BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 09:57 AM

COngratulations on the head to MMario for posting 22,700.

Congratulations to Rapaire for his noble self-restraint.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 09:55 AM

He's thinking of those politicians as soft-shelled clams, obviously.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 08:41 AM

Why?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 08:39 AM

Let's see who's grabby and shellfish.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 08:38 AM

Well, hell.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 11:59 PM

I dunno...Cheney might be too tough, the Rice might be spoiled, and Scalia and Thomas too over-ripe even for freds.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 09:06 PM

Freds:

Please add a few protein nuggets to your list:

Dick Cheney
Condoleezza Rice
Antonin Scalia
Clarence Thomas

and that idiot
Lynndie England, who told a German newspaper this week that "I guess after the picture came out the insurgency picked up and Iraqis attacked the Americans and the British and they attacked in return and they were just killing each other. I felt bad about it ... no, I felt pissed off. If the media hadn't exposed the pictures to that extent, then thousands of lives would have been saved."

She clearly hasn't gotten it yet.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 06:33 PM

Thanks for that great poem, Amos. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 05:45 PM

Male Eliot Spitzer (Adequate, according to witness reports)

Female Hillary Clinton (Scrawny and tough but it would get you through an emergency at 3 AM)

Male George W. Bush (Perfect Freds Food on a bun. Fat, self-satisfied, short-sighted and dumber than a post)

Male Michael Huckabee (See George Bush, only a bit more tender in the feet)

Male Barack Obama (Don't go there -- your civilization would be forfeit)

Female Nancy Pelosi (Has her soft areas)

Unknown Boy George (Pure protein for freds)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 05:25 PM

Is the protein of the following nourishing?

Male Eliot Spitzer
Female Hillary Clinton
Male George W. Bush
Male Michael Huckabee
Male Barack Obama
Female Nancy Pelosi
Unknown Boy George

Thank you for your assistance.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 02:42 PM

1.   A security assessment of the Library was performed on March 4 by the PPD.

2.   Syed F. Hashim, an environmental facilities specialist at ISU, is coming on March 19 to evaluate the Library and recommend ways to improve energy use.

3.   The Library's radio show premieres April 14 at 6 p.m. on KISU-FM (91.9). The show will feature an interview with author Terry Tempest Williams.

4.   Two staff members will be attending the Computers In Libraries Conference in Crystal City, VA April 6 through 10.

5.   Three staff members attended a demonstration of TLC's integrated library systems (Carl X and Indigo) at EITC on March 11.

6.   In the wake of the AMIS layoffs, displays and brochures on job hunting are planned and should be out by this Friday.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 02:16 PM

Ole LH had a weiner dog
But he quickly had to hide her
The night the doorbell rang, and there
Was fair Winona Ryder.

I hear you have a weiner dog,
the starlet said, quite shyly.
ANd I've been told, with one of them,
A gal can ride quite highly!

Ole Little Hawk was lost for words
He was dumber than a guppy!
To think his vision had arrived
And was asking for his puppy!!

"Oh, no," he said, "But please come in!
My dog's an Irish Setter!
But I may have the very thing
To satisfy you better!"

....


(THe balance of this moderne version of an ancient Childe ballad is left for the ingenuity of the student to imagine.)



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 02:05 PM

Yes, I thought "The Age of Innocence" was a great film all around. Daniel Day-Lewis is always marvelous in whatever part he plays, and everyone else in it was excellent as well. Winona, for a change, played a young woman in that one who at least seemed not to be terribly smart, but she turned out in the longrun to be smarter than people might have suspected.

She's very good for roles in such movies (period pieces set in the 1800s or 1700s or some such time period). She has the right look for it.

The think I like about Winona is that she has almost always been cast in offbeat movies, usually with pretty intelligent scripts, and she has usually played rather complex characters. She has not followed the typical Hollywood starlet route at all in her career (quite aside from that unfortunate shoplifting incident).

Winona is a very interesting character, more by far than just a pretty face. I am attracted to intelligence and complexity in women, plus subtlety. I like a kind of inner strength that isn't blatantly overt or aggressive in presenting itself....but it's definitely there.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 01:43 PM

Did you like her in The Age of Innocence? I saw that play recently on a cable channel. I'd forgotten she was in that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 01:36 PM

If you think I have an unhealthy interest in wiener dogs, Mario, you should imagine what I'm like about Winona Ryder...

Although, my interest in her is, of course, quite normal...if a tad unrealistic...so perhaps "unhealthy" is not exactly the right word for it.

It's her eyes that really get me. And her cheekbones. And the way she talks. And...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 12:58 PM

USing "reality" as an excuse not to write BS? Justt post the report here -- it'll qualify...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 11:31 AM

I would post here but I have to write a report for the Executive Staff meeting that will start at 10:30.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:44 AM

When I was a boy, and old Franz was a pup
He'd get lost underneath the divan.
But as the years passed, he got too big for that,
And me, I grew into a man.

Although he grew larger, he never grew tall
HE was just a kielbasa in height
And the low style of life has caused him much stress
And left him with something not right.

