BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 12:28 PM

If you were being interrogated by Shane, Rapaire, you'd confess. Just you and him. In a brightly lit room. You shackled to the wall. Helpless. Shane with a beer in his hand and a two-four standing on the table. Shane belches, laughs in your face, and begins questioning you while scratching his crotch and reaching inside his filthy parka to track down that pesky itch under his left armpit. The aura of old sweat, stale beer, bad teeth, dirty hair, and indefinable but gross body odors seems to penetrate deep into your every pore as Shane says,

"You better flippin' talk, eh? I got all day."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 12:25 PM

"See what I got here, Book Boy? Gutenberg!! See da nice colors. Bet you'd hate have me pour this here ink all over those nice colors, wouldn'tcha? Huh? I ain't the type to color betweent he lines like Mister Goot N. Berg did. One page at a time, until you talk. First I bend the corners, see? Then I tear out da page, see? Den, you still don't talk, it's Inja Ink all over, see? So ya better sing, kid, or you're gonna keel over from heart break. One...two...."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:54 AM

You'll confess.

Yes, Indeed, you'll confess

or else we will dog-ear the pages of every book in the Pocatello library system.

and if that doesn't work - we'll deface the covers with indelible ink!

and if *that* doesn't work. . .

we will switch the lables on the bookshelves.



Mwahhahahahahahahah!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:51 AM

Confess? You got nothin' on me copper, see? I didn't do it, see? And I ain't tellin' ya who did 'cuz I dunno. Go on with the lights and the rubber hoses, but you ain't gittin' nuthin' outa me, see? Cause I dunno that Big Amos from Sandyego told Janie the Lip to off them punks in Vegas who wuz tryin' to muscle in on Stilly down in Texas cuz she was movin' stuff through The Albertan to the Legion who wuz drinkin' it as long as it was likwid, see? So don't bother with the hoses and stuff cuz I don't know nuthin' about all that.












Mommy?....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 01:17 AM

"And now, Mudcat Radio is proud to present Ask Doctor Jane to help you all with your deepest troubles, your most persistent foibles, your most inexplicable self-destructive behaviors, your disagreeable inner voices and your crude and ill-advised censor circuits!! No problem too large, no worry too small, Doctor Janie knows you better than you know yourself!! Confess, and be freed!! She sees it like it is, tells it like it is, and you'd better well lissen!! Because NO-body says it better!! And now....heeeeeere's Jane!!"




A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 11:32 PM

Damn! I talk a lot. If only I could get paid for it....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 05:07 PM

She also gets paid to come and talk. She gets paid A LOT. Our share was $5,000.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 04:38 PM

I've read several of her essays. She touches on a lot of the things that I've written about myself. Difference, is, she gets paid for publishing her thoughts. What a novel idea. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 04:10 PM

Yes, she and I are great friends. I recommend ALL her reading, you know.

FIRST POST SINCE THE GREAT SHUTDOWN OF APRIL 2008!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:58 PM

If, like me, you didn't know who TTW is, a brief excerpt from her Wikipedia entry:

Williams is best known for her book "Refuge: An Unnatural History of Family and Place" published in 1991. The book interweaves memoir and natural history, recounting her mother's battle with ovarian cancer along with the concurrent flooding of the Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge, a place special to Williams since childhood. The book's epilogue, "The Clan of One-Breasted Women," explores whether the high incidence of cancer in her family might be due to their status as downwinders during the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission's above-ground nuclear testing in the 1950s and 60s.
Her work as an editor on "Testimony: Writers Speak On Behalf of Utah Wilderness" included assembling twenty American writers to write on the significance of protecting the wilderness. This book was held up as an influence at the dedication ceremony of the new Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument at the Grand Canyon in 1996.
Among her other books are "Pieces of White Shell," "An Unspoken Hunger," "Leap," "Red: Passion and Patience in the Desert," and "The Open Space of Democracy." She also has written two natural history books for children.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:32 PM

Well, I'm back from talking with Terry Tempest Williams. I recommended some reading to her.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:24 PM

Whyncha file a claim on Little Hawk's output?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:19 PM

Here I thought all of the natural gas stories were coming out of North Texas. (I still haven't seen any royalties on my gas lease, and the well was put in months ago now.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 10:24 PM

Hi Mom and Sibs. Sorry to be so neglectful. Don't feel bad, I'm neglecting everyone else too.

Speaking of methane, Mr. B. Clinton is going to turn up at the baseball field directly behind my office tomorrow afternoon. I wonder if he needs a new psychotherapist?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 09:11 PM

He was using it for innuendo.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 06:57 PM

"Flickin' his bic" sounds, well, sort of perverted.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 06:13 PM

Nah, jes' ole Hawk flicking his Bic again...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 04:37 PM

And I thought it was the Yellowstone Caldera acting up again.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 01:35 PM

Prepare for a simply tremendous detonation. I suggest you wear an asbestos suit.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 01:32 PM

Bend over, LH...I have the match ready,...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 01:24 PM

Just strike a match.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 01:23 PM

Ugh. Pass the gas mask.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 01:09 PM

Yes, I'm going to get the annual RAPES The Environment Award for all my work. Mom will be prouder of me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 12:51 PM

Anyway, we should have a world-class pardigm instance of industrial-grade methane collectors here. Where else would you find a richer vein?



