BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 02:20 PM

The 1958 encyclopedia--how big is it?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 02:08 PM

He's TOO YOUNG! No way would I introduce, except in carefully moderated and monitored excerpts, MOAB posts to a 12-year-old! He would too soon become addicted and spend all his time rhyming and posting. This threat, in fact, is related in these words by Meredith Wilson, modified of course for the musical but originally written as shown below:

And all week long, your Pocatello youth'll be fritterin' away
I say, your young men'll be fritterin'
Fritterin' away their noontime, suppertime, choretime, too
Post for that big number
Never mind gettin' dandelions pulled or the screen door patched
or the beefsteak pounded
Never mind pumpin' any water 'til your parents are caught
with a cistern empty on a Saturday night and that's trouble
Oh, ya got lots and lots o' trouble
I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers shirttails,
young ones peekin' into Mudcat after class
Ya got trouble, folks, right here in Pocatello
with a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'B' and that stands for "Bee-Ess"

Oh, we got trouble
Right here in Pocatello
Right here in Pocatello
With a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'B' and that stands for "Bee-Ess"
That stands for Bee-Ess
We surely got trouble
We surely got trouble
Right here in Pocatello
Right here

Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones
moral after school

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 01:49 PM

So why isn't he posting here?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 11:30 AM

Last night Dad and I talked about the many uses of old encyclopedias. Here are some ideas:
They help small children reach the dining room table
You can find really cool pictures to use for school collages
They can be turned into book crafts--like hollowed out treasure boxes
They are good late-night reading
They're helpful if the power goes out and you need an answer to a question
Use them with table leaves instead of mason jars to make ersatz bookshelves.
Fuel
Insulation
Bricks, as Stilly said


Eiseley

P.S. My middle son's jazz concert last night was WONDERFUL! Tom wore a cap and was a smooth cat.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 09:57 AM

I used to get the most horrible cases of pink-eye. Well, really red- eye. I don't remember the brand, but the bottle were closed with old Coke and Pepsi caps. The hangovers were unbelievable.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 11:42 PM

Ah, Stilly.

Forever young.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 08:33 PM

Donate those old encyclopedias to the local green builders and they can use them like bricks.

Good news about the reduced amount of surgery for Pat. What's scheduled is more than plenty go get over.

MOM, I got ointment for pink eye today. Pink eye! It's like I'm back in the third grade and was sent home from school. I can't go back to the office until the ointment has been in use for 24 hours.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 08:21 PM

Excellent!! Give her my Kudo and Congratulations!

By the way, unintentionally, Rapparee has come up with a NEW item for our compendium on spatulas. Using them to scrape squashed librarians from the floorboards. Oh, well done.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 07:08 PM

Good News From Pocatello

My wife will only need surgery (next Tuesday, February 1) on the right side. The anomalies on the left turned out to be benign calcifications.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 06:33 PM

Ya'll ain't workin' hard enough. Still at 788 pages.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 06:23 PM

If it's the "Compleat Hardbound Edition", a large fork lift truck is required when you wish to move it around from place to place...one of those things accidentally fell on my cousin David in the ancestral library, and he went missing for a week. When he was found, they had to scrape him off the floor with a large spatula. Rather than attempting to bury him, the family had him varnished with a transparent sealer and turned into a wall mural.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 04:33 PM

The 1958 encyclopedia--how big is it?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 02:56 PM

Why would you need encyclopedias when you have...WIKIPEDIA!!??

(Unless, of course, you'd like accurate information....)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 12:53 PM

Hey, Siblings,
My library is going through the reference collection and updating it. They've identified ten dictionaries and eight sets of encyclopedias that they'd like to replace, and they're giving employees and their families [you folks] first dibs, since they were very expensive sets. The dates of publication of the encyclopedias are 1958-1961, 1965, 1973, 1977 and 1985. Would anyone like one or two of the other sets, plus several dictionaries? If not, I'll box them up and take them over to Rapp's house. Surely he can find a good use for them.

