BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 11:26 PM

In case you ren't following the Song Challenge threads, Mom, there was a story wherein a guy explained to the police that he had been stopped on his bicycleby two people in gorilla costumes and one in a big chicken outfit, and he had been knocked in the head by one of the gorillas, and the chicken and ridden off on his bike. True story.

So we wrote some songs about it, and here's mine:

The Chicken, and Gun the Gorilla, and Me

I was lying around in the Westchester zoo
With the other gorillas, with not much to do
When a teenage gorilla the others called Gun
Came up and asked if I wanted some fun
Well the Zoo, it was boring, and I had me no mate,
And there's nothing to do there if you're staying up late
Gun sounded excited, Gun sounded like fun,
So I said I would join him on a getaway run.

CHO: Oh, that night on the run,
Oh, that night on the run!
We went up on the east side and down on the west
For wild nights on foot, this sure was the best,
Oh, that night on the run.

Well we distracted the warden and made our escape
We flew over the guard wall and climbed over the gate
And the next thing ya know, with the moon still half-down
We're running the highway that leads into town.
Well we galloped along, just smelling the breeze
Two wild-ass gorillas, as bare as you please,
Past farm yards and barn yards and dogs in their pen,
We were zoned out on freedom, and guess what happened then!


CHO.

We stopped for a breather, as the evening was hot
Outside of a bar in a big parking lot,
We'd have gone for a brew, but we hadn't no dough,
And they don't give free beer to gorillas, you know.
So we idled around, in the cool evening air
Just glad to be out, without much of a care,
When a big bird walked up looking sassy and cute,
Some guy from a ball team, in a big chicken suit!

CHO.

Well we three got to talking, and he was purdy impressed
That his two new companions had escaped from the rest,
He sprang for a twelve-pack and we sat on the ground
Just knocking back Coorses and passing them around.
His name was Chinchester, or that's what he said
And he was sick of the view from that big chicken head,
But he'd taken the role on a cheerleading squad
Just to pay for the rent while he got right with God.

CHO.

We were all getting snookered, from drinking that beer
And Gun the Gorilla, he spoke out, "Look here,
You can't get right with God while you're dressed like a bird
It's purely unnacherl and completely absurd!"
And Chinch, he allowed as my pal Gun was right,
He would quit the damn cheerleaders, that very night!
He would go to a center he knew in Duluth
And sign up as a monk, and foreswear his wild youth.

He would give up his drinking, and swearing and hype,
And hanging out in strange places with bestial types
He'd confess all his sins, and turn honest and nice
And take up the vows of a brother-in-Christ.
Well this notion made Chinc a revitalized man,
And he said, "Let's get down there as fast as we can"
But we didn't have a license, being simian, you see
And we hadn't no wheels for a long highway spree.

We sat and we pondered, and tried to connive
But Chinch, he confessed he didn't know how to drive,
And Duluth was a long way down that highway of dreams,
And then Gun the Gorilla came up with a scheme.
He said "Boys, every morning on the side roads around,
There's newsboys on bikes crossing all over town!
We'll grab us a newsie and his bike we will steal,
And send Chinch to glory on a new set of wheels!"

Well, we found us a nearby suburban milieu
And a newsboy on duty soon came rolling through
And Chinch in his outfit, and us in our fur
Jumped out of the bushes and made quite a stir.
Well Gun hit him once, and he dropped like a stone
And we helped Chinch climb up on that bike all alone,
And we sent him off wheeling even though he was drunk,
Toward Duluth, and God, and the life of a monk.

So then Gun the Gorilla and me, we made tracks,
'Cuz the sun was arising, and we had to get back,
And we loped up the highway, and at six twenty-two,
We climbed over the entrance gate back at the zoo.
We sneaked back to our cave, with our heads all abuzz
And curled up in our sleeping spots just as we was,
But I'll never forget that wild midnight spree,
With the Chicken, and Gun the Gorilla, and me.

CHO.


