BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 08 - 11:28 PM

Bloody marvelous, old cock / BS about imaginary entities. Just what I need.

G'night, Mom.

Unlike some, I have ordinary duty tomorrow.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 May 08 - 12:21 AM

I've been in the yard and garden all day Amos, but I'm taking a quick peek now to see that MOM is okay.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 May 08 - 01:38 AM

Shatner is not imaginary, Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 08 - 08:41 AM

We could *wish* Shatman were imaginary!

I've been without internet since friday afternoon.   Horrible experience!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 May 08 - 09:52 AM

Think of all you can accomplish when not tethered to a computer, MMario! I have a lot more free time now that I axed the Dish Network. Should have done it ages ago.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 08 - 09:58 AM

*le sigh* yeah - but since it rained all weekend AND I was more or less chairbound due to the fall it would have been nice to be able to web-surf.

On the other hand - I did get 24 rows knit on a shawl.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 08 - 09:59 AM

LH:

There is--somewhere-- a real Shatner, as the word is loosely used by sloppy thinkers, but that is not the Shatner to whom you proposed speaking upthread. That Shatner is pure figment of dreamstuff.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 08 - 12:45 PM

With aching limbs,
Poor man of Ems,
Lost his cable moe-
Dee-ems.
Ancient bones are
Getting sorer
Can't use Internet
Explorer!
No new email,
Bored with sitting!
So he focuses
On knitting.
Don't mourn dearth
Of joy in all;
MMario
will answer
Psssshawl!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 08 - 12:49 PM

Amos, you just keep getting verse and verse!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 08 - 02:29 PM

Ya, it could be Lot's verse. But I am not a mourning person.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 08 - 02:37 PM

I'll take that comment with a grain of salt.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 08 - 02:38 PM

There's no looking back now!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 08 - 04:33 PM

(That's one Paul Simon missed on his fifty ways to leave your lover--jes' turn her to salt, Walt!)


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 08 - 06:53 PM

The Battle for Twenty Four

Part I.


They came around the twenty-three-six
And their hooves were pounding hard.
The track was soft, and the mud flew out
For all of forty yards.
It seemed Big Mom was left behind,
And the bettors screamed and cussed.
They'd put their dough down on her run,
With a special kind of trust.

As they pounded past the second pole,
Brown Derby in the lead,
The bettors howled and screamed "Big Mom"
But the jockey did not heed.
He was holding his own three back from the lead,
And he neither lost, nor gained,
And the horses passed with a thundering sound
And the bettors winced with pain.

Somewhere out there there's a sure-win bet,
And a horse that will never stall.
Somewhere out there, there's a jockey who
Rides better than them all.
And every bettor knows its true,
"I swear it's true!!", they'll say.
But it didn't look true as the herd ran through
On the turn for twenty-four K.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 20 May 08 - 06:33 AM

Howdy, Mom, from Dublin! Thus far all is well.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 May 08 - 08:41 AM

"thus far" being the operative phrase.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 May 08 - 09:31 AM

Flufmachers! Unter den linden!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 08 - 10:37 AM

Why should we do that, Little Hawk?


Does everyone think Part I sucks?

If so I will not bother telling you how it turns out.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 May 08 - 10:39 AM

I want to know how it ends! And with only 378 more posts available it will probably be a real cliff-hanger.....with the resolution delayed until post 25000

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 May 08 - 11:38 AM

Look what the cat dragged in!

Brief, wasn't he? That's rather unusual. I wonder if someone else was moving his fingers on the keyboard?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 May 08 - 03:16 PM

Nice afternoon. Too bad Rap is over in Ireland, I hear the boys at the legion hovel had an outstanding barbecue. Rumor has it this was the quickest way to get rid of the evidence of something that WASN'T roadkill. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 May 08 - 03:20 PM

I hope they haven't been watching "BONES" - last nights episode was another "Gormaggon" episode.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 08 - 04:44 PM

Unnerstan they don't waste ANYTHING over to the Legion, an' have been known tuh make mandolin parts from the wishbones of turkeys they et...

