BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 05:53 PM

Congratulations, gang. Twenty-two hundred proud entries of multi palavri cum nihil dicit!! I yam proud to call myself a MOABite!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 06:23 PM

Yaw-hoo! 2202.
Over in Dianavan thread of elect me for Pres., I hopefully appointed myself "High World Court Jester" I intend to juggle balls and trip out on tulips. Now, the thought has come to me that I may not be wanted as a jester in that kitchen cabinet. They, over there, may not understand my motives. They might not understand the consequenses of tripping on tulips quite like this group of MOABites would. I, for that matter might not understand the consequenses for tripping on tulips, how-ever what ever they may be, I feel I would be forgiven of my actions much more easily here than there.
Well I'm just going to let it ride for now and check out the reaction. If I cannot be Jester for Dianavan, I'm going to talk to Khandu. He'll understand my passion for tulips, won't he?


What is that your trying to say Bee-Dubya?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Feb 04 - 06:36 PM

I have no idea, RR. If I knew what a "massively multi-user persistent environment" was, then I'd know whether or not MOAB was one. I just thought that if somebody already knew what a "massively multi-user persistent environment" was then thay could just tell me whether or not MOAB qualifies and, thus, save me the trouble of having to find out what in the hell it means.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 12:53 AM

MOAB certainly does qualify!! It is multi-user on a grand scale and persistent as all get out. The same folks keep coming back to push it along.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 02:16 AM

I have been accepted! I am a wanted woman in other parts of the Cafe! Only Brucie has put up a resistance and I have assured him I will not be a nuisance. I'm in the in boys and girls, and I see your making your way in just as smoothly Bee-Bubya-ell. Before they know it, MOABites will be taking the platform and ruling the world.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha he he he he he he he .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 12:37 AM

Oi, vey!! I just saved the MOAB from falling off the page. No praise or glory, an act of eternally unsung heroism, but at least, deep in my heart, I have the profound satisfaction of knowing that I chose the Path of RIght Action. Just blow kisses in my general direction.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 03:43 AM

I've got the Mother Of Bullshit Blues

I'm sittin' here wonderin' what's a woman to do
she can't come up with bullshit for the likes of you.
So she starts a lttle rhyme that ain't goin' too far
and for all she knows it's going to end up in a bar.

Oh Baby- I got the blues
Oh baby I think I gotta choose
If I'm gonna take the path of being straight or go down in history for bullshit's sake.

I used to think that life was nothin' but pain
until I hitched a ride on the bullshit train.
My friends said I was nuts for hangin' around,
but I laughed all the way with the bullshit I found.

Oh Baby- I got the blues
Oh baby I think I gotta choose
If I'm gonna take the path of being straight or go down in history for bullshit's sake.

Now this story is simple if you want to hear it out,
the Mother of Bullshit, is what it's all about.
The few of us here, just can't let a good thing die,
'cuz' if we did, Oh- the kisses to Amos won't fly..

Oh Baby- I got the blues
Oh baby I think I gotta choose
If I'm gonna take the path of being straight or go down in history for bullshit's sake.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 02:31 PM

Hey, dere Momma, don' be blue
I think I know just what's ailing you
The times get hard and the folks do too
And the rules and demands start to make you so blue
If you're getting tired of a heavy load
Ya needs to wash yore feet on the BS ro0ad!

Take the BS Road, yas, yas
Take the BS Road!
Nothing else can lighten up yore load
Like a long peaceful walk down the BS Road

IF your folks are yelling and your kids are mean
And your ole man's chasing after beauty queens
And your days are filled up with painful noise
And bitchy broads and unruly boys
Take the best solution I have ever knowed!

Take the BS Road, yas, yas
Take the BS Road!
Nothing else can lighten up yore load
Like a long peaceful walk down the BS Road!


Now good BS can surely be your friend
It picks you up when the hard types end
It takes you high and free and clear
An' it doesn't care if you're not from 'roun' here
It turns you back into a princess when you feel like a toad!



Take the BS Road, yas, yas
Take the BS Road!
Nothing else can lighten up yore load
Like a long peaceful walk down the BS Road!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 10:54 PM

My son is writing a book. The main character in this book is a young man in a mental institution. One of the reasons the young man is crazy is because his father sends him weird emails that he cannot decipher.

The book is really a collaborative effort. I am responsible for actually creating and sending the weird emails. I have a feeling some of my posts to the MOAB are going to find their way into this literary endeavor.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Feb 04 - 12:34 AM

Well, we done vectored all over Dalmatian, I reckon.

