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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Donuel 10 Aug 18 - 08:27 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 18 - 11:02 PM
gnu 09 Aug 18 - 02:03 PM
Donuel 09 Aug 18 - 07:13 AM
Stilly River Sage 08 Aug 18 - 10:10 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 18 - 07:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Aug 18 - 03:57 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 18 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 18 - 09:44 AM
Donuel 07 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 18 - 05:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Aug 18 - 05:26 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 18 - 12:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 18 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 18 - 08:51 PM
Little Hawk 05 Aug 18 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 18 - 09:19 PM
keberoxu 05 Aug 18 - 07:12 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 18 - 10:50 PM
gnu 04 Aug 18 - 09:43 PM
gnu 04 Aug 18 - 09:37 PM
Stilly River Sage 04 Aug 18 - 12:13 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 18 - 09:07 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 18 - 09:14 PM
Stilly River Sage 02 Aug 18 - 06:15 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 18 - 09:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Aug 18 - 08:11 PM
Donuel 01 Aug 18 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 31 Jul 18 - 11:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jul 18 - 08:56 PM
keberoxu 31 Jul 18 - 02:35 PM
Stilly River Sage 30 Jul 18 - 11:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jul 18 - 10:55 PM
Stilly River Sage 30 Jul 18 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 30 Jul 18 - 10:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jul 18 - 06:04 PM
Rapparee 29 Jul 18 - 08:40 PM
keberoxu 29 Jul 18 - 02:37 PM
Stilly River Sage 29 Jul 18 - 10:37 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jul 18 - 10:24 PM
Rapparee 28 Jul 18 - 09:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jul 18 - 08:43 PM
Donuel 28 Jul 18 - 02:19 AM
Rapparee 27 Jul 18 - 11:04 PM
Stilly River Sage 27 Jul 18 - 10:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jul 18 - 11:41 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jul 18 - 11:13 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jul 18 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 26 Jul 18 - 09:18 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jul 18 - 01:32 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 08:27 AM

Is your nom d'plume Jules Clarke?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 11:02 PM

I have several books out there: "From the Earth to the Moon and a Trip Around It," "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea," "Childhood's End," and several others. They sold well and a few have been in print for years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 02:03 PM

"dirty magazines"? Like Farming In The Maritimes? Gardeners' Weekly?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 07:13 AM

Is this the companion book of Bimbos of the Death Sun Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 10:10 PM

Two hot dogs are panting and chilling on the tile floor beside me in my office after *kindof* taking turns fetching a few times in the back yard. There's a toad at the edge of the dark patio waiting for the dogs to stop drinking out of their dutch oven water pan so it can climb in to chill. This guy has been doing this for about three years and doesn't flee when any of us comes by. Sometimes it just stays put, other times it climbs slowly out with movements resembling those of a surly teenager. The dogs ignore it because they know toads taste bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 07:29 PM

If Shane was an editor, his "office" walls would be covered with Canadian beer posters and centerfolds from various dirty magazines. Plus maybe a picture or two of Don Cherry and his dog, Blue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 03:57 PM

Well, Rap, you should have suspected your publishing venture might not go well when you were introduced to your editor.

Here's a helpful hint:

When you walk into an editor's office, look at what's hanging on the wall. A framed degree in literature or some form of communication arts from a well-known university is good. A framed certificate in residential plumbing from a local vocational school, not so good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 10:28 AM

Consider this. If you hide just one or two copies of your dreadfully written book in some safe location, they will become exceedingly rare after all the others have been destroyed. Word can then be leaked out that one or two copes are still in existence...........somewhere! They will become incredibly valuable, more valuable in all probability than the price of entire original print run. You wait for about a year while the value goes up and up! Then you auction one copy off and make enough money not just to retire, but to buy an island in the Caribbean, a yacht, a Lear jet, a mansion, and all the kind of stuff that Penelope Rutledge takes for granted.

This is how fortunes are made!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 09:44 AM

Well, my new book, Tom Jones, Space Stud Muffin, isn't selling very well. The publisher is using the unsold copies (i.e., all of the print run) to heat the boilers for the printing press and has recycled the type, which has been shipped to Hawai'i and thrown in that erupting volcano. All pixels and electronic stuff that were in any way involved, even the wire and/or fiber which carried anything related to it, have been electronically destroyed and any hard drive has been melted by an application of thermite. This was all done at the advice of the reviewers ("I gouged my own eyes out after reading this! A lobotomy, please!" -- NY Times; "Over a thousand pages of paper that can be worked to be softer than Charmin" -- Inkom Courier).

