BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Galactic Overlord
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 12:11 PM

I am not a miserable mud-crawling spawn of ancient fish such as you beings and that "Rev Jimmie Lee Staggers" are. I always was and always will be, yesterday, today, and tomorrow, until Time itself ends and I will continue to exist even then.

Why I do not crush you and your annoying little speck of dust I do not know, except that on a rare occasion I find you mildly amusing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 11:20 AM

Hey, Rap! Shane is apparently in London, England for the Olympics. Look at the related thread: "Olympics - London's Shame"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 10:56 AM

What in the world are you raving about now, Rap?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 10:22 AM

Sorry, I was suffering from Long Weekend Over syndrome. It is especially rampant for those who go toLos ANgeles for some purpose or other. It causes individuals to forget wherte their fingers are on a keyboard.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 09:21 AM

So! Elegy's father finally caught you with her in a country churchyard, keeping her warm when the owl for all his feather was a-cold! And her a still unravished bride of quietude! Ask not for whom the bell tolls, LH -- it tolls for thee!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 11:43 PM

"dep[cityed" ?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 09:10 PM

One of Woodie's last public shows was recently dep[cityed in photos on NPR. I knew they were good for somp'n!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 09:04 PM

No, it's hereditary. My paternal grandfather once spent 180 days in the House of Correction and we've been correct ever since.

But what I wanted to tell y'all was that yesterday I went out and did some cowboy action shooting. After we shot 'em we had a barbecue. Next weekend it's chimps.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 07:33 PM

I think that what you really mean is that you are in need of correction.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 06:17 PM

That I was correct, of course. I'm ALWAYS correct. Not necessarily right, but correct in some way or other.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 01:59 PM

If my denial "proves" that your theory is correct, Rap, what would my agreement with it have proven?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 10:26 AM

Ah-ha! Your denial proves that my theory is correct!

Stilly, you could have

)$(/b>

but if you did you should see a doctor right away to have it removed.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 11:52 PM

I don't know about Jimmy Lee or the GO...but as for the others, Rap...no.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 11:08 PM

I don't know about those questions, but that thingie you typed sure looks like it would hurt. Of course there's always the percent symbol:

)%(

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 10:38 PM

Is it possible that the Reverend Jimmie Lee Staggers is actually the Galactic Overlord? Is it possible that Chongo Chimp is actually "Bad Penny" Rutledge? Or -- hold onto your hats! -- "Bad Penny" Rutledge is actually Chongo's sister, Chinga????

Consider: No one has every seen Chinga and Penelope Rutledge together. Chinga has made a LOT of money from her enforced profession so why shouldn't she use some of it to live the life of a baroness or squireen or whatever Penelope is as a way to relax and help restore the self-respect her loving "brother" took from her? She could be using her position and influence in British society to have MI5 or MI6 or one of the MI's have her "brother" whacked. A simple call on her "brother" by a prospective "client," her "brother" bends over to pick something off the the floor, a Welrod, muffled "PFFT!"....

I for one would like these questions answered!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 04:23 PM

You can do this, Stilly:

|§|

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 10:36 AM

ooooooo - I don't believe there is a typological way to show hemorrhoids, but I do believe the Rev. is a victim. Must be.

MOM just laughed and pointed at the screen when she saw it, said something about "serves him right. . . "

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 09:31 AM

The Rev is more likely

|*|

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jul 12 - 11:31 PM

I hate to be a nit-picker, but Amos, don't you think that

)*(

is a more accurate rendering of said body part? Unless it is one sorry-ass old coot and then it might be

}*{

See what I mean?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 12 - 03:08 PM

With bible-thumpers everything is possible?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jul 12 - 02:33 PM

Amos, your previous post makes no sense! You instruct Rev. Staggers to find his asshole and then "insert the part of your body that you think with" into it. How is it possible to insert one's ass into one's ass?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 13 Jul 12 - 01:20 PM

You TELL 'em, Jimmie Lee! Ook! Ook! ;-D Whip them faithless heathens right into line and terrify 'em with the threat of eternal perdition! Yessiree.

Say, have you ever visited the Church of Kong?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 12 - 01:12 PM

Oh, geez! This again.

Maybe I'll invite him out to Idaho and let him preach to the folks in Small...there are mountain lions up that way.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 12 - 12:30 PM

Yer on, Jimmie. If you can qualify.

The test is simple:

1. Find a part of your body that looks like this:

(*)

2. Insert the part of your body that you think with into the part in step 1.

3. Repeat until complete.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmie Lee Staggers
Date: 13 Jul 12 - 12:20 PM

Y'all are DOOMED! Y'all make fun of others, as you would have mocked our Saviour as the Romans did! Y'all will find perdition, and your bellies will be filled with the fire that is quenched not!

