bole. It's been dead for so long that it's already 50% compost. I'll probably just cut what parts of it are still more or less solid into manageable chunks, pile them up someplace out of the way, and let Mom's cousin, Mother Nature, finish the job of turning them into future garden soil.

I'll sorta miss the old eyesore since it was a favorite hunting ground for our resident red-bellied woodpeckers and I could watch them from the window beside my computer. Earlier this spring I also noticed that a couple of beetle-killed pines 100 yard or so away from the house had fallen down at some point. They were occasional perches for various hawks and kites, so they'll be missed a bit as well.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 08:54 AM

Or do what I do: snakehole it, shove in eight or ten sticks of 60% dynamite, and tell the cops it must have been a mis-aimed artillery shell from whatever military base is closest. That way you and your neighbors (if any) can sue the Dept. of Defense.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 08:54 AM

Now there's creative thinking.

You may be ready to take up residence in Blind River, Stilly. ;-) There are some cruddy old houses on Elgin Street just waiting for a new occupant.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 01:11 AM

Why is it these big tasks come along when it's really really hot out? I have several yard-related jobs I'd really like to finish before school starts, but we're hovering at 100 every day now and for the next six weeks at least. Forget the potting shed and the other trees, you could light a fire under the recumbent stump and move it along in a hurry.

On thing, though. You might want to what Shane would do--claim it was a lightning strike (and keep the ignition source discreet.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:18 AM

Let it lie and tell people that it's a "lawn sculpture". You can spraypaint it some unusual color to help reinforce that notion.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 09:55 PM

Chopping? Remember them chain saws you bought for one of them hurrycanes a couple years ago? Use them. This time put gas in 'em and pull on the rope and don't be scared by the loud noise; that's the way they're supposed to work.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 09:27 PM

Hi, Mom! A really big tree just fell down in my yard! It used to be the biggest tree on our property, but it died about five years ago. It had shed most of its limbs over the years, so it was really nothing but a trunk about 60 feet tall. The last five feet or so caught the roof of our pottery studio on the way down, but it (the tree, not the studio) was so rotten it didn't do any damage. Still, choppin' it up in this heat and humidity is not going to be fun.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 06:45 PM

Boredom, good friend, is only in the eye of the bored.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 05:55 PM

I've read it. Boooooooooooooring! I prefer Dante's "Inferno," especially the notes on all the good stuff about why so-and-so was there.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 04:44 PM

If Rapaire will pay for a daily commute flight to Idiaho in time for bedtime for me and Little Hawk, I'll read it to them.


I'd offer to make Podcasts for them, but I don't believe they would truly and honestly listen.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 03:24 PM

You'll have to read it out loud to them to be sure they get it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 01:12 PM

Ya know, boys, I try to write something a little inspirational and up-scale here, and you two just want to make methane jokes. This is really discouraging. I have half a mind to make you both read Pilgrim's Progress from front to back. It's the best way.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:50 AM

I daresay. How long did it take for the place to become habitable again?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:30 AM

We had the whole school do it at the same time and the building had to be evacuated.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 03:09 AM

Actually, I think these fingerlings are not anchovies, but grunion. The f-r-r-rp sound is the sound of them leaping and splishing back into the water after a leap of one or two inches. No wind is damaged in the course of this experience. It is wonderful when a whole school start doing it at the same time.


A