So much for my Booker and Nobel prizes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM

You're welcome BWL and Little Hawk. I can cross speeding off my bucket list now. There was a divine moment coming out of the scenic mountains when there was visbility for five or six miles and like the Red Sea the highway parted, and there was no traffic of any kind. Angels sang as I pushed the pedal and I sunk back into my seat as I passed 20, 30, 40 and started slowing down as I was running out of clear road going 60 mph over the speed limit. Each mile went by in 20 seconds and the car felt steady although I was still 20 mph away from the top speed.

Even at a 70 mph speed limit, in the rain hydroplaning begins at 65. I have seen it happen to others. I am happy to rejoin the flock and go with the flow for the rest of our migratory summer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 05:41 PM

It works that way here in Canada too. You're pretty much okay to go up to about 10 kms per hour over the limit on highways, and it's the drivers who exceed the posted speed limit by fifteen or twenty kms per hour who get the attention from the cops. We're grateful to those idiots too for drawing the cops to themselves instead of us, except when they weave in and out of crowded lanes like they were racing in the Indy 500 and threaten to cause multi-vehicle accidents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 05:26 PM

♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬

Back home again, from Indiana....

♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬

I would like to express my heartfelt appreciation to all all the drivers out there who exceed the posted speed limit by fifteen or twenty miles per hour, thus setting themselves up as easy targets for highway patrol radar guns and allowing the rest of us to cruise along at five, six, seven MPH over without much risk.

Thanks for the sacrifice, guys! You really know how to take one up the ass for the home team!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 12:13 PM

Shane may do that someday, when the realization finally dawns on him that he is really NOT "the most coolest dude" in all of North Ontario after all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 18 - 09:15 PM

Hi, Mom and sibs!

Have you ever felt like you just can't stand to be with yourself? Well, next time it happens just take your self down to Uncle Dave's Self Storage, take advantage of their special offer (first month free with a six-month contract), and store that pesky self away in a on a 3' by 8' self storage unit until it becomes more agreeable and easy to get along with.

And it you're really tired of your self, just don't pay the rent on the self storage unit and it will be auctioned off to someone who'll probably try to sell it at a flea market.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 18 - 08:51 PM

Well, yes, it has. That is, the boys up at the Idaho Legion were tossing some fresh cow "night soil" back and forth, laughing and joking around before putting it on the petunias (they were using shovels, by the way). It got out of hand and the product was accidentally flung into the ceiling fans. Apparently some of the cows had diarrhea.

Cleanup continues. Apologies have been sent to the neighbors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Aug 18 - 10:35 PM

"Send lawyers, guns, and money...the shit has hit the fan!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 18 - 09:19 PM

gnu, did you get the money and guns?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Aug 18 - 07:12 PM

Good evening, MOM, and bye bye, mither.

Ach, gnu. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time of it.
Thinking of you and those you care for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 18 - 10:50 PM

Well, you never know...dying might turn out to be just the greatest thing that ever happened, and that could be why so few people return *from* the dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 18 - 09:43 PM

Now HOW THE **** DID THAT HAPPEN? I tried to type a post but it posted when I tried to correct the Caps Lock. ??? Oh, whatever.

Quick recap... life sucks and then you die.

Have a nice day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 18 - 09:37 PM

I try to keep up but life


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Aug 18 - 12:13 PM

Or make hot tea and the ice for iced tea in one swoop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 18 - 09:07 PM

QUARK!QUARK!!
QUARK!!



Hey! YOU! Stop humping my leg!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 18 - 09:14 PM

In fact, a duckdog can make half the pot boil and the other half cool to just above freezing, allowing you to brew coffee and iced tea at the same time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Aug 18 - 06:15 PM

If you hear "QUARK" you don't need a coffeemaker, the duck dog can agitate a pot of water so much it will boil then you can make your coffee in a French press.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 09:03 PM

If you see any of my friends tell them I said hi. If they're Amish tell them I said Gut' Tag. If they're French then tall them Bonjour. If they're chimpanzee, they've been sent by Chongx to try to collect "insurance" so use them for firing a kiln.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 08:11 PM

Hi, Mom!

I am safely ensconced in The Maple City of Goshen, Indiana, and have already visited the aforementioned Walmart to replace the coffeemaker that fell out of the van yesterday. Please shed no tears over the broken coffeemaker. It was a piece of crap we only used for traveling. Its replacement is far superior.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 08:53 AM

BWL out here in the far flung west a Walmart just saved my life by renewing a prescription that required going beyond the call of duty.

