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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 15 Aug 18 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 14 Aug 18 - 10:54 PM
Donuel 14 Aug 18 - 04:24 PM
keberoxu 14 Aug 18 - 01:22 PM
Little Hawk 13 Aug 18 - 11:58 PM
Amos 13 Aug 18 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 13 Aug 18 - 09:10 PM
keberoxu 13 Aug 18 - 04:50 PM
Little Hawk 12 Aug 18 - 05:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Aug 18 - 03:44 PM
Stilly River Sage 12 Aug 18 - 02:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Aug 18 - 11:54 AM
Stilly River Sage 12 Aug 18 - 09:38 AM
Donuel 12 Aug 18 - 09:22 AM
Rapparee 11 Aug 18 - 09:39 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 18 - 03:31 PM
Amos 11 Aug 18 - 03:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Aug 18 - 02:00 PM
wysiwyg 11 Aug 18 - 12:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Aug 18 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 18 - 09:25 PM
keberoxu 10 Aug 18 - 06:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Aug 18 - 05:42 PM
Little Hawk 10 Aug 18 - 05:20 PM
Donuel 10 Aug 18 - 02:57 PM
Little Hawk 10 Aug 18 - 02:54 PM
Donuel 10 Aug 18 - 10:22 AM
Donuel 10 Aug 18 - 08:27 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 18 - 11:02 PM
gnu 09 Aug 18 - 02:03 PM
Donuel 09 Aug 18 - 07:13 AM
Stilly River Sage 08 Aug 18 - 10:10 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 18 - 07:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Aug 18 - 03:57 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 18 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 18 - 09:44 AM
Donuel 07 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 18 - 05:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Aug 18 - 05:26 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 18 - 12:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 18 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 18 - 08:51 PM
Little Hawk 05 Aug 18 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 18 - 09:19 PM
keberoxu 05 Aug 18 - 07:12 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 18 - 10:50 PM
gnu 04 Aug 18 - 09:43 PM
gnu 04 Aug 18 - 09:37 PM
Stilly River Sage 04 Aug 18 - 12:13 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 18 - 09:07 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 09:35 AM

It is difficult to appear puissant when behaving in a manner that can only be described as jejune, prompting one to say things like "I swan!" as an indication of both surprise and mild disapproval, tempered with a dash of ennui just to give it that special je ne sais qois, to say nothing of a sprinkling of piquant joie de vivre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 10:54 PM

You callin' me a puissant, Amos? Huh? Are ya?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 04:24 PM

LH its only a matter of 'it didn't happen to you'.
It could have happened to me if I were literate at the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 01:22 PM

Author Doug Peacock, when he was a Green Beret in Vietnam,
had maps of the American West.
He vowed to go there once he got back home ...
and eventually he did.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 11:58 PM

There are a number of things about Rap that are a little unsettling.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 10:02 PM

Wellll, and he WAS strange, too, but not for the reasons they might have coulda thunk. The idea of Rapp's boxers developing independent personalities is a little unsettling. Is he out of laundry detergent or something? No matter HOW the stains got there, I mean, they shouldn't be THAT puissant!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 09:10 PM

When my brother was in Vietnam, when everyone else had pictures from Playboy in their lockers, he had a picture of his Irish setter. That was the only picture he had. If they didn't know him the company would have thought he was strange.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 04:50 PM

I remember living in a time and a place
with a well-trained rescue dog
that would do exactly that.
She had been dumped by the side of the road
and she knew how privileged and fortunate she was.
She was gratitude and grace personified

-- except when she simply had to bark,
and then she was simply a beagle mix.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 05:14 PM

That is exactly the life every dog wants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 03:44 PM

No, I do not walk Gluon. I treat Gluon the same as my own dog: let him/her/it have an unencumbered morning romp, trust that he/she/it will come home in an hour or so, have water hose and soap handy in case he/she/it has an encounter with a particularly ripe pile of deer guts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 02:06 PM

Don't YOU walk Gluon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 11:54 AM

Wait! You mean Acme adopted a new dog and actually named it Gluon? Stupendous!

