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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Donuel 11 Feb 19 - 07:46 AM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 19 - 03:03 AM
Donuel 11 Feb 19 - 12:12 AM
Rapparee 10 Feb 19 - 10:05 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 19 - 02:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Feb 19 - 12:52 PM
Stilly River Sage 10 Feb 19 - 12:18 PM
Stilly River Sage 09 Feb 19 - 03:59 PM
gnu 09 Feb 19 - 03:32 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 19 - 08:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Feb 19 - 07:49 PM
Donuel 08 Feb 19 - 02:02 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 19 - 12:47 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 19 - 10:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 19 - 11:19 AM
Donuel 06 Feb 19 - 02:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Feb 19 - 12:11 PM
Donuel 05 Feb 19 - 11:04 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 19 - 10:30 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 19 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 19 - 08:17 PM
Stilly River Sage 03 Feb 19 - 01:46 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 19 - 12:35 PM
Donuel 03 Feb 19 - 12:24 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 19 - 08:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Feb 19 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 01 Feb 19 - 09:35 PM
Donuel 01 Feb 19 - 07:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Feb 19 - 07:20 PM
Donuel 01 Feb 19 - 06:10 PM
keberoxu 01 Feb 19 - 05:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Feb 19 - 01:00 PM
Donuel 01 Feb 19 - 10:52 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jan 19 - 11:46 PM
keberoxu 31 Jan 19 - 06:08 PM
Donuel 31 Jan 19 - 01:42 PM
Donuel 31 Jan 19 - 01:15 PM
Stilly River Sage 31 Jan 19 - 12:45 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 19 - 07:13 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 19 - 07:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jan 19 - 06:50 PM
keberoxu 30 Jan 19 - 06:31 PM
Donuel 30 Jan 19 - 11:38 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jan 19 - 10:02 AM
Donuel 30 Jan 19 - 09:26 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 19 - 09:25 AM
Stilly River Sage 29 Jan 19 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 19 - 08:52 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jan 19 - 07:48 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 19 - 07:27 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Feb 19 - 07:46 AM

sneak peek:
I don't care for Pecker sleazes
who want to show me Bezo's penis
featured on the front page
at my store...

I would use this
slow introduction version played twice with a coda of the last verse of the SSBanner. Then it goes like a bat outta hell
original:
Plastic Jesus
Billy Idol
I don't care if it
Rains or freezes
As long as I've got my
Plastic Jesus
Ridin' on the dashboard
Of my car
Through my trials
And tribulations
And my travels
Through the nation
With my plastic Jesus
I'll go far
Ridin' down the thoroughfare
With a nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead
But he don't mind
Trouble comin'
He don't see
He just keeps his eye on me
And any other thing that lies behind
With my plastic Jesus
Goodbye and I'll go far
I said with my plastic Jesus
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say damn
I can let all my curses roll
'Cause Jesus' plastic doesn't hear
'Cause he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic
Saved my soul
With my plastic Jesus
Goodbye and I'll go far
I said with my plastic Jesus
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
An if I weave around at night
Policemen think I'm very tight
They never find my bottle
Though they ask
'Cause plastic Jesus shelters me
For his head comes off you see
He's hollow and I use him like a flask
Woa Woa Woa
Save me
I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I got magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel that I'm protected amply
I've got the love of the whole damn family
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
With my plastic Jesus
I said goodbye
And I'll go far
And I said with my plastic Jesus
I said sittin' on the dashboard of my car
When I'm goin' fornicatin'
I've got my ceramic Satan
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car
Women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wide-eyed stoneware devil
Sneerin' from the dashboard of my car
Songwriters: Ed Rush / George Cromarty
Plastic Jesus lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 19 - 03:03 AM

I am still waiting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Feb 19 - 12:12 AM

Well tomorrow I will care because it rains and freezes despite my trusty plastic Jesus.
The federal gov is delayed for 2 hours tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 19 - 10:05 PM

Dammit, the police just called. Again. Mom is down by the docks propositioning sailors. Again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 19 - 02:57 PM

You didn't lock up the lemon flavoring! And the vanilla's gone! And speaking of gone, so's Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Feb 19 - 12:52 PM

Mom's in the kitchen! Lock up the cooking sherry and keep an eye on the vanilla extract!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Feb 19 - 12:18 PM

MOM is baking this afternoon. The house smells wonderful. NO! Don't eat that without blowing on it, you remember the last time you burned your mouth on the hot raisin filling!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Feb 19 - 03:59 PM

Rain. It started overnight.