I liked it, anyway! BWL, you can use it fer yer book if you've a mind to. Or use it for an inscrutable email.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 04 - 09:26 PM

We have returned. Please, no ceremonies.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 04 - 05:14 PM

It's okay now, Mom. I'm back. I'll save you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Feb 04 - 06:44 PM

Welcome back, Rapaire!! Where's the plunder, then?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 04 - 09:36 PM

'Tis coming, 'tis. Plenty of plunder, pounds of pretties.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Feb 04 - 08:26 PM

What about big bounteous bunches of booty? Or tremendous troves of tantalizing treasure?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Feb 04 - 09:32 PM

I had a yen for yen, for pounds of pounds. So where else to get it but in Seattle? Or rather, where Seattle used to be.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 04 - 09:39 PM

O dear Gawd, did someone let Rapaire eat Seattle?? You guys just don't know when to stop, do you??? We were saving that!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Feb 04 - 09:51 PM

Didn't we destroy Seattle in one of the Martian Invasion threads or something? I distinctly remeber bemoaning the loss of Pike Streat Market.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 03:35 AM

Pike Streat Market. Oh I remember it so well. We put an A in the spelling just to confuse the neighboring cities.
They thought we were just an illiterate gang that hung out on Main St. and smoked hooch after 'mud'night.
That's what 'they' thought.

Let me explain a little history that leads to this point.....

Earlier in the years before our...twinkie usage, the minds of intellegent persons used to sit around the kitchen table and discuss the state of other peoples affairs not paying attention to their own.
Which tended to bring on dis-course when ever they had a pot luck and they had to eat each others food out of polietness.
The strangest thing took place when at one of those pot lucks, a neighbor arrived with five 12 packs of Hostess 'Twinkies'.
Everyone at the gathering had never seen or experienced the new pre-packaged cake before and they all thought to be fun about it, they should all eat it together and have an 'experience'.
So they all gathered in a group and....



Oh shit I lost the story.(I was on a roll for awhile)So the story must have been retained in someother MOABites mind to fill in some blanks?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: matai
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 06:44 AM

MOA: an extinct flightless bird

MOABites: conversation of extinct flightless birds?

MOAS:   Mother of all Sewers/Storm water drains
         Several flightless birds

New Zealand Summer 2003-4: Enough Storm water to pop all the manhole covers on the Mother of all Storm Water Drains resulting in resounding avalanche type roaring to cause sleep disturbance and unearth the resting place of the bones of extinct flightless birds.

Now I'm not saying that our storm has instigated the refreshing of this thread but there is an eerie connection...

Have fun,
Matai

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 09:07 AM

Twinkies, the gourmet treat.

If I remember, the freds or one of the freds destroyed Seattle when she, he, or it tried to get back to where they once belonged. Or something. It was only a slightly radioactive crater last week. Decent food, though.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 10:07 AM

Oddly enough the auto-adverts at the bottom of this thread now point to brain-tumor diagnosis and helping millions beat starvation.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 12:19 PM

Ooooo--I haven't been back for a while, but AMOS--you got post number 2222!.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 12:29 PM

Aha!! The "Number of the Best"!! I always knew I had it in me!! The Cosmic Even Steven Fair and Square Integer, Root of All Roots, Square of All Squares, Foundation of all Blocks, 2222!! All Hail!!! Talk about lucky!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 06:11 PM

The square root of 2222 is 47.138094, according to my little calculator. The cube root of 2222 is some number less than 20. 2222 factoral is 3.4310637869208214326346682154289e+6473. log 2222 is 3.3467440546048488102391270441905. 2222 in hexadecimal is 8AE. In octal it's 21042 (note the symmetry of those numbers!). And, of course, in binary it is 10010010010.

Congratulations, Amos! I can't find much about the decimal number 2222 that...wait...2 x 2 x 2 x 2 = 16. 16 is a non-prime number. The square root of 16 is 4, another non-prime number. And the square root of 4 is 2, which IS a prime number! The square root of 2 is 1.4142135..., and I find it HIGHLY significant that the first SEVEN numbers of the square root of two are ALSO found in the first nine numbers in pi (3.14159265...). Coincidence? I think not!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 06:08 PM

2222 has absolutely no special significance! Nor does this post!

The MOAB was just about five minutes from falling off the page and I thought somebody should do something about it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 06:27 PM

Thank you, Bee-dubya, for not letting mother fall.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 06:37 PM

I lied. 2222 does have special significance. I'm just damned if I know what it is.