Can't guess where they get their dreadnought necks, though.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 20 May 08 - 06:26 PM

The ballad of Duke Cutty



David was born on a hill overlooking Keuka lake. If you asked his mother she might have told you even as a fetus he was a force of nature especially after she could compare David to her second born son Ed. His proud alpha father had a wealth of military discipline and education to pass on to David who soon was running the fastest, shouting the loudest and pushing the hardest at home and school.
It was as though he could never go fast enough. He was always dreaming of being a jet pilot so by the time David got behind the wheel of a car he was flying in his mind. Nothing could slow him down until at eighteen he crashed his car. After his face was wonderfully reconstructed he discovered the Air Force had rejected him due to his accident .
While his engine raced he kept a half hearted foot on the brakes.
He chose to drive a Volvo and went to work at the quiet company selling life Insurance with great success, persistence and drive.
His girlfriend Dana was a beautiful petite freckled Irish angel.
One day she crashed his Volvo but only lost her teeth which David paid to repair and he bid Dana goodbye forever. My shoulder caught her tears but that is all we could share
.
I was there the day he gave his Scarlet O'Hara speech about how he would never go hungry again. We were at McDonalds staring down at a dried out bitter fish sandwich oozing transparent tarter sauce.
David got a white female German Shepard 'Chris' who went everywhere be it business meetings or long fast drives. He also changed his own name from David to Duke. When he walked into a room and was introduced, people would often wonder who was Duke and who was Chris.
He was in full go getter mode as his address book grew to thousands of names. He told me that getting married would give him an advantage for promotions and taxes. So in front of me he got his address book and started with the A's and began calling women he hadn't seen in years and asked each one if they wanted to marry him. Some were already married and some thought he was joking but by the time he made his 11th call, a young woman from Scottsdale Arizona said yes and flew to Rochester NY. They were married by the Justice of the Peace and she started working at the urinal deodorant cake factory nearby. You could smell the scent she brought home on her clothes.
While still selling Insurance he began to sell coke that came in by yacht from Canada and Florida. He had to put up a $30,000 deposit for a steady supply. By the time he had paid back his wife for her part of the deposit, the marriage was over. He moved to a small town just outside the city and began selling in earnest until he had a network of sellers of his own.
He still could not go fast enough but not being a full fledged Citizen Kane with political aspirations he just kept growing his habit and income. He had a huge nest egg when a judge's son overdosed. Duke went full speed ahead and in his wake he left some of his sellers to languish in prison. Scott was one of his sellers and was a Hollywood handsome Rhodes scholar. Everyday but Sunday Scott had to haul barrels of nuclear waste as part of his 7 year hard labor sentence.
Duke escaped the brutal Lake Ontario winters and moved to Virginia.
Duke's brother Ed made a small statue out of gold that had been mixed with bits of teeth that a dentist had loaned him to transform in a lost wax mold. Duke told Ed to tell the dentist that he needed time to put it on exhibition for a year. Duke took the gold statue and put it in a safe deposit box and had the bank extend him a line of credit against it. He then jumped on a jet to Bangkok and bought some perfect Ruby and Emerald Gems on the new credit line. Back in the US the next day he rode a black Triumph motorcycle and was wearing all black leather when he showed up at my door and told me he only wanted $35,000 apiece for the gems he just acquired. I didn't have the money or interest so he zoomed away. I heard his bike a minute later when I noticed he had left his gloves. I put his gloves inside my suit jacket pocket. When he opened the door and asked for his gloves I put a glassy stare on my face and slowly reached for the gloves inside my left suit coat pocket. His eyes went wide with fear until I pulled out his gloves. He raged for a couple minutes and I never saw him again.