Don, do you suppose you could come up with some witty yet caustic words about Trump to the tune of Plastic Jesus?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Feb 19 - 03:32 PM

What's that noise?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 19 - 08:27 PM

Mom should be drinking healthy stuff, like Guinness with orange juice or rum and lemon/lime juice. This way she can get the vitamins and minerals she needs to prevent scurvy, rickets, elephantiasis, buruli ulcer, helminthiasis, dracunculus, schistosomiasis, and worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Feb 19 - 07:49 PM

Yes, the death involved in eating meat and vegetables upsets Mom terribly. That's why she gets all her nutrition from gin and tonic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Feb 19 - 02:02 PM

for Amos


food is violent

Vegans won't eat meat
Living things with eyes
will not be their treat
Pigs feet make them cry

Food is violent
Organic or not
Screams are silent
What ever you've got

I've beaten some eggs
Not a sound was made
I've fried chicken legs
There was no first aid

I've peeled bananas
Potatoes I've mashed
It sounds like torture
the food that I've thrashed

Make a melon ball
slice a tomato
Your food has been mauled
by a commando

I never eat tiger
But I do eat meat
As a good driver
the drive thru's are sweet

Tigers get hungry
In the wild or Zoo
When not caged but free
the new food is you

Food is violence
No matter your mood
You will break silence
When you are the food


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 19 - 12:47 PM

UNH! UNH! UNH! UNH-UNH!

Lordy, I swear, Mom but you get heavier ever day! But now you're back up top! Try to stay there, in your rightful position, even if all that brexit talk and stuff weighs you down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 19 - 10:30 PM

I'm back from the meeting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 19 - 11:19 AM

That Mom is near the bottom is an absolute outrage!

So let's lift the old heifer to the tip-top of the page!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Feb 19 - 02:06 PM

Wonderful World - with apologies to Sam Cook, James Taylor, Herb Albert and Art Galfunker.


Don't know nothin bout History
Don' know know any biology
I've never read a single book
Don't know nothin bout how to cook
And I care nothin at all bout you
But if Fake News would love me true
What a wonderful world this would be

Don't know nothin bout geography
Don't know any trigonometry
Don't know nothin bout writing a tweet
Don't know how to admit defeat
But I know one and one is two
and if fake News would love true
What a wonderful world this would be

Now I don't claim to be an honest man baby
And I don't try to be cause honest men are all losers baby
And nobody's more special than me

Don't know how to be president
Don't know what I said or what I meant
Don't know nothin bout buildin a wall

Don't know nothin bout nothin at all
Its only me that I've been thinkin of
But if Fake News would give me love
What a wonderful world this would be

What a wonderful
Justice free world this would be
What a wonderful
Wonderful
Wonderful world


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 12:11 PM

In Spanish speaking countries, a Volva would be a female Volvo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 11:04 AM

Volva is Icelandic to Rap but mycology to me.