But y'all still have time to repent! Give up The Things Of This World and seek ye The Way! Ye shall pick up serpents and they shall not harm ye, and ye shall drink of the poisoned cup and it shall hurt thee not.

Come, let me guide thee to Salvation!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 12 - 11:56 AM

Woe be unto him who shall cast figments; for unto him is bequeathed ashes.

Book of Geronimo, 24-11.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 12 - 12:50 AM

U didn't write the book on Hugh, Still, Chongo did. And being figmentary and lower in order, as primates go, you can't expect him to know about such things. But I think it was probably not Hugh who did the lateral circumcisions, but a distant cousin from the JEwish side of the family, Juwannai Shudgetda Briss. He was a rabbi from a small town in Northern Poland, driven out by Cossacks, and when he fled with his small family to America he decided to do circumcisions instead, because, as he put it, the tips were better. Hugh's side of the family never acknowledged those ancestors, insisting that they were all plain Americans, or "Merkins". little suspecting the linguistic threads this assertion would weave. Some day, of course, all this selective ignorance will come back and visit them, and hopefully bite them in the ass.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 09:25 PM

Amos,

You missed part of Hugh Briss' CV: he also does circumcision on the side. Or in the front, actually, but you know what I mean.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 08:39 PM

Do you know that nearly all of Emily Dickinson's poems can be sung to the tune of "The Yellow Rose Of Texas"? And that for many words you can substitute the word "duck"?

There is no frigate like a duck
To take us worlds away....

or

Because I could not stop for ducks
They kindly stopped for me....

or

Have you got a duck in your little heart,        
Where bashful ducklings blow....

Try both of these and you will soon have a deeper understanding of ol' Em.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 08:27 PM

Verbing nouns is all the rage
For those who scorn the printed page
Who scorn good grammar and good sense
Who make a terrible pretense
Of having a vocabulary
Encompassing the realms of Faerie
And the educated are shocked numb
That witless minds could be so dumb.

       --Pope Alexander VI, The Ballet of the Chestnuts
         (Rome, 1565).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 08:11 PM

Hi Mom!

There's a message on Google's homepage today inviting interested parties to "Hangout with top U.S. athletes on their road to London."

Don't they know "hangout" is a noun? The verbal form is "hang out". Two words, not one. One can hang out in a hangout, but one cannot hangout in a hangout.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 04:57 PM

As MOAB approaches 1,000 pages it behooves us to recollect the past. This, from page 666:

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee - PM
Date: 02 May 06 - 08:36 AM

Rapaire is going to go take a shower and change into work clothes. At 0730 Rapaire is heading North to help move seven (7) servers to his library. Rapaire may not be posting much until this evening -- with luck.

'Tis the flowers of the plain
And I see them yet again
As the lightning and the rain
Courses down my window pane:

I think, my dear, of you
And of what we used to do:
When I got poop upon my shoe
And you'd point and say, "Do-do!"

Now I miss your subtle ways,
And your pure steel corset stays.
They stopped us from becoming strays
In our lustful, youthful, days.

         --Agamennon Charles Dionysios Rupert Heldwigssen: Songs of
          Innocence and Youth (Small, Idaho: Cross Dress Press,
          1902).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 02:02 PM

Here's a Golden Oldy series from back on page 595:

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos - PM
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:14 AM

Yippeee ki yi
And do-re-mi-fa
Lopian along,
Underneath the stars
Do-re-me-fa-lopian,
Dreamin' and hopian',
Yippee ki yi
And do-re-mi-fa.

"Cowboy's Remorse"
Unsung Heros, Unsung Songs
Billy "Cordless" Novox, First Mime
Cantaloupe Music, Inc., 1963


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos - PM
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:00 AM

My great-grandfather on my uncle's side once removed was a devout Eustachian, and went regularly to services. I believe, in fact, he was an alderman of the Eustachian convexation. It was then, as now, a little-known sect, vaguely related to early Baptist organizations but grown unrecognizable and perhaps more akin in its present form to a blend of Unitarianism and Dianetics. In any case, it was, as I say, little-known even in his own time, and reportedly in meeting new people he often got strange looks when the conversation would turn to religions and church-going, and he would nod and smile, and remark, "I, myself, have always been of the Eustachian persuasion."

He in fact became a bit of an outcast by reason of this eccentiricity, and was known in Victorian London as the Eustachian boob. This was, of course, before the Underground was built.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee - PM
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:12 AM

Do not confuse Eustachian tubes with Fallopian tubes, either.

Back in my youth radios had tubes. We used to send new members of our (all boys) high school radio club out to get a new Fallopian tube. If he came back with one we reported him to the police.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell - PM
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 12:40 AM

Wake up everyone! Wake up!