I know there used to be a bunch of Deadheads living in a house at 222 Spring Street. They thought the number was significant and it was only three twos in a row, not four. The entire Deadhead subculture for about a hundred miles around new what and where "222" was. It wasn't necessary to call it "222 Spring Street. Just "222" was enough.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 07:20 PM

I actually came from a parallel universe where exactly the same thing happened, but they were called "Lifeheads" because the rock group played Mozart-like string quartets and were called "Thankful Life". This means there were TWO 222s going on in parallel, or 2222. Et tu, Brute? None of them were Tuutuu's, though.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 04:29 AM

So the nieghbors all tried these new, cream filled cakes and they all tasted a new mouth tingle and they proclaimed that if they had two hundred and twenty two more of those new cream filled cakes to do with whatever they chose to do with, that thier lives would be fullfilled and not a single thing on earth or the heavens could ever do harm to them , nor would they ever do harm to another again.
So upon the proclamation of this vow, they were suddenly transformed from their normal hum-drum existances into the most beautiful Flenturopalatorins that ever existed in the realm of the many spiecies that roamed the universe.
The Flenturopalatorins loved those Twinkies so much that they had a special Twinkie day in honor of their newly found gladiomorfeous extiacencialflactusumnorous existance. They fell down on their knees when ever Hostess was mentioned and they ate a Twinkie whenever they were in doubt of their gladiomorfeous extiacencialflactusumnorous existance.
The days were never dull after the discovery of the delicate, light, cream-filled cake.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 03:14 PM

M is for the million bits of data
O is for octal, half of hex
A is for all this thread means to me
B is for, well, for you know what....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 03:46 PM

Rapaire, your post above, with the large font, was it also created in WordPerfect? It used what appears to be Comic Sans MS (the name in "Word,") but in the source code it is called "CloisterBlack BT." Not exactly an intuitive name.

By the way, did you eat some good salmon when you were in Seattle? I found a very nice restaurant just north of the Market--Cutter's, I think it was called? They even had a shuttle to save us taking a cab or bus back to our hotel.

Tell us more about your loot.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 04:43 PM

Dear RR:

Your posting poetry verges on an out of body experience or sompn. I am just overwhelmed!!

WHere do you get your vocabulary!!?? :>)

Love,


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 06:42 PM

Oh Dear Amos, I just make it up!
Although I see a mistake. I meant that the Flenturopalatorins had to consume 2,222 of those little creame filled spongified cakes.


Then came the discovery of the deep-fried Twinkie. The Flenturopalatorins indeed played a huge part in this discovery. It happened like this. One day little Jackie Horner, was sitting in a corner and his mother had placed 13 twinkies in front of him. You see Jackie had lost his pleasurable gladiomorfeous extiacencialflactusumnorous feeling and his mother, Gladys, was now confronted with a problem that had not existed since their discovery of Twinkies.
Everyone in the village could not fathom this problem, but many had ideas on how to handle it. "Give the boy more Twinkies", "put the boy in a corner to contemplate his extrinsic existence and where he would be without a cake", "give the boy a deepfrier", "let the boy have a beer with his Twinkie", Oh the ideas were too numerous to detail.
But Gladys took all advice to heart and set before her son sitting in the corner, all of the things that were advised.
Well Little Jackie Horner, got bored sitting in the corner and started to play with his Twinkies and beer, flour and deep frier and that's how he discovered a new way of eating his Twinkie. And when he ate his new gourmet Twinkie his gladiomorfeous extiacencialflactusumnorous existance returned and once again the Twinkie triumphed and the village was content.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 11:36 PM

Rapaire:

You're the only guy I know who would write an ode to Binhex. I mean that IS the answer, isn't it? 'Cuz otherwise it's gotta be Brex or Blex or Badex or something weird like that. Tell me I'm righ, for once.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 09:27 AM

Okay, Amos, you're right for once.

I am composing a thing tentatively entitled "Ode to Mother Moab and her little Moabites". That is the first four lines, and all that I have completed thus far. Feel free to join on it; the next part should be an Alexandrine or Sestina or Siesta, depending on the meter readings.

I once knew a guy who sat in a corner fondling his Twinkie. He grew hair on his palms and went blind.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 10:10 AM

...B is for compression in Binhex
I is for the Ego that you feed us
T is for the thrills we find in you
E is for the egregious way you need us
MOABITEs forever will be true!!
MOAB we will e'er be true to youuuuu!


(How Victorian!! How daisy-chain!! I yam ashamed of myself, Olive!!)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hat Cat
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 09:47 PM

I do not like this mudcat thing
I do not like Khandu the king
I do not like the one called Tweed
I do not like him, no indeed
I do not like this Amos chap
I do not like his bony lap
I do not like the Stilly Sage
I do not like her awful rage
I do not like Bee-Dubya-Ell
I do not like to face that hell
I do not like that Rapaire
I do not like that Son of a Bee
I do not like this Moab crap
I think that I will take a nap.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 10:14 PM

The cold dawn was growing
From the darkest of nights
Bringing faint rays of sunshine
To those poor MOABites
Bringing faint rays of sunshine
Climbing over the hill
To help warm the MOAB
Of a dark winter's chill
When out of the forest
Like a bear who has shat
Came this strange apparition--
A cat in a hat!

