BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 12:18 PM

Ha! Great idea, Stilly. I will inform him at once.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 11:53 AM

But I already have. I'm a speed reader, Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 11:50 AM

Mom,

Rapaire's GOTTA read every post since he left, dunnee? Well DUNN 'EE???? Say he's gotta!




A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 10:28 AM

Amos, Poppy can catch her food. I have little dog biscuits that she catches very neatly. I just can't get her to extend that practice to anything else. So maybe she isn't so dumb, she'll only catch food. . .

LH, tell Shane to scrape the gazebo boards together and pile them over the gift and it'll seem just like he has an outhouse in his backyard, just like the good old days. Isn't nostalgia wonderful?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 08:54 AM

We flew over Blind River and I arranged for a drop of beer, liquor, and food. Oh, sure, it was all slightly used, but I guess there's just no pleasing the boy.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 12:08 AM

That last post of mine was concerning Amos's story...

Um, Rapaire? Shane seems to be very ticked off at you all of a sudden. Something about you "bombing" his gazebo? In the backyard?

I think he must be experiencing the DT's or something. Must've mixed too much beer and hard liquour, I guess...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 09:54 PM

They could have saved everyone a lot of trouble by just telling him when he asked...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 09:54 PM

I received this heart-warming story in my email and I wanted to share it with the MOABites:

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but
being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over t he railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 08:52 PM

"One fine morning in the middle of the Precession of the Equinoxes
this 'satiable Elephant's Child asked a new fine question that he
had never asked before. He asked, 'What does the Crocodile have
for dinner?' Then everybody said, 'Hush!' in a loud and dretful
tone, and they spanked him immediately and directly, without
stopping, for a long time.

By and by, when that was finished, he came upon Kolokolo Bird
sitting in the middle of a wait-a-bit thorn-bush, and he said,
'My father has spanked me, and my mother has spanked me; all my
aunts and uncles have spanked me for my 'satiable curtiosity; and
still I want to know what the Crocodile has for dinner!'

Then Kolokolo Bird said, with a mournful cry, 'Go to the banks of
the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with
fever-trees, and find out.'

That very next morning, when there was nothing left of the
Equinoxes, because the Precession had preceded according to
precedent, this 'satiable Elephant's Child took a hundred pounds
of bananas (the little short red kind), and a hundred pounds of
sugar-cane (the long purple kind), and seventeen melons (the
greeny-crackly kind), and said to all his dear families,
'Goodbye. I am going to the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo
River, all set about with fever-trees, to find out what the
Crocodile has for dinner.' And they all spanked him once more
for luck, though he asked them most politely to stop.

Then he went away, a little warm, but not at all astonished,
eating melons, and throwing the rind about, because he could not
pick it up."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 08:42 PM

twenty-two

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 07:56 PM

Start up close and hand her the food saying "catch".

Then inch a way a bit at a time, as far as you can reach her.

Then from a few inches further, a gentle toss.

Etc.

Thanks LH. I love acknowledgement for my efforts at heroic verse.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 07:42 PM

I have established that, beyond a doubt, my dogs like peanut butter.

I have also verified that the catahoula is a complete idiot.

Sweet, but an idiot. I have been trying to teach her "catch" and even a peanut butter filled toy bounces off of her snout. The pit bull figures the game out in no time. Poppy can catch her food, but I haven't managed to get past that. I bought the toy to fill with food and will have to be very patient. I want this dog to learn to catch and fetch. But first she has to open her mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 07:07 PM

Hey! Fantastic horse racing verses there, Amos! Bravo!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 06:45 PM

Now is he summer of our deep content
Made bitter winter by this bookish son;
All of the finest steps thrown down,
Ruined each thing we have begun,
Now in the presence of Rapaire,
No summer light will bless our gaze;
There is only one sky there,
Where giant egos, only, blaze.
Go to, go to, thou shadows stark,
Thou summer breezes soft, belay.
Now is our playground chill, and dark;
Now to dark night succumbs pure Day.