It's National Eustachian Tube Appreciation Day!!!

Here are a few simple things YOU can do to show your Eustachian tubes you care:

Take them out to lunch. Well... Don't really take them out. That'd be a bit messy, you know.

Learn to spell "Eustachian" correctly. No more "Yoostashion... Euskatcheon... Aw, fuck it! Those damned tubes in your ears!"

Talk to your friends and relatives about the plight of Eustachian tubes in developing countries. Teach them that a Eustachian is not a member of some weird religious sect.

Celebrate your Eustachian tubes in song! Join your friends in a hearty rendition of "A White Sport-Coat, and a Pink Eustachian".

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 12:59 PM

LOL!! You're imagining things, Chingo, which is pretty good considering you only a figment yourself. A second-derivative imagined critter. But it still doesn't qualify you for hubris, as your self-location is also imaginary, and without real-world coordinates.

Maybe if you practice Coueism, you could get closer; you know, stare at yourself in the mirror, if you can stand it, and mutter repeatedly "Every day I am getting closer to hubris! Every day I am closer to hubris!!" You know, fake it 'til you make it, as they say. Considering your provenance, I am sure this is old hat to you.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 12:13 PM

Lissen, buster, I KNOW where I am. At all times. And I KNOW where I'm goin'...straight to the top. I am lookin' down at YOU from the highest branch.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 11:07 AM

Quite so, Amos. He does, however, still have fleas.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 09:53 AM

Actually, I don't think lower order primates like Chongo can have hubris, as they are not sufficiently human to even have a station to try and reach beyond. If Chongo has a secret ambition to acheive hubris, he will have to start by finding where he is.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 11:32 PM

Hugh Briss is the guy who lives across the street from me. He fixes small motors, but I suspect he is moonlightin' as a break and enter specialist, cos the car he drives can't be bought on his wages nor can the fancy duds and jewelry. I'm gonna take that sucker down one of these days.

Then there's Hugh Jass. He runs a variety store down the street and rides around on one of those little scooters so he don't have to walk nowhere. He watches TV all day behind the counter. I suspect he is cheatin' his customers out of their winnin' lottery tickets. There've been complaints from 3 old ladies, and I am lookin' into it. I am gonna take his gigantic ass down one day, and when I do, the Earth will shake from here all the way to Timbuktu.

There there's Hugh Mungus. He's an enforcer for the local mob. He tried to put me outta business with a bomb hidden in a crate of Costa Rican bananas. But he did not succeed. He will get his very soon, and it won't be nice.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 09:34 PM

And then there's hubris, something Chongo has (in addition to various social diseases and fleas).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 08:41 PM

Then there's gravitas, something Amos and Chongo both possess in an impressive degree...but not as much as Shatner does.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 06:52 PM

Gravity -- it's not just something you can ignore, it's The Law.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 06:46 PM

ANd Shatner is stealing headlines for applying the laws of gravity to his pants.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 04:48 PM

Why don't they promote the poor thing to Chief Boson?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 02:08 PM

Well!! To show that Rapp is not alone. they have put the HIGGS BOSON to music!!. And so promptly, too!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 10:12 AM

It's always music for me. I got music in my heart, in my head, in my soul. I live to the music of the blood pulsing through my body, to the beat of my heart, to the sound of my lymph sloshing around, to the slow counterpoint of bile production, to the sound of my aveola, to the percussion of my digestive tract. I am a symphony all unto myself, a veritable outpouring of music.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Jul 12 - 11:01 PM

Multiverses

Aha! I knew one of these days someone would bring it back to music!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 12 - 08:26 PM

Multiverses. There is a universe where LH is arguing that Amos' creation, Chongo, is a fiction.

Besides, I'm Mom's favorite (or favourite, if you can't spell correctly).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jul 12 - 06:14 PM

God, I love the way you talk... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 12 - 03:08 PM

Little Hawk:

Let me make this as simple as possible. Chongo is a figment, a vaporous image of imagination, endowed with whatever signfiicance you have elected for him to have, a transient bubble of temporary meaning spawned from your own perfervid imaginings.

His goodness or badness are alike matters if imaginary openion. Like a grade-schooler who argues whether Batman is better than Superman, the whole notion of merit, positive or negative, in real-world terms, is meaningless when applied to this fantabulous mock-up, or any other. In short, Chongo is a non-applicable ideation.

Because of this, he does not provide any actual substantive referent to any mind engaged on the consideration of real-plane dynamics, do you see? He cannot be "loved", "missed", "admired" or "hated" in the way that those terms apply to actual human feelings.

He can be readily compared to any other fictional scalawag, but only in the shallowest of ways, because he is, himself, only the shallowest of creatures, a wispy two-dimensional conjuring of no real significance.