I heard from friends of his brother that Duke started flipping houses and invested heavily in Iraq war private contractors like Halliburton, Titan and Black Water. Most people would feel that they were set for life but not Duke. He is an alpha male control freak force of nature who never settled for something as slow as love. What love he needs he can finally afford. He has a brand new private jet and will never go hungry again.
In my mind I see him in his pilot seat starring straight ahead and straining his jet to outpace his memories, but it never goes fast enough.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 May 08 - 06:56 PM

Did you people know that Fantasma has fingered this thread as the "worst Old-boy thread on Mudcat"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 08 - 08:37 PM

Gee--how would she know that? I doubt she's read all of them; if she has, she has so much free time on her hands she's obviously not in a normal frame of mind, and her judgment is impaired.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 08 - 09:47 PM

Well, then again, she is right. Look at us!! BWL, Rapaire, the Legionairres, Little Hawk, and Tweed -- the oldest boys in Western civilization!! Our average physical age is probably 78, and mentally we are as senile as a bunch of raccoons at the bottom of a well, as the old saying goes.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 May 08 - 09:16 AM

mudcat has the best collection of brain   
stems on the world wide web

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 May 08 - 09:19 AM

some even have brains attached!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 May 08 - 09:20 AM

older brain is wiser brain

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 08 - 10:36 AM

Ships may be more sensitive to environmental conditions than humans, I believe. Why? They lead with their stems.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 May 08 - 11:19 AM

She's just jealous. And wrong, as usual.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 May 08 - 11:48 AM

She says that it is one of the threads she never bothers with. As is plainly obvious.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 08 - 02:23 PM

Let us hide our gratitude from display, lest she detect and seek to spite it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of the 60's rebellion
From: Donuel
Date: 21 May 08 - 04:12 PM

At Mudville Jr. High tempers were simmering in the heat. Even with the windows open the school was 95 degrees. With only 2 weeks left until summer vacation rebellion was in the hot stifling air.

In the band room Bruce was fanning himself with a cymbal and Kitty was bent over looking out the window. She yelled "Hey Ted reun and get me an ice cream" I looked out the window and saw 7th period boys gym class walking their 2 laps around the ball field. "Gimme some money!" yelled Ted. Kitty threw some hall passes out the window that fluttered like tiny combines down 3 stories.

Amos couldn't stand the stuffy library any longer and made his way to the band room when the bell rang. Instantly mumblings of discontent and whining filled the hallway..Its too hot...they should let us out early...I'm leavin...
When the second bell rang the announcment squeal and mike noise filled the school with half the students still dragging themselves through the hall. It was Principal Spone. "Attention Mudville Jr. High... Several buses have overheated so the Torrence Ave and Verna Drive route students will be walking today. Also there was a rumor that there will be early dismissal today but that is not the case, we will have dissmisal at the usual time"...BOOOs could be heard from students and even a few teachers from all directions.
In the band room Mario picked up a Sousaphone and pointed out the window and blew a big BLLLAT as loud as he could. Laughter gave way to a small chant somewhere Mr Spone is a fink Mr. Spone is a fink...
and then Spaw said "Lets go outside" ... Don said "blow it out your... wait, lets bring our instruments" The band teacher Ms. Sage asked "where are you going" and one of the muffled replies sounded like " I hafta rinse my horn out.
Soon a small contingent of the Mudville band began to improvise on the chant MR SPONE IS A FINK when the drums arrived, kids were hanging out the windows yelling Yeah Mr Spone is a fink.
When the intercom came back on with a squeal it was virtually drowned out by the band and chants. Wioth a rallying cry STRIKE ! Strike! kids were leaving class and going outside to the sound of the drums and horns. Lockers and books joined in the demonstration as kids filed out the doors.

The whole school was outside with shirts coming off and the girls unbutton everthing they could...MR SPONE IS A FINK now with flourishes from a clarinet and a piccolo.

Mr SPone had made his way to the atheltic field club house where the big stadium megaphnes were. "NOW HEAR THIS, EVERYONE WILL GO BACK TO CLASS AT THE NEXT BELL OR EVERY DANCE FIELD DAY AND GRADUATION PAERTY ARE CANCELLED"
The band and shant sort of sputtered to an awkward stop and the bell rang. Gripping loudly kids began to file back in the brick oven called school.

When the second bell rang everyone but Bill Max and Amos were inside. Bill Max and Amos stood in silent protest with one arm raised and instantly became the legends, the heros and the scape goats for the impromptu school strike.