He was sour and yewgly
And bitter and sore
He was sure he was not
Having fun any more
He was angry and passive
And covert and wan
He was sad, apathetic
And his joy was all gone!
YOU've never seen anyone
As surly as that!
That pissed off intransigent
Cat in a hat!

But his bitterness faded
And his foul temper too,
And his mood-ring soon faded
Into orange from blue!
And he soon lost his hunger
For whining and spite
For he hadn't quite reckoned
On the bold MOABITES!!

...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 03:25 AM

I can love it that I wasn't included into the Mad Cat, Mud cat Bullshitters association according to the Hat Cat. Thank you, thank you, thank you.


Now, the Twinkie had the elite Twinkie clan so worked up on sugar that they forgot the basic elements of life.
Basic elements being...
Love sugar but don't forget where it came from.
Let sugar be your god/ess, but don't let it rule your life.
Sugar is your god/ess, but don't forget yourself, just a spoonfull of sugar, helps the medicine go down
Because the Twinkie sugar had such a powerful effect on the Flenturopalatorins, it made them plain ass goofy.
They came to think they were the omnipotent and they could name anything in the universe what they chose to call anything in the universe. That is when they decided that calling a street a street was not good. Therefore the Flenturopalatorins declared that a street was no longer a street, but it shall now and fore-ever be called a streat.

Fin.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 08:55 AM

How do you remember how to spell Flenta-whoosies?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 03:05 AM

Amos, Flenta-whoosies are not in my vocabulary until now. I could not concieve of the idea of using the term Flenta-whoosies until now. Your getting the gentolawellowmalishish thing going on.


Driving home from the tavern tonight seemed like it was going to be just the regular drive home from the tavern. Okay, the guys in the bar tonight were talking crazy shit about sucking and fucking, but that was nothing that seemed an extreme. They were tourists blowing off some steam. Although, since we, at another bar, earlier in the day, had formed a group of snow angel non-conformists, I felt the need to take it on to the next tavern.
So I went to the next tavern and we made more snow angels. The winner in my view was an angel made from Terry. He made his wings cross-wise instead of the regular slide up and down, which made his wings look feathered.

So yeah, I was going for the trip home...

The moon is feeling like at least half. It has a sheen that reflects off of the snow that reminds me of a breath of a new born baby. All new and awe inspiring and clean, well you know what I mean.
The moon is shining so bright through the clouds that there is no need for headlights. Turn off your headlights and go for the ride, was my theme for making it home through the woods.
I turned off my headlights and followed the screened moonlight through the woods. The pines, drooping with a new heavy spring snow were giants.
I drove through the groves feeling very small and reliant on the pine, to show me, my way home. I was the mere mortal and the road and pine were the god/ess/s.
I abandoned my being to the road. I was left with a helplessness that made me drive blind. I only knew the path of dim moonlight would lead me home. It was an awe inspiring notion, and it took me through the journey of discovering, headlights don't make the trail any easier, with or without them.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 10:17 AM

C'est profond, n'est-ce pas?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 03:12 PM

Hot diggety dog, I just bought some stripper clips! Been looking for 'em for over two years! Five rounders, too! The good brass kind, no less! Whoo--hee!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 06:09 PM

These are the things you clp on the front of a stripper to keep track of where she is in a crowded club, right?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 07:18 PM

Naw, man! Stripper clips are those little nipple-pincher thingies that strippers wear in S & M strip joints. I don't even wanna know what Rap's gonna do with 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 07:40 PM

How the heck do you guys know about these things??? I, myself, don't frequent those sorts of places. Pure, that's me. Why, I was once an altar boy! Really! And I spent most of my youth on my knees, lost in fervent prayer...


































"Dear God, don't like 'em find out. Don't let 'em catch me. And if I pass this test I'll try to study from now on."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 12:01 AM

High quality brass ones, huh, Rap?? You wanna clarify your position vis-a-vis these stripper clips of yours?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 06:44 PM

I can work them laying down, sitting, standing, kneeling and even squatting. Beins brass, the little tabs on the ends shouldn't break off as readily as the steel ones, so they'll last longer. And they hold five together, just as I wanted.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 11:08 PM

Obscurity by intention is unbecoming to a man of your profession, old friend.

What do you do with them, and why? Speak plainly, I beseech you!


A