Oh, that night on the run,
Oh, that night on the run!
We went up on the east side and down on the west
For wild nights on foot, this sure was the best,
Oh, that night on the run.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 11:19 PM

Little Hawk, I think you need to review Basic Decimal. I tried to point this lout in my poeti, kindly, gentlemanly post # 38,100. But you ignored the clue. So let me offer you this insight: 38,000 plus 100 is 38,100.

See?

We still have 900 to go before you need tyo worry about that Great Kay.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 07:37 PM

"but stood humbly aside as the 39,000th post came and went"

Wha?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 06:28 PM

Actually, Amos took...nay, stole...38,100. But as Mom says, "As the path has wound behind, so too it gives you a good idea of how it's going to wind in front of you." True, he thinks he's made off with 39,000 but that is simply not the case.

Ah, well. He'll probably throw a tantrum and hold his breath until he turns blue and then Mom will give him a swat on the seat of his pants and a time-out. As she also says, "Those that cannot learn must learn to feel."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 06:05 PM

You should see the upholstery in Rap's car.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 05:39 PM

I note that that vain and posturing vagabond Amos brazenly came forth from the shadows in which he skulks and siezed the virgin body of the 39,000th post and took it for his own in a flagrant display of public grandstanding that would have embarrassed Mussolini. Dreadful. The man is simply shameless. And that is why Shane McBride should go and visit him in San Diego, stay for a month, drink all his beer, and leave dirty, filthy socks and old pizza crust strewn on the floor beside the couch opposite the TV.... ;-)

Rapaire and I, on the other hand, being true gentlemen of excellent breeding and sober demeanour, did not flaunt ourselves in that fashion, but stood humbly aside as the 39,000th post came and went. And Amos interprets that as us losing count?????? Oh, the presumption of the man! He assumes that others are as vainglorious as he. Thus has it ever been with mountebanks, tyrants, and poseurs. Verily, the man waxeth most vexatious, but his thunderous posturings shall lead, I fear, to a humbling denoument.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 05:27 PM

That was lovely, Stilly. I would really like to get a nice picture of Winona Ryder that works in a sort of similar fashion.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 05:20 PM

It was beautiful, Stilly. Thanks for sharing.

Did you folks know that Rapaire invited the Legion over for a game-watching party the other night? Now he needs new slip covers for his couch.

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 04:48 PM

While the mystery of the Moon's South Pole has yet to be solved, did any of you look at that terrific link in my last post? No mystery there, just a beautiful view of Hong Kong at night.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 04:21 PM

Modesty and self-effacement
Are two of the qualities of gentlefolk;
Others there are, as we all know
Who find such things to be a joke.
Take Bobert, that bluesman grand
He'd like to cop a hundred
But he will not leap on a sitting duck
That's done by a dunderhead.
Or gnu, or Eiseley, or even Stilly
Gentlefolks all, letting others go first
They know their manner, as do I --
They ingested such as they were nursed.
But there are others much more crude
Who belch at table, blow their nose
In the damask napkins or even worse --
On THEM the social doors will close!\

       --Miranda Amelia Limpingcot, "Untitled",
          from The Complete Poems (Mendon, Illinois:
          Manners and Morals Press, 1897), p. 342.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 03:56 PM

Here is 38 and ONE
Now the strife is well begun
In the dust from Mother's Mount
Little Hawk has lost his count.
I have done the same before,
And ended crawling on the floor.
Thus we learn how we must live:
Honor, but do not forgive.


Seamus Daniel Matterhorn
"Points Well Taken"
Sheen of Garble Library
Elk's Creek MI 1968

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 03:41 PM

Well, I'm modest and self-effacing just like you are.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 03:30 PM

LOL!

You really enjoy putting Shane in his place, don't you, Rapaire? He gets sooooo aggravated with you. You should see how he fumes and stomps around when he reads your posts. He even busted a computer at the "liberry" one time and got banned for life on account of it.

Well, since I am the modest and self-effacing sort who never blows his own horn or hastens to point out his obvious brilliance and that sort of thing...yes, because I am the height of perfection and humility, I am going to resist the temptation to grandstand here and draw needless attention to myself by making the 39,000th post.

Someone else is going to have to do it. Who will it be? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 03:14 PM

Well Shame...do you care if I come find you and fill up your stern end with my size 11.5 hobnailed boots? Or would you rather I just stomp you to a pulp and then grind the stain into the sidewalk?

