BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 12:28 PM

I haven't heard that song, unless it is the one that got demodulated into Muzak tapes at the local Starbucks. But, I think I can understand the sentiment, now that I know who wrote it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 11:31 AM

Yeah, you can't be too careful when keeping an eye on that spare.

I think the line in the earlier exerise should be modified, Amos:

A bitch on the job but a poor man's pal,

Maybe this was a trick question? I believe "A bitch on the job but a poor maid's pal" is more germane.

I had a flat on the highway a few weeks ago--at least, the puncture happened on the highway but it was a relatively slow leak and it wasn't until a couple of hours later in the driveway that it went flat. I heard a "pow!" and thought something had been thrown from the roadway onto the undercarriage, because the truck still felt like it drove okay. I've avoided that patch of road for a little while, hoping the road hazard has been removed by now.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 11:20 AM

OOOOOOOOOOOOH! Practical microbiology! Goes alone with my practical chemistry. (Chemistry, as I explained to my niece, consists only of fires, explosions, and stinks.)

I wonder if any of the drivers of those whizzing cars stopped and asked Amos if he knew he had a flat tire. When that's been asked of me I found it very, very helpful since I was COMPLETELY unaware of the flat and was simply taking the spare, the jack and other stuff out of the truck because I'd suddenly wondered, as I was driving along the Interstate, whether or not I actually had them in the car.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 10:07 AM

Speaking of drink, the room is about to be filled with the rich aroma of bubbling malt and hops. It's practical microbiology day, as I am running out of beer.....

Hurray, Hurray, it's brewing day,
outdoor Se
Better beer begins today!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:36 AM

I'm worried because the experience leaves him wanting a drink. Not what I would expect from experiencing car whizzing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:27 AM

Better they should be whizzing NEXT to him rather than ON him.

I think.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:23 AM

You shouldn't have been hanging out near the Automobile Lavatory if you didn't want cars whizzing next to you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:20 AM

There's probably a water cooler right down the hall.

I was commissioned some years ago to write a song. A young man named something like Mac Dagger asked me to write a song for his group and how they couldn't satisfy their needs. He wanted "something gritty" and I said I'd do it. Anyway, I wrote the following, which has had some success:

I can't get a triple latte,
I can't get a triple latte,
And I try, and I'll pay, and I'll pay!
I can't git any
I can't git any...."

Perhaps you've heard it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:14 AM

Every morning at seven o'clock
There are thirteen milkmaids drilling on the rock
And the boss comes around, and she says, real mean,
"Come down on yer drills for the Dairy Queen!"
And drill, ye milkmaids, drill!

And drill, milkmaids, drill!!
For you'll hammer and turn
For the milk in the urn,
Oh, drill, milkmaids, drill!!

Now the foreman gal was One-Eyed Sal
A bitch on the job but a poor man's pal,
She's scream at the milkmaids all the day
"DOn't ye bring in curds, if ye wants yer pay!"
And drill, milkmaids, drill.



Remaining verses left as an exercise for the student.

Mom, I had a flat tire going to work this morning and had to change it in the dark with nasty cars whizzing right by me,and now I want a drink.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 08:54 AM

I've tried dust, oranges, fruit, jello, cement, steel, polyethylene, styrofoam, vinyl, leather, naugahyde, PVC, copper, rocks, dirt, humus, rice, banannas, arsenic, drugs, balls, epees, fog, asphalt, and rubber. I really thought wood would work, but it still doesn't do it.

Shame, really. I think it could be a pretty nice song. If I could get it to work I think that Tom Paxton would be a natural for singing it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 08:24 AM

Gluon can.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 06:41 AM

Yes, but who is driving? And can any of us think in enough dimensions to acually read the map?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 01:51 AM

Jes' keep plugging, compadres. You will get where you really wanna go.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 11:11 PM

It's a lesson too late for the learnin'
Made of glass, made of glass,
In the blink of an eye my soul is turnin'
To my a..a..a..

ahem, maybe not. Back to the drawing board.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 11:05 PM

I wonder if it would make sense if my allergies weren't acting up?