The kids already overheated from shouting and celebrating were now broiling. The sight of the magnificent 3 was all it took for a new chant and earnst exodus to begin " F U MR SPONE FU MR SPONE
This time the cafeteris was lotted of some drinks and some ice and the great party of 1965 had begun.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 08 - 04:31 PM

My kind of technicolor rainbow Acid KoolAid dream, senor!! LOL!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 08 - 11:58 PM

Hey!! Mom!! You're not getting tired already, are ya? Have some protein shake, it'll do ya wonders.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 May 08 - 12:22 AM

Give her some carbs so she can get to sleep tonight. That's what an awful lot of people DO at night, you know, LH. :) Unless, of course, they're on a flight coming back to the U.S.? Any word from our pal Rapaire?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 08 - 02:16 AM

I haven't heard a peep. I m sure the leprechauns have risen up and gotten him. Poor Pat. Either that r she's trying to talk them into letting him out of gaol, and they know full well they wouldn't dast do it.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 08 - 02:18 AM

I tried to get to sleep over 2 hours ago, Stilly. No such luck. So I just got up again out of bed and here I am. If I could have just one wish it would be...

...the ability to fall sound asleep within a minute or less and sleep peacefully for 7 or 8 hours.

If I could have two more...

...to be young again and have a chance to do the things in my life all over again but quite differently from last time.

...perfect health.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 08 - 02:19 AM

By the way, Shane is under the impression that he has scared Rapaire off Mudcat and clear out of the country. I guess he will enjoy that thought until Rapaire returns. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 08 - 01:25 PM

Half-way! Half-a-way!
Know I'll be climbing back some day
Half-way!! Oh, half-a-way,
An' I won't stay on the bottom.


Mom seems to have liked this little STephen Foster song I found for her. She hums it all the time while doing the laundry, which has gotten a whole lot easier since Rapaire went to gaol.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 May 08 - 03:11 PM

LH, you're not asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow? I thought I went to sleep fast, but you should see Moonglow. Out like a light, that kid is. The switch is on, the switch is off.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 08 - 03:51 PM

As soon as my head hits the pillow? I wish!!!! My head can hit the pillow and 6 hours later I can still be wondering if I will ever manage to relax and fall asleep. It's awful. I sometimes think wistfully of death during those night hours, because that might mean a long and uninterrupted rest.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 08 - 04:49 PM

Two melatonin tablets and a glass of milk on retiring.

See ya in the morning.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 08 - 05:00 PM

PART II

At twenty-three six fifty
The ponies glowed with sweat,
THey were striving for the lap flag,
But they hadn't seen it yet.
Big Mom was stretching wide and lean,
Lopin' along with a grin,
Watching the tails of the two ahead,
Brown Derby and Bright Glim.

Now the crowd was getting mad as hell,
And the sky was growing dark,
There was rainclouds gathering overhead,
And in the bettor's hearts.
They knew Big Mom could break away,
They could see it in her eyes.
But she didn't surge, and the bettors sighed,
And hoped their bets was wise.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 08 - 05:42 PM

I don't know about melatonin, Amos, but milk does not agree with my system. I have been medically advised not to drink it, and I haven't in fact had any desire to drink it since I was about 7 years old. I loved it up till then....and then I couldn't stand it from that point on. Adult animals do not drink milk in natural conditions, let alone cow's milk, so I would guess my body was telling me something.

There are many people whose systems are not well designed to digest milk, including most Asians, from what I hear. Human beings need human milk, not cow's milk. They need it until they grow out of infancy, then they are ready to eat and drink other things instead...like fruit, fruit juices, vegetables, vegetable juices, meat, grains, legumes, etc. That's just natural common sense.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 08 - 05:56 PM

Turkey sandwiches, then. Natural L-tryptophan is good for sleep.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 08 - 05:58 PM

That sounds worth a try. Is it only turkey, or does chicken work?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 08 - 08:25 PM

As far as I know turkey i much richer in L-tryptophane than chicken. I am not an expert.


A