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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 02 May 19 - 02:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 May 19 - 02:48 PM
Little Hawk 02 May 19 - 02:25 PM
Donuel 02 May 19 - 05:49 AM
Rapparee 01 May 19 - 09:46 PM
keberoxu 01 May 19 - 05:18 PM
Stilly River Sage 30 Apr 19 - 08:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Apr 19 - 07:31 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 19 - 08:48 PM
keberoxu 29 Apr 19 - 02:07 PM
Donuel 29 Apr 19 - 08:36 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 19 - 09:00 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 19 - 08:49 PM
keberoxu 28 Apr 19 - 06:19 PM
Donuel 28 Apr 19 - 12:48 PM
Donuel 28 Apr 19 - 11:39 AM
Stilly River Sage 28 Apr 19 - 11:01 AM
Donuel 28 Apr 19 - 07:35 AM
Donuel 28 Apr 19 - 07:27 AM
Little Hawk 27 Apr 19 - 02:20 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 19 - 09:29 PM
Donuel 26 Apr 19 - 06:10 AM
Rapparee 25 Apr 19 - 10:24 PM
Donuel 25 Apr 19 - 11:56 AM
Stilly River Sage 25 Apr 19 - 11:45 AM
Donuel 25 Apr 19 - 08:43 AM
Donuel 25 Apr 19 - 06:19 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Apr 19 - 11:54 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 19 - 10:09 PM
Donuel 24 Apr 19 - 07:11 PM
Stilly River Sage 24 Apr 19 - 04:49 PM
Donuel 24 Apr 19 - 04:26 PM
Donuel 24 Apr 19 - 02:48 PM
Donuel 24 Apr 19 - 12:41 PM
Stilly River Sage 24 Apr 19 - 11:37 AM
Little Hawk 24 Apr 19 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 23 Apr 19 - 09:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Apr 19 - 09:00 PM
Little Hawk 23 Apr 19 - 08:00 PM
Donuel 23 Apr 19 - 07:41 PM
Little Hawk 23 Apr 19 - 07:29 PM
Donuel 23 Apr 19 - 06:39 AM
Stilly River Sage 22 Apr 19 - 10:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 19 - 04:24 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 19 - 01:22 PM
Donuel 22 Apr 19 - 12:14 PM
Donuel 22 Apr 19 - 11:56 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 19 - 09:32 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 19 - 09:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 19 - 08:41 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 May 19 - 02:50 PM

Damn! It worked in "preview". Here's that response, verbatim: CLICK


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 May 19 - 02:48 PM

Little did the late Mr. Face realize that his descendants would form the basis of the multi-billion dollar Emoji-Industrial complex. Now you can go to a party store and get everything needed to throw your five-year-old a 100% emoji-themed birthday party. Decorations, serving ware, table cloths, even beach balls if it's a pool party.

Hello Kitty and My Little Pony have expressed extreme displeasure over their loss of market share to the upstart emojis. In a press conference, the emojis responded to their concerns as follows: ??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 May 19 - 02:25 PM

Shrieks, hoots, and chest pounding are other handy ways of expressing one's feelings. And throwing chairs and other handy objects works fine too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 02 May 19 - 05:49 AM

In the meantime... sideways Smiley Face (1982-2019)

Side ways Smiley Face died on April 30,2019, surrounded by his loved ones.
The cause of death was over-use. Born on a computer bulletin board at Carnegie Mellon University, Mr.Face devoted his life to pointing out that the previous sentence was meant to be satire or funny. He also gained world wide recognition for his tireless efforts as a glib substitute for the words "I am amused." His other interests included frowning and winking. He is survived by his children, Sideways Surprised Face, sideways Glasses Face, sideways ABE lINCOLN fACE, sideways Santa Face, sideways Pope face, his beloved wife XOXO and his 271 imogee grandchildren. In lieu of flowers Mr. Face's family has requested people use actual words to express their feelings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 19 - 09:46 PM

Mom! I went stangskyting this evening! I could do six in twenty-five seconds, but nothing on the paper. 'Sokay, it was enjoyable anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 May 19 - 05:18 PM

And on that note,
instead of waiting for Rapparee,
let's hoist MOM upstairs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Apr 19 - 08:21 PM

I lost a couple of those socks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Apr 19 - 07:31 PM

Hi. Mom!

I had to replace the belt on our clothes dryer today. In the process, I found $1.57 in coins and five guitar picks. Not bad, but it's far from the best haul I've ever had while working on a dryer. A previous owner of a dryer we bought second-hand had removed an access plate of some sort in the back of the drum and forgot to put it back on. So, the drum had a two-inch hole in it. When I opened that dryer up to replace the belt, I found more money than what we had paid for the thing. Not just change, but bills. Ones, fives, tens, and twenties. And socks. Lots of socks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 19 - 08:48 PM

Come my tan-faced children,
Follow well in order, get your weapons ready,
Have you your pistols? have you your sharp-edged axes?
Pioneers! O pioneers!