Naw. . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 09:28 PM

I've been writing a song, but I'm sort of stuck. Perhaps someone can suggest something. Here's what I have so far:

It's a lesson too late for the learnin'
Made of wood, made of wood,
In the blink of an eye my soul is turnin'
To the 'hood, to the 'hood.

Something's just not quite right about it -- it doesn't quite express what I want to say.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 09:21 PM

Oh, to be in San Diego
Where you can drive a Winnebago
And e'en if you're a Pa,
And they make you eat coleslaw
You know that it's all right
To bet on a good cockfight
Right there in the plaza
(While your wife is kept in purdah)
For San Diego is the place
Where you can fill up your braincase
With the music of guitars
Strummed by politicians in peignoirs.

       -- Seamus O'Rostrokovich, Some Damned Good Poems I wrote
          (Dublin: St. James Infirmary Press, 1907)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 08:34 PM

Oh to be in Scotland now,
Where the grass is all of silk,
Where rich men get to ride a cow,
And poor folks drill for milk,
Where all the trees grow lightning bugs
And the sheep all live in town.
I'm sure if I were there today,
My mind would calm right down!

Sassenach Departuy Lonagaow
Songs from the Hebrides Tea Farms
Whack O'Blarney Publications
Edinborough, 1927

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 07:12 PM

Gracious, I didn't know that they drilled for milk in Scotland! New sort of North Sea oil, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 05:29 PM

Just as long as you weren't messing around with your embouchure, m'dear.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 05:17 PM

MOM, I tried all day to get in. Max had the door locked.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 04:15 PM

When dealing with them in the wild
Cover your ears with mittens;
But don't f**k with your embouchure
Or you'll have embouchurittens.
The little ones are awful cute,
As long as they stay little;
But as soon as they begin to toot,
You'll be awash in spittle.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 04:05 PM

Out of what? I know I could do with some more milk, but I can only one think of one strike at the moment?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 03:58 PM

That's a nice little poem, Rapaire, indeed. And I am glad for your showing it to me. But you wouldna consider the poem a product of yours, would you? Much as I appreciate your fetching it over. By quality of product I did not mean pointers, or wholesale copies, of other folks' BS when, with a little more focus and effort, we can generate such loverly stuff of our own odour, if you see what I mean! :D

This poem, by contrast, smells like deodorant from a Big Roll-On product...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 03:29 PM

"Quality of product" -- humph!

Grandeur>/b>
W. M. Letts

POOR Mary Byrne is dead,        
An' all the world may see        
Where she lies upon her bed        
Just as fine as quality.        

She lies there still and white,                 
With candles either hand        
That'll guard her through the night:        
Sure she never was so grand.        

She holds her rosary,        
Her hands clasped on her breast.        
Just as dacint as can be        
In the habit she's been dressed.        

In life her hands were red        
With every sort of toil,        
But they're white now she is dead,        
An' they've sorra mark of soil.        

The neighbours come and go,        
They kneel to say a prayer,        
I wish herself could know        
Of the way she's lyin' there.        

It was work from morn till night,        
And hard she earned her bread:        
But I'm thinking she's a right        
To be aisy now she's dead.        

When other girls were gay,        
At wedding or at fair,        
She'd be toiling all the day,        
Not a minyit could she spare.        

An' no one missed her face,        
Or sought her in a crowd,        
But to-day they throng the place        
Just to see her in her shroud.        

The creature in her life        
Drew trouble with each breath;        
She was just "poor Jim Byrne's wife"—        
But she's lovely in her death.        

I wish the dead could see        
The splendour of a wake,        
For it's proud herself would be        
Of the keening that they make.        

Och! little Mary Byrne,        
You welcome every guest,        
Is it now you take your turn        
To be merry with the rest?        

