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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Donuel 21 May 19 - 08:57 AM
Donuel 21 May 19 - 07:26 AM
Stilly River Sage 21 May 19 - 12:13 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 May 19 - 09:03 PM
Stilly River Sage 19 May 19 - 11:35 AM
Donuel 17 May 19 - 10:22 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 May 19 - 08:26 PM
Rapparee 17 May 19 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 16 May 19 - 11:16 PM
Rapparee 15 May 19 - 09:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 May 19 - 08:27 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 May 19 - 08:06 AM
Stilly River Sage 14 May 19 - 09:32 PM
Rapparee 14 May 19 - 09:03 PM
Donuel 14 May 19 - 06:09 AM
Rapparee 13 May 19 - 09:52 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 May 19 - 08:55 PM
Donuel 13 May 19 - 08:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 May 19 - 06:04 PM
Donuel 12 May 19 - 07:57 AM
Stilly River Sage 11 May 19 - 11:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 May 19 - 11:48 PM
Rapparee 11 May 19 - 10:14 PM
Stilly River Sage 11 May 19 - 10:05 PM
Donuel 11 May 19 - 10:51 AM
Donuel 11 May 19 - 09:45 AM
Donuel 11 May 19 - 07:11 AM
Rapparee 10 May 19 - 10:12 PM
Stilly River Sage 10 May 19 - 12:28 PM
Donuel 10 May 19 - 10:22 AM
Donuel 10 May 19 - 09:53 AM
Donuel 10 May 19 - 09:13 AM
Donuel 10 May 19 - 06:34 AM
Rapparee 09 May 19 - 11:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 May 19 - 08:30 PM
Little Hawk 09 May 19 - 06:35 PM
keberoxu 09 May 19 - 05:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 May 19 - 05:54 PM
Donuel 09 May 19 - 03:44 PM
Little Hawk 09 May 19 - 12:16 PM
Donuel 09 May 19 - 12:01 PM
Stilly River Sage 08 May 19 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 08 May 19 - 09:47 PM
Donuel 08 May 19 - 06:15 AM
Rapparee 07 May 19 - 09:45 PM
Donuel 07 May 19 - 06:04 PM
keberoxu 07 May 19 - 05:06 PM
Rapparee 06 May 19 - 08:42 PM
Donuel 06 May 19 - 07:15 AM
Stilly River Sage 05 May 19 - 10:37 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 May 19 - 08:57 AM

every stain


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 May 19 - 07:26 AM

There is no such thing as away
There is only farther out
always a trace remains
of every bout,
very stain


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 May 19 - 12:13 AM

Not to be confused with a flying fuck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 19 - 09:03 PM

Mom!

When someone tells you to "Get the fuck out!" what laundry product should you use? Would the one you use to get raspberry jam out work? What if you used the wrong thing and it didn't get all the fuck out, but only part of it? Do you think people would notice? Would they say, "Yuck! You still have some fuck on your jeans! Go back home and rewash them and, this time, get the fuck out!

Maybe it would be best to use a pressure washer instead of a washing machine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 May 19 - 11:35 AM

The creek bank behind my house is covered with exposed roots from the trees above, and those are covered with snagged plastic grocery bags. I need a kayak to paddle around the edge of the pond back there and collect it all. Right now I walk down there and pick up fossils.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 17 May 19 - 10:22 PM

A billionaire 'entrepmanure' took a new type of vessel deeper into the abyss of the 'Marianus Trench' than anyone before and made a discovery.

He discovered a plastic grocery bag.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 May 19 - 08:26 PM

Hi, Mom!

It's time to take a multiple-choice test!

QUESTION: When driving east from Alabama into Florida on Interstate 10, there is a Florida landmark that is so big it is visible for a couple of miles before you actually get to the state line.

Is it:

A) The launch pad at Cape Canaveral

B) Cinderella's Castle at Disney World

C) The Perdido Landfill where Pensacola dumps its garbage


Yes folks, the correct answer is "C". The first glimpse of Florida seen by visitors driving in from places like Texas and California is a man-made mountain of garbage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 19 - 10:50 AM

PS: Keep on top of it, Mom! You're the best of the best of the best ad infinitum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 19 - 11:16 PM

Dear Mother,

How are you? I am fine. The weather here is okay, but tomorrow and Saturday it's supposed to rain.

