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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Stilly River Sage 06 May 18 - 09:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 May 18 - 04:24 AM
Rapparee 07 May 18 - 11:32 AM
keberoxu 08 May 18 - 04:27 PM
Rapparee 08 May 18 - 09:01 PM
Rapparee 08 May 18 - 09:43 PM
Stilly River Sage 08 May 18 - 11:03 PM
Rapparee 09 May 18 - 09:33 AM
gnu 09 May 18 - 12:08 PM
Rapparee 11 May 18 - 10:16 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 May 18 - 07:02 PM
Rapparee 11 May 18 - 08:30 PM
Donuel 12 May 18 - 08:50 AM
Stilly River Sage 12 May 18 - 10:29 AM
gnu 12 May 18 - 01:35 PM
Rapparee 12 May 18 - 09:54 PM
Amos 13 May 18 - 09:54 AM
keberoxu 14 May 18 - 12:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 May 18 - 04:39 PM
Amos 15 May 18 - 01:35 PM
keberoxu 15 May 18 - 04:44 PM
Donuel 15 May 18 - 04:55 PM
keberoxu 16 May 18 - 11:14 AM
Donuel 16 May 18 - 02:34 PM
Rapparee 16 May 18 - 11:20 PM
Rapparee 17 May 18 - 03:58 PM
Rapparee 17 May 18 - 03:59 PM
Donuel 18 May 18 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 18 May 18 - 09:58 AM
Donuel 18 May 18 - 10:02 AM
Donuel 18 May 18 - 12:01 PM
Donuel 18 May 18 - 12:05 PM
Stilly River Sage 18 May 18 - 12:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 18 - 01:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 18 - 02:10 PM
Rapparee 19 May 18 - 10:31 AM
keberoxu 19 May 18 - 11:37 AM
Amos 19 May 18 - 12:07 PM
Stilly River Sage 19 May 18 - 12:58 PM
keberoxu 20 May 18 - 01:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 May 18 - 03:41 PM
Rapparee 20 May 18 - 03:52 PM
Donuel 21 May 18 - 11:40 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 May 18 - 12:42 PM
Amos 21 May 18 - 09:12 PM
Rapparee 21 May 18 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 22 May 18 - 10:01 AM
Amos 22 May 18 - 12:09 PM
keberoxu 22 May 18 - 02:58 PM
Donuel 22 May 18 - 05:39 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 May 18 - 09:32 PM

Darn, I didn't see the note about your performance until it was past.

Just concentrate on getting well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 May 18 - 04:24 AM

Uncharted adventure? All adventures are uncharted. If they're charted, they aren't adventures. They're just sightseeing trips.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 18 - 11:32 AM

It may start as an adventure or a sight-seeing trip, but either can quickly and unexpectedly degenerate into something Beyond Chaos.

I remember one time some friends and I started off on an adventure. Wives and sweethearts gathered at the dock to see us off, weeping and waving hankies and small children wondering what was going on. We pushed off, heading for Hannibal, when a violent storm came up. We were tossed about like corks in a blender, lightning striking the water all around us, claps of thunder shaking our frail craft, waves washing over the larboards and ripping the sails from their valance rods. We took in the mizzenhead, backed her, and were breasting a tsunami when a sperm whale stove our good ship in with a fluke slap of a fluke and we were all flung into the raging. white-capped, mountainous, waves. All hands were lost or eaten by ravenous salt-sea sharks save I myself, and I am the only one left to tell the tale.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 May 18 - 04:27 PM

Jed Marum's membership posts, when I tested them,
lined up to over five thousand,
so he was busy enough here, in his day. RIP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 18 - 09:01 PM

Written by Amos, 12 hours ago:

"I am about to leave for the hospital, to deliver my weary bod into the hands of the Boojums and the medicos for a few days. I am particularly intrigued by the prospect of 4-6 hours under anaesthesia while my plumbing gets reconfigured. I would prefer to sit on the ceiling watching every move, but my spiritual powers may not be up to such prowess as an act of will. So I may just slip into darkness and (I would hope) slip back out again into wakefulness at the turn of a valve by some kind anaesthesiologist who (one hopes) is paying close attention."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 18 - 09:43 PM

From the Conclusion of my Nukleer Stress Test Report:

"Perfusion imaging is abnormal. There is evidence of prior infarction in the territory of the right coronary artery. The left ventricle is dilated. Left ventribular systolic function is moderately reduced."