For we cannot tarry here,
We must march my darlings, we must bear the brunt of danger,
We the youthful sinewy races, all the rest on us depend,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

                     --by Mom MOAB


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Apr 19 - 02:07 PM

What the heck called for Walt Whitman?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Apr 19 - 08:36 AM

A billion and a half to 3 billion heartbeats
is all you may drum out in a lifetime
Count down or count up and you will arrive
at an exact number of an unknown quantity
You emerged into this illusion in human form
Taste sight touch and sound were yours to refine
But in your next emergence they are gone
Just as they were gone before your last emergence
For most of us there will be an entropy
But for a few there will be a Nova


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 09:00 PM

The last bit of poetry was from the young women of Ireland, complaining about the inability of the McBrides to, um, perform. They were actors, so to speak, but not very good ones and left the "audiences" clamoring. These "actors" always reached the climax of the play long before the audience could, and then would vacate the stage long before the denoument. Often they took with them not only the success of the play but whatever they could obtain from the pockets, purses, and wallets (not to mention the houses and businesses) of the audience.

Performance failures continue unto the present generation, which fails to generate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 08:49 PM

There is much to say, but I shan't say it.

Ba easnamh crua thú i dTuamhumhain is i dTír Luirc;
Sé túis mo cháis is fáth mo chaointe
Cúis do chráigh mé is d’fhág me claoite        
Bhain dem threoir mé is sheol gan chiall mé,
Is chaith mar cheo mé dóite i bpianta,—        
Na sluaite imíonn gan chríoch gan chaomhnú
Ar fud an tsaoil seo d’fhíorscoth béithe,
Ina gcailleacha dubha gan cumhdach céile
Caite gan clú gan cionnta claoin-bheart.
Is aithnid dom féin sa mhéad seo shiúlas
Bean agus céad nár mhian leo a dhiúltadh
Is mise in a measc mo chreach mar táimse
D’imigh im spaid gan fear gan pháiste.
Mo dhochar mo dhó mo bhrón mar bhím
Gan sochar gan só gan seod gan síth,
Go doilbhir duaiseach duamhar díothach
Gan codladh gan suan gan suairceas oíche,
Ach maslaithe i mbuairt gan suaimhneas sínte
Ar leaba leamh-fhuar dár suathadh ag smaointe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 06:19 PM

As to The Color Out Of Space,
what that calls to mind is
a much earlier short story that ends:

"...and, God help me! the Damned Thing is such a color!"
-- Ambrose Bierce, if memory serves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 12:48 PM

Were the McBride's Beast Machines

Yes Virginia the world is in the 1st person.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 11:39 AM

Do not be forlorn for long.
Captain Joseph Jeffery Hazelwood of the Exxon Valdez was found to be dead drunk on deck, not entirely dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 11:01 AM

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
          But O heart! heart! heart!
          O the bleeding drops of red,
             Where on the deck my Captain lies,
               Fallen cold and dead.
      

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up- for you the flag is flung- for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths- for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
             Here Captain! dear father!
               This arm beneath your head!
                It is some dream that on the deck,
                   You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
               Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
                But I with mournful tread,
                   Walk the deck my Captain lies,
                     Fallen cold and dead.

Borrowed from Uncle Walt


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 07:35 AM

A toast to sibling Rapparree
With pen and keyboard makes he free
Atop the highest posting tree
Made (of the k's) full 53
And (of the hundreds), another three!
Say, what a mensch is Rapparree
To write post fifty-three and three!
So let us now all drink to he!

Amos

post 58888 honorarily belongs to thee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 07:27 AM

I Googled the The color...Lovecraft. It turns out that story is alleged to be the cause of modern clinical depression by Dr. Concrecia Goodlick (Schenectady Press 1931)

Pulling a thread got Rap thrown out of a strip bar once but pulling a thread like the color of space on Mudcat is practically malicious and psychologicly dangerous.