Willshake Speariam
Sonnet MMVIIXXIX
"Fool's Cap and Pixie's Panties"
Lincoln, Derby, 1865

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 06:38 PM

24,000 is mine. So is 23832. All the really good numbers are now mine, because Mom gave them to me as a present for coming home even thought everything was late, including the airplane from Dublin (2 hrs. 45 mins.) and the even the bus up from SLC today. And I didn't cuss at all, and Mom's proud of me for that that she said I could have all the really good numbers from now on.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 06:25 PM

And on they came, like dust from hell,
Their drumming shoe like hail,
Their fiery breath and murd'rous gaze
And their flying, wind-swept tails.

The jockeys bent and cried and sang,
"Come on! Big Girl, come on!"
Around the flag at 23-8,
And straight to the end of dawn.

They hammered the turf with flashing feet,
And they filled the air with thunder.
The bettors gasped and watched Big Mom
With hope, and awe, and wonder.

She had come abeam of the very tip
Of the tail of bold Bright Glim,
And Big Mom smiled and stretched a tad,
And moved to the flank of him.

And the ladies fluttered their summer fans,
And recovered from summer swoons,
As a ripple of hope ran through the crowds
On that burning afternoon.

And still they roared and thundered on,
Bound onward toward the nine,
But the back three started to feel the heat,
Falling back in a long, thin line.

Brown Derby would not quail or flinch,
Moving out like a beast of steel,
ANd behind her Bright Glim raged ahead,
With an anger you could feel.

Then the crowd fell still, while on the stretch
While the trainers muttered and cussed,
On the far-away stretch they saw every horse
DIsappear in a cloud of dust.

The shyster on the field PA
Could only mutter and stew,
For they couldn't make out one horse from the next,
WHile the dust-clouds whirled and blew.

But the clump was driving fast as hell,
Faster than well-oiled dreams,
And the crowd grew wan, with a muffled gasp
And a few well-muted screams.

On down, on down, those ponies ran,
Into the rising sun,
And the hopes of every betting man
Hung balanced on their run.

And the gentlemen curled their mighty hands,
And the ladies whispered in dread,
As the distant cloud moved down the stretch,
With the nine in sight, ahead.

....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 02:45 PM

Stilly claims: 23800    200 to go until another significant number

I muyst disagree.

I believe 23832 is significant. It'll spin much better then the last one.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 02:41 PM

Hmmmmm...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 01:59 PM

My fault, sorry--had to be out on the town this morning.

I see LH is still pondering the latest suggestive evaluation from Liebenscheiss. That German-born psychiatry is a powerful tool to bring about introspection. Not necessarily good for you though...

Maybe you should ignore Liebenscheiss, LH.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 10:43 AM

Look who's sleeping late! Rise and shine, MOM! It's a little overcast out, but that shouldn't keep you in bed this fine morning.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 11:48 PM

23800

200 to go until another significant number. Numerologically speaking, that next number could hold all sorts of mystery. Let's not all rush there at once. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 10:49 PM

Good, it's about time. MOM thinks you left some wet towels on the floor in your room because it smelled really funky in there when she stuck her head in earlier. She closed the door again and said you can clean it up when you get home.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire, the Favorite Son
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 10:31 PM

Hi Mom. I'm back in the state. I'll be home tomorrow.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 04:41 PM

Hmmm.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 04:27 PM

Ach, Leedle 'Ach,

It ees nutt von Amos I am betroubled mit. It iss yourschelf. Dis obschessif deshire to drivializhe evertink isch schymptomatick, you unnerschtant, off sometink wittin yourschelf you muscht commen to terms mit-all. Vott is der impulsche to make nuttink of such faluable literary efforts by you, hey?? Diss isch deep material, scho taken your time and tink vell on der anscher.

Liebenscheiss

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 03:51 PM

Yes, it is pretty shocking, isn't it?

Don't do anything rash, Amos. I would not want to hear that you had taken a swan dive out of a tenth floor window over this.

If you begin to feel any tendency whatsoever toward committing such an act, contact Herr Liebenscheiss IMMEDIATELY!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 03:46 PM

Little Hawk has recently confessed that his posts here were not serious.

I am disappointed, dismayed, disgruntled and disgusted, and disoriented here.

For Little Hawk to make such a statement is absolutely unbelievable.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:56 PM

I just heard Garrison Keillor, as the Cowboy, singing a wonderful sang called the Ex-Post-Facto, Retrospective Ennui Blues.