So I had a heart attack I didn't know about. It also says my left ventricle is plumb flabby and the pressure it exerts is reduced.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 May 18 - 11:03 PM

Our bodies may be falling apart but our minds are sharp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 18 - 09:33 AM

While does "infarct" sound like a word not to use in polite society?

"Psst! Joe!!! Zip up!! Your infarct is showing!"

"Come, Scarlett. Let us infarct together."
"You, sir, are a cad! A poltroon! Get off my plantation!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 May 18 - 12:08 PM

Acme... "Our bodies may be falling apart but our minds are sharp."

Speak for yourself.

My thoughts are of Amos and I await word with bated breath.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 18 - 10:16 AM

If Amos doesn't post somewhere sometime soon I shall assume that he's been bladder than usual and Mom has again confined him to his room, where he is shelling pees.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 May 18 - 07:02 PM

Hi, Mom!

My wife and I stopped at a Captain D's restaurant for a late lunch/early supper.   All the employees were wearing tee-shirts that said "Hand Battered Since 1969!" Can you imagine that? Some poor schmuck has been battering the same piece of fish for 49 years! Once he gets through battering the thing, he'll probably fry it until 2067.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 18 - 08:30 PM

Bee-Dub, I thought it was the employees who were hand battered.

From AMOS!!!

IT's not the same place I left a few days ago, but I am home. The dog recognized me. I got through all the hoops in some record short time, I think, but I am burdened with more instructions and gadgets than I would have believed possible. USing the urostomy bag is a major learning experience at first. There are seven kinds of doohicky you can use for night sleeps, hiking, etc. Not to mention the barrage of prescriptions they fired at me as I was leaving the hospital. Sweet Mother of Gawd! Poor Daly has her hands so full trying to just handle message and phone calls and the like, not to mention laundry and (now) giving me injections of some kind of blood thinner.

I have to get to work puzzling the schedule out. But I wanted you to know I have survived surgery and am home in one piece.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 May 18 - 08:50 AM

Routine will soon replace your learning curve and you will have advantages compared to some of us Amos.

What did Rap do to Hawaii? Is he an eco terrorist or did he anger the volcano gods? Stay tuned for the steam explosion. Kabloowey!

The lost art of a light crisp inch thick beer batter fish fry may someday be found.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 May 18 - 10:29 AM

My apologies to Daly, Amos - I also tried calling and left a message on your mobile phone. Get well and give Barky and Maggie each a pat on the head.

Agree with Donuel about the mistake of sending Rap to Hawaii. Clearly you gave the gods a bad taste and they're trying to get it out of their mouths. Don't go anywhere near Iceland, Italy, or Japan for a while, you hear?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 18 - 01:35 PM

Great news from A. And home so soon! Glad all went according to plan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 18 - 09:54 PM

No, I got Pele excited with my presence and I forgot to tell her I was leaving. I did call and leave voice mail, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 18 - 09:54 AM

Thanks, all my kindly sibs, for you sentiments and encouragements.

I have learned that pain hurts, which is probably why we avoid it so diligently. I guess I had forgotten about it. But this post op condtion of having been sliced and diced and told to put it back together is definitely an object lesson in the nature of pain.

So I am relying on the God Pharma to see me through and asking him to forgive me my sins of heretical irreverencies past. I know I haven't bowed down to his All-Powerful Self as contritely as I should but I shall endeavour to do better and praise his polysyllabic Name.

So far I am squeaking through on Tylenol. I am saving the hard stuff to help my puir ole mother in law bump herself off when the time comes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 May 18 - 12:48 PM

Bon voyage, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 May 18 - 04:39 PM

Mom!

