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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Donuel 24 Apr 19 - 04:26 PM
Donuel 24 Apr 19 - 02:48 PM
Donuel 24 Apr 19 - 12:41 PM
Stilly River Sage 24 Apr 19 - 11:37 AM
Little Hawk 24 Apr 19 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 23 Apr 19 - 09:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Apr 19 - 09:00 PM
Little Hawk 23 Apr 19 - 08:00 PM
Donuel 23 Apr 19 - 07:41 PM
Little Hawk 23 Apr 19 - 07:29 PM
Donuel 23 Apr 19 - 06:39 AM
Stilly River Sage 22 Apr 19 - 10:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 19 - 04:24 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 19 - 01:22 PM
Donuel 22 Apr 19 - 12:14 PM
Donuel 22 Apr 19 - 11:56 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 19 - 09:32 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 19 - 09:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 19 - 08:41 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 19 - 07:42 PM
Rapparee 20 Apr 19 - 08:56 PM
Donuel 20 Apr 19 - 10:44 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Apr 19 - 10:39 AM
Donuel 20 Apr 19 - 10:36 AM
keberoxu 19 Apr 19 - 10:57 PM
Rapparee 19 Apr 19 - 09:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Apr 19 - 09:10 PM
Stilly River Sage 19 Apr 19 - 08:54 PM
Little Hawk 19 Apr 19 - 07:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Apr 19 - 06:35 PM
Donuel 19 Apr 19 - 05:23 PM
keberoxu 19 Apr 19 - 11:34 AM
Little Hawk 18 Apr 19 - 06:15 PM
Donuel 18 Apr 19 - 02:46 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Apr 19 - 10:40 AM
Little Hawk 17 Apr 19 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 19 - 09:20 PM
Donuel 17 Apr 19 - 12:32 PM
Little Hawk 17 Apr 19 - 10:20 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Apr 19 - 09:30 AM
Donuel 17 Apr 19 - 08:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Apr 19 - 08:03 AM
Little Hawk 17 Apr 19 - 12:10 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Apr 19 - 11:48 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 19 - 09:24 PM
keberoxu 16 Apr 19 - 08:41 PM
Little Hawk 15 Apr 19 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 14 Apr 19 - 09:59 PM
Stilly River Sage 14 Apr 19 - 01:15 PM
Donuel 14 Apr 19 - 01:06 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 04:26 PM

OK I can expand this into the first 3 chapters with characters and scene descriptions but I am stuck on the 4th crucial chapter


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 02:48 PM

After special forces training following the Viet Nam war, our boy earned a nick name 'rapaire' for his expertise in eliminating the enemy with a single needle inserted beneath the hairline into the back of the brain through the narrow opening at the atlas bone. Once someone called him ice pick, just once.

As an international assasain he not only had a license to kill but he had the ultra exclusive license not to kill. He was a marksman, don't get me wrong but he used to say "Why use a sledge hammer to hit a fly".

One night in Odensk there was a rush so when the so when the plunger was pushed, mostly air filled a space between the occipital lobes. The counter intelligence agent softly said "wow" and saw the most intense green he had ever seen but stood there rock steady.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 12:41 PM

Sorry, I didn't mean quality of life in a judgemental way


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 11:37 AM

No grinding; subterfuge allows the application of peanut butter to a small piece of bread, into which pills are concealed. It worked on the little pills for her cough, not on the big one for incontinence. And she's one smart ol' pooch, keeping her jaw clenched when I try to open it to stuff the big pill over the back of her tongue.

A power struggle ensues. The goal is to not kill the dog in the process of administering quality-of-life pills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 10:50 AM

Just don't TEST him, man!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 09:08 PM

So Shame does the grinder. I don't doubt it, as he's been in the slammer enough, but one of these days somebody's gonna do more than just donkey-punch him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 09:00 PM

Grinder is another name for a submarine sandwich, also known as a sub, hoagie, po'boy, or Italian sandwich.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 08:00 PM

Even worse! :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 07:41 PM

Is that a Canadian thing like a hoser?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 07:29 PM

I never knew you were...a grinder! I'm shocked. I don't know what to say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 06:39 AM

A trace of garlic powder was advised for a dog who preferred table scraps by a vet but indeed some dogs may be different. My mom had a cat that choked to death on a pill so I am a grinder. I've seen a dog swallow a baked potato whole.

