BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 11 - 09:52 AM

What???? What tassels? How twirled? You are a rogue, a scoundrel, and a flibbertigibett, sirrah.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 11 - 09:45 PM

I have it on good authority that Eiseley will soon be in the tassel-twirling business.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 03 May 11 - 09:10 PM

What is the DNA quality of this hand? Is it superior to the dominant sentient race of this planet?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 11 - 10:47 AM

How does a hand bite anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 11 - 10:07 AM

IT's kind of cute, but because the "flip" makes no sense, it isn't as good a pun as the perp wishes it were.

The GUmmint of Pakistan should be given a fair opportunity tomake up for their duplicity with action.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 May 11 - 11:37 PM

Heard a mixed metaphor today about the aspect of the U.S. continuing to fund Pakistan. The reporter said the U.S. is continuing to feed the hand that bites it. I know what she meant, but should she get away with it?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 11 - 11:00 PM

Perhaps I grat on your nerves?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 11 - 10:34 PM

I wish they would let posters edit their own posts!! :D My fat thumbs betray me so often!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 11 - 09:57 PM

"Grat"? Like in Grat Dalton, the outlaw? Sorry, no relation.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 11 - 02:28 PM

Rapparree is "great" indeed
At writing someone else's screed
And getting Chongo up to speed
And forecasting his fate.
At plagiarism, high or low
And knowing where the commas go,
And digging spouses out from snow
The man is truly grat.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 May 11 - 01:06 PM

Hmmm...

Dissimulation? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 11 - 12:07 PM

I'm changing my "handle" to "Rapparee the Great". I shall leave the rest of it to your knowledge of what I'm great at.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 11 - 11:28 AM

Elevation is an easy claim to make. ;>D

Seriously one of mankind's favorite indoor sports is generating all this arbitrary altitude on completely spurious grounds.

Do remember when the word "great" meant something when applied to human endeavour? Nowadays, it is an ecomium earned by fry-cooks.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 May 11 - 02:24 AM

The "Papal Bull" is that JPII got beatified. That's the "second miracle" they're looking for, right there.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 11 - 10:48 PM

I just sent an email to a priest here, young dude who studied at the Gregorian in Rome, telling him that "Gaudeamus igitur" was a Papal Bull.

Gaudeamus igitur
    Iuvenes dum sumus.
    Post iucundam iuventutem
    Post molestam senectutem
    Nos habebit humus.

    Ubi sunt qui ante nos
    In mundo fuere?
    Vadite ad superos
    Transite in inferos
    Hos si vis videre.
                      And so on. Look it up yourself.

I'll see if he actually reads his emails....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 11 - 09:38 PM

Elevation is an easy claim to make.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 11 - 07:14 PM

I am above such things! Humph.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 May 11 - 03:57 PM

I knew someone would get to the hard of the matter pretty soon.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 11 - 03:39 PM

Fallacy is as fallacy does; although fallacious in name, felicitous in event.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 May 11 - 01:10 PM

So, the saying "getting a boner" is fellatious?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 11 - 12:25 PM

Actually I don't want one or more; my system does not require them, being hydraulic.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 11 - 11:27 AM

I haven't yet replanted the iri. They're the old-fashioned big kind with blue or yellow flowers. I'd already put in some of the petite "dutch" variety. There are also jonquils and daffodils faintly scattered midst the new shrubbery.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 May 11 - 12:47 AM

What kind of irises did you have put in, Rap? I have a bunch of different colors down here, but none of the really fancy designer ones. This is the flowers in the yard, not the color of your eye, in case anyone missed the recent mention in this thread. I started to say "earlier part of the thread," but that takes in a lot of territory.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 11 - 12:22 AM

You can buy oosik bones over the Internet, if you want one or more.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 11 - 07:21 PM

Ooops!! I mixed up two different memories:

"Mammals having a penile bone (in males) and a clitoral bone (in females) include various eutherians:

    Order Primates, although not in humans.
    Order Rodentia (rodents), though not in the related order Lagomorpha (rabbits, hares etc).
    Order Insectivora (insectivores, including moles, shrews, and hedgehogs).
    Order Carnivora (including members of many well-known Families, such as Ursids (bears),[3] Felids (cats), Canids (dogs), Pinnipeds (Walruses, Seals, Sea Lions), Procyonids (Raccoons etc), Mustelids (Otters, weasels, skunks) and others).
    Order Chiroptera (bats).