Why is it necessary for one to "go figger"? Is it not possible to figger without first going? And where is one supposed to go to do this figgering?

Next time someone tells me to "Go figger," I'm going to tell them, "No! I'm too tired to go anywhere. I'll just figger right here."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 18 - 01:35 PM

I tell my dog that all the time: "Stay! Figger!" and she does; she figgers out when she can get off the hook and then walks off.

I have to say the business of acquiring a new organ is most peculiar. Last time I learned the art of micturition was back in the 1940's, and a lot has changed since then--not the basics, I guess, but the appliances are very different this time around.

If your bladder is in good nick, I suggest taking good care of it and using the original indefinitely. Substituting body parts is really a pain the patootie, as it were.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 May 18 - 04:44 PM

It kind of figures.
Rapparee readies for another voyage,
and all meteorogical Bethlehem breaks loose over here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 15 May 18 - 04:55 PM

Managing physical hurdles is as easy as pie compared to those who are stymied by fear throughout the process of intervention and healing.

Conquering fear is the name I give what Rap calls being a big boy.
The movie 'Defending your Life' is a masterpiece of conveying this notion. Well done Amos


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 May 18 - 11:14 AM

Rapparee is off reunioning,
so it's up to the rest of us to keep MOM above the horizon.

My neck of the woods got a little windblown but otherwise
survived the meteorological havoc last night.
Must check to see if that tornado watch,
west of here,
resulted in any actual tornadoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 16 May 18 - 02:34 PM

Wise guys from New Jersey are know to steal lots of shit but they don't take any shit.
Go figger, they don't take any guff either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 18 - 11:20 PM

I just finish a nice dinner with two old friends. Tomorrow I shall see some relatives. Friday my brother and I are going to blow off a reunioning thing to go to dinner with our sister-in-law, her son and his wife, and their two girls.

I have my trusty li'l computer with me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 18 - 03:58 PM

Please note that I copped 52725 - -- a palindromic number -- and made no fuss about it. That is because I am meek and humble of heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 18 - 03:59 PM

I also copped 57275.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 18 May 18 - 09:51 AM

Ah but who has the largest prime?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 18 - 09:58 AM

The final number of the largest prime number is the same final number as pi. THAT'S a real coincidence that has all the mathematicians talking!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 18 May 18 - 10:02 AM

57,283 is the next prime


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 18 May 18 - 12:01 PM

go on go for it


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 18 May 18 - 12:05 PM

this is 57,282 yur next    ....right here ....       -=->


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 18 - 12:17 PM

Here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 18 - 01:24 PM

This is post #57284, which is also the postal code for Lymany, Ukraine.

Just in case you have a maiden aunt who lives there, commit the number to memory and you won't have to look it up when you send her that pair of socks you've been knitting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 18 - 02:10 PM

Mom!

When we go to restaurants with certain of our younger relatives, they always tell the waitperson, "I'm going to do the _______ (insert food name)." I, on the other hand, always tell the waitperson, "I'm going to have the _______ (insert food name)."

I'm sorry, but doing food sounds too much like you're going to either (A) kill it, or (B) fuck it. If I order food in a restaurant, I want it already dead and I don't want to have to clean jizz off of it.

I want to have my food. Then I want to eat it. I don't want to do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 18 - 10:31 AM

You, Bee-dub, aren't hip to the jive. And who are you to stifle the creativity of those children? Why, you may as well have smothered them in their cradles! What business of yours is it what they do with their food? If it offends you, don't watch! Your "eating" and "having" are too possessive and demonstrate a nearly overt desire for paternalistic cannibalistic slavery! Are you such a savage as that? You must be re-educated and your teachers have already been dispatched.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 May 18 - 11:37 AM

Yesterday, in Boston Harbor,
the USS Constitution sailed forth
in order to fire a twenty-one-gun salute
in observance of the 50th anniversary
of a date relative to the Viet Nam war.