Has this information been previously shared on the MOAB? Why was I not aware of it? Perhaps I need to replace my consciousness sieve with one of a finer mesh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 09:38 AM

MOM, last Friday I turned in a short, curt, and slightly rude if they think about it, resignation. I'm retiring after Aug. 31, and while I'm looking for another job I'll work closer to home (commuting sucks) and I'll have more time to walk Gluon. I need to get a reinforced full-body (for me) leash because when she tugs on the leash she can take your arm off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 09:22 AM

Decades ago
When my vocabulary was suffering I would sometimes use a word I was unsure of in a post to Amos and judge its impact by his reaction.
Nowadays half the time I go without any spell check, thesaurus or dictionary. Out living migraine pain has alleviated most dyslexic deficits.
This anecdote opposes the claim that there is no 'cure' for dys, dat or de other lexis out there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 09:39 PM

Well, playing in shady, smoke-filled dives was always Amos' forte. A poor, broke, folksinger trying to keep body and soul together, cadging drinks, passing the hat, having his chauffeur drive him home in his Rolls Silver Cloud. At least he seems to be getting better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 03:31 PM

The prodigal son returns! I'm glad to hear you are on the mend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 03:21 PM

Wonderful streams of top-drawer BS, thanks to Mom's loyal sibs! Thanks to all of you for keeping the faith. I drip apology for my absence. I am continuing to regain strength. And play in shady bars in dark corners of Alamance and Orange Counties. Dodging thunderstorms and hurricanes en route, too! Life is much livelier on the weather front than it was in that sleepy Navy town, San Diego. I miss the ocean but am thrilled with the highs and lows of the weather systems that come prancing into our little valley here and ten leave.

Excelsior!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 02:00 PM

The only one of Mom's children who is actually dimensexual is Gluon the Cosmic Duckdog. He/she/it is perfectly capable of having sex in several dimensions at the same time. With several partners... Of several genders...

His/her/its only stipulation is that partners must be carbon-based life-forms. That one experience with a silicon-based partner (aka a rock) was too traumatic to be attempted a second time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 12:00 PM

Oh dear... I misread a word in Donuel's post as "dimensexual".
Hmmmmmm. ....

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 11:44 AM

Hi, Mom!

There's a six-foot gray rat snake who visits our house occasionally. That's about as long as gray rat snakes get. I have named him Henry Wadsworth, because he's such a long fellow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 09:25 PM

I don't think she tastes the water.

I don't understand why my name should be "Jules Clarke." It would like calling me "Phillip K. Heinlein" or "Isaac Silverberg" or "Hal Van Vogt." My Foundation series, along with my Lensman series, are still read.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 06:14 PM

. . . . but, Acme,
about the toad in the dogs' water dish:

I understand that the toad is left alone by the dogs.
But the water in the dish --
does the water taste like surly-teenager toad after the toad climbs out?
do the dogs find the water too distasteful to drink afterwards??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 05:42 PM

Unlike most of us, Shane doesn't care if his beer is natural or synthetic.

A few freshly brewed toxic polymer chains gives beer a unique flavor and greatly enhances the morning after's headaches and nausea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 05:20 PM

Incredible!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 02:57 PM

What a coincidence the dimensionals sythesized my teeth and fixed my beer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 02:54 PM

I like it. Shane has those sort of talks with the Greys, and he gets quite puzzled too, but he doesn't mind as long as they synthesize beer for him and fix his teeth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 10:22 AM

In the spirit of the phenomenal works by Rap here is an excerpt from my "Psychic Agony"

