BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 11:39 AM

...where they start software companies and become trillionaires and fly over Pocatello six times a month closing hormongous deals...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 11:10 AM

Sounds like Eiseley needs a comic strip drawn about her daily activities to truly reflect her work in Pocatello!

It might be nice tucked in with her master's thesis, if she has to do one.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 10:56 AM

No, sir! Sometimes I just shoot 'em, like Eiseley does. You'd be surprised how quick she can quiet Story Hour by firing just one bullet into the ceiling with her .45. And that creep-o the other day in the Library -- she nailed him at around 100 feet and, by using a ricochet shot, around a cornet and upstairs. She told the cops "Shucks, it was just like playin' pool, which I wouldn't know about because I'm a quiet, mild-mannered children's librarian from a small city in the Pacific Northwest." The cops gave HER their Expert Markswomanship Badge and the City Council gave her a standing ovation for "clearing one more creep and/or bum out of our fair and vibrant metropolis." The creep-o is recovering nicely in the local jail following treatment in the local hospital. He will probably be told to "get out of town" and given a ticket to San Diego, where we usually dump critters like that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 10:54 AM

No, dingdong, not Hutton; the guy who steals it for you so you can fence it...sheeshe...tin-eared megalomaniac...what's a guy gotta do around here to get some plain understandin'...oy, such tsuris you give me, Rapparee...dangnabbed minicephalic troglodyte..sheeshe...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 10:42 AM

At least it's not another gun, your store of which I trust you will deplete by one, should you this pointed purchase make.

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 09:42 AM

Some sort of leather-faced, rat-like, second-story man? Alfred Hutton? I don't think so. And here is the PRACTICE, FENCING, NON-LETHAL sabre he designed. Goodness, Amos, but you must thing that I spend all of my time running people through and most certainly isn't the case!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 04:07 AM

Yay for Eiseley, clean and wise,
And yay! for Stilly River's eyes!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 11:06 PM

Hey, MOM. Eyes are fine. Getting older, but okay. Baseline tests today was all. But that poking and prodding is tiring.

I went to bed early last night, got up early this morning to make cinnamon rolls to take to work. Lots of cream and butter and sugar. There are a few leftovers in the freezer. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:43 PM

I knew there was SOME explanation as to how you were making ends meet. I suppose you have a tight private connection with some little sawed-off gimpy-eyed, leather-faced, twist-nosed lowlife second-story man who will suddenly deliver this target asset to you for fencing, and probably a little black book of dozens of highly qualified extraordinarily wealthy marks who won't ask too many questions to sell it to...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:26 PM

I'm thinking about treating myself to a Hutton saber for fencing after the first of the year.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 05:53 PM

I don't even wear mascara!

When we were growing up, my sisters and I called makeup "Objects of true beauty" as in . . . "Hey Mara, where did you put the little brush for my objects of true beauty?"

"Don't ask me, someone's been smearing MY objects of true beauty all over the mirror!"

Mom really hates that.

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 04:14 PM

Oh, you sneaky plaguerizer; you are SO close to the line, you better not toke one more take.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 03:53 PM

Sweet Jesus. Is he sittin in a railway station?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 03:44 PM

Oh, you saneaky plagiarizer; you are SO close to the line, you better not take one more toke.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 03:10 PM

It is a fair and pleasant day here in Idaho, with the skies smiling bluely and the sun dappling the greening land; to the West, the GrEat Pacific rolls gently in from the far Orient, bringing faint traces of jasmine, oolong, and the occasional used humdrum. Soft breezes are just now playing along the mountain slopes to the West, where the barren wastes of Oregon lie hidden on the far slope ready to ensnare any woebegone traveler who is foolish enough to want to leave this paradoxical countryside.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 02:58 PM

I'm friggin cold.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 12:46 PM

It is a fair and pleasant day here in California, with the skies smiling bluely and the sun dappling the greening land; to the West, the Grat Pacific rolls gently in from the far Orient, bringing faint traces of jasmine, oolong, and the occasional used condom. Soft breezes are just now playing along the mountain slopes to the East, where the barren wastes of Arizona lie hidden on the far slope ready to ensnare any woebegone traveler who is foolish enough to want to leave this paradaisical countryside.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 12:35 PM

That could be legit, Rapparee. It's exactly what I would've written to them Corinthian bozos if I had been Paul. The New Testament is not bad, but I think the Old Testament really gets a bum rap these days even though there is a lotta good stuff in it. Just think what Joshua coulda done at Jericho if he'd had a few Tommy guns fer the troops!

