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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 11 Aug 18 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 18 - 09:39 PM
Donuel 12 Aug 18 - 09:22 AM
Stilly River Sage 12 Aug 18 - 09:38 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Aug 18 - 11:54 AM
Stilly River Sage 12 Aug 18 - 02:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Aug 18 - 03:44 PM
Little Hawk 12 Aug 18 - 05:14 PM
keberoxu 13 Aug 18 - 04:50 PM
Rapparee 13 Aug 18 - 09:10 PM
Amos 13 Aug 18 - 10:02 PM
Little Hawk 13 Aug 18 - 11:58 PM
keberoxu 14 Aug 18 - 01:22 PM
Donuel 14 Aug 18 - 04:24 PM
Rapparee 14 Aug 18 - 10:54 PM
Little Hawk 15 Aug 18 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 15 Aug 18 - 01:22 PM
Stilly River Sage 15 Aug 18 - 03:20 PM
Donuel 15 Aug 18 - 08:33 PM
Rapparee 15 Aug 18 - 09:56 PM
Little Hawk 15 Aug 18 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 15 Aug 18 - 10:41 PM
Little Hawk 16 Aug 18 - 12:39 AM
Rapparee 16 Aug 18 - 08:48 PM
Little Hawk 17 Aug 18 - 12:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Aug 18 - 02:08 PM
Donuel 17 Aug 18 - 02:17 PM
Little Hawk 17 Aug 18 - 04:56 PM
Amos 17 Aug 18 - 05:53 PM
keberoxu 17 Aug 18 - 06:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Aug 18 - 06:29 PM
Donuel 17 Aug 18 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 18 - 10:26 PM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 18 - 12:57 AM
Donuel 19 Aug 18 - 11:55 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Aug 18 - 01:40 PM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 18 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 18 - 09:08 PM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 18 - 10:02 PM
Donuel 20 Aug 18 - 02:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Aug 18 - 06:56 PM
Donuel 20 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 18 - 09:19 PM
Amos 20 Aug 18 - 10:59 PM
Stilly River Sage 20 Aug 18 - 11:33 PM
Donuel 21 Aug 18 - 07:37 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Aug 18 - 09:16 AM
Stilly River Sage 21 Aug 18 - 10:35 AM
Rapparee 21 Aug 18 - 07:45 PM
Amos 22 Aug 18 - 12:01 AM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 03:31 PM

The prodigal son returns! I'm glad to hear you are on the mend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 09:39 PM

Well, playing in shady, smoke-filled dives was always Amos' forte. A poor, broke, folksinger trying to keep body and soul together, cadging drinks, passing the hat, having his chauffeur drive him home in his Rolls Silver Cloud. At least he seems to be getting better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 09:22 AM

Decades ago
When my vocabulary was suffering I would sometimes use a word I was unsure of in a post to Amos and judge its impact by his reaction.
Nowadays half the time I go without any spell check, thesaurus or dictionary. Out living migraine pain has alleviated most dyslexic deficits.
This anecdote opposes the claim that there is no 'cure' for dys, dat or de other lexis out there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 09:38 AM

MOM, last Friday I turned in a short, curt, and slightly rude if they think about it, resignation. I'm retiring after Aug. 31, and while I'm looking for another job I'll work closer to home (commuting sucks) and I'll have more time to walk Gluon. I need to get a reinforced full-body (for me) leash because when she tugs on the leash she can take your arm off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 11:54 AM

Wait! You mean Acme adopted a new dog and actually named it Gluon? Stupendous!

Has this information been previously shared on the MOAB? Why was I not aware of it? Perhaps I need to replace my consciousness sieve with one of a finer mesh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 02:06 PM

Don't YOU walk Gluon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 03:44 PM

No, I do not walk Gluon. I treat Gluon the same as my own dog: let him/her/it have an unencumbered morning romp, trust that he/she/it will come home in an hour or so, have water hose and soap handy in case he/she/it has an encounter with a particularly ripe pile of deer guts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 05:14 PM

That is exactly the life every dog wants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 04:50 PM

I remember living in a time and a place
with a well-trained rescue dog
that would do exactly that.
She had been dumped by the side of the road
and she knew how privileged and fortunate she was.
She was gratitude and grace personified

-- except when she simply had to bark,
and then she was simply a beagle mix.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 09:10 PM

When my brother was in Vietnam, when everyone else had pictures from Playboy in their lockers, he had a picture of his Irish setter. That was the only picture he had. If they didn't know him the company would have thought he was strange.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 10:02 PM