I'll let you choose. If you'd prefer you could always come down here and let me shoot you to pieces over three days, like Jack Slade did to Jules Beni. In either case, remember that I asked if you cared.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 02:57 PM

Hmm. Things are moving quite slowly. Could this presage a whole new era of calm maturity and subtle understatement on the MOABS? We shall see...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 01:26 PM

I said it waspost processing, Here's what NASA said, to those who bothered to read it:

"The location of the Moon's South Pole is also digitally marked on the image. How deep beneath the surface the ice crystals permeate is still unknown, as well as how difficult it would be to mine the crystals and purify them into drinking water. "

Sigh. The BS gets so thick sometimes. Good thing Mom believes in it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 12:37 PM

Hey, be NICE, little brother! Them people are gonna find you one day and kick yer flippin' hiny acrost town the way you go on. Try not bein' a dick, eh? It looks bad on the fambly.

- Don

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 12:28 PM

Holy flip, it's gettin' close, eh?

Now ask me if I flippin' care! Go ahead. Ask me.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 12:02 PM

If you are refering to me, I suggest you note that the link is to a website run by NASA. And I don't crack NASA; I have some scruples!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 11:39 AM

NASA wouldn't, but a retired trumpeter with too much time on his hands, well, that's another pozbidility, meinheer.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 10:37 AM

Amos, that "object" is on the picture taken by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. It is not part of the satellite that took the picture, nor would NASA fake it up. If you doubt it, go look for yourself!

I tell you, the Lunies are going to invade! Or maybe it will be somebody else. But all of them look like Sarah Palin!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 12:10 AM

Ooooh! This is so beautiful, I just had to share!

Go to this page and, without clicking or depressing a mouse button, run your mouse over the photo from the top to the bottom. This is Hong Kong, daytime and after sunset. Wonderful trick!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 11:29 PM

That artifact is so obviously dubbed in in post-processing as to not even merit a remark!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 11:18 PM

It's not that big. I went out and the girls told me that it hasn't changed much at all lately. We have a cloudy haze over it here in Edgecliff Village. The dogs have been more interested in the trees and squirrels than the moon, but at times I think they do acknowledge the moon with their dog/wolf/dog howls.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 10:51 PM

Sorry for not closing the large type.

Of course the moon is "big" -- they're going to invade Earth!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 10:45 PM

I think he might have blasted off to visit the Lunar Post Rapaire mentioned.

By the way, Rapaire, step outside and look at the moon. It is so big and beautiful!

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 10:40 PM

We appear to be closing in rapidly on 39,000. I suppose it's too much to hope for that Mr Shatner will again grace us with his august presence when the anticipated moment arrives.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 08:52 PM

Bingo!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 08:50 PM

Been to the Thai Palace? Or Nepalese restaurant? Or the Cuban one? And there's that new sushi place that's going to open where Bullion Soup used to be. Now, if you want a culinary backwater try Idaho Falls....

But more importantly:

NASA RELEASES PHOTO OF LUNAR MONOLITH!!!

Here is a photo very recently released by NASA of the lunar south pole site where they crashed a probe last year to determine how much water might be up there. The colors in the photo indicate the amount of hydrogen detected, blue being the most and red the least. The area with the "X" is where the probe impacted.

BUT...in the lower right quadrant you can CLEARLY see a white cylindrical monolith, obviously left there to announce our space-faring presence a la "2001".

Are we ready? The Idaho Legion is in the midst of a Cosmic Galactic Disaster Drill as I report this, saddling and unsaddling horses, trying to find the ammunition and whiskey, and so on. THEY will be ready -- are YOU?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 07:38 PM

Actually, my class was in a town south of SLC at a university that shall remain nameless---one that I cheer against, whoever is playing.

SLC ain't bad. I went out to an exquisite Chinese restaurant on Friday night. It reminded me that this town, though I'm here by choice, is a bit of a backwater.