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 10:44 AM

Funny. DIlbert did a cartyoon of a methane collector being imposed on one of the office regulars. I added some labels to it and stuck it on a neighbor's office door. His final line, standing int hehall with this long flex-pipe leading out of his pants, was "I give and I give".

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 09:39 AM

MY tickets are complementary because of my work to Save The Environment and Stop Global Warming and stuff like that by making all the cows in Idaho wear methane collectors which has resulted in a 99% decrease in methane in Idaho's atmosphere and has provided enough energy to power all of Idaho for the next 17 years every single month. And Rapaire's Atmospheric Protections of the Environment Society (RAPES) has as its next project making people wear methane collectors, especially members of the Idaho Legion.

I'm announcing this RAPES initiative today because it is Earth Day and if you want to help RAPE the environment PM me and I'll tell you where to send your donation.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 08:42 AM

That's okay. I went to fencing last night and even though I couldn't move as quickly as my opponent because of my knee, I pretended she was Amos The Number Stealer and sliced and diced her because I've been fencing saber lately and if she had been Amos and we had been using real sabers instead of fencing sabers and hadn't been wearing masks and jackets and gloves and other protection Amos would have looked like the Black Knight at the Ford in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." But I'm over all that now and tonight I go hear Terry Tempest Williams speak and get to socialize with her afterwards at a reception so ha ha ha and MY tickets are complimentary.

So there.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 01:54 AM

Not as silly as Rapaire, who can't make up his mind about important numbers and whines. Pbbbbbbt.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 01:47 AM

Silly? Really? Where in your place? I bet I could prove you wrong. . .   ;->

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 01:15 AM

Not as silly as you would in my place, Stilly! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 11:29 PM

Don't want 'em after you touched 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 11:27 PM

That would take 33 days, Rapaire, and I have more important things to do.

You can have the number back.

Here

23232

Happy now?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 11:21 PM

MOM!! MOM!!

Amos took 23232 and you said I could have it.

Ground him. Punish him. Make him play in 18/16 time for a month.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 11:19 PM

And GREEN, too!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 10:10 PM

Little Hawk, you look so silly naked with your flashlight in this video!!!




Ha ha ha ha ha! Bet I made you try to click that blue underlined text!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 09:49 PM

I'm not saying that people can't reach other people's minds, Amos. I'm saying that it's often very difficult to, because one encounters a lot of resistance.

It is not difficult to switch a flashlight on and allow everyone in the room to see that there are no dragons in that room.

But if the dragons are not material in nature...if they are a metaphor for something that is not material in nature...then the flashlight will shed no light on them.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 09:10 PM

And yippee ki yee yoo
Here's spinner 2-3-2-3-2!

Little Hawk...you have been listening to the psychologists who believe people can't read each other's minds.

That is pure nonsense.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 08:34 PM

No one else can see what my flashlight shines on, Amos. Therefore only I find it useful. I can't see what your flashlight shines on. You can't see what mine shines on. The flashlight in your cartoon enabled BOTH people to see the room. That's the difference.

That's why I say, where is that flashlight when we need it?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 08:14 PM

ANd here's 2-3-2-3-0!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 08:12 PM

And such sage stuffing no piece of cod has ever known.

Oh, BTW if you see Little Hawk tell him "You are the flashlight."

Boy's beginning to doubt his own triple-A's.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 08:09 PM

HAd I some such piece I would be the stuffing sage.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 06:21 PM

You can also buy codpieces, Amos. With or without stuffing. Or you can buy the ingredients and stuff it yourself -- I think you'd like a nice sage stuffing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 06:17 PM

Why don't you send in your own male order, Amos? See what happens.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 12:24 PM

Stilly, would you see if you could get me one of those for my birthday? WIth or without garments as she prefers.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 11:13 AM

They've already got those. Where do you think their conceal their earnings?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 10:54 AM

I thought you were going to suggest one of these.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 08:49 AM

I think that that's something every young lady would love to have. Even my nieces, who would also like one or two of these.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 08 - 10:15 PM

She's already a Myth. And she might well be wearing a bustier, thereby making her a Mythbustier already. But something like this might make a nice present for a birthday or something.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 08 - 06:46 PM

Postgraduate Myth Debunking could be promising -- she could go to work for Mythbusters or Snopes...



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 08 - 06:35 PM

Well, there's Ye Olde Burger Shoppe.... Or she might become a tavern wench. But beyond those I'd suggest a graduate degree or more in museology or a similar discipline.