For Rapparee, of course, they could do no less.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 18 - 12:07 PM

In a tired state of sweet aplomb
I send my best regards to Mom!
Whose vibes have always seen me through
The toughest things I had to do.
Whose easy heart and gentle ways
Has softened all my hardest days
And kept the faith of joy and kin
Bright in the face of darkling sin.
I wish her endless toast in bed
And wreaths of flowers for her head
And joy for many a post-filled day
And many another mighty Kay
To swell her record to the sky;
And on top of this,
I say, "Oh! Hi!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 May 18 - 12:58 PM

I'm surprised to see Amos here today, I suspected he might be a surprise guest at the Royal Wedding.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 May 18 - 01:15 PM

Keeping MOM above the horizon
while Rapparee enjoys himself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 18 - 03:41 PM

Amos was unable to attend the Royal Wedding due to his recent surgery. However, I have it on good authority that a piece of The Royal Wedding Cake is in transit to him, safely ensconced in an official British Royal Family Tupperware container. The ones with the gold-embossed portrait of Queen Liz on their lids.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 18 - 03:52 PM

FAH! Enjoy myself? With my brother sick in the next room, puking and diarrheaing and unable to accompany me to the repast of tough steak and pink cake? Myself worrying about my little brother. all that is left now of my family (save for Mom of course) until I could take no more that the obligatory toast of the truly awful champagne? Oh, indeed, I saw some who I had not see in a long time -- eight cousins still alive and attending and the memory of three other cousins attending as spirits, of ninety friends and brothers-in-arms -- but with my own brother sick how could I enjoy myself?

Nonetheless, I persevered and did what I could to make the evening gay and cheerful for others. My cousin Ken brought his wife; he married the girl next door -- to me, not him -- and I got a hug. But all the while I was thinking of my poor, sick brother laying in his sickbed, rising only to worship at the porcelain altar!

Well, very soon I shall see if he made the hundred mile drive home or if he lays in some ditch, alone and abandoned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 May 18 - 11:40 AM

Thanks MOM

Speaking of toast and crumbs
Mom is a host of good fun
No one's out of their head
for eating crackers in bed.

But if the cheese if you please
falls plum off the cracker
sheets are plunked in the washer
For this feat, we should thank her.

When eating crackers in bed
Instead of Limburger
next time
I'll have
Muenster.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 May 18 - 12:42 PM

Hi, Mom!

I have decided to move to a Scandinavian country, change my name to something 99% of Americans will mispronounce, and write detective fiction. Everybody who lives there is already doing so to great popular and financial success, so why shouldn't I cash in on the craze?    There seems to be something in the air, water, or those long winter's nights that makes dashing out novel-length Nordic Noir as easy as parking a Volvo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 18 - 09:12 PM

Evena Volvo is a challenge in a Scandihoovian winter night.

I just sat out on the porch for a spell. In the dark. During a rainstorm. With lightning. Listening to the rain on the roof. In a small town. In North Carolina. In May.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 18 - 10:11 PM

Ah, the sounds of a Southern Summer! The gentle patter of rain upon the tin roof, the boom of distant thunder, the sudden arc of lightning, and then the gentle passage of the storm, replaced by the drone and hum of mosquitoes. Millions of malevolent mosquitoes, makers of malarial misery for milliards, harbingers of ague, vectors of Yellow Jack. Oh, nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina...running barefoot in the dewy grass of a morning, running a rusty nail into your foot and the resultant tetanus, the deer tick bringing the gift of Lyme disease, the miasma of the stagnant creek and swamp....

Ah, the Southland! Water moccasins, alligators, and all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 18 - 10:01 AM

Alack and alas! Nought but I to raise Mom up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 18 - 12:09 PM

Pish tush on your negative nabobbery, Rapp! Get the to a nunnery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 May 18 - 02:58 PM

Rapparee, I hope your brother is over the worst of it by now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 22 May 18 - 05:39 PM

Hold yur horses Amos, as temperatures rise, Rap's words may be the harbinger of things to come even in the pale far north.


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