Don: While agonal breathing, "Where am I?"
What do you see?
I dunno I dunno I ..huff huff, I dunno Am I dead?
Not as you understand it. Do you fear death?
No
Do you fear living?
What are you?
Nothing you can understand
What the fuck do you want?
We are very curious about your kind and your experienc in time.
Thats all this is?
It is a curiosity to us
Huff huff The problem is...
We would like to understand, linear time seems so impractical a state of being. To learn is a tediously slow process, each generation it begins anew. A laborious cycle of empty promise except for writtings. It banishes mankind to the torment of ignorance except for a few. Forever a child in the dark. How curious to punish a creature so malevolently destined to relearn pain for an eternity. How painful it must be to posess self awareness and consciousness as you do, trapped in a lower dimension as you are.
Jesus Christ what do you want from me, why did you choose me!
Choose?
Yeah.
Why did you choose to decrypt our message?
What message?
You decided to study that there are dimensional people and linear people. We do not understand decision, we exist in one single moment we can change forever. One blink. A speck of instantinaity. We understand everything there is in our world so causality, probability and consequence are a mystery to us.
Consequence does not exist in your time?
If mankind experinced time as we do in our dimension would he be mankind? If the cracks of time were filled and mankind had no place left to hide, what then?
Huh huh I dunno I don't even know what the fuck you mean.
You are like a recordimg, we are like the recorder that can add or delete. Your end is fixed. Ther is only one certainty for man, death. It always ends with death. What happens when man can end no more.

Maybe become you?
Is that something you like?
I can't exist here, its making me sick...its killing me.
You hide from your inevitability. The more time man has the more it takes from him, youth energy, power. Your existnce comes from unknown suffering. Time determines all for man. Time for man is a gift and a thief.

What is it like,,,short of breath,,, in your world?
You can not understand.
If you can bridge dimensions you sure the hell can explain it to me. You know things about us and the universe, tell me. You can try

If you are seeking answers to alter your understanding of reality will that not make your world a projection rather than a perception. What is the actuality you look for. Is it something you think you can see and feel. Ir reality is a projection to you hat happens when the source of your consciousness is absent. Man can not tell the difference between actuality and illusion. Every man born creates a new reality , all competing for a sense of actuality. Perhaps this is why man is at odds, perpetually in conflict
, so divided.
Stop Stop
Am I the only one you are doing this to.
WWWWould you feel better if you weren't.
I just don't want to suffer
What if you can return to a moment you consider to be your non suffering past
I...I...I

Reality dissolves into an episode of the reality show Apprentice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 08:27 AM

Is your nom d'plume Jules Clarke?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 11:02 PM

I have several books out there: "From the Earth to the Moon and a Trip Around It," "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea," "Childhood's End," and several others. They sold well and a few have been in print for years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 02:03 PM

"dirty magazines"? Like Farming In The Maritimes? Gardeners' Weekly?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 07:13 AM

Is this the companion book of Bimbos of the Death Sun Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 10:10 PM

Two hot dogs are panting and chilling on the tile floor beside me in my office after *kindof* taking turns fetching a few times in the back yard. There's a toad at the edge of the dark patio waiting for the dogs to stop drinking out of their dutch oven water pan so it can climb in to chill. This guy has been doing this for about three years and doesn't flee when any of us comes by. Sometimes it just stays put, other times it climbs slowly out with movements resembling those of a surly teenager. The dogs ignore it because they know toads taste bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 07:29 PM

If Shane was an editor, his "office" walls would be covered with Canadian beer posters and centerfolds from various dirty magazines. Plus maybe a picture or two of Don Cherry and his dog, Blue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 03:57 PM

Well, Rap, you should have suspected your publishing venture might not go well when you were introduced to your editor.

Here's a helpful hint:

When you walk into an editor's office, look at what's hanging on the wall. A framed degree in literature or some form of communication arts from a well-known university is good. A framed certificate in residential plumbing from a local vocational school, not so good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 10:28 AM

Consider this. If you hide just one or two copies of your dreadfully written book in some safe location, they will become exceedingly rare after all the others have been destroyed. Word can then be leaked out that one or two copes are still in existence...........somewhere! They will become incredibly valuable, more valuable in all probability than the price of entire original print run. You wait for about a year while the value goes up and up! Then you auction one copy off and make enough money not just to retire, but to buy an island in the Caribbean, a yacht, a Lear jet, a mansion, and all the kind of stuff that Penelope Rutledge takes for granted.