I've heard of Mom Jeans but not gay jeans.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 19 - 10:30 PM

AND he is one of those "genus homo" people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 19 - 09:57 PM

What you smell is Shane's overheated, baffled, and enraged brain attempting to determine just how badly you have insulted him. Smoke is rising from his ears.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 19 - 08:17 PM

Shame McBride is an iamb, a dactylic trocheee, a besotted anapest. He has a very short caesura (he can barely find it himself) because he practices anaphora and suffers from synaesthesia (probably terminal). End stopped, eddic, probably flokkrskaldic, Shame's dróttkvætt at the very least and if he doesn't reach the heights (or depths) of fenrir it certainly isn't from lack of lack of talent! Did you know that he was once involved with a volva? -- true! -- and it left him totally devoid of futharkness? Shame has no futhark, none at all, and he never did, which is why the volva rejected him! Rejected by a volva! THAT takes a total lack of "talent."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Feb 19 - 01:46 PM

Rap's wordplay resulted in a lovely side trip to Sonnet 135. Where there's a Will there's a will, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 19 - 12:35 PM

Stop using words that Shane doesn't understand. It annoys him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Feb 19 - 12:24 PM

Its not how well you chiasm. Its how fast you chiasmic well.
Antanaclisticly speaking .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 19 - 08:44 PM

It always amazes me, Bee-Dub, how easily people confuse one thing with another. People confuse A# with Gb all the time. Confusing Beta and Gamma Function, Jacobi and Zernike polynomials -- why, these things are like confusing catsup (a/k/a ketchup) with mustard!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 19 - 10:47 PM

How could anyone confuse anything with antanaclasis? Look, there's antanaclasis, and then there's everything else. How could it be any simpler? Just look around you, pick something at random and ask yourself, "Is this antanaclasis?" The answer will always be "No!" It's always going to be an iPhone or a yellow rain slicker or a Bundt cake, not antanaclasis!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 19 - 09:35 PM

Of course, alliteration is simply a special case of chiasmus or, perhaps, antimetabole. Both can be used in the structure of entire passages to parallel concepts or ideas. This process, termed "conceptual chiasmus", uses a criss-crossing rhetorical structure to cause an overlapping of "intellectual space". Conceptual chiasmus utilizes specific linguistic choices, often metaphors, to create a connection between two differing disciplines. By employing a chiastic structure to a single presented concept, rhetors encourage one area of thought to consider an opposing area's perspective. Do not confuse them with antanaclasis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Feb 19 - 07:31 PM

my mom says if you keep doing that your eyes will cross.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 19 - 07:20 PM

There's nothing wrong with sun dogs that appear at sunrise (or any other time of day, for that matter), but having them appear at sundown continues the double alliteration (S then D) already found in sun dogs and South Dakota. It makes them super duper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Feb 19 - 06:10 PM

I hope MOM will understand but I have only recently discovered that 14,000 Pangolins were massacred for their skin


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Feb 19 - 05:50 PM

what is wrong with
sundogs that appear at
sunrise ??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 19 - 01:00 PM

You're right, Don. Saturday would be a better choice. "Sun dogs", "sundown", and "Sunday" make for too much sun. Wouldn't want Mom to get sunburned.

Too bad San Diego isn't in South Dakota.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Feb 19 - 10:52 AM

That alliteration is worthy of the first line of the great American novel. Change Sunday to Saturday and it won't sound forced. Besides Saturdays have more potential than Sundays.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 19 - 11:46 PM

It would have been even more MOABworthy if the sun dogs in South Dakota had appeared at sundown on Sunday. Mom is almost as fond of alliteration as she is of cheap gin. Not quite, but almost.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 31 Jan 19 - 06:08 PM

Amos is coming home, Amos is coming home,

Welcome home, Amos!

You missed the sun dogs.
They were in South Dakota anyhow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 31 Jan 19 - 01:42 PM

A Tech six will fit in a more affordable human heart holster.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 31 Jan 19 - 01:15 PM

Rap does have 4 ridges surrounding his place and only one is manmade. Whether they are moraines or not is anyone's guess. He has named each ridge; spooky ridge, uzi ridge, snoopy ridge and ruby ridge II.

It depends on how much you want to spend on a custom holster.
If you can afford a fresh Bengal Tiger uterus insert the tech nine and allow the uterus to shrink fit. If not a young cow will do.
For a quick draw holster use a spinning bolt attachment to the nylon strap so you can shoot from the hip without drawing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Jan 19 - 12:45 PM

Your pocket?

Is there a glacial moraine forming in any of your yards this week?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 19 - 07:13 PM

Let's talk six-shooters.