Today is a full Monty, sunny and 80.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 10:36 PM

Donuel, I'm not sure if dogs are supposed to eat garlic, but the love the powdered brewer's yeast I sprinkle over food. Today I didn't try tempting the old dog, I just opened her mouth and pushed the pills back over the tongue so she had to swallow them. We'll sort this out eventually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 04:24 PM

I fully understand that cultures with close ties to nature have given names to full moons for ages, but the question is when did it become a "thing" for young, mostly white, Americans living in cities? I have a theory that it happened at about the same time meteorologists decided to give names to winter storms. Prior to then, the only natural events with names were hurricanes/typhoons. But when previously anonymous winter storms were tagged with names, it became fashionable to name other natural occurrences.

Well, I propose that we don't stop with storms and moons, but name as many natural occurrences as possible. I shall call the next foggy morning we have "Hubert". The next sinkhole that opens up in central Florida will be called "Isabel". Today is clear and moderately warm without a cloud in the sky. I think I'll call it "Alphonse".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 01:22 PM

Then there is the Mega Moon which occurs when Don McBride drives through the town at high speed with "the little brother" (Shane) mooning the residents from the passenger side window. The best Mega Moon is when they do it while going past the OPP Station.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 12:14 PM

My favorite is the Curiosity full moon. Raps favourite full moon is ' the I'm your Favorite full moon, BWL is more active during the Funny full moon. Keb's favorite full moon is the Super Storm full moon.
Steve's favorite is the 'I'm Full' full moon. Jim rarely looks up so all full moons are 'part time' full moons.

The sun only 'sees' our moon as full all the time and revolving, which is called 'The full time' full moon. The sun even gets to see Earth eclipses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 11:56 AM

Worm full moon. Hunger Moon...

There are names for the closest orbit full moons and the seasonal full moons. Of astronomical special event full moons and the fixed seasonal full moon names, the seasonal names are more 'organic'.

I say make up your own names. When in an elevator, casually mention it is a flatulent full moon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 09:32 AM

You've missed Red Moon, Blue Moon (happens rarely), Plaid Moon, Beige Moon, Moon of Blood, Moon of Alabama, Silver Moon (my family's old tavern), Sailor Moon, Full Moon, New Moon, Old Moon, Moon Shine, Puce Moon, Tan Moon, and others. And then there's The Full Moon, often associated with teenage boys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 19 - 09:32 PM

Mom!

What's with this giving every full moon that comes around a nickname? We used to have Harvest Moon in the fall and eleven other plain old regular full moons with no names. Now we have Pink Moon, Wolf Moon, and a bunch of other moons. Are we supposed to memorize them or something? Is there going to be a test? Or is it just a conspiracy to try and heighten interest in moon watching so people will buy more binoculars and telescopes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 19 - 08:41 PM

I'm sure Mom appreciates Rap's Easter greeting, but it's not really one of her favorite holidays. Chocolate bunnies and marshmallow chickens aren't really her thing. But, if someone were to give her an Easter basket filled with an assortment of miniature bottles of liquor she might have a change of heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 19 - 07:42 PM

Happy Hippy-Hoppy Easter, Mom! I care, even if no one else does. That's why I'm your favorite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 19 - 08:56 PM

I have survived this far.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Apr 19 - 10:44 AM

BWL You win a Q-B doll! It is one hidden ridge inside WV.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Apr 19 - 10:39 AM

Actually, playing a banjo while it's on one's knee is extremely awkward and not at all ergonomic. Most players either use straps or rest their banjos in their laps. Try playing a banjo that's resting on your knee and you'll wind up with scoliosis.

When Stephen Foster wrote "Oh Susannah", he only placed the banjo on the singer's knee because he needed a word to rhyme with "me" and "see".

🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵

Oh, I come from Alabama with a banjo in my lap.
I was bound for Louisiana, but now I can't find my map.
Oh, Susannah! That girl gave me the clap.
And I come from Alabama with a banjo in my lap.

🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵

See? Not the same song at all....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Apr 19 - 10:36 AM

old dog food: try garlic powder-it tastes more like human food.
A higher fat content with a little butter won't hurt.
Dogs deserve quality of life 'enjoyments' over dreary longevity too.