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:34 AM

Wow--"Self-correction and artificial-intelligence learning algorithms in imaginary identity structures"...wotta title for my next thesis.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:30 AM

Also, my vast knowledge of Scriptures (Christian, Islamic, etc.) tells me that there is no third letter of Paul to the Corinthians. I did find this, though I think it might be a bit suspect:

The Way Named Straight
Tarsus, Province of Syria

My Dear Corinthians:

I, Paul, by the will of God an Apostle, having written twice to you on several matters of great importance now find myself compelled to write a third time.

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more.

SHAPE UP!

Paul, by the grace of God, Apostle to the Gentiles

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:26 AM

You think Eiseley is the Rev's alter ego? Could be, I guess.... She doesn't seem like a stump-jumper, though.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:21 AM

LH:

Tell Chongo fer me I think he's right and it's not my fault--turns out I had an ovberheated condensor in my strategic semantic differential tracking device whoich pointed me 37.23 degrees off from the correct universe of origin.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Schweitzer
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 09:05 AM

Jimmy, God is laughing at you. He thinks you look silly with mascara running down your cheeks. He also wants you to know that the sauna/spa resort you invested in for the "poor" is not sanctified. Get used to the heat---it will serve you well in the future.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 07:21 AM

Pantyhose, huh! Garter belt and stockings more like.

If Joe had waited just a little longer, he'd have grabbed

38700

Small change in MOAB-land, of course, but still, a nice well-rounded number. Rather like that one from Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Joe Offer
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 01:18 AM

Hmmmm. Rev. Jimmy Lee, I think you're getting carried away. I always thought Satan looked quite smashing in those pumps. Pantyhose would have completed the look, though.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 12:05 AM

You are a sorry goddamn case, Amos. It don't take a whole lotta smarts to figger out that whoever composes the Jimmy Lee Staggers posts, it is not LH. The fragmentation you are wearin' yerself out imaginin' on his behalf don't exist, chump. Someone else is responsible for inflictin' Jimmy Lee Staggers on a sufferin' world. My guess is that that someone else hales from Idaho, a place where "frag" usually refers to blowin' someone away, but that's another subject altogether.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 10:55 PM

See, the thing is, if the AUthor's world is so riddled with dark panes of glass in order to keep Imaginary Friends from knowing what each other is doing, where does that leave him? Fragmented, dude!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 10:10 PM

I kinda doubt PR would have anything to do with someone like Jimmy Lee Whateverhisnameis. Although, tea at the rectory and all that you know....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 09:57 PM

Say, maybe the Rev Jimmy Swagbone could try to convert Penelope Twiddle-Hump!! How about THAT for a scenario?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 09:56 PM

Wow!! Mooching and assorted covert sting operations among imaginary playmates--talk about fragmentation!! My GOO'NESS, yes!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 09:35 PM

You tell 'em, Jimmy. It so happens that I am among those sufferin' poor you mention, seein' as how I am behind on the rent and runnin' out of money to satisfy my usual needs in terms of cigars and whiskey. Yup, the cupboard is startin' to look pretty bare. So when all them repentant sinners who fear the fires of perdition start pourin' in the funds to you, Jimmy, I trust you will direct some of them funds my way ASAP. I only need a few thousand a month, cos my needs are small and modest, me bein' a humble and God-fearin' primate.

Send the money to Box 199 at the main central downtown post office in Chicago or drop it off in a plain paper bag at the alley back of Duffy's Bar, 7 PM on Sundays. I'll be there.

Oh...and Praise the Lord!!! (and pass the ammunition)

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 09:22 PM

Y'all are on the Hell-bound train! Y'all will be dumped in a lake of fire, with fire coming out of every opening in your bodies as the fires of your sins eat you from within like battery acid. You will have an itch, a terrible, burning itch, in places where you can't reach to scratch. Yes, and giant fiends with the wings of bats, fiends who breathe fire and brimstone, will torture you in unspeakable ways BECAUSE YOU HAVE TURNED FROM THE LIGHT AND GOODNESS TO THE WAYS OF SATAN AND ALL HIS WORKS AND POMPS!! But there is still hope, yes, as long as you exist you have Hope. But you must give over all your evil sinful tricks and repent. Yes, I say REPENT! Give all you have to the poor so that you are no longer tempted and hindered by the Things of This World! Remember what Paul says in Corinthians 3! Sell all you have and send to the Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers Ministries and we will see that it is distributed to the neediest among us.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 08:52 PM

Good luck, Still!!