This is how fortunes are made!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 09:44 AM

Well, my new book, Tom Jones, Space Stud Muffin, isn't selling very well. The publisher is using the unsold copies (i.e., all of the print run) to heat the boilers for the printing press and has recycled the type, which has been shipped to Hawai'i and thrown in that erupting volcano. All pixels and electronic stuff that were in any way involved, even the wire and/or fiber which carried anything related to it, have been electronically destroyed and any hard drive has been melted by an application of thermite. This was all done at the advice of the reviewers ("I gouged my own eyes out after reading this! A lobotomy, please!" -- NY Times; "Over a thousand pages of paper that can be worked to be softer than Charmin" -- Inkom Courier).

So much for my Booker and Nobel prizes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM

You're welcome BWL and Little Hawk. I can cross speeding off my bucket list now. There was a divine moment coming out of the scenic mountains when there was visbility for five or six miles and like the Red Sea the highway parted, and there was no traffic of any kind. Angels sang as I pushed the pedal and I sunk back into my seat as I passed 20, 30, 40 and started slowing down as I was running out of clear road going 60 mph over the speed limit. Each mile went by in 20 seconds and the car felt steady although I was still 20 mph away from the top speed.

Even at a 70 mph speed limit, in the rain hydroplaning begins at 65. I have seen it happen to others. I am happy to rejoin the flock and go with the flow for the rest of our migratory summer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 05:41 PM

It works that way here in Canada too. You're pretty much okay to go up to about 10 kms per hour over the limit on highways, and it's the drivers who exceed the posted speed limit by fifteen or twenty kms per hour who get the attention from the cops. We're grateful to those idiots too for drawing the cops to themselves instead of us, except when they weave in and out of crowded lanes like they were racing in the Indy 500 and threaten to cause multi-vehicle accidents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 05:26 PM

♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬

Back home again, from Indiana....

♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬

I would like to express my heartfelt appreciation to all all the drivers out there who exceed the posted speed limit by fifteen or twenty miles per hour, thus setting themselves up as easy targets for highway patrol radar guns and allowing the rest of us to cruise along at five, six, seven MPH over without much risk.

Thanks for the sacrifice, guys! You really know how to take one up the ass for the home team!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 12:13 PM

Shane may do that someday, when the realization finally dawns on him that he is really NOT "the most coolest dude" in all of North Ontario after all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 18 - 09:15 PM

Hi, Mom and sibs!

Have you ever felt like you just can't stand to be with yourself? Well, next time it happens just take your self down to Uncle Dave's Self Storage, take advantage of their special offer (first month free with a six-month contract), and store that pesky self away in a on a 3' by 8' self storage unit until it becomes more agreeable and easy to get along with.

And it you're really tired of your self, just don't pay the rent on the self storage unit and it will be auctioned off to someone who'll probably try to sell it at a flea market.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 18 - 08:51 PM

Well, yes, it has. That is, the boys up at the Idaho Legion were tossing some fresh cow "night soil" back and forth, laughing and joking around before putting it on the petunias (they were using shovels, by the way). It got out of hand and the product was accidentally flung into the ceiling fans. Apparently some of the cows had diarrhea.

Cleanup continues. Apologies have been sent to the neighbors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Aug 18 - 10:35 PM

"Send lawyers, guns, and money...the shit has hit the fan!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 18 - 09:19 PM

gnu, did you get the money and guns?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Aug 18 - 07:12 PM

Good evening, MOM, and bye bye, mither.

Ach, gnu. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time of it.
Thinking of you and those you care for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 18 - 10:50 PM

Well, you never know...dying might turn out to be just the greatest thing that ever happened, and that could be why so few people return *from* the dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 18 - 09:43 PM

Now HOW THE **** DID THAT HAPPEN? I tried to type a post but it posted when I tried to correct the Caps Lock. ??? Oh, whatever.

Quick recap... life sucks and then you die.

Have a nice day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 18 - 09:37 PM

I try to keep up but life


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Aug 18 - 12:13 PM

Or make hot tea and the ice for iced tea in one swoop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 18 - 09:07 PM

QUARK!QUARK!!
QUARK!!



Hey! YOU! Stop humping my leg!


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