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 07:24 PM

Not if I can help it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 07:15 PM

Ah...you ever spend any time in Salt Lake City?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 06:16 PM

It's quite a drive to get to that university in Logan. I attended a conference there about 10 years ago. For a college town, they roll up their sidewalks mighty early in the evening.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 05:27 PM

Well, there's only one REAL university in Utah and it's in Logan....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 12:32 PM

Welcome home, Ms. Eiseley. Sho' nuff. Don't be caught in those Icelandic picsher shows, neither...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 11:26 AM

I just arrived at home after driving up from points south this morning. I had a class down at a university in Utah (not the U of U), and decided to stay the night so I could drive home safely. Whew! Now I have the day off and will probably spend some part of it watching webcams around the world. Now Iceland is in daylight!

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 11:05 AM

The view is overcast today, but this comes from the Everett Herald building in my hometown of Everett, WA, looking over the harbor. The Olympics are in view on nice days.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 10:37 AM

Same deal as Fairbanks, AK.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Oct 10 - 12:54 AM

Iceland would be good if the sun comes up.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 07:31 PM

Yeah, he's quite the trencherman....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 07:19 PM

Trench me! Move it!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 07:06 PM

Rockhead jsut parked his new vehicle up at the Legion Hovel and he's muttering something about "free beer OR ELSE!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 06:51 PM

Here's a link to the webcams operated by the Icelandic Meteorological Office. Besides those in the table on the left there is a list of "other webcams" in the middle of the main frame.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 03:59 PM

Some bureaucrat probably thought the cost of film was excessive.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 02:55 PM

For those who can never get enough of looking at everyone else's corner of the world, a clever tip from my son via Facebook: drop inurl:/view/index.shtml into a Google search bar and have hours of viewing cams (or dead links) around the world.

I've been sad ever since the BLM in Fairbanks stopped pointing a camera at the river across a parking lot behind their office. It was interesting to see how deep the snow, if any critters came through, what the river was doing, etc. I'd love to find one for another spot like that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 12:38 PM

LOL!!! Boy, is that ever lousy Spanish...but the meaning is still quite clear.

I think what you should have said, though, was something more like, "Hola, senorita. Yo necesito una puta muy pronto. Cuanto cuesta una noche contigo? Yo tengo cojones como un gran caballo."

Her hermanos would have REALLY stomped you! ;-D

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 11:09 AM

Hola, senorita. Como mucho por la noche?

I once used that to say hello to a young lady, just like my youngest brother (the linguist, and a cunning one at that) taught me to do.

She slapped me, and then her hermanos stomped me. I don't think it mean "Hello, miss. How are you?" like he told me it does. I'm pretty sure that I can't trust my own brothers all of the time.

I also don't think "puta" means "happy", like he said it does.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 10:14 AM

How DARE you leave the USA and get dental treatment in Mexico!!! Shocking! Are you some kind of traitor or subversive??? Don't you believe in supporting the American medical system...the (Ha!) "best in the world" (rolling my eyes...). By God, if Sawzaw finds out that you are going to Mexico to get dental treatment, he will probably report you to Homeland Security, you damned socialist swine!

Heh! Heh! Heh! Just joking. Say "Hola" to the senoritas for me, okay?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 10:00 AM

Hi, Mom!! That boy was fun.

I had a long day Saturday--I drove down to the border and walked into TJ for a dental checkup and back again. Drove home. Got dressed up and went to the Epicoplian Church and got the sound set up for the funeral and the slideshow of pictures from the intense and colordul life of Peter Niiler. During the ceremony I was a reader. I read Ecclesiastes 1 to 13 (For every thing there is a season...) and it was good.

At the reception afterwards I sang the Parting Glass. They loved that. I did it a capella al fresca al dente di tutti capi.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Oct 10 - 02:06 AM

I love the genuine pleasure this little boy had in not only standing on his little lectern and conducting, but in anticipating what was coming next. I found my self conducting along with him.

A favorite joke of my aunt's was musical in nature: a highway patrol officer pulls a vehicle over. The big cop lumbers up to the driver's window and announces "You forgot to cue in the woodwinds. Keep both hands on the wheel."

She said it happened to a friend of hers. Now it is a thing of urban legend. :)