I'm thinking you'd be glad,        
Though the angels make your bed,        
Could you see the care we've had        
To respect you—now you're dead.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 02:47 PM

3 strikes and you're out!
G ☺

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 02:32 PM

I claim the privelege of long participation and quality of product.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 02:07 PM

You mean he's more of a cut below the rest, rather than a cut above?
Giok.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:49 PM

that's okay - he'll be hit with the hundred post barrier curse anyway - so why bother castrating castigating him?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:47 PM

I seem to remember a certain person castigating me for doing that, somewhere back along this road?
G.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:42 PM

To Fourteen-TWO!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM

And brought Mom through...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM

We've all been kind
And quite true-blue...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:40 PM

We've moved ahead
We've pushed on through...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:16 PM

Rise, MOAB - RISE!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 11:16 PM

I had a little emboucher
It's coat was silver-gray
And when it had emboucherettes
I knew I should have had it spayed.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 08:11 PM

I wrote the nicest poem about Rapaire's rupture in midair, but it was eaten by the Timing Monster that Lives Between the HTTP refreshes.

Now I can't remember it, but it was done. It even had embouchure in it, too.

Darn.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 05:54 PM

MOAB MOAB's where's it's at
And we ain't talkin' through our hat!!
Yay RAH!

(Ruptures self doing split in midair.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 04:36 PM

Moderation in all things, Y'know...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 04:29 PM

averaging one post every 5000 or so ....wow. I admire your constraint!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM

"For one thing you would have learned about other criteria than loudness with which to appraise musical quality."

Here goes my (third?) post on the little old MOAB.

The scene was in Canada, just above the Minnesota border, at a little rural church, forty years ago. A leading layman recorded a solo by a visiting performer, a young woman. He noted afterward that she was remarkably good, as evidenced by the fact that the level meters on the recorder were absolutely consistent throughout the performance.
I didn't bother to dispute with him about it....
   
                            Dean

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 04:01 PM

and you can't triple tongue on a guitar (without major injury).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 03:31 PM

Another piece for your remedial Ed, amigo: there is nop "they" there, and there is no thought that is voiced by every body. Just because you can find an idea that makes other folks look wrong, does not mean that it makes you right.

And you can't do chords on a trumpet.   

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 03:07 PM

Trumpets can play anything guitars can, only better. Everybody says so. So there.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 02:40 PM

I see. Well, be sure and bring your amp.

I am very sorry you have decided the meeting in Salt Lake is more important than your remedial education. For one thing you would have learned about other criteria than loudness with which to appraise musical quality.

But perhaps that is a lesson for another day, or another lifetime.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:49 PM

My music is louder than your music! Nyah nyah nyah!

And I can't go to Getaway because I have a meeting in Salt Lake City!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:48 PM

I always raised my hand in class. If I didn't I'd have had to go to the bathroom on site, so to speak.

I'll betcha my acoustic trumpet is louder than you acoustic guitar! That means it can actually be heard in the cheap seats.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:21 PM

I'm listening to a radio program about the problems with homework--but in his instance, Rapaire, I think you'd better do the work and don't try to slip through the class without raising your hand.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:18 PM

On second thought, I really think you need to come to the Getaway. Since it only involves two vacation days (fewer if you fly back Sunday evening) your excuse about losing your job is probably bogus and holds no water. It is really important to your remedial Ed program that you do this. You have been missing out on a lot and this is a very good way to make up for lost time.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:14 PM

Moreover, guitars need electronic amplication to simply be heard....

Gee, Rapaire, I am really surprised, and I think we might have inadvertently discovered the root of some of your difficulties here on the Mudcat. As an introduction to your remedial education, there is a subject called folk music, and there is a class of instruments known as "acoustic". Please Google these two terms and get them well-defined, as a starting step.

Once you get these basic definitions cleared up, a lot of what goes on in the forum here will make much more sense to you.

A