Amos would not have done this.
Oh what a sibling was our Amos!
Never once did he ever shame us
By being a dangerous dick, a shamus,
Or wandering blameless, nameless, aimless
Amidst the towering Himalayas!
He is no scampering ignoramus
Trying to serve a writ of mandamus
As notorious, enormous fusses
Settles o'er this precocious chorus,
Wide as Texas, flat as Kansas.
Nay! For sooth our sibling, good old Amos,
(Never showing any weakness)
Will be as famous as Nostradamus --

Horatio Dumbass 1999


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Apr 19 - 02:20 PM

H.P. McBride was the writer of bawdy Irish tales and was ahead of his time, basically achieving what Henry Miller did, only 2 centuries before Henry Miller. He was excommunicated by the Catholic Church, and then executed in Cork, Ireland in 1732, having been condemned for "obscene literature in violation of all the laws of God and man". His bodily remains as well as his writings were burnt to ashes and cast into the sea, but it is rumored that the McBride clan preserved some of his manuscripts in an underground vault somewhere on the island of Newfoundland. These, if found, would be virtually priceless, probably fetching at least in the region of 8 figures. Penthouse magazine made a determined effort to find the vault in the early 1970's, dispatching several expeditions which dug holes all over Newfoundland, but found nothing more than scattered bones, some Native burial sites, a whole lot of mud and rocks, and a carved ivory statue of a moose wearing a beanie cap (the classic type with the propellor on top).

It is, however, thought that some of McBride's more memorable pornographic passages were passed down in the oral traditions of the McBride clan, thus preserved for "pausteritty", as Shane would put it. If so, they have kept them secret right to the present day. Only an infiltration of the "Black Mess" (a secret pagan ceremony practiced by most McBrides on the New Moon) might finally succeed in revealing these notorious fragments of H.P.McBride's erotic literature to a wider audience.

Holy Flip, eh?!?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 19 - 09:29 PM

H. Lovecraft.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Apr 19 - 06:10 AM

I've only imagined ET retinas that could see the entire EM spectrum in space but I never read that thread Fred.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 19 - 10:24 PM

You know nothing about "The Color Out of Space"? There is thread to match that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Apr 19 - 11:56 AM

Captain, Sensors detect sector 58888 3 points off the starboard bow.
Data plot the intercept course, engage.
Sir, gravametric distortions are preventing a dead heading, shall I correct?
Make it sew.
Captain we have no thread that matches this fabric of space.
Shut up Data and just go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Apr 19 - 11:45 AM

In my neck of the woods it's the fire ants who do the damage to unwelcome visitors, but they're a lot slower and the party has to be staked down. On the Gulf Coast there are alligators (occasionally they turn up in a local river, but Fish and Wildlife catch and relocate them back to the coast).

Re: the dog medication, we're almost finished giving the little cough pills, and a homemade pill pocket of peanut butter on a strip of tandoori bread completely conceals the pills. I use my mortar and pestles (one wood, one heavy porcelain) for spices only.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Apr 19 - 08:43 AM

We feed alligators to people so forensic free turnabout is fair play.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Apr 19 - 06:19 AM

The TV series 'Killing Eve' is famous for varient new and surprising final solutions.

My scene where a hypo needle is sliding into the skull snaps to a close up of the eyes dialating and becoming fixed is chilling and macabre.
It defies the ability to not cringe your neck.

But in chapter 4 the victim lives and presents another surprise?

Essential elements for Rap's master craft; Dopamine, Oxytocin, Cupric Sulfate, Ferrous chloride.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 11:54 PM

Where I come from, we don't worry about "better and more subtle ways". We just feed people to alligators. And if people criticize us for being insufficiently subtle, we feed them to alligators too.

That's the thing about alligators. Subtlety is optional.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 10:09 PM

Go to a people drugstore. Or use a mortar and pestle.

No, Donuel, there are better and more subtle ways. It all depends upon the necessity of teaching a lesson or not. As for the use of firearms...there are such as the Welrod, but they ARE messy. Everyone knows the old "EA-3990 in the underwear" trick, but did you know that a person in a small room who is deeply asleep can be negated by a block of dry ice under their bed -- and the negation is attributed to hypercapnia (especially good with the obese)? There are others which are useful when you don't want to leave marks -- the NKVD were good these. When a lesson is needed you find a sacrificial lamb to use are the teacher, preferably one of the Upper Echelons of the opposition.

Of course, you never forget the "Moscow Rules":

Assume nothing.
Never go against your gut.
Everyone is potentially under opposition control.
Do not look back; you are never completely alone.
Go with the flow, blend in.
Vary your pattern and stay within your cover.
Lull them into a sense of complacency.
Do not harass the opposition.
Pick the time and place for action.
Keep your options open.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 07:11 PM

April 23 2019
Dear DEA, I am ordering a cocaine grinder for my dog.
Thank you,
SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 04:49 PM

While you're working on that I'll consider how one would place an order for a pill crusher that wouldn't result in ATF folks descending on the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 04:26 PM

OK I can expand this into the first 3 chapters with characters and scene descriptions but I am stuck on the 4th crucial chapter


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 02:48 PM

After special forces training following the Viet Nam war, our boy earned a nick name 'rapaire' for his expertise in eliminating the enemy with a single needle inserted beneath the hairline into the back of the brain through the narrow opening at the atlas bone. Once someone called him ice pick, just once.

