BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:40 AM

Then the sun came up on Saturday
And the crowd began to forming
It was strange to see them out of bed
So early in the morning.
The gang that made the steel rails fly
They didn't much note, or care
They were calling out for rail and spikes
Through the Saturday morning air.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:38 AM

Call it a day, I wish they might have said
To please the boy by giving him the half hour
That a boy counts so much when saved from work.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:38 AM

And the saw snarled and rattled, snarled and rattled,
As it ran light, or had to bear a load.
And nothing happened: day was all but done.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:38 AM

And from there those that lifted eyes could count
Five mountain ranges one behing the other
Under the sunset far into Vermont.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:38 AM

Out, Out

Robert Frost

The buzz saw snarled and rattled in the yard
And made dust and dropped stove-length sticks of wood,
Sweet-scented stuff when the breeze drew across it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:32 AM

Perhaps it is time for some serious poetry, to move over the hump, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:24 AM

Count thirteen!! The cry rang out,
Up and down that hard-steel line!
We're coming through! Look out below!
We're making up our time!
Tap her and leaver her! cried the boss,
Bring down another dray!!
We're slapping steel at a terrible rate
Toward the Thirty-two of K.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:05 AM

Lovely day MOM! And FINALLY a source of cash found my new bank account (though the child support check is still bouncing around the state somewhere). MOM never had to worry about this, she always kept her cash in the mattress. Maybe she has something there.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 10:31 AM

Is 32-skidoo the antonym for 23-skidoo.?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 09:55 AM

on a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to 0 ...Fight Club

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 09:03 AM

Could it be my roll, or my role?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 09:01 AM

My conjectureis that considering at and taking the 32 aggregate, is kinda like taking the last role (or, is it a bun) at Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone wants it, but many (including meself) are too shy to grab for it...maybe a temporary show-stopper. I will leave it for the people that contributed more to the cause than I. If I took it I would feel like a numbat.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 08:43 AM

"There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move." David Letterman

"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers." Scott Adams

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 11:33 PM

Ed, you've had glimmers of getting it. Then relapsed.

Extemporaneous BS. That's what we need.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 11:16 PM

"Get the damn screwdriver OUT of my head!" Zombie Head - Return of the Living Dead Part II

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 10:53 PM

Pixie, kobold, elf, and sprite,
      All are on their rounds tonight;
      In the wan moon's silver ray,
      Thrives their helter-skelter play.

- Joel Benton

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 10:46 PM

No, no. Red skeletons are TOMORROW night's thing. This is not Hallowe'en. This is Hallowe'ene'en.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 10:16 PM

My wife got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. Red Skelton

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 10:07 PM

Will 32 be tonight?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:42 PM

Oh, the weightiness of this post. Three quarters of the way to the 32 of Kay.

I feel so important.

think I'll flutter my steel magnolia eyelashes.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:33 PM

The ratio of, or difference between, your arm-span and your height is your Ape index. If you have an arm span less than your height, you have a negative ape index. If they are similar, you are normal. If you have a wider arm span than you are tall, you have a positive ape index.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:32 PM

I worked at Hoover Dam for a brief time. Really strange job. Why they would hire a highly trained interpretive naturalist, someone who is expert in extemporaneous speaking about the natural or historic place at hand, and insist that she memorize a script and tell her not to worry about it when she asks for information about how the guts of the hydro plant actually works so she'll know what she's talking about, well, the time I spent there was shorter than this sentence.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:27 PM

Chimpanzees are one of the six remaining ape species. There are two sub-species, the Common chimpanzee and the Pygmy chimpanzee.There are only 200,000 left in the wild today. Compared with millions that used to roam Africa 50 years ago.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:25 PM

Chimps nightime story

Hoover Dam (original name was Boulder Dam) took 5 years to build. It is one of the largest dams in the world at 726 ft. (221 m) high and 1,244 ft. (379 m) long. There are 4,360,000 cubic yards of concrete in the dam, powerplant, and appurtenant works, about 5 million barrels of cement. The hydroelectric capacity of Hoover Dam is 1,345 Mw.

