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BS: The Mother of all BS threads
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 12 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM I'll PM a couple of folks and see what they know. Back to the BS, though we're severely challenged right now by the banter running over on that "Pubic Information" thread. Not Public with an L, but Pubic, what the 'ell. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 12 Apr 05 - 08:45 AM Haven't heard. I certainly hope she's okay. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 12 Apr 05 - 07:47 AM I've no news here. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 12 Apr 05 - 12:59 AM A non-BS query here: I just looked up one of our otherwise-reliably prodigious posters of BS, and find that Teresa hasn't posted since March 11. Does anyone know if she's okay? Online? PM me if you prefer. I sent her a PM, but I wonder if she'll get it. Could she visit the Mudcat yet resist posting to a thread here for a month? I think not! Last seen here at MOAB, she was talking about gravitons and such. Did Chuckles or the Freds mistake Las Vegas for Florida, do you think, and devour a Mudcatter? Or Shatner? Did he have something to do with this? SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 11 Apr 05 - 07:02 PM Says in John that he'd been dead for three days or something and that "he stinks." |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 11 Apr 05 - 02:15 PM Rapaire has the right of it I think -- it is untouched from my original borrowing; aged Lazarus from the tomb stepping forth might indeed have been crawling with incrustations of decay, rotting bits of flesh and maybe maggots. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 11 Apr 05 - 11:38 AM Neither. Just a reference to 1) a leper, and/or, 2) Lazarus, brother of Mary and Martha (vide the 11th Chapter of John). |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 11 Apr 05 - 11:20 AM "Lazar-like"--is this a sudden segue to the butcher, Lazar Wolf, in Fiddler on the Roof? Or is this the typo of Shakespeare's amanuensis? It's laser, with an "s"! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 11 Apr 05 - 10:42 AM As the king's ghost doth explain, So might the little owners of wee voices cry dismay! That in the night, dislodge, undone, all plucked They are pulled up, and cry, "O!! We are fu**ed" Upon my secure hour my owner stole, With juice of cursed gravitons in a vial, And in the porches of my ears did pour The leperous distilment; whose effect Holds such an enmity with blood of man That swift as quicksilverr it courses through The natural gates and alleys of the mind, And with a sudden vigour it doth posset And curd, like eager droppings into milk, The home and mooring of wee voices. So to mine; And a most instant tetter bark'd about, Most lazar-like, with vile and loathsome crust All my smooth brain. Thus was I, sleeping, by a brother's hand Of life, of host, of visiting mind, at once dispatch'd; Drawn out even in the blossoms of my sin, Unhous'led, disappointed, unanel'd, No reckoning made, but sent to my account With all my imperfections in my head. (Hamlet, II, i, modified for the MOAB) |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 11 Apr 05 - 10:23 AM Ah, the Hamlet approach to getting rid of a problem person? It doesn't stop the little voices (and it contributes to great dramatic moments!)
Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night, |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 11 Apr 05 - 08:27 AM Another possibility is to make a deal with The Little Voices. Or some night when he's laying on his side, sound asleep, put a whole bunch of gravitons into whichever ear is uppermost. This will cause an increase in gravitational force and suck ol' Peggy up, and you can grab her when she breaks the surface (so to speak). Chuckles might be able to help, if you can find itshehim. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 11 Apr 05 - 08:22 AM Kick him in the side of the head until it's so unpleasant there that she leaves. Wasn't there another Lennon Sister? I think her name was John. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Janet Lennon Date: 10 Apr 05 - 10:04 PM Dear Friends of King khandu, I'm Janet Lennon... Of the Lennon Sisters.... Lawrence Welk.... Remember? Good. Now that we're on the same page, I'm writing to inform you that it appears that the spirit of my sister Peggy and your friend khandu have become intermingled in some mysterious fashion. (Please click here.) Well, I don't like it. I want my sister back. We were hoping that Peggy's possession of khandu would be short-lived, that she has too much class to inhabit the mind of such a cretin, but she's still there. Even his suggestion that she become the central figure in this year's Pellahatchee Goat Dee Dee, Kathy, Mimi and I are very concerned. We we wondering if you might have any ideas about how to go about getting Peggy to leave khandu's brain. We've tried aromatherapy but it didn't do any good. We really need your help. Thank you, Janet Lennon |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,The Little Voices Date: 10 Apr 05 - 08:26 PM Hello people. We are the little voices that used to follow your friend Bee-dubya-ell around and harass him. He escaped us some time back and we've been looking for him. We hear that there is someone or something named "Chuckles" hunting for him as well. We are wondering if you know how we can get in touch with this "Chuckles" to see if he has unearthed any clues. We would, of course, be willing to share what little information we have about Bee-dubya-ell's whereabouts with the Chuckles creature. We mean Bee-dubya-ell no harm. Trust us. It's just been rather boring since he managed to ditch us. We tried taking up with a couple of winos we met on our travels, but those brains already had enough little voices of their own and there was no room for us. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell Date: 10 Apr 05 - 04:48 PM Don't tell anyone, but I've been getting free gravity for years! Never even gotten a bill. Must be some kind of clerical screw up. I keep worrying that they'll find out some day and to turn the gravity off. Either that or I'll get a huge bill with a demand for immediate payment. Dear Mr. LaWall: It has come to our attention that you have not paid your gravity bill in the last 53 years. Please remit immediately the sum of $2,347,523.74 in U.S. funds. Failure to do so will result in disconnection from the space-time continuum. Sincerely, Anne Vark Customer Service Specialist |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 10 Apr 05 - 04:02 PM Gravity is predicted to be in effect here today--the skies will open wide this afternoon or evening. Plop. Plop plop plop. All of those new young plants will get a good watering (and hopefully won't get washed away). |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 10 Apr 05 - 10:44 AM Bravo, bravo...sounds like a loud, slow boogie woogie tune might fit in, with some Dylan-like syllable-stretching, sorta like in 'POsitively FOurht Street" kinda. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell Date: 10 Apr 05 - 10:05 AM Doin' the Gravity Dance, I said the Gravity Dance Hold onto your hat, hold onto your pants You can try to escape it but there ain't no chance 'Cause everybody's doin' that Gravity Dance Now the Gravity Dance is very easy to do Just take off your your jacket and take off your shoe And jump up and down 'til your face turns blue Man, it's easy as pie, I'd never lie to you Now when you're done jumpin' all up and down Then the room'll start spinnin' around and 'round And the next thing you know, you'll be fell to the ground Old Gravity done won another round Yes it's the Gravity Dance, I said the Gravity Dance Hold onto your hat, hold onto your pants You can try to escape it but there ain't no chance 'Cause everybody's doin' that Gravity Dance |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 10 Apr 05 - 12:13 AM And NOT an occasion for gravitas. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Amos Date: 09 Apr 05 - 02:02 PM Ahead, expanded; behind diminished; each according to their, um, taste, their orientation, their sense of space and the steps of their dance with gravitrons. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 09 Apr 05 - 01:08 PM ...only the best of good heads may comprehend!! Of all the kinds of folk I know, only the fairest maidens have such heads... "have" or "give"? It makes a difference, you know. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 09 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM You'll have to delve into that one more, Amos. Meanwhile, I'm giving MOM a quick boost to the top and then I'm gonna mow my lawn. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 09 Apr 05 - 12:39 AM The maidens so employed f course have a perfect right to ask, before committing to the Dance of the Gravitons, "Will you still respect me in the morning?" THe answer depends on the orientation relative tot he motion of the grqavitons -- ahead, expanded; behind, diminished. Respect is proportional to personal space. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 08 Apr 05 - 08:15 PM The VIRGO gravitational-wave detector will be officially opened at Cascina, near Pisa, in Italy today. The detector - which will search for the gravitational waves predicted by the general theory of relativity - is a joint project between the INFN in Italy and the CNRS in France. The European Gravitational Observatory will manage the facility. Gravitational waves are ripples in the fabric of space-time that are produced when massive bodies accelerate through space. However, the waves are very weak - even for the strongest astrophysical sources, such as supernova explosions or collisions between neutron stars and black holes – and therefore extremely difficult to detect. When a gravitational wave reaches the Earth it should expand space in one direction and contract it in the perpendicular direction. VIRGO relies on laser interferometers to detect the effect of these changes on pairs of widely separated test masses. The arms of the interferometer are 3 kilometres long and they are at right angles to each other (see figure). Changes in the interference pattern produced by two laser beams reflected off mirrors on the test masses will reflect changes in the length of the arms. However, the changes caused by any gravitational wave will be extremely small - only about 10-21m - so the detector must be very sensitive. In particular, it must be seismically isolated from its environment, and it must use an ultrahigh vacuum cavity and the best possible mirrors and other optical components. Virgo has passed preliminary tests and will begin to record data in a few months. It will join a global network of gravitational-wave detectors that already includes the two LIGO detectors (which are both 4 km long) in the US, GEO600 in Germany (600 m) and TAMA in Japan (300 m). Grave business indeed, that only the best of good heads may comprehend!! Of all the kinds of folk I know, only the fairest maidens have such heads, nor are free enough of gravity to dance around so massive a subject. And, if we are to avoid unfairness, we must constrain the set to only maidens who are fair, and can dance, and speak well, too -- which is a scarcer set now than once it was. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 08 Apr 05 - 07:44 PM Hey, Art! I respect you! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell Date: 08 Apr 05 - 06:06 PM No, Bunn! You can't wait until May 6th to come back! You'll have to at least check in on May 5th because that is And a lollapalooza it will be! I've already put the cake in the oven. It's a giant cupcake with "EAT ME!" written on it using chocolate-covered peanuts (Mom's favorite). Khing khandu has released the Royal Dancing Tarts from their regular duties so they may come over here to the MOAB and "entertain" us. They've even rescheduled the Pelahatchee Goat |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 08 Apr 05 - 05:59 PM This roguish lifter, all deceits, Lifts now the work of noble Keats Who, in Lamia did, sincere Write th'very lines now posted here, But insincerely, of name bereft, Of title bare, sans woof, sans weft Stark as though to yon craven poster sly It should in some way bring some credit nigh! But tell him nay, and grant this rogue no credit! Work hath no name at all, when he the name forgetteth! Tell him then fie and roundly set him low, IF thou respectest Keats, and Art, then let him know! Bring out thy pitchfork, pick axe and long shifter, And give no shrift to yonder lazy lifter!! Patrice O'Henry, Count Auverigain Blows to the Names of Mankind--A Work in Verse Sly and Manic, Ltd. Hull, England, 1847 |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 08 Apr 05 - 05:13 PM Jaime Lachica Sin. The Cardinal of Manila. That's who I want to be Pope. Cardinal Sin. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Bunnahabhain Date: 08 Apr 05 - 04:27 PM I'm stuck helping with an election, and as such am using all of my BS creating skills already, and have none left to help MOAB. I will return on the 6th of may or so. Bunnahabhain |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 08 Apr 05 - 12:33 PM She was a gordian shape of dazzling hue, Vermilion-spotted, golden, green, and blue; Striped like a zebra, freckled like a pard, Eyed like a peacock, and all crimson barr'd; And full of silver moons, that, as she breathed, Dissolv'd, or brighter shone, or interwreathed Their lustres with the gloomier tapestries— So rainbow-sided, touch'd with miseries, She seem'd, at once, some penanced lady elf, Some demon's mistress, or the demon's self. Upon her crest she wore a wannish fire Sprinkled with stars, like Ariadne's tiar: Her head was serpent, but ah, bitter-sweet! She had a woman's mouth with all its pearls complete: And for her eyes: what could such eyes do there But weep, and weep, that they were born so fair? As Proserpine still weeps for her Sicilian air. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage Date: 08 Apr 05 - 10:12 AM Some interesting resesarch from a close reading of a Victorian poet has come to light, should any of you be interested in doing more research: But who hath seen her wave her hand? Or at the casement seen her stand? Or is she known in all the land, The lady of MOABlott. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Amos Date: 08 Apr 05 - 10:11 AM Lo how guilt speaks loud in accusation, That none may hear it confessed But all see it plain. Any drifter, ragged-dressed Has learnt the art of attribution and its station. Go to! Thou art a lazy lifter!!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 08 Apr 05 - 09:42 AM And it's correctly entitled "An Epistle To Dr. Arbuthnot." |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,MMario Date: 08 Apr 05 - 09:32 AM 'Mornin' Mom! I know I promised to rake the yard this week - but it rained almost every day - and I'm taking a break from BS to go to NEFFA. I'll give everyone your love and rake the yard when I get home, okay? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 08 Apr 05 - 09:28 AM Mom would also disapprove if I were to forget to close an HTML bolding. She told me so. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 08 Apr 05 - 09:25 AM Did I say I wrote 'em? Huh? Did I? I bloody well assume that any MOABite, even the lowest and most maladroit one-time visitor frightened by the intelligence herein demonstrated, their clawed fingers, hunched over a keyboard and drooling particles of their latest swill (mixed with the juice of some Red Man or Skoal) onto the keys, a miasma of the perfume of stale beer, a long unwashed body, the ancient smoke of cheap cigars, and the eldritch odors of a long-ago dish of cabbage and limburger cheese mingling with the anterior eruptions of their more than ample stomach surrounding them like a gas cloud hovering over the rotting dead on some long-forgotten battlefield, one last yellowed tooth dangling by a thread of blackened tissue over their lip, their hair growing in disappointed tufts upon a boil-covered, pus-oozing pate, would know how to find works by Dryden and Pope (if not immediately recognize the work from the quotation itself). Do I presume too much of those who dwell here, or of those who, attracted by the brillance shown by MOABites (the ne plus ultra of the Mudcat) like moths around a flame, flicker in and flicker out? I think not. For one thing, Mom would disapprove were I to denigrate other people. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 07 Apr 05 - 10:07 PM Ah! Good ol' Jack Lynch. A name from my early Internet explorations in the name of Literature. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 07 Apr 05 - 06:49 PM The latter by Dryden, "Mac Fleckno". The former, An Epistle to Arbuthnot, by Alexander Pope. Oh, thou false lifter who nameth no names! May thy valves leak and all thy rings be false and break on bad roads!