The coordinates are a center of a mandated 100 mile radio silence at Sugar Grove where a 1973 Navy intelligence installation was.
It happens to be the high water mark of Stanford Research Institute and the Central Intellegence agency in the use of advanced psychic intelligence gathering. Two of the maestro psychics were successful in mentally hacking the top secret installation down to penetrating the file cabinates and folder names. Overnight their success turned them into possible domestic threats capable of gathering nuclear codes and god knows what else. As a result the loudest most paranoid voices cut off the nose of this emerging science to spite themselves. To this day Russia is more advanced in this branch of inquiry than the USA.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 10:57 PM

Well, we know it won't be
on the knee of the manatee
because manatees
don't have knees ...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 09:20 PM

Do you have to go around with a banjo or a manatee on your knee?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 09:10 PM

Google Maps indicates those coordinates are only a few miles from the Virginia/West Virginia border. That puts them firmly within the West Virginia Zone of Pederastic Predisposition.

It's sort of like the part of Florida where I live. It's so close to the Alabama border that it's often referred to as "Lower Alabama". Geographically and politically part of Florida, culturally part of Alabama.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 08:54 PM

I have an old dog who I thought might be losing her appetite, but she's a crafty old pooch. I have her on a senior food that she liked for a while, then she was on some medication that might have made it taste odd, so she stopped eating it as willingly. I started sprinkling brewers yeast over the dog food and it worked for a while, but she's not happy with it and the yeast isn't enough to coax her to eat. Yesterday I mixed some of the younger dog's food in with hers (this is what she used to eat also). The old rascal today has picked up a mouthful of mixed food from the bowl, spit it on the ground, and eats the pieces of the other dog's food that she prefers and leaves the rest.

I surrender. She's old, and her arthritis would benefit from the senior food, but I'll give her the one she wants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 07:13 PM

You're thinking about West Virginia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 06:35 PM

Okay, I'll play. Google Maps says those coordinates are in the hills of Virginia, somewhere near Stonewall. Looks like the kind of place that makes you grateful for mobile phones. Because if your car should break down there, asking a local for help might be answered by, "Sure, we'll help ya out! Just bend over and let old Zeke have his way with yer bunghole fer an hour or so while I play this banjo."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 05:23 PM

38*23' 45-48"N, 79*25'00"W


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 11:34 AM

Heavy rains on the way, MOM,
let's get you upstairs before it starts pouring.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Apr 19 - 06:15 PM

"* You don't really think being arrested for driving without a license will keep the dear girl off the roads, do you?"

Not bloody likely! Winston's pockets are deep, and his connections are many.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Apr 19 - 02:46 PM

My Frankencar YG2 is a camaro frame, Aston Martin suspension, Corvette engine and a Yugo body can't go as fast as a Bently but I never got a speeding ticket since it doesn't run.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Apr 19 - 10:40 AM

Poor Ronnie! I suppose that means she'll have to drive* Auntie Penelope's spare car, a wretched Bentley SUV, until the necessary bribes are paid legal issuess are swept under the table properly dealt with. That will be a tremendous hardship on the poor dear. She's used to driving the Lambo, which tops out at 230 MPH (370 KPH). The Bentley's mere 187 MPH (300 KPH) top speed will feel like crawling by comparison.

And what if any of her friends should see her driving that middle-class football-mum abomination? Perhaps a new hair color and style plus a hat and some really dark sunglasses will keep her sufficiently unrecognizable until the Aventador is returned.

And one of the bottles she tossed during the police chase had her entire supply of Ecstasy in it. And her supplier's on holiday in Nice until mid-May.

* You don't really think being arrested for driving without a license will keep the dear girl off the roads, do you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 19 - 10:52 PM

That sounds just typical.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 19 - 09:20 PM

From time to time I hear from my colleagues abroad about some of LH's critters. This morning I received an email from the library near Bad Penny's home -- the Rutledge Library, founded by her quite literate and literary great-great-great grandfather, Admiral Lord Alexander Rutledge, RN, OBE, VC. He's the one who fought at Waterloo, Trafalgar, and New Orleans, as well as in numerous lesser-known engagements. At one time there were Rumors about he and Queen Victoria, but they were all for naught as she seems to have been close with a certain Mr. Brown from Scotland.