When the dam was built, there were theories that the enormous concentration of concrete in one spot would throw the earth off its axis. If this happened, some of the smaller countries were planning to sue for reparations in the World Court.
About 20 years ago, the administrator of the dam decided he didn't like the bats that lived there, so he had them exterminated. Needless to say, it is now plagued by insects. Attempts are being made to bring the bats back.
Although Las Vegas is only a 45 minute drive away from the dam (and half the time is spent on slow roads), it only gets about 2% of the dam's power output. This is because, when the dam was built and power was being assigned, the city only had a population of 6,000, and the mayor saw no reason for the population to increase by any significant amount.
The dam was originally expected to have a service life of 1,500 years. Now that other dams upstream of the Hoover Dam keep silt from accumulating under the dam, the expected lifetime has doubled to 3,000 years.
Watching specials on The History Channel, you will hear that about 100 people died during work on the dam. The number is actually over 400, but because the government listed Carbon Monoxide poisoning and Black Lung as unrelated diseases, most of these deaths were not listed as occupation-related.
At the top of the Dam, there is a star map that gives the appearance of the sky at the time that the dam was completed, as well as a description of the earth's axial wobble, so that archaeologists of the distant future might be able to fix the time that the dam was built.
The Hoover Dam is the only US Federal Public Works project of its size that has (directly) paid for itself.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:23 PM

It's a miracle!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:20 PM

The only way I eat bananas is sliced, on cornflakes or rice crispies. For the potassium. And never more than 1/2 of the banana. Being a generous soul who values all sentient beings, I leave the rest for the fruitflies.

But then, I am not a monkey or a chimp. I am a child of MOAB.

Ed T. What hope you give for MOAB kind. We all thought MOM was past her childbearing years.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:15 PM

Amos' drive to 32K may coincide with my public radio station reaching it's pledge drive goal of $600,000.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:13 PM

That's an interesting point you make about banana eating, Ed. I think the chimps probably have it figured right while we humans are, as you suggested, victims of social conditioning.

However, take note of this: Chimps are NOT monkeys! They are apes. Apes are not monkeys.

Chongo expects you to correct this misuse of language, and if you don't he will have you publicly censured for uttering specist statements on the Net. Be aware of that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:09 PM

In early 2001, New Mexico's law making cohabitation illegal was repealed. The bill passed the Senate by a 26-5 vote, went through the House, and was finally signed by Governor Gary Johnson. The action followed charges against a couple living together in Los Lunas by the ex-wife of the man. The case drew national attention and was eventually dismissed in April 2000.

The law, enacted in 1963, made it theoretically illegal for couples to live together if they were not married. It had not been used for decades, however. The issue was last raised in 1987 and 1988 when a sheriff of Catron County and subesequently a reverend of Rio Rancho asked for it to be enforced. Their suggestions faded as they were told this was impossible.

The five senators who voted against the bill said they were doing so to strenghten families and marriage. They wanted the cohabitation law to be stricter, if anything.

Other states with such laws are Arizona, Idaho, Florida, Michigan, Mississippi, North Carolina, North Dakota, Virginia, and West Virginia.
by agazade

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 09:04 PM

Go on, admit it - you've always wanted to haven't you? Perhaps not, but what if I told you that it's not just apes but those perennial favourites of enlightened humanity, monkeys, who have developed this enlightened way of devouring the humble banana? Yes, it's time we humans took that final step in our evolution - ironically by imitating our simian siblings! So, you ask, how exactly do I eat a banana like a chimp?

Chances are, if you pick up a banana with intent to eat it, you'll peel it by grabbing the stalk and ripping it downwards, then peeling down the other flappy bits. If that is your intention, stop now! Take a leaf (no pun intended) from the chimp's book. Basically, chimps eat bananas sideways, by bending the banana slightly (usually in the direction of its natural bend) until the skin splits, revealing the precious yellow inner. The fruit is then easily retrievable from its case, thus facilitating its transfer into one's mouth.

Why? WHY??

This is all well and good, but why bother? Well, let me ask you, why do you bother peeling bananas the way you do? As usual, it is all pure social conditioning! The way you peel bananas now is more work than the beautifully simple chimp method. Face it - chimps spend their lives surrounded by bananas, swinging joyously from banana tree to banana tree and eating bananas. They are banana experts! They know how bananas tick. Splitting the banana sideways in one swift action is not only much easier than peeling all the flaps from the top, but is also scientifically proven to greatly reduce the number of stringy bits you have to get off afterwards. Rigorous scientific testing has also proven this method to make the banana actually taste better!

As well as saving you precious life energy and producing a more pleasant eating experience, eating a banana like a chimp is less embarrassing than the usual, slightly phallic method. Plus, if you practise regularly, you get to eat loads of bananas! Bananas are good for you.
by kobold

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 08:04 PM

You've got it all wrong, Ed!

Canadians say "out".

Scots say "oot".

Americans say "aaaowwwwwwwwyyyyt" (make it really nasal like a halfwit Ozark hillbilly and you get the full effect.)