It is absent in humans, equids, monotremes, marsupials, lagomorphs, hyenas, and cetaceans (whales, dolphins, and porpoises), among others.

Such a wide distribution among placental mammals suggests that the bone evolved early in the history of these mammals, and was subsequently lost in certain groups.

Among the primates the marmoset, weighing around 500g, has a baculum measuring around 2mm, while the tiny 63g Galago has one around 13mm long. The Great Apes, despite their size, tend to have very small penis bones, and humans are the only ones to have lost them altogether.[1]
[edit] "

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 11 - 07:18 PM

The penis of the right whale, IIRC... anyway, why do you ask?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 11 - 04:42 PM

Anyone besides me know what an "oosik" is?

The front of the house is done! An ash tree, arborvitae, all sorts of nice stuff. I have some irises to replant (they've clumped) but after the mulch is down we can move on to the back yard.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Apr 11 - 10:56 AM

The also have bluebraries and hucklebraries and linginbraries. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Oosik
Date: 30 Apr 11 - 10:39 AM

We have libraries.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 11 - 09:51 AM

Snow?????? What????? WTF? You are right. You should relocate to Nunavit. They need a good library.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 11:02 PM

I awakened to snow. I endured various snow showers today. Also a bit of rain and sleet. I have to cut the back lawn but won't be able to do so until probably Monday at the earliest.

Lordy, I might as well live in New Brunswick or Ontario or Nunavit or somewhere!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 11:00 PM

Yes, I altered the words in anticipatory excitement, I confess.

California is already blessed with temperate weather but I cannot attest to the presence or absence of outdoor sex.


S

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 03:02 PM

My bro had a different version...

Hurray, hurray!
It's the first of May.
Outdoor fucking
Begins today!

Of course, these wouldn't apply in Calleeforneeahh would they?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 02:49 PM

Hurray, t'will be the First of May
When outdoor sex is seen by day!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 02:22 PM

March? It's nearly May. Lead a Prayer May.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 01:46 PM

But don't bring a wet blanket as the church group has already committed to providing one.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 10:43 AM

I will be leading a Prayer March to the gaol in Sudbury, Ontario this evening. We will spend the week-end praying and singing hymns for the salvation of the soul of Mr. Shane Mcbride. You are all welcome to join us in this Holy and Christian Crusade. Simply gather at the gaol this evening at 6 p.m. You might wish to bring a warm coat or a blanket.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 09:37 PM

These are very clever. Far more clever than the contest folks are probably expecting.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 05:50 PM

I can relate to Al's amusement.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 04:58 PM

Haw, haw, haw, Rapparee. You really tickled my funnybone. Emily came and showed a bunch of us your poem and she could hardly talk for laughing. John Milton snorted nectar up his septum and Paracelsus had to whack him on the back before he lost a lung. Thanks for the laugh!

Al

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 04:24 PM

And I'm constantly accused of plagiarism!

Because I could not stop for Tech,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And all Technology.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My iPod, and my Kindle too,
For his civility.

We passed the school, where children strove
To understand this thing;
We passed the fields of gazing cows,
Which looked like Gateway's thing.

Or rather, they passed us;
The drives grew quivering and chill,
For virus-laden were my drives,
And my read heads soon were still.

We paused before a server room
That seemed all safe and sound;
But then came the shrieking of a drive
As it ground its bearings down.

Since then 'tis centuries, or so it seems
Frustration builds each day
As we await the Service Reps
And head toward eternity.