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 12:18 PM

Instead of writin' the stories, I live 'em, buster. Hammett got some of his best ideas from me. I used to supply him with my old case files for a "stipend" (it's like money, only...it's smaller). You'd never guess how much I have contributed to classic crime fiction.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 12:10 PM

HE can read the labels on whiskey, beer bottles, and boxes of ammo, but it is a limited skill based on imitation, acquired during his apprenticeship under Dashiell Hammett, who was not at fault. Hammett thought he was training a writer to turn out flat-foot pot-boilers he could then publish under his own name.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 12:10 PM

Of course I can read! I been all the way through Raymond Chandler, mister, and I have read most of the Sam Spade stories too. Tried Mickey Spillane, but he's kinda vulgar.

Rapparee, I did not tell you about the SECRET ingredient. (If I had, it wouldn't be a secret, would it?) ;-D Ook! Ook! Without that you will not get the full effect, so ya better not try makin' your own.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 10:58 AM

I just finished reading one that Chongo would enjoy: Half Brother by Kenneth Oppel. It is about a family that adopted a little baby chimpanzee in an episode of cross-species fostering.

Can Chongo read?

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 10:57 AM

Here is a list of the Young Adult Library Services Association's choices for the top 10 Young Adult titles of 2010. My favorite, of the ones I've read so far, is Last Night I Sang to the Monster.

Eiseley


Bacigalupi, Paolo. Ship Breaker. Little, Brown, & Co., 2010. $17.99. 978-0-316-05621-2.
Nailer is a light crew scavenger tearing up old hulks of ships, living day to day, until a rich girl and her gleaming ship run ashore in a storm on the beach and his life gets more dangerous.

Donnelly, Jennifer. Revolution. Random House Children's Books/Delacorte, 2010. 978-0-385-73763-0; $18.99.
Haunted by the death of her brother, Andi is taken to Paris by her estranged father where an encounter with a mysterious diary may bring her back from the edge.

*Marchetta, Melina. Finnikin of the Rock. Candlewick, 2010. $18.99. 978-0-7636-4361-4.
Finnikin and his fellow exiles from Lumatere wish to return to their cursed homeland. Finnikin must go on an epic journey with a mute novice named Evanjalin to return home.

Matson, Morgan. Amy & Roger's Epic Detour.2010. Simon & Schuster, 2010. $16.99. 978-1-4169-9065-9.
Amy and Roger must both learn to deal with loss while on a road trip across the country which doesn't go as expected.

McBride, Lish. Hold Me Closer, Necromancer. Macmillan Children's Book Group/Henry Holt, 2010. $16.99. 978-0-805-09098-7..
When Sam discovers he is a necromancer he must learn to control his power in order to defeat a powerful and corrupt rival and save his friends.

Mulligan, Andy. Trash. David Fickling Books, 2010. $16.99. 978-0-385-75214-5.
Three garbage-picker boys find an item of great value to a corrupt politician on their rounds, setting off a tense hunt to see who will triumph.

Perkins, Mitali. Bamboo People. Charlesbridge, 2010. $16.95. 978-1-58089-328-2.
Chiko, a Burmese soldier and Tu Reh, a Kerenni refugee meet on opposite sides of war and each must learn what it means to be a man of his people.

Reinhardt, Dana. The Things a Brother Knows. Random House Children's Books/Wendy Lamb, 2010. $16.99. 978-0-375-84455-3.
Boaz is back and hailed as the hometown hero, but he is not at all the same. Can his younger brother Levi help him truly make his way home?

Saenz, Benjamin. Last Night I Sang to the Monster. Cinco Puntos Press, 2009. $16.95. 978-1-933693-58-3.
Weeks in therapy go by and 18-year-old Zach is still unable to remember the monstrous events that left him alone and haunted by nightmares.

Sedgwick, Marcus. Revolver. Roaring Brook Press, 2010. $16.99. 978-1-59643-592-6;
Sig is alone with his father's body when the lawless man his father had managed to escape appears out of the icy wilderness.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 10:50 AM

I am sure you were in your day, Rapp.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 10:08 AM

You know, just yesterday my wife said I was a "prime mate." At least I think that's what she said.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 09:59 AM

Oh!! I apologize. I meant to say the other primate. Mea culpa.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 09:58 AM

I am sure the other simian reciprocates.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 09:31 AM

Why can't I buy dried bananas, grind them to a powder, and add red pepper, mix it in vaseline, and make my own?