Penny, old duck, I really rathah think you should stick to throwing your bloomers in the general direction of every half-balked, self-styled poet in the West End, and leave the psychobabble to those who speak it fluently. Like Liebenscheiss, for example. Now, there's a notion. Let's have one of my imaginary characters psychoanalyze one of Little Hawk's imaginary characters-- a brilliant display of hot air chasing hot air in order to measure hot air..


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 08:42 PM

SRS... I hope all goes well.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 08:01 PM

Amos, my dear, you must realize that once a fictional character is created, whether in literature, in film, or in any other medium, that character must remain consistently in character in order to be credible. This was the case with Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson. It is the case with that rough hewn Chicago chimpanzee adventurer Chongo too. It has to be, don't you see? They simply are who they are, and that is all there is to it. If Little Hawk were to deviate from portraying his characters AS who they are, they would be justified in abandoning both him and this forum, and you would then have to find something else to object to.

And I'm sure you would... (knowing smile)

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 07:41 PM

Bummer afternoon. Eye doctor dilated my eyes, and it always takes a long time to wear off. I'm squinting at the screen for a few minutes to tell you. They're going to do it tomorrow again because I have more tests. Seems my right eye is showing some signs of a circulation problem. Darn. At least the treatment would be eye drops, not a whole body impact drug.

Getting older is the pits. But as my friend Dean says, it beats the alternative!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 07:31 PM

I can appreciate the delights of having a fantasy world, but why would you want to people it with violence and ignorance?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 06:13 PM

You would hear a lot more of what other people say, bub, if you was just a bit more inclined to listen, instead of just concentratin' all yer attention on the next brilliant thing you are about to say. You gotta listen, see? Otherwise you ain't never gonna hear nothin' in this world but the sound of yer own voice echoin' in the hollow space of yer own ego. That was Bugsy Malone's problem. He didn't listen to nothin' but the sound of his own voice. That was Dutch Schulz's problem too. And you see how they ended up...layin' on a cold slab.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 01:42 PM

I have NEVER heard anyone say that, and I doubt it is even true, hair-face.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 12:59 PM

Ya know what they say... Little things amuse little minds.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 11:06 AM

I copped THREE EIGHT SIX-
EIGHT-THREE!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 11:05 AM

There's no doubt, this
Was MEANT to be!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 11:05 AM

Oh, Mom, oh, Mom!
Come look at ME!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 10:30 AM

The author of The Seven Mysteries of Life recites an incident of a baby giraffe separated just after birth from its mother and kept separate and alone until it was a teenager.

No mirrors and no other giraffes.

When they were then re-united the young giraffe could not imagine that such a strange looking animal as the mother giraffe could have anything to do with him and rejected all overtures from her, persuaded it was an absolutely bizarre crittur.

Reminds me of the old farmer who finally saw one in a traveling circus and declared "They're jest ain't no such animaL".

a

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 10:00 AM

Nothing but fog here last night. MIGHT have a few drops of rain today; it's 36F outside right now. Cloudy, but that will help hold the heat. Gee but it's nice to live in the Intermountain West!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 12:24 AM

MOM, if you get up in the middle of the night tonight you MIGHT see a little snow pass through the region. If you're smart, you'll pull the covers over your head and ignore it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 12:24 AM

If he did that, a ginormous Black Hole would appear and it would swallow up the whole friggin' universe.

- Chongo

p.s. Amos, I have wrote down yer advice to me and filed it under section H: "Take this out and look at it whenever I need a good laugh or two and can't find anything in the Sunday comics that'll do the job better."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 11:38 PM

What would happen if you took your thinker out of wherever you have it upper?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 11:17 PM

I am your Creator.
You turned out sort of okay.
QED: I must be much more okay than you are.

Hey, I learned logic and stuff from Franciscans, and they can one-up the Jesuits any day. Of course, I already knew all that stuff but the time had not yet arrived for me to announce that I am the Creator, the Thinker-Upper, of everything.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 10:50 PM

Exactly what is it, Mister Paree, that leads you to assert you have turned out okay? Just for the record....