I hope this makes it all perfectly clear, now, and we can get onto more serious forms of BS, such as discussing who is MMom's favorite.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 12 - 03:06 PM

In a few days, Naayéé' Neizghání had killed Tsé Nináhálééh, Monster Eagle, and Tsé dah Hódziiłtáłii, The Monster Who Kicks People Down the Cliff, and Binááʼ yee Aghání, the Monsters That Kill with Their Eyes. "Surely the Naayééʼ have all been destroyed now," said Changing Woman. Níłch'i, The Wind, whispered into the ear of Monster Slayer, "Some still survive. Są́, the Old Age Woman, still remains. She looks like a frail creature, but she slowly saps strength with the passing years. Beware of her." Monster Slayer said to his mother, "Tell me where I can find the dwelling place of Są́, The One Who Brings Old Age." "There is no need for you to seek her," said Changing Woman. Níłchʼi The Wind whispered, "She lives among the mountains at Dibé Nitsaa, the Place of Mountain Sheep."

When he arrived at Dibé Nitsaa, Naayééʼ Neizghání saw an old woman walking slowly toward him, leaning on a staff. Her back was bent. Her hair was white. Her arms and hands were bony. "Old grandmother, I have come to kill you," he said. "I do you no harm, grandson," she replied. "Think it over before you kill me. Once the people discover that Są́ will no longer slowly sap their strength with the passing of years and finally devour them, they will have no children. It is better that people should pass on their wisdom and responsibilities to those who are younger, and finally die." "I will spare you," replied Naayééʼ Neizghání. And he returned without a trophy.

"Hakʼaz Asdzą́ą́, the Cold Woman, still lives," whispered Níłchʼi The Wind to Monster Slayer. "Each year she freezes the earth. She covers the streams with ice. She kills the plants so that the vines bear no melons and the stalks bear no corn." "Mother," demanded Naayééʼ Neizghání, tell me where I might find the dwelling of Hakʼaz Asdzą́ą́." Changing Woman refused to answer. But Níłchʼi, The Wind, whispered, "She lives high on the summet of Dibé Nitsaa, where the mountain sheep are." Monster Slayer traveled to Dibé Nitsaa and found a lean old woman sitting above the tree line without clothing, on the snow. No roof sheltered her. Her skin was pale as the snow. "Grandmother," said Monster Slayer," I am here to kill you." "You may kill me," said Cold Woman. "But once I am dead, it will always be hot on the earth. The land will dry up. The springs will cease to flow. Over the years the people will perish." Listening to her words, Naayééʼ Neizghání said, "I will spare you." And he returned without a trophy.

"Téʼéʼį́ Dineʼé, the Poverty Creatures, still live," whispered Níłchʼi into his ear. They destroy people by gradually using up possessions. They will leave no tools for anyone to use, and no clothing to wear." Monster Slayer asked Changing Woman where the Poverty Creatures dwelled, but she refused to tell him. "They live at Dził dah Neeztínii, the Roof Butte Mountain," said Níłchʼi. Naayééʼ Neizghání traveled there, and found a tattered old man and a filthy old woman. Their garments were in shreds, and in their house they had no goods. They had no food, no baskets, no bowls. "Grandmother, Grandfather," said Monster Slayer, "It gives me no pleasure, but I have come to kill you. Then people will not suffer from want." "Think a moment," they said. "If we were to die, people would not replace anything, or improve on their tools. By causing things to wear out, we lead people to invent new things. Garments become more beautiful. Tools become more useful. People appreciate what they have." Monster Slayer said, "What you say is true. I will spare you." And he returned without a trophy.

"Dichin Hastiin, Hunger Man, still exists," whispered Níłchʼi. "He lives at Tłʼoh adaasgaii, White Spot of Grass." When he arrived there, Naayééʼ Neizghání found twelve ravenous creatures who ate anything that grew. The largest of them was Dichin Hastiin. "I have come here to kill you," said Naayééʼ Neizghání. "Then people will not feel the pangs of hunger and they will not starve for want of food." "I do not blame you for wanting me dead," said Dichin Hastiin. "But if you kill us, people will lose their taste for food. They will never know the pleasure of cooking and eating. But if we live, they will continue to plant seeds and harvest crops, and they will remain skilled hunters." After hearing these words, Monster Slayer returned without a trophy.

When he returned home to his mother Changing Woman, he removed the sheath werein he carried the stone knife that his father Jóhonaaʼéí hataaʼ the Sun had given him. He realized that now his work was done. He sang: Now the enemy slayer arrives From the house of the jagged blades he arrives. From where the sharp knives hang he arrives And the treasures he has won are yours, oh you gods.

Without Evil we could not know Good, and without Good we could not know Evil. Take care what you wish for, Amos, for even Injun Joe and Boone Helm have their place!