As an international assasain he not only had a license to kill but he had the ultra exclusive license not to kill. He was a marksman, don't get me wrong but he used to say "Why use a sledge hammer to hit a fly".

One night in Odensk there was a rush so when the so when the plunger was pushed, mostly air filled a space between the occipital lobes. The counter intelligence agent softly said "wow" and saw the most intense green he had ever seen but stood there rock steady.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 12:41 PM

Sorry, I didn't mean quality of life in a judgemental way


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 11:37 AM

No grinding; subterfuge allows the application of peanut butter to a small piece of bread, into which pills are concealed. It worked on the little pills for her cough, not on the big one for incontinence. And she's one smart ol' pooch, keeping her jaw clenched when I try to open it to stuff the big pill over the back of her tongue.

A power struggle ensues. The goal is to not kill the dog in the process of administering quality-of-life pills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 10:50 AM

Just don't TEST him, man!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 09:08 PM

So Shame does the grinder. I don't doubt it, as he's been in the slammer enough, but one of these days somebody's gonna do more than just donkey-punch him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 09:00 PM

Grinder is another name for a submarine sandwich, also known as a sub, hoagie, po'boy, or Italian sandwich.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 08:00 PM

Even worse! :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 07:41 PM

Is that a Canadian thing like a hoser?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 07:29 PM

I never knew you were...a grinder! I'm shocked. I don't know what to say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 06:39 AM

A trace of garlic powder was advised for a dog who preferred table scraps by a vet but indeed some dogs may be different. My mom had a cat that choked to death on a pill so I am a grinder. I've seen a dog swallow a baked potato whole.

Today is a full Monty, sunny and 80.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 10:36 PM

Donuel, I'm not sure if dogs are supposed to eat garlic, but the love the powdered brewer's yeast I sprinkle over food. Today I didn't try tempting the old dog, I just opened her mouth and pushed the pills back over the tongue so she had to swallow them. We'll sort this out eventually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 04:24 PM

I fully understand that cultures with close ties to nature have given names to full moons for ages, but the question is when did it become a "thing" for young, mostly white, Americans living in cities? I have a theory that it happened at about the same time meteorologists decided to give names to winter storms. Prior to then, the only natural events with names were hurricanes/typhoons. But when previously anonymous winter storms were tagged with names, it became fashionable to name other natural occurrences.

Well, I propose that we don't stop with storms and moons, but name as many natural occurrences as possible. I shall call the next foggy morning we have "Hubert". The next sinkhole that opens up in central Florida will be called "Isabel". Today is clear and moderately warm without a cloud in the sky. I think I'll call it "Alphonse".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 01:22 PM

Then there is the Mega Moon which occurs when Don McBride drives through the town at high speed with "the little brother" (Shane) mooning the residents from the passenger side window. The best Mega Moon is when they do it while going past the OPP Station.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 12:14 PM

My favorite is the Curiosity full moon. Raps favourite full moon is ' the I'm your Favorite full moon, BWL is more active during the Funny full moon. Keb's favorite full moon is the Super Storm full moon.
Steve's favorite is the 'I'm Full' full moon. Jim rarely looks up so all full moons are 'part time' full moons.

The sun only 'sees' our moon as full all the time and revolving, which is called 'The full time' full moon. The sun even gets to see Earth eclipses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 11:56 AM

Worm full moon. Hunger Moon...

There are names for the closest orbit full moons and the seasonal full moons. Of astronomical special event full moons and the fixed seasonal full moon names, the seasonal names are more 'organic'.

I say make up your own names. When in an elevator, casually mention it is a flatulent full moon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 19 - 09:32 AM

You've missed Red Moon, Blue Moon (happens rarely), Plaid Moon, Beige Moon, Moon of Blood, Moon of Alabama, Silver Moon (my family's old tavern), Sailor Moon, Full Moon, New Moon, Old Moon, Moon Shine, Puce Moon, Tan Moon, and others. And then there's The Full Moon, often associated with teenage boys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 19 - 09:32 PM

Mom!

What's with this giving every full moon that comes around a nickname? We used to have Harvest Moon in the fall and eleven other plain old regular full moons with no names. Now we have Pink Moon, Wolf Moon, and a bunch of other moons. Are we supposed to memorize them or something? Is there going to be a test? Or is it just a conspiracy to try and heighten interest in moon watching so people will buy more binoculars and telescopes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 19 - 08:41 PM

I'm sure Mom appreciates Rap's Easter greeting, but it's not really one of her favorite holidays. Chocolate bunnies and marshmallow chickens aren't really her thing. But, if someone were to give her an Easter basket filled with an assortment of miniature bottles of liquor she might have a change of heart.


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