I shan't post for a couple of days, until Saturday night at the earliest, I guess. I have to fly to Philadelphia on Saturday and must overnight in Salt Lake City tomorrow. If all goes well my post from Philadelphia will be from our cabin on MV Grande Caribe.

Your Favorite,
Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 19 - 09:14 PM

We didn't have any sidewalks. Nor did we have street gutters, so I did not grown up as a guttersnipe. Neither was due to the Great Commie Plot, but to a lack of desire on the part of the city. Heck, we didn't have a storm drain until I was about 15 -- we just let the water flood where it would. When I found out about storm drains (we called them "sewer holes") I was devastated that we, who lived on a corner, didn't have one. One day after school my friend Bob and I spent about an hour and half investigating the one on the corner where the school was. I intended to build one for my family. Not coming home right after school caused problems when Bob's father showed up looking for him. I got a ride home and Bob got more than that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 May 19 - 08:27 AM

Also, our neighborhood had no sidewalks. Sidewalks would encourage walking which, as we all know, is detrimental to the financial well-being of automakers and oil companies, two of the pillars of Capitalism. If we were to walk to school instead of having Mom drive, the Communists would win!

(By the way, since the fall of the Soviet Union, almost all suburban developments have been built with both parks and sidewalks. They are no longer part of the Communist Conspiracy. Nowadays, they're just things children don't use because the media has convinced their parents that there's a child rapist hiding behind every bush and tree.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 May 19 - 08:06 AM

I did not grow up across from a park with a backstop. I grew up in one of those postwar suburbs built when the idea of the government compelling developers to set aside land for community recreation was part of The Great Communist Conspiracy. We played baseball in the street where getting hit by cars proved what loyal little Americans we were. The nearest parks were about five miles away, in a neighborhood built during the 1930s, before anyone knew that baseball diamonds and sliding boards were threats to the American Way of Life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 May 19 - 09:32 PM

I grew up literally across the street from a tiny city park that had only one main feature: a chain-link backstop. We managed to dream up many other games, though often as not we played some version of softball.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 19 - 09:03 PM

BUT when the Leonines played the rules stated that a runner who had struck the ball could only be put "out" by hitting him with the thrown ball. Also, any number of players could play at a time as long as the number on each side was the same. And of course the playing field was square or rectangular. There were, naturally, no foul balls and the distances between safe havens ("bases") weren't fixed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 14 May 19 - 06:09 AM

the humble birth of baseball
Manure and road apples alike were the 1st baseballs.

Born of boredom, baseball carries its legacy until today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 19 - 09:52 PM

Back in 1897, the New London (Missouri) Leonines were having their playing ground manured when the younger members of the baseball club began throwing the "chips" at each other. Stacy Kengall, one of them, was pelted with far more than his fair share. One of his most ardent supporters, a young lady known only as "Lovey Alice" took a club-like object used in the game and commenced defending Kengall by swatting the "chips" from the air. Other supporters of the team also began swatting these "chips." Everyone was having a marvelous time when fresher fertilizer began to be used, ruining the garb of many young ladies and their beaus.

Thus the expression "when the fan hits the shit" and its more well-known obverse were born.

Now you know, and you can trust this because I Am A Librarian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 May 19 - 08:55 PM

Mom!

Why don't we ever hear stories about the fan hitting the shit? It has to happen every now and then. It can't always be the shit hitting the fan with no consequences. Sometimes the fan is going to hit back. Especially those big industrial one-unit-cools-a-whole-warehouse things. They don't take no shit from nobody.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 13 May 19 - 08:24 PM

How does yours work?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 May 19 - 06:04 PM

I was surprised to see that Shane hasn't posted to the "Who owns an air fryer?" thread. I was sure he would want to share how he went about converting an air fryer into a really killer bong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 May 19 - 07:57 AM

Wow was there a Special celebrity appearence of Don Murry and Otis Young ?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 May 19 - 11:58 PM