Wellll, and he WAS strange, too, but not for the reasons they might have coulda thunk. The idea of Rapp's boxers developing independent personalities is a little unsettling. Is he out of laundry detergent or something? No matter HOW the stains got there, I mean, they shouldn't be THAT puissant!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 11:58 PM

There are a number of things about Rap that are a little unsettling.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 01:22 PM

Author Doug Peacock, when he was a Green Beret in Vietnam,
had maps of the American West.
He vowed to go there once he got back home ...
and eventually he did.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 04:24 PM

LH its only a matter of 'it didn't happen to you'.
It could have happened to me if I were literate at the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 10:54 PM

You callin' me a puissant, Amos? Huh? Are ya?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 09:35 AM

It is difficult to appear puissant when behaving in a manner that can only be described as jejune, prompting one to say things like "I swan!" as an indication of both surprise and mild disapproval, tempered with a dash of ennui just to give it that special je ne sais qois, to say nothing of a sprinkling of piquant joie de vivre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 01:22 PM

Well, I'll be!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 03:20 PM

Bless his heart!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 08:33 PM

When the puissant BS underwear has a sufficient poo it will indeed stick to the wall when thrown.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 09:56 PM

Probably shouldn't mention it, but if his underwear stuck to the wall my brother thought he'd had a successful date.

This is the same brother who taught me how to say "I hunger for your body" in both Spanish and Hebrew.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 10:35 PM

Where did he think you were going?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 10:41 PM

Israel. Mexico. And he also taught me how to say it in Russian, but I've forgotten.

Not that I was going to those places. He just wanted to show off his fluency in Hebrew, Russian, and Spanish. Later he also spoke fluent Vietnamese and "street" Japanese (Japanese language professor: "You speak Japanese like a pimp"), some Thai, Korean, Tagalog, and Mandarin.

Me, I only speak English (sort of), a teeny bit of Spanish, French, and German, and I'm really fluent in Profane, Obscene, and Blasphemous.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 12:39 AM

Shane is proud to have mastered only one language. Well, perhaps "mastered" is not quite the right word for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 08:48 PM

Shame is quite fluent in Chimp. He communicates well with Chongx: "Ook, ook, ook" (translation: "Ook, ook, ook"). The hidden meaning is "Oh, you big stud!" and further statement of meaning is prohibited by the Obscene Materials Act.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 12:26 PM

What surprises me is that you have not also dragged Penelope Rutledge and Corridus the Hamster into these puerile, slanderous, utterly imaginary sex stories you tell about Shane and Chongo.

Have you no shame?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 02:08 PM

♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬


(To the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain")

A HOSER BOY NAMED SHANE

Oh, he lives up in Blind River
Where he petrifies his liver
And marinates his brain
His hygiene is not the cleanest
And he has a tiny penis
He's a hoser boy named Shane

He's a doper and a boozer
A moron and a loser
A certified shit-stain
When he last bathed there's no telling
And his feet are awful smelling
He's a hoser boy named Shane

Oh, he can tell you how to get to the liquor store
And where there are some pills that you can score
Or anything
Else you'd care for

He is an abomination
Who porn and masturbation
Have driven quite insane
And we cannot get rid of him
Though nobody seems to love him
He's a hoser boy named Shane


♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬♬


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 02:17 PM

Blasphemous !          and good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 04:56 PM

Oh, my! That is just marvelous. And quite accurate.

I'll be sure to credit you for it when the new TV show about Shane and Blind River gets launched.

Thank you so much. This will definitely be used.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 05:53 PM

Rapparree: If your brand of personality is duplicable by boxers overdue for laundering, well, it just raises serious and grave questions about the legitimacy of your own claim to having one, if you see what I mean...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 06:06 PM

Amos, you must be feeling considerably better today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 06:29 PM

It really doesn't matter if a man wears briefs or boxers, but he must make a choice between the two. It is never a good idea to have briefs and boxers in the same drawer. The boxers will get jealous and stage a boxer rebellion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 10:13 PM

Todays date, tomorrow's date and the day after on Sunday are all palindromes backwards and forwards. anyone else feel backwards time rushing toward our position rushing into the future? I didn't think so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 18 - 10:26 PM

Amos, I fail to see why my "claim" is problematic. I don't even know what "claim" you are talking about. If it's the one up in the Bitterroots you should know that it's panning out pretty darn good -- gold and silver both assay out in very minable quantities. The one down in the Uintas does pretty well for copper, and the one down in the Mongolon Rim runs okay (but not great) for uranium. I've got another up near the Montana border I'm hoping will work out for diamonds, but since it's not ready for announcement yet I'm keeping a lid on where it is exactly. But all the claims are properly registered and if I catch any claim jumpers, well, half-inch hemp or 405 grains of lead are pretty good problem solvers. But drop around when you're feeling up to it and I'll even let you, you old hard rock miner, blow a few charges.