I've got this Tek Six that was given to me years ago. I haven't customized it or anything, but now I'd like to use it for quick-draw competition.

Any suggestions for a holster, etc.?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 19 - 07:03 PM

It's obviously a tool for a Johnson, made by a company that makes tools for Johnsons. Please use it for the purpose for which it was made, not for doing odd things to wallboard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jan 19 - 06:50 PM

Mom!

I have a big T-square used for cutting wallboard. It's made by the Johnson Tool Company. Isn't "Johnson Tool" redundant?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Jan 19 - 06:31 PM

Worthy of MOAB:
In South Dakota at sunrise,
the sun dogs came out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 30 Jan 19 - 11:38 AM

I'll answer rhetorical questions. I often just thaw by pressing 3 minutes on high and go from there. I did a cartoon where the only buttons on the microwave was re heat or entropy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jan 19 - 10:02 AM

Mom!

Why do the buttons on my microwave oven say "Time Defrost" and "Weight Defrost"? "Defrost" means to remove frozen moisture. Like from a car's windshield or the freezer compartment of an old refrigerator. That's not what I want to do to my frozen food. I want to thaw it. Completely. All the way to the center.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 30 Jan 19 - 09:26 AM

btw Rap your body temperature is 310 Kelvin
If you stuck a Kelvin thermometer up the sun's ass it might be about 6,000 K
But ya just can't have a minus K Except in MOM space.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 19 - 09:25 AM

Oh, the prices were fine. It's the reason for having them in the first place I don't like.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Jan 19 - 10:03 PM

$98 is a bargain - the Rotorooter guys here won't load the machine off the truck for under $249.99.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 19 - 08:52 PM

Aaaand! Yesterdday Roto-rooter paid a visit. Having a nasty cough probably brought on by the sanding and painting in my wife's office, Sunday I went downstairs to the furnace to simply change the filter. So I knelt down and took out the old filter and put in a new one. When I stood up the knees of the my pants were wet.

Knowing I did not wet my pants this time I felt the carpet. Yup, wet. Looking closely I saw that the floor drain, into which some of the furnace condensate goes, was overflowing.

I did some creative cussing and brought out the shop vac and sucked up all the water I could and continued doing this. On Monday I called Roto-rooter. They came out and ran their mechanical snake through the drain a couple times and it's draining quite nicely now.

I should mention that while this cost me $98 it was a helluva lot cheaper than chiseling out the old (cast iron) drain and replacing it. Yes, the threads on the cleanout plug were rusted away, but they put in a new compression plug.

BUT! While I was sitting at this here computer Sunday evening I heard a loud CRACK! from the kitchen here in the basement. Knowing that such sounds do not bode well I investigated. The old plastic(?) shelving on which the beer/dorm refrigerator was sitting had finally given way. I removed the fridge and sat it on the floor. Yesterday I found a 1940s style end table in a thrift store ($14.99) and the fridge has a new stand.

I saw the doctor today. It was a scheduled visit, a followup for the heart thing last Spring. Instead we discussed my cough and he prescribed some Tessalon PERLEs, rest, lots of liquids, ibuprofen, nasal saline, and if there are any bad things happening call me.

Let's see: the score for the week is a partially flooded basement, a collapsed refrigerator stand, and a rather nasty cold/cough. At least I'm...no, I'm not going to say it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jan 19 - 07:48 PM

And that's why this is called "The Mother of All BS Threads" and not "The Mother of All Factual Information Threads".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 19 - 07:27 PM

I remember one winter when I was a kid when it was so cold all the words froze if you spoke outside. Come Spring you couldn't hear yourself think! Worse, shots fired by hunters froze in mid-air and all Spring you were dodging bullets and shot. Still worse were the frozen fires -- the fire department just stacks the flames on the ice of the river (Mississippi River, there's only one river) and in the Spring when the flames melted the ice the resulting steam blanketed the landscape from Memphis to St. Paul and from Pittsburgh to Council Bluffs.


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