No! They tried to steal the tied-up bundles of home-grown organic garlic. The best kind ever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 May 19 - 11:48 PM

Four stages? Were there any schoolmarms in those stages? Did any bandits try to hold them up and steal the strongboxes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 19 - 10:14 PM

Mom, there were four stages and I shot TWO of them clean! No misses at all! I had some rifle trouble with the first one and had a blazing FIVE misses and on the last one I missed once, or so they said because I maintained I'd shot it clean. However, I was tired and I didn't feel like arguing so I accepted. Then I put everything away (guns cleared before you can leave the "unloading" table, of course) in their cases and went home. Tomorrow I'll empty the car, clean the guns, and lock EVERYTHING up, just like always and just like you taught me, guns and ammo separate.

Since it was the annual Memorial Shoot there were a lot of people there: 23 shooters and Richard Lopez's family and all. Sassy (you remember her, she's 15 now!) was really annoyed that she didn't shoot a clean stage like she did last month! Rightfully so, as I think as some of the target setups were pretty easy and close in and so did she. She really needs a side-by-side .410 now, and I'll work on her folks about that.

As ever,
Your Favorite


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 May 19 - 10:05 PM

Time to harvest the garlic, MOM. Be prepared for the house to smell like an Italian restaurant for a while as the scapes dry out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 11 May 19 - 10:51 AM

8 years later the E String killer is just another cold case when Detective Dahl studies the archives of Muskrat.org. Dahl discovers an avatar of a 'feared spruce' that communicated with all but one of the victims. In fact it was Dahl who put together the ligature marks and an E string 8 years earlier. An FBI report positively linked the last victim and feared spruce was eventually executed in the 11th chapter.

B movie plots are Us, LLC Donuel 2011


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 11 May 19 - 09:45 AM

Cowboy shooting sounds healthier than the dark plans of the E string killer. A folk musician killer keeps his weapon of choice hidden in plain sight from the police by stringing his guitar with a low E string ligature. His right wing politics is the justification for his revenge until he is touched by a particular song...and its singer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 11 May 19 - 07:11 AM

Please be careful to not confuse Keith Urban types for cowboys


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 19 - 10:12 PM

Dear Mom,

Tomorrow, for the first time since OCTOBER!!!, I'm going to go shoot cowboys! I'll strap on my twin .45s (well, not exactly twins), pick up my Winchester (only I can't afford a Winchester, so it's really a cheap Rossi from Brazil) and my Greener (well, it's really a 20 gauge side-by-side Stoeger I bought years ago and not a 10 gauge of any sort) and saunter out to Gulleyville, and bag me a few cowboys to barbecue later.

I made a deal with a young lady's mother that if she'd bring her out I take her home. Shootin' cowboys has led to her grades improving, no more males "sexting" her, and a generally great increase in her self-confidence. Last month she shot one "stage" without missing a single target!

Sincerely,
Your Favorite


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 19 - 12:28 PM

executor.

Trump doesn't need time with an executor, he needs time with an executioner. In my not so humble opinion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 May 19 - 10:22 AM

The Church was ordered to not rape small children
Suicide bombers must first be a pilgrim
All these new rules are meant only for fools
Nuclear weapons are just specialized tools

Aw fuck it I really don't like what we've done with this world


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 May 19 - 09:53 AM

Butt Judge and Biden and Sanders and Warren
All Trump opponents aren't female and foreign
I don't know what I should fear here the most
Perhaps LA earthquakes will erase the coast...

Aw shit here comes the big Kalamazula
He just cheated at golf and yells Hallalaylouya
Dizzying chaos on TV is gross
The kids in our schools, are virtually toast

When the gun bangs
When the kids sang
When it seems all is lost
I think of disasters that are greater in cost.
And things do not seem, so bad.