Anyway, it seems that Victoria Rutledge was "taken up" on charges of driving without a license and without a stitch on. Speeding down the road toward Merkin-On-Peawater she seems to have splashed considerable mud and water on two local constables, who gave chase. Several empty bottles were jettisoned from the Rutledge automobile but since they were not found the contents aren't known; her blood-alcohol level was "quite high" my sources say. Veronica is to appear before the Magistrate Friday afternoon; her Lamborghini has, in the meantime, been impounded.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Apr 19 - 12:32 PM

Tell Penny not to fret. The Cathedral will end up with a new life and address. Abu Sidal (Aswan Statues), London Bridge, Queen Mary, Gallitzin Castle - all have been moved from their original location.
I am looking forward to the new Amazon Notre Dame Cathedral relocated to the beautiful shores of New Jersey over looking the NYC skyline.
Amazon Notre Dame, hey its got a ring to it.

If the French squawk we could trade the statue of liberty for the church, we don't need liberty anymore with Trump in charge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 19 - 10:20 AM

I've had moments when I wondered about that too.

(Ook?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Apr 19 - 09:30 AM

No, I've never suspected that Donuel is one of Little Hawk's creations. However, I have, at times, suspected that one of the creations might be the real person (or ape) and Little Hawk the imaginary one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Apr 19 - 08:18 AM

I am surprised you never suspected that Donuel is one of Little Hawk's creations.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Apr 19 - 08:03 AM

I suppose that's as positive a report as one could hope for, given the subject. I was afraid Winston's behavior might have driven poor Penny to become addicted to pain killers or take up dogging.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 19 - 12:10 AM

Penelope's life hasn't changed much. Her frosty relationship with her nominal "husband", Winston, has become cooler and more distant than ever, but without any major incidents...no violence or death threats or legal actions. They both keep busy with their own interests, which are numerous, and basically don't really give a damn what the other is up to. Her niece, Veronica, continues to behave like a spoiled idiot, costing Winston considerable funds "fixing" various problems she has caused for herself and others. Fortunately, he's very wealthy, so it's manageable. Hector Ballsworthy, the mad journalist continues to write articles about Lizard people in the ruling classes, and naming Winston as one of them, but he's been distracted lately by the Brexit fiasco, and that's keeping him busy. Penelope is deeply shocked and upset about the Notre Dame fire (as are many of us), and Ballsworthy will no doubt be reporting that the Lizards are behind it. Life goes merrily on in the Cotswolds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Apr 19 - 11:48 PM

Speaking of Little Hawk's creations, what has Penelope Rutledge been up to lately? Seems like I recall her fortunes taking a downturn a while back. I certainly hope she's not living in some trailer park, subsisting on Twinkies and cheap booze while surrounded by a herd of unruly and ungrateful children....

No! Wait! That's not Penelope! That's Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 19 - 09:24 PM

When I received my Master of Science in Library and Information Science (Case Western Reserve University, 1977) I took the following oath:

By all that I and my people hold sacred, I swear that I will never publish, orally or in writing or in any other form (e.g., cuneiform, American Sign Language, Unix) any false or misleading information and will, to the best of my ability and up to and including the loss of my life, prevent others from doing so.

Thus, whatever I utter regarding LH or his "creations" -- more precisely, his creatures -- must be the honest Truth as I have researched it. Those who malign my good name in this regard will henceforth be reported the the International Federation of Library Associations (IFLA) for attention by the Association's Disciplinary Committee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Apr 19 - 08:41 PM

Careful, Little Hawk.
You still have the Most Gracious Imperious Rapturous Emperor out here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 19 - 10:26 PM

"Prior to Amos's passing, 50% of posts to this thread consisted of little more than Rap and Amos flinging digital spitballs at each other."

And at Chongo, Penelope Rutledge, and Shane McBride!

My beloved stable of lead characters have had to endure years of cruel abuse from Amos and Rap, and have been viciously slandered over and over again with absolutely vile and inappropriate tales made up by those two to embarrass them. It's been just awful.

I trust that Amos now sees them in a kindlier light, having moved on past this vale of tears. At least I hope so. I intend to ask him about that when I too depart this mortal coil. We should have much to discuss when it happens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 19 - 09:59 PM

I have just finished two days being immersed in Irish language and culture at the Southeast Idaho Public Health offices. Now I can answer, when someone asks "Conas a tá tú?" with something like "Te me go briské."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Apr 19 - 01:15 PM

That seems a suitable transaction for MOM and MOAB.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Apr 19 - 01:06 PM

Excellent Fitzwilly Stilly.

A fitzwilly is when a post ambiguously refers to another post.


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