I also ran into 13 Amish women and one Amish man at a KFC who were being given a ride in a customized small bus. The chicken was extra greasy and the women were exceptionally tall.

small world eh


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 18 - 11:14 PM

Yes, she would. She would even agree that some of my boxers have developed personalities, especially the unwashed ones.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jul 18 - 08:56 PM

Boxes don't have personalities!

No, wait, she said "boxers"....

Okay. But on second thought, some boxes do have personalities anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 31 Jul 18 - 02:35 PM

Rap, a veterinarian with a newspaper column declares that boxers have notable personalities -- "They're characters." Would your esteemed wife concur?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 11:29 PM

MOM says to give you kids this to play with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 10:55 PM

The Walmart in Goshen, Indiana is one of those places where a non-religious white person like myself is definitely in the minority. Chase all the Hispanics, Amish, and Menonites out of the place and I'd pretty much have the store to myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 10:29 PM

Who'd have thought that the way to treat a knee that has fluid around it because of an injury to an arthritic part of it is to inject it with more liquid. MOM, I think I need a bag of ice tonight. Good thing I don't have to make that long drive BWL described.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 10:23 PM

Bee-Dub, ah, be careful up there. They got funny notions about who's a migrant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 06:04 PM

Upon the morrow, I must drive
Up north upon I-Sixty-Five
Not to Montgomery or Atlanta
But all the way to Indiana

And there I will spend several days
Among the folk of Amish ways
Those pedalers of way-cool bicycles
And drivers of horse-drawn vehicles

'Tis Rapparee's old stomping ground
And I shall search 'til I have found
His bootprints, old and faint and blurred
Smashed in a petrified horse turd


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 18 - 08:40 PM

My wife grew up with uncles who raised boxers (the dog, not the people). Naturally the dogs were raised at her parents' house as it had an acre of land.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Jul 18 - 02:37 PM

And don't get going with Great Danes. Notorious, they are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Jul 18 - 10:37 AM

Or a pitbull. They're big cuddlers and smart enough to take dictation if you get tired of typing. Don't get a Labrador retriever, it'll take your keyboard and drop it in the wading pool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jul 18 - 10:24 PM

That is good. Now you need to get a Dachshund.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jul 18 - 09:34 PM

I am working on a brand new Logitech keyboard. Wireless! My other one was in failing health, so I euthanized it. I am also working on a different computer running Windows 10. I also have a plug-in that allows me to use out wifi network as well as the ethernet installed in the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jul 18 - 08:43 PM

I'm sure Mr. Trump will have something to say on Twitter about the lunar eclipse being visible from so many shit-hole countries, but not the US.

Totally unfair!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Jul 18 - 02:19 AM

Many Conservatives were hoping for a blood moon but this eclipse looks like it is a liberal peachy moon instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 18 - 11:04 PM

Overcast skies here. No rain, just enough overcast to prevent sky gazing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Jul 18 - 10:38 PM

MOM tried listening to that, BWL, but it was playing in a loop and she couldn't tell when it ended. Spent hours trying to figure it out.

The moon isn't doing anything special for the US, but Mars is supposed to be quite a pip tonight - according to my "Heavens Above" phone app it should just be showing up on the eastern horizon (as soon as it clears the trees across the road from me).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jul 18 - 11:41 PM

I once listened to the entirety of John Cage's 4'33? (aka 4 Minutes and 33 Seconds of Silence) in only 12 seconds. I would never been able to do it if I hadn't taken that speed listening class.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jul 18 - 11:13 PM

If you're looking for a refreshing alternative to Netflix and HBO, pick up a pirated copy of "The Worst Years Of Our Lives", an art film about the desperate flight from Ireland and the landing on Newfoundland's rocky shores by the ragged progenitors of Shane McBride, they who escaped the "cleansing of Dangle" in 1849, when the enraged inhabitants of Dangle, Ireland wiped out most of the McBride clan for assorted offenses against their neighbors, and drove the few survivors from Ireland's shores. This film probably would be far better known if not for the fact that Liam Neeson refused his chance to star in it. To quote Neeson, "It's possibly *the* classic example of film making at its absolute worst. I thank providence that I turned down that offer. It would probably have been worse than acting opposite Jar Jar Binks, and might well have killed my career. I'd have had to become a butcher or a greengrocer or something along that line instead."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jul 18 - 10:58 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Why, he could probably have reduced "War and Peace" to well under 500 words.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 18 - 09:18 PM

Bee-Dub has a very short attention span he needs quick action things. Short eclipses, short movies, short climate change, short Ice Ages, quickly moving glaciers. In fact, he has sped up the entire history of the solar system into 97 seconds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jul 18 - 01:32 PM

You're willing to stare at your computer for several hours, so why not the Moon? :)


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