Besides, I don't like a monkey telling me what to do.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 12:50 AM

Do you find you are forgettin' important things lately? I never forget to laugh, and I never forget to keep my guns loaded, but sometimes I forget to take the garbage out on time. I hate that. If you find you are forgettin' a lotta stuff, there is a memory enhancin' product I can recommend. It is powdered bananas mixed with red hot pepper and made up into suppositories. Every time you get a case of bad memory, you take one and shove it up you-know-where. It feels awful! Matter of fact, it feels so bad that you will probably never forget that particular matter again, cos the body has ways of protectin' itself against repeatin' a really bad experience, and yer body will automatically kick in and make you remember next time.

It so happens that I am sellin' bottles of this incredible memory enhancer for only $25 plus $5 shipping and handling.

But act fast! Supplies are runnin' low! In a week or so it may be too late and you will be sorry you forgot to act when you had the chance. Order NOW!!!! Play it safe and get 3 bottles for a bargain price: Only $70 plus $5 shipping and handling. You CAN'T PASS THAT UP!!!! DO IT NOW!

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 10:36 PM

WE put three nine sixty one behind
As the night was drawing in
But the wind blew ice shards into our eyes
And we were blinder than the darkest sin.
And we should have stopped and made a camp
ANd let the good dogs rest
But our minds were fixed on the next o' Kay
ANd our hearts was froze in our chests.

Through a dark short night, we trusted to luck
And let Lead Dog find our way,
And we whipped and mushed like crazy fucks
Through that night and into day.
The ice was hard on the runners' sides
And hard on the dogs' cold paws
But they all sensed fire astride those sleds
And no care for nach'l laws.
When the cold long dawn came slowly on
And the black ice was turned to gray
Every driver there was sledding strong
Bound out for the next of Kay.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 06:58 PM

He did have a job for a while, sitting on the Blind River garbage dump, so the buzzards wouldn't land. Lost the job because no human would come there either and the garbage was building up in town. Shame was really disappointed because it was "all you can eat."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 06:04 PM

Yup, Amos. And Shame's the REAL thing, alright -- he certainly smells bad. I've heard that when he visits the zoo the jackals and vultures throw up.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 03:32 PM

No, Shane; we (or at least I) declined to get lured in to your synthetic, arbitrary, whimsical erection of a hollow, straw-man target. True BS does not get fooled by false gold. We know the real thing when we smell it...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 03:27 PM

All this flippin' nonsenxe about reachin' 40,000 posts on this dumb flippin' thread is pretty stoopid, eh? Waht differense does it make anyways? Who really cares? I know I don't. If it was reachin' 40,000 times in bed with 40,000 different women then I coudl see what the big fuss was about, eh? That would make a vast deference, I am well on my way to that. No word of a lie. I been around some, eh? Or if it was 40,000 bottles of beer drunk! That woudl be impressive. I am somewheres maybe halfway to that mark and I hope to reach it by the time I am, like, 30, eh?

When I do you can all, like, bow down and worship me, eh?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 10:53 AM

Mothers Superior might smell sin more acutely than their flocks? We know that there is no link, linguistically or by DNA between MOM and any MS, but what they deal in is remarkably close to BS.

Just a thought.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 10:40 AM

I dunno, Amos. I've known quite a few nuns (and still do) and most of them figgered that your sins were your problem. They didn't and don't go around smelling it out. Brings up a mental picture of two dogs when they first meet.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 10:30 AM

II:

We had run past thirty-nine and five
On a bitter afternoon
And the ice below was starting to go
And we had to pass through soon,
Or we'd all be dead and frozen hard
Or something even worse!
Like strapping reefs on a ninety-foot yard
Or reading MOAB verse!