The Canadians and the English are, in fact, the only English-speaking people who pronounce "out" the way it should be pronounced. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 08:02 PM

Chimps rule
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scEgX_CI2P8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXEQhsZrkM8

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 07:06 PM

Remember.
This is a music website
And, a quota of musicdiscussion is wise to maintain in every thread

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 07:00 PM

My outies wheels fell off
and I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

When I awoke this a mornin' the rain was a pouring down
I was gonna wed the little river girl
just over the bridge across town

Now I'm a runnin' up and down the river
and my nerves are driving me wild
Cause my outies wheels fell off
and, I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

Oh rain oh rain stop fallin'
dark clouds hurry from the sky
The preacher and my bride are waitin'
and the weddin' bells are startin' to chime

I can't kiss and hold her
and it's drivin' me out of my mind
Cause my outies wheels fell off
and I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

Yeah I got one foot in the river
one foot solid on the ground
I try to swim that ragin' ol' river
but I know if I try I'd drown

There's not a boat around me
they walked on out with the tide
Cause my outies wheels fell off
and I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

Yeah rain oh rain stop fallin'..
Cause my outies wheels fell off
and I can't swim
and my baby's on the other side

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 06:51 PM

An outie in Canada is called an ootie:)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 06:37 PM

Little Hawk used to have an Outie Chimp, bu the back wheels fell off.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 05:40 PM

You would if you had driven one.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 05:26 PM

I don't think an Outie is any different from, say, a Honda or a Ford.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 05:01 PM

Good thing! Chimps with "outties" tend to get picked on and ostracized by their bandmates.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 04:44 PM

Just checked him out.
He has an innie, not an outtie.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 04:36 PM

Yours is an Inner Chimp, isn't it, Ed??? 'Fess up!! :D


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 03:54 PM

Sorry, the chimp has been messin with the keyboard, while I was typin....mested me up
Will send the link again

http://www.barnonedrinks.com/drinks/

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 03:52 PM

"My mother said to me, "If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope." Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso." Quote Pablo Picasso.


Prune based shooters to keep you movin'
Bowel Banger
Ingredients:
1 oz. Vodka - (or more)
1/2 oz. Prune Juice - (or more)
Instructions
Pour in order into a shot glass.

Old Yeller
Ingredients:
2 Olives - (more)
1 oz. Prune Juice - (more)
1 oz. Whiskey - (more)
Instructions
Throw all in a blender and mix well. Serve at room temperature and garnish with a lemon slice.

Smooth Move
Ingredients:
2 oz. Pineapple Juice - (more)
2 oz. Prune Juice - (more)
2 oz. Sour Mix - (more)
1 oz. Rum - (more)
Instructions
Blend with 1 cup of ice and pour into a sugar rimmed parfait glass. Garnish with a pineapple spear and a cherry

Absolut Death
Ingredients
12 oz. Prune Juice - (more)
4 oz. Absolut Peppar Vodka - (more)
4 oz. Absolut Vodka - (more)
Instructions
Mix with ice in pitcher. Pour into shooter glasses.

(Test, Test, Test
Test, Test, Test
Test your bootie
Don't worry, I'll get better)

<"font color=red""/font color"a href="blink""http://www.barnonedrinks.com/drinks"blink"/" "/font color">http://www.barnonedrinks.com/drinks/

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 03:01 PM

Actually that was a paraphrase of a childhood poem, in which the little elf-man insists he is just as big for him as the narrator is "for you".


I had completely forgotten thatpoem until LH reminded me.


I met a little Elf-man once

Down where the lilies blow.

I asked him why he was so small,

And, why he didn't grow.


He slightly frowned, and with his eye

He looked me through and through.

'I'm just as big for me,' said he,

'As you are big for you!'





By J. K. Bangs

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 02:25 PM

Context?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 01:59 PM

Lotsa folks have said that I'm unreal.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 01:46 PM

Little Hawk:

"I'm just as real to me," he said
"As you are real to you!!"

If you want to create big waves in the human playing field, go forth with our blessing. Mom will keep the candle burning in the window for you.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 01:16 PM

And so, as William Shatner works on another epic novel....

As Winona Ryder studies another great script...

As Dachshunds everywhere contemplate the joys of gluttonous larceny...

As George Bush sets about writing his memoirs....

As Achmed Jan plants another IED on the road to Kabul...

We struggle gloriously on toward the goal of 32K!!!

Heady times we live in, eh? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 01:11 PM

Bravo!! Bravo!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Oct 09 - 12:26 PM

Musta scared the freds right outta the boy!