    --Emilee Lou Diekinson, The Hanging Of The Sys Admin And Other Stuff (Roy, UT: Jolly Time Press, 1897)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 02:45 PM

Actually, the lyrics were by Lin of Kansas. My apologies!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 02:44 PM

HEre are Lin in Kansas' lyrics:

Well, the Devil went down to Georgia
He was workin' on a hacker's deal
He was on a roll stealin' PC's souls
Makin' virus scanners reel.
When he came across this young man surfin'
On the Web for interesting spots
And he slid in the wires and turned on the fires
And gave that kid the hots.

Ole Devil twisted and the kid's hand jerked
And without any hesitations
Next thing he knew he was witness to
Unspeakable abominations!
Buns and boobs and raunchy scenes
He'd never imagined before
Flashed across his screen while he turned pea-green
And his jaw dropped to the floor.

Devil whispered soft, "I can show you where
A million of these are.
You can spend your days in a horny haze
With porno movie stars!
All you have to do is buy a new drive
With a gig of storage or two
Load this small pro-gram that takes over your RAM
And let it talk to you."

But the kid was brave and he heard the lure
In old Satan's silky tone.
Though his brain was steamin' from mad wild dreamin'
And his groin was molten stone,
He yanked that plug from the surge protector
Picked up his PC and ran
Straight out of the house (draggin' the mouse)
And tossed it in the can.

The Devil bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat.
And he laid a golden CD
On the ground at the young man's feet.
He said, "You've won this round for sure,"
Then he grinned an evil grin.
"But watch out boy, there's more'n one ploy
To lead you into sin."

The kid picked up the gold CD
And he spun it in the sun.
He told Old Scratch to take a hike
And find some other fun.
Then he broke that CD across his knee
And handed the pieces back.
Said "Take your minions with you Devil,
I'm switchin' to a Mac!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 12:43 PM

I wrote a long song about the Devil and The CPU at one time, and recorded it using the sound track from "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" as background. Dunno where it is now--maybe in the Mudcat Songbook.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 10:11 AM

I've already started, but kinda get bogged down:

Shall I compare technology to a summer's day?
All hot, frustrating, and full of annoying bugs?

Show me a river, show me a dump,
Show me a place to throw this piece of goddamn junk....

Yet let me flap this thing of gilded wings
This semiconductor child that stinks and stings
Whose buzz the witty and the fair annoys
Yet with ne'er tastes and is often but a toy.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 09:10 AM

There might be a germane sonnet extant in MOAB already, don't you think? Go back and read the last 40,000+ and see if you can find one. By Friday. :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 12:15 AM

ÒAre there any restrictions?Ó

Other than having a pulse, and submitting a poem about technology in the comments, there are no other restrictions. Anyone that has a valid shipping address or P.O. box anywhere around the world can enter. Lenovo and Ivy Worldwide have partnered to make sure that all can participate.
ÒHow will the Winner Be Chosen?Ó

The winner of the contest will be chosen at random using the Random.org True Random Number Generator. You donÕt have to write great poetry to win, but it sure would be nice to read your best effort! Leaving a comment wonÕt be good enough, you have to write a technology poem to enter. While you may submit more than one poem, you are only allowed one entry per person, so multiple submissions will only count as one entry. The contest ends at 9pm EST on April 29th, and the winner will be announced the following morning on Saturday, April 30th.

What are you waiting for?"

From above site. Unfortunately my glib profundity gets all shriveled when called upon to perform in public...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 11:46 PM

What a great challenge! I'll bet Amos could win easily. Maybe I'll even try my hand at it. Thanks, Stilly!

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 11:05 PM

Here's a challenge - the way you guys crank out the poetry, you might want to enter this drawing for a free computer. It's an education site, so it might be best for those who actually teach or work in schools or other public institutions (like libraries, for example) to enter. From now till Friday.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 09:41 PM

Stilly, may I quote YOU on that?