All the dogs knew it was getting tight
And bad news was in the wind
It's a thing with dogs, and they're always right
They smell harm, like a nun smells sin.
So when Bruin started to clip and whine
And snap at the lead dog's toes
We knew he had something on his mind,
But what, we did not know.

Then the wind died down to a deathly hush
And the pale light faded to gray
But we yelled and whipped, and we made them mush,
All obsessed with the next of Kay.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 07:29 AM

Shame doesn't share any DNA with anyone else. He's unique in that, but only because both his father and his mother took theirs back when they saw what had been created. Folks at the U. of Blind River's biology dept. stripped out his DNA and found nothing at all.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 12:23 AM

In the world of 50 post pages, we are currently working on page 788. Only 222 more pages to go to hit 1000.

Don't applaud, Joe. Just throw money.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 25 Jan 11 - 12:14 AM

ydna testing has traced my paternal family back to a Welch ships carpenter who eventually set up housekeeping in SC in 1735, then proceeded to procreate like a rabbit, and his sons and grandsons followed suit.    I got cuzzins in San Diego, Texas, Toronto, Portland, Little Rock and St. Louis (the family genes had the good sense to avoid Idaho.) The mtDNA is harder to trace. Some of that is the lack of sufficient paper trails for wives (and "not-wives) that makes it difficult to know where to look. Some of it has to do with the differences in the way ydna and mtdna are passed on.

I guess it all comes down to we are all cuzzins, tho' it is right painful to acknowledge I am kin to Shane.


the DNA deposited via the typed word here in this thread, all traceable to MOM, will, no doubt, one day change all the world's thinking about kinship.

Provided, of course, the phreds don't shred it all first.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 09:30 PM

You got two Y's for your own good, Rapp...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 09:14 PM

Hey, I'm handicapped. I have mixed chromosones. Be nice to me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 08:43 PM

It does indeed, Stilly. I think the boys ought show us a bit more respect, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 07:53 PM

Janie, makes you feel kind of proud, doesn't it?

MOM's mitochondrial DNA has gone in some unusual directions, to be sure. Did she contribute to gluon, and did the freds ever manage to slurp up any of the MOAB clan?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 06:41 PM

What a hoot!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 05:46 PM

Indeed... a great tribute to Mums everywhere! Thanks A.

As for your summation of the MOAB, bang on, to a ceratin extent, which may either attract attention or seriously not. I kinda think not.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 05:43 PM

Creative li'l bastid, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 05:38 PM

You know, if I were Shame's mom I'd probably take back whatever I contributed.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 04:39 PM

WOW!!! What a great song!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 03:06 PM

I think we all owe a vote of thanks to Mom.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 01:42 PM

Mebbe if you understood more than 2 per cent of them you would, like, feel like better, man. Ya think?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 12:45 PM

Holy flip.

I feel so sad when I read yer flippin' posts, man. It is pathetick.

Look, any time you need some advice on gettin' a flippin' life and pickin' up girls and importent stuff like that...gimme a call, eh?

I will give you advice for beer. One bottle of beer fer each peace of advice.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 12:14 PM

A brief summation of MOAB:

Summation of an infinite sequence of values is not always possible, and when a value can be given for an infinite summation, this involves more than just the addition operation, namely also the notion of a limit. Such infinite summations are known as series. Another notion involving limits of finite sums is integration. The term summation has a special meaning related to extrapolation in the context of divergent series.

The summation of the sequence [1, 2, 4, 2] is an expression whose value, the sum of the sequence, is defined to be that of the repeated addition 1 + 2 + 4 + 2, namely 9. Since addition is associative the value does not depend on how the additions are grouped, for instance (1 + 2) + (4 + 2) and 1 + ((2 + 4) + 2) both have the value 9; therefore, parentheses are usually omitted in repeated additions. Addition is also commutative, so permuting the terms of a finite sequence does not change its sum. (For infinite summations this property may fail; see absolute convergence for conditions under which it still holds.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 10:35 AM

I'm glad you got to see your uncle over Thanksgiving---and that you could give him that gift from you and your mom. I'm sorry you can't go to the funeral, but it seems you honored him while he was alive.

Eiseley