LH, the reason I haven't mentioned "Bad Penny" Rutledge and Corridus is because I haven't wanted to let whats-his-name, that oily reptilian reporter -- Ballsworthy! that's it -- find out about the happy couple's nuptials.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 12:57 AM

Ah, yes...good point there. It's not a good idea to let Hector Ballsworthy know about anything at all if you don't want it splashed all over the very worst of the British press.

I think you have shown good judgement in this case.

He, by the way, accuses others of being "reptilians", but you are implying that he is one himself! That is most intriguing. You might be onto something there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 11:55 AM

Assuming there were good judgments, specific accusations and actual factual implications in your information you could assume you were perfectly correct again that there are no falsehoods in your profound perception.

Be careful. You may be making Alex and Donald jealous of your astute talent in discovering the truth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 01:40 PM

Mom!

To get back to the boxers/briefs thing...

How do lawyers go about filing briefs? I tried to file a pair and they just wouldn't hold an edge. I clamped them in a bench vise and used my trusty old Black Diamond mill-bastard file, but all I managed to do was wear a hole in them. Maybe they need to be starched first so they won't be so floppy.

Or maybe I should try an angle grinder instead of a file.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 03:01 PM

Shane claims to know "all there is to know" about "fillin' yer briefs". (Eh?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 09:08 PM

Yeah, I understand he visited here and was so frightened he filled his briefs front and back. It was my neighbor Katie who did it. She'll be four in December; she pulled out her green-and-orange water gun and Shame beat feet outa here. I came out of the house to see what was going on and it was then that his clothing bulged noticeably in the area of his hip pockets. Katie was laughing and pointing to a cloud of dust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 10:02 PM

The McBrides always instinctively know when it's time to make a quick "strategic withdrawal" in order to find a more advantageous tactical position.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 02:10 PM

Cletus Sprucker finds this scatological crap beneath you all.
Its not even yours!?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 06:56 PM

The ability of a pair of briefs or boxers to stand by themselves is due to a wide variety of dried bodily emissions, not strictly those of a scatological nature. While Shane may know "all there is to know about "fillin' yer briefs", it's the leftovers from his frequent visits with certain Internet sites that give those briefs their unique rigidity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM

Semen is a remarkable stiffening agent. In the Renaissance many masterpieces used protein from eggs (tempera) as a permanent paint. On the other hand, the egg's counterpart has been found in D'Vinci masterpieces. Cracking the genetic code of certain artists is now being undertaken. Some researchers suggest the reason for Mona Lisa's smile is this bodily fluid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 09:19 PM

Why not spit? Or blood? Or lymph? Or pus? Or hmmmm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 10:59 PM

Substituting mineral rights for spiritual powers sums the whole problem up in a nutshell, Mister R.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 11:33 PM

Speaking of leaky plumbing. . . I need to call a plumber tomorrow because the water into the house is making a strange noise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 07:37 AM

Is it a rattling or a groan?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 09:16 AM

Speaking of strange noises, the sound my coffeemaker makes while brewing has recently changed. I finally figured out that it's because I changed coffees from Colombian to Kenyan. Instead of gurgling in Spanish, it's now gurgling in Swahili.

Next time I need coffee, I'm gonna buy some Kona and see if it'll gurgle in Hawaiian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 10:35 AM

I spent an hour running back and forth to the street gate valve and to all of the spigots and devices in the house (don't forget to run the washer so that spigot gets opened). It was a combination of an "air hammer" and really high pressure from the village (I'm at the bottom of a hill). I finally drained the air out of the lines in the correct order and the public works guy brought over a gauge to test the pressure. I get 70 pounds while most of the village gets the standard 40 pounds. I have my gate valve turned about 1/3 of the way closed to remedy the vibration that the pressure causes. Turns out the next door neighbors have been doing this for a couple of years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 07:45 PM

We had a bad water hammer that was cured by putting on a pressure reduction device and slow-closing valve.

Amos, drawing spiritual power and thought from the Earth and things of the Earth is very ancient. I have within hand's grip an Icelandic crystal which can, when used correctly, find the Sun on cloudy day and hence North. There is the fossil of an ammonite, a creature which died and was turned to stone sometime between now and the Devonian age and which Pliny the Elder (d. AD 79) named. There is iron pyrite, from which a fire can be struck. You can, I think, understand why these among others were held in awe by people in the past.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 12:01 AM

Master deceiver, you fool me not; your evasion and scurrilous dodgery does not change the point, or the facts. Aroint, and get thee to a monastery!


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