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 07 Apr 05 - 06:15 PM Nah, Bee-dubya, metrical poetry is pretty good fer bein' nasty. Like this: Yet let me flap this Bug with gilded wings, This painted Child of Dirt that stinks and stings; Whose Buzz the Witty and the Fair annoys, Yet Wit ne'er tastes, and Beauty ne'er enjoys, So well-bred Spaniels civilly delight In mumbling of the Game they dare not bite. Eternal Smiles his Emptiness betray, As shallow streams run dimpling all the way. Whether in florid Impotence he speaks, And, as the Prompter breathes, the Puppet squeaks; Or at the Ear of Eve, familiar Toad, Half Froth, half Venom, spits himself abroad, In Puns, or Politicks, or Tales, or Lyes, Or Spite, or Smut, or Rymes, or Blasphemies. His Wit all see-saw between that and this, Now high, now low, now Master up, now Miss, And he himself one vile Antithesis. Amphibious Thing! that acting either Part, The trifling Head, or the corrupted Heart! Fop at the Toilet, Flatt'rer at the Board, Now trips a Lady, and now struts a Lord. Eve's Tempter thus the Rabbins have exprest, A Cherub's face, a Reptile all the rest; Beauty that shocks you, Parts that none will trust, Wit that can creep, and Pride that licks the dust. Or even Now Empress Fame had published the renown Of Shadwell's coronation through the town. Roused by report of Fame, the nations meet, From near Bunhill, and distant Watling Street. No Persian carpets spread the imperial way, But scattered limbs of mangled poets lay; From dusty shops neglected authors come, Martyrs of pies, and relics of the bum. Much Heywood, Shirley, Ogilby there lay, Top But loads of Sh-- almost choked the way. Bilked stationers for yeomen stood prepared, And Herringman was captain of the guard. The hoary prince in majesty appeared, High on a throne of his own labours reared. At his right hand our young Ascanius sate, Rome's other hope, and pillar of the State. His brows thick fogs, instead of glories, grace, And lambent dullness played around his face. As Hannibal did to the altars come, Sworn by his sire a mortal foe to Rome; So Shadwell swore, nor should his vow be vain, That he till death true dullness would maintain; And, in this father's right, and realm's defence, Ne'er to have peace with wit, nor truce with sense. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell Date: 07 Apr 05 - 06:00 PM The only metric poems of use Are those composed by Doctor Seuss And some of corresponding kind Written by Mister Silverstein |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 07 Apr 05 - 05:58 PM Palindrome! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 07 Apr 05 - 05:58 PM 6 |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 07 Apr 05 - 05:28 PM Well, you know what they say--"APRIL is the cruellest month" for getting those authoritative citations. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 07 Apr 05 - 04:16 PM No authoritative citations there, Good Rapaire. Art lifting again? Thou art a saucy rogue. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 07 Apr 05 - 04:03 PM And indeed there will be time To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?" Time to turn back and descend the stair, With a bald spot in the middle of my hair— [They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!"] My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin, My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin— [They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!"] Do I dare Disturb the universe? In a minute there is time For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse. For I have known them all already, known them all:— Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, I have measured out my life with coffee spoons; I know the voices dying with a dying fall Beneath the music from a farther room. So how should I presume? And I have known the eyes already, known them all— The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase, And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin, When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, Then how should I begin To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? And how should I presume? And I have known the arms already, known them all— Arms that are braceleted and white and bare [But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!] It is perfume from a dress That makes me so digress? Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl. And should I then presume? And how should I begin? . . . . . Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?… I should have been a pair of ragged claws Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Amos Date: 07 Apr 05 - 02:09 PM BWL: Yes, I see the similarity!! Remarkable!! ROFL You are a prime scalawag and a banderlog, sir!! LOL!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 07 Apr 05 - 01:46 PM With which we prance in maddn'ing cacophony Calling out lines, avowing grand intention And filling the air with spurious invention. Nay, Gotta hand it to ya, Amos. Had to come up with rhymes for "cacophony" and "intention" and killed 'em both with the same stick. Sorta like the story about the jealous husband who hired a hitman to shoot his cheating wife and her lover. When he told the hitman he wanted the lover shot in the head and the wife shot in the butt, the hitman looked through his telescopic scope and said, "No problem. I can do that with one shot." |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Rapparee Date: 07 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM I had an authoratative citation once, but with adequate rest, plenty of liquids and nourishing foods I got over it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: Stilly River Sage Date: 07 Apr 05 - 12:15 PM Good to have those authoritative citations, guys! Keep up the good work! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,MMario Date: 07 Apr 05 - 11:08 AM not to quibble, Amos - but I thought that the publishers of The Mother's Timely Grace were: D'Evil, D'Espaire, De Pression et Fils? |