The great regret of not having been older when you were younger so you could experience the happiness you found later back earlier, if you take my meaning.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:43 PM

I suppose you would have to dtry to find the indefinite lowest common denominator somehow. No mean feat, well beyond average skill, no matter what your denomination.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 12:12 PM

Just think what it worth be worth to have that information in one's trembling hands!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 11:30 AM

Those aren't my numbers--their Mom's numbers. An indefinite fraction of them are yours,.

While we are on the subject, I think a lot of Mom's world consists of indefinite fractions. But no-one knows exactly how much.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 10:50 AM

How do you get the lawn mowed if you're posting that often?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 01:48 AM

Gazoomba, gazoomba!

There's one more.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 01:29 AM

That comes to thirteen posts a day, about .54 every hour.

So this is an hour's worth. more or less.

Glad you liked the Skipper's song. Jacqui intends to learn it for the Getaway in Sept/oct.

You come, too.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 May 08 - 11:20 PM

Very nice--MOM will be proud of you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 08 - 08:30 PM

To make up for my sins I made a present for the Skipper, so Mom can take down those black marks she put up next to my name because of my harsh treatment of WAV.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:28 PM

Yeah, I saw that! LOL!

I think perhaps he is simply unflappable, Amos, rather than impenetrable. Or maybe he is both. If so, like McGonagall, he may go far and be long remembered.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 08 - 02:38 PM

You should go through and read the epistles I have left for him over the last several thousand pages of gargle, LH. He is impenetrable.

This last week I told him his talents surpass any one-celled poet ever known....and he was flattered!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 02:03 PM

Say, I just discovered the Walkaboutsverse thread. Geez. How could I have missed it all this time? Looks like fun. A worthy successor to McGonagall has finally come forward after all these years.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 May 08 - 01:55 PM

Just make sure the rug looks really really natural.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 01:53 PM

No, no, his charm is a scintillating as ever...it's just more in the realm of harmless flirtation now, that's all. He is far less likely to pull a fast move in the transporter room than he used to be.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 08 - 01:17 PM

Ah, thank you for the clarification. She is always welcome in any case.

Besides, S. is now so old and overweight he has nothing to recommend him, his moves are slow and his charm corroded.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 08 - 11:51 AM

It has been almost exactly 5 years.

Five years, and 23,775 posts, or 4,755 post per year.

And NOT ONCE in all this time have her brave sons, daughters, and mentally deficient house-guests allowed this thread toslip below the front page.

NOT ONCE!!!

THIS is a record with fighting for.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 May 08 - 11:51 AM

You mistake how things would work--she is bait to attract him, but as is typical with bait there's a sharp painful hook that I'm sure he would avoid. She already has a boyfriend and as a rule doesn't suffer fools gladly. She gets this from her mother. I said "zaftig," not "bimbo." :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 11:12 PM

Ah, Stilly, it is a great sorrow to me to hear you say that. There was a day, when I was in my prime, when no mother for fifty miles around would make such an invitation!! :D

But tempus fugits, as they say. Sure, Moonglow is very welcome, if we ever get a date from Mister H's "hot" line to Mr. S... We can put her up and promise not to let ole Shatner get his hands on her...



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 May 08 - 11:08 PM

You could invite my zaftig 19-year-old daughter Moonglow to join you. She knows who Shatner is, if that would help.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 09:59 PM

On the Internet you never know, LH. I know I talk like an old fogey but I might just be a fast learner 20-something nubile female.

If not, I think I might like to try that on next lifetime...just to poke fun at certain charmers... :D


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 08 - 05:15 PM

Oh, well, my influence with Mr Shatner is not to be sneezed at, Amos, but he's very, very busy right now. It's just a matter of his available time, that's all.

It is a pity, though, that you're not a nubile 20 or 30 something female with a dynamite face and figure...

That would definitely help expedite things.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 04:33 PM

Ya know, LH, not to be ungrateful or anything, but you DID give me the impression you had much more influence with the alleged Shatner than you are presently demonstrating.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 08 - 04:28 PM

You're on the right track, Amos. Now I just have to make Mr Shatner think its his idea. I am busy planting various seeds to achieve that very effect, but it may take some time before they germinate. The subtle approach...slow but steady wins the race. ;-)