Old Franz is neurotic, he yips and he yaps
And he growls when there's nothing about,
And he's never sure whether to stay in your lap,
Come in (if he's out) or go out...


Elvirium Presqu' Vrai

Me and My Weiner

Cantilevered Realities, Inc., Montreal, 2001

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:27 AM

I have the standard variety, with the full-measure of leg involved. They're taller than a coffee table, not meant to run under the sofa to retrieve dust kittens.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:23 AM

LH sometimes seems to exhibit what many people would consider - errr - shall we say; an "unhealthy" interest in his wiener-dawgs

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:16 AM

And what's wrong with dawgs? I got two of 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:08 AM

Oh, Mom. LIttle Hawk is on about his dawgs again....



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 09:08 AM

When I was a boy and ol' Shep was a pup
If I didn't keep feedin' him he'd never shut up
He was finally so heavy he broke through the floor
And we spent a bunch for a new basement door.
                   --Sung by Sheep Woolly, 1948

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 09:25 PM

"That dirty old egg-suckin' dawgggg!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 09:01 PM

Had an old dog and his name was Blue
Had an old dog and his name was Blue
Had an old dog and his name was Blue
Betcha five dollars he's a long dog too....

When old Blue died he died so hard
Took up all the ground in my back yard.
When I git to heaven first thing I'll do
Is look for lazy and there'll be Blue.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 07:33 PM

The Google ads seem a little addled right now. They are for "Would Jesus Keep Easter" and "Anesthesia."

Paging Karl Marx. . . Paging Karl Marx . . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 07:32 PM

You can lead a long dog to be mustard but you can't make him a weiner.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 07:28 PM

You can lead a dachshund to the gymnasium, but you can't make him work out.

Well, not these ones anyway. They are beyond lazy.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 07:21 PM

Leading a horticulture will bring about sensemilla from absinthe.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 03:19 PM

Absinthe brings absence of sense.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 01:49 PM

;-D

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 01:39 PM

Add one ounce of pot to an early Spring morning at a boring high school. Inthtant Abthenthe.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 01:17 PM

Add oil of wormwood to Pernod -- instant absinthe.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 01:09 PM

Oh, dear, I have inadvertantly inityialized Rapaire's Spin Machine!! This could be Sirius!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 01:08 PM

Toulouse-Lautrec once came to Art School drunk and was marked "Absinthe" that day.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 01:06 PM

As Shakespeare noted in Macbeth, too much liquor causes much desire but takes away the ability. Absinthe, for example, makes the hard go founder.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 01:05 PM

Absinthe actually is a great fertilizer for ferns. True! Absinthe makes the frond grow harder.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 12:59 PM

BAD pun? Madam, do you really have such high standards? I thought it first-rate!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 12:30 PM

Geez. . .I'm reading that trying to think what movie he's talking about. . . Barbara Stanwyck? Naw, just a bad pun. got me!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 12:17 PM

Mwaaaahahahahahahaha....

I always wanted to see my name in big letters, Sir MMario, but not in that context!!



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 11:49 AM

MOM!

Make AMOS STOP!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 11:44 AM

Yeah, look what it did to Henry Fonda! He got so drunk on it one night that he ran off and shacked up with the chambermaid for the night. Of course, he was aghast when he woke up the next morning and hastily beat a retreat, covered with embarassment. He never acknowledged the girl, even though it later turned out she was pregnant as a result of the liaison.

She gave birth to a boy, but gave up on trying to get Henry to take responsibility, settling for some payoff or other to forget about it, and she moved up to a small coastal town in Oregon and raised the lad --whonm she had named Hargrove, after her own father--as a single mom for years. Finally when he was about nine, he asked his mother where he had come from, and she had to face the big question of how much to tell him.

She looked at him sadly and said,




...











....














"Absinthe made thee, Hargrove Fonda."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 10:01 AM

The Star-Telegram had a story about absinthe being reintroduced in the U.S. after nearly 100 years of being banned. I can't say that particular green drink has much appeal. Anyone who saw Madam X knows better than to tread that path!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 09:56 AM

I shall quietly recite Finnegan's Wake at sunrise, in honored mem'ry of me sainted mither, who loved it so.

No green beer for me, thanks. Makes me think of various diseases associated with peeing green.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 09:04 AM

An' shure an' begorra, Mom, set down an' have a jar o' green Guinness with a plate o' corned beef an' cabbage an' sellybrate the day o' the good Saint Paddy, he who driv all of the snakes an' toads outa Oireland.

Or celebrate in the traditional Irish fashion and beat up an Englishman.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 08:51 AM

As for that poor puppy, s/he is not only entitled to shoot his/her owners but to draw and quarter them. I'm surprised that PETA hasn't taken action.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 08:49 AM

Discretion is the better part of living.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 08 - 11:04 PM

I think the long furry ones. Those pink hot-chaps are not my style. And how did your pants get on a model with a tanned navel?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Mar 08 - 10:45 PM

Ohmygawd. . . I went looking at Google images for a dog panting, and came up with this.

That dog is not only entitled to bite his owners, if he can figure out how to step on the safety, he can shoot them as well.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 08 - 09:44 PM

These or these? I only have two pairs (the second ones are on a model).