Houston is flooded but thats not the problem
So is NY, Tampa and Austin.
There's proof that there is no hot climate change
Just take a good look at our sweet stock exchange

A Strategic price increase makes Babtists more fascist
Folks without papers, deported in caskets
as everything grows worse for patriot men
it was the Constitution they forgot to defend

When the gun bangs
When the kids sang
When it seems all is lost
I think of disasters that are greater in cost.
And things do not seem, so bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 May 19 - 09:13 AM

Butt Judge and Biden and Sanders and Warren
All Trump opponents aren't female and foreign
I don't know what I should fear here the most
Perhaps LA earthquakes will erase the coast...

Aw shit here comes the big Kalamazula
He just cheated at golf and yells Hallalaylouya
Dizzying chaos on TV is gross
The kids in our schools, are virtually toast

When the gun bangs
When the kids sang
When it seems all is lost
I think of disasters that are worse than this one.
And things do not seem, so bad.

Houston is flooded but thats not the problem
So is NY, Tampa and Austin.
There's proof that there is no hot climate change
Just take a look at our sweet stock exchange...


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Subject: RE: BS: favorite things
From: Donuel
Date: 10 May 19 - 06:34 AM

Butt Judge and Biden and Sanders and Warren
All of Trump's evils aren't female and foreign
I don't know what to fear here the most
Perhaps LA earthquales will erase the coast...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 19 - 11:05 PM

In this case it's short for "archaeopteryx".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 May 19 - 08:30 PM

I've always thought "Archie" was short for "Archibald". Of course, naming a kid Archibald is almost as inexcusable as naming him Archie, just a bit more high highfalutin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 May 19 - 06:35 PM

Archie is a name I'd consider giving to a dog. Probably a terrier of some kind. But certainly not a human being.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 May 19 - 05:57 PM

I'm Archie the Eighth, I am,
Archie the Eighth, I am, I am ...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 May 19 - 05:54 PM

Now that there is a member of the British Royal Family named "Archie" who is seventh in line of succession to the throne, I propose six rapidly sequential cases of regicide so there can be a "King Archie"
during my lifetime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 May 19 - 03:44 PM

Producers and composers have a saying, "The greats cover, amateurs steal."
Pros have a saying "Fun's fun, but fuckin's for cash."


Shane has a saying "unintelligible"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 May 19 - 12:16 PM

I would prefer to give you praise, accolade, and thanks, Rap. Oh, and advice too. No charge for the latter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 May 19 - 12:01 PM

ahem Well said Rap. Losing a personal 1.17 billion dollars in 10 years is not like giving it all away in charity. It takes work skimming and borrowing and cheating and lots and lots of applied ignorance. It aint easy.

Go to: Go fund me/Donald Trump/ c/o Rapparee
give what you can

Americans should be able to bail out Trump better than the Russain mob.
Especially with Rap as executor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 May 19 - 10:39 PM

Careful, Trump might see that and try it out. (There is little evidence that he has ever dropped in on the MOAB - the quality of his BS sets the lowest bar imaginable. The quantity is certainly up to speed, though, one must admit.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 19 - 09:47 PM

I am a child of woe! From my earliest youth I was buffeted by the winds of fate and the stormy seas of troubles beyond imagining. Now, in my declining years, I must take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them. Soon they will be opposed all to heck and all will be serene and the waters of fate calm. My reward is not praise, not the accolades of lesser folk, not the thanks of the powerful and mighty. No, just send me lots of money.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 08 May 19 - 06:15 AM

Leading from behind was our foreign policy against Ghadafi.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 19 - 09:45 PM

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
And the radar has failed to find them,
But they'll all, face to face,
Meet in parallel space
Preceding their leaders behind them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 07 May 19 - 06:04 PM

I have an Escher picture of infinity in my living room


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 May 19 - 05:06 PM

The Spaghetti Western Orchestra thread,
'way upstairs above the line,
has occasioned mention of the Ocarina.
Which puts me in mind of Catspaw.

(Morricone's film soundtracks use an ocarina?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 19 - 08:42 PM

Name them. Such lacks can and must be cured.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 06 May 19 - 07:15 AM

Yeah Rap it is a 24/7 open universe. But in the sense of an open mind to all possibilities. Its flat and variable. There are even galaxies with no dark matter or folk music.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 May 19 - 10:37 PM

Cosmotologists are not to confused with cosmotautology.

Good one.


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