Song Challenge! Part 92

Subject: Song Challenge 92
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 28 May 03 - 09:16 AM

Áine kindly suggested I develop this idea into the next song challenge. I'll leave the judging in her capable hands but here is the topic:
Suburban Blues.
As I have mentioned in other threads, we are all familiar with the Country Blues and the Urban Blues but the lesser known genre of the Suburban Blues is a growing phenomenon in the counties around London. Every warm evening (ie about twice a year) you can see them in their pinstriped Armani dungarees sitting on their Ikea rocking chairs on their B & Q decks playing their Applause guitars from Argos and singing the blues about the real problems in their lives: the cost of school fees, their golf handicap or the drop of values on the London Stock Exchange.
There are legendary figures like Bifocal Bob and Weightwatcher Jones. (for an example of the genre see my thread on Woking Man Blues at:http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=50885#772920).
This is clearly not confined to the UK as I have seen a New
Yorker cartoon with a picture of a guitarist saying to the audience: "and the next blues is about the 3.57 to Clarksdale, and how it's often late...and sometimes crowded."

I feel you all have examples of Suburban Blues you'd like to share with us.

RtS

Subject: RE: Song Challenge 92
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 28 May 03 - 09:23 AM

I don't normally compose songs ( I usually decompose existing ones!) but I thought I better put my money where my mouth is, and instead of offering a glib one-liner try to do a complete one. This is based on several years traveling to Greek islands, especially the Dodeconese.

WAITING FOR THE MANCHESTER FLIGHT
(A suburban blues to any suitable blues tune. )

Gonna fly to Greece, gonna get some sun
But before we can begin to start the fun
There's a fright
Delays to the Manchester flight

CHORUS: Gonna be here all night
Waiting for the Manchester flight


On time from Gatwick
On time in Kos
But the tour guide says: "Don't get on that 'bus,
Everything's all right
We're just waiting for the Manchester flight."

CHORUS

Tour rep greets us with a smile that's merry
Says: "No need to hurry to catch that ferry
Every thing's all right
We're just waiting for the Manchester flight"

CHORUS

On time to Portugal
On time to Spain
Delays in Manchester, might be the rain
All right?
Still waiting for the Manchester flight

CHORUS

Gonna fly to Greece, grab some rays
Seems like we've been waiting for days
And nights
Waiting for the Manchester flight

CHORUS

RtS

Subject: RE: Song cHallenge 92
From: MMario
Date: 28 May 03 - 09:48 AM

SUV BLUES

My four wheeler done broke down
Well, My four wheeler done broke down
My four wheeler done broke down
an' I'm stuck here, in this town.
I got the broken down, SUV blues.

I could drive the 'vette,
drive the limo' or the caddy
Or even call and take a taxi
But I want my four wheeler so badly
I got the broken done, SUV blues.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Áine
Date: 28 May 03 - 10:09 AM

Hey Roger! I'm glad you went ahead with your Challenge! idea . . . I really was going to get to it ;-) Somebody just has to pry this mandolin from my hands first!

I hereby pronounce and declaim that this is an Official Song Challenge! and that all you lovely Challenge!rs should now Go For It!

-- Áine, the unrepentant Mandophile

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Kim C
Date: 28 May 03 - 10:42 AM

I-440 Overpass Blues

Well the traffic ain't a-movin
I'm goin nowhere fast
I left the office early
At twenty minutes past
But I been sittin here an hour
And Lord I feel so abused
I got them stomach growlin
Dogs a-howlin
I-440 overpass blues

Orange barrels to the left of me
Orange barrels to the right
I see those orange barrels
In my dreams at night
I been sittin here two hours
And Lord, I'm so confused
I got them stomach growlin
Dogs a-howlin
Teeth a-grindin
Seat belt bindin
Keep on truckin
Motherf***in
I-440 overpass blues

yeah, honey, could you start dinner for me?


KFC

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Clifton53
Date: 28 May 03 - 02:14 PM

Old Lady don't want me, and the dog be growlin' too,
Say the old lady don't want me, and the dog be growlin' too,
Well a blind man could see, I got the Lackanooky Blues.


Sittin' in my lounge chair, sippin' on an icy brew,
Say I'm sittin' in my lounge chair, sippin' on an icy brew,
I tell you man it's torture, what that Lackanooky do.


The wife she 'buke and scorn me, ain't no more bill and coo,
Say the wife she 'buke and scorn me, ain't no more bill and coo,
Left me sittin by my lonesome, with the Lackanooky Blues.


I can hear the cattle movin, hear the cows sayin 'moo',
Say I can hear the cattle movin, can hear the cows a sayin' 'moo'
Old bull locked in his pen, he got the Lackanooky too.


So take a tip from me boys, and mind just what you do,
Say take a tip from me boys, and pay attention what you do,
And you won't be down and lonely, with the Lackanooky Blues.


   Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Kim C
Date: 28 May 03 - 03:48 PM

Clifton that is the FUNNIEST damn thing I have read in awhile!!!!! :-D

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Bardford
Date: 28 May 03 - 04:24 PM

I wanna call you, baby
I just can't call you right now
Said I wanna call you woman,
Just can't right now.

I tell you something baby
Something's got to change
I tell you something honey
I got to make a change
Got no quarter in my pocket
And my cell phone's outta range

Tried to e-mail you from my hand held
But baby I could not connect to my provider
Said I tried to e-mail you one time
Could not log on to my provider
I'm tryin' to hook up with you, woman,
Wish my wireless range was wider.

I wanna call you, woman
I just can't get through right now
I truly need to call you baby
I can't get through to you right now
My cell phone needs recharging
And my Palm Pilot it don't work nohow.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: PoppaGator
Date: 28 May 03 - 05:34 PM

I woke up this afternoon
And I saw both cars were gone (2X)

I felt so sad and lonesome
I threw my drink across the lawn.

--Martin Mull

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 May 03 - 06:21 PM

Today I mowed that lawn but there was cat crap on the grass,
Yes, I mowed that lawn, but there was cat crap on the grass,
Now my shoes are reeking, like some evil feline's made a pass.

I tried to clean my shoes, I tried to scrape it on the ground,
I tried to clean my shoes, I tried to scrape it on the ground,
But all I'm doing is spreading the damn stuff all around.

My wife says "Boy, don't you come in till it's right,
You smell something awful, don't you come in till it's right."
Now the cat's on the sofa, and I'm still out in the night.

Cat's cosy on the sofa, and things just ain't as they ought,
I'm locked in the garden, no things ain't as they ought.
Tell me, what'll I do? I feel my time is getting very short.

Oh you hard hearted mamma, won't you let me in, I pray.
Oh you hard hearted mamma, won't you let me in, I pray.
Or at least just opem up the window, and hand me out the cat's litter tray.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Charley Noble
Date: 29 May 03 - 08:19 AM

Simply splendor in the grass! LOL

My suggestion? Entitle your song "The Catshit Blues"!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 30 May 03 - 03:59 AM

Sorry,Áine, the Curse of the Skiffler seems to have cut this thread short in its prime, despite some vintage quality entries from some vintage, er, veteran, er, old, er, experienced 'catters. Seems the blues remains a minority interest on the Mudcat, grumble, grumble, mutter, mutter,stomps off in a huff (like a hissy-fit only more British!) to listen to the W.C.Handy Awards edition of Paul Jones' BBC blues programme.

RtS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 May 03 - 05:48 AM

I had a cat that used to eat slugs that had eaten those blue slug pellets - presumably the others moved too fast for her to get -subsequently the house was filled with bright blue cat excretions ...

How about I write me some Blue Cat shits? Or The Cat shit's Blue?

Well I had a little moggy,
That moggy was no dang good.
I had a little moggy,
That moggy was no dang good,
Ate all sorts of critters,
more like hedgehog food.

Moggy ate the sluggies
That in my garden grew,
Yes the moggy ate the sluggies,
That with pellets I done slew
Now cat's gone crappin ever'where,
But lawd, the cat shit's blue.

LTS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Charley Noble
Date: 30 May 03 - 08:41 AM

Maybe it's time to revive "Charlie, the Midnight Marauder."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Kim C
Date: 30 May 03 - 09:44 AM

Well, I think this is a fun thread, and more people should read it! My own entry really does reflect my evening commute home. ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Clifton53
Date: 30 May 03 - 11:17 AM

Not to worry, these things start slow at times, well, they stay that way sometimes too, glad to see people giving it hell, or is it heck?

Kim, liked your line, 'keep on truckin', motherf***in, I-440 overpass blues'.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Kim C
Date: 30 May 03 - 12:02 PM

Thanks Clifton, that's just a little bit of road rage coming out. ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 30 May 03 - 06:08 PM

Here's another take on what I suppose is see as another suburban preoccupation:

I woke this morning and the sun was shining,
All along the road you could see them lining
With a bucket and a sponge, it was time to wash their car.
It's a heap of rust and a heap of trouble,
But you can dig my grave with a rusty shovel,
On the day that I go out and wash my car.

I washed my car on the day I bought her
I had a brand new girl and I went to court her,
Now it's our silver wedding, and I still ain't washed my car
It's a heap of rust and a heap of trouble,
But you can dig my grave with a rusty shovel,
On the day that I go out and wash my car.

"This neighbourhood was clean and solid,
But that car just makes it all so squalid,
On account if how he'll never wash thta car.
Now the street, is full of rogues and villains,
Desolation Row like Mr Dylan's,
But there's no one wants to take that dirty car."
"It's a heap of rust and a heap of trouble,
But you can dig my grave with a rusty shovel,
On the day that I go out and wash my car."

"It's a damned disgrace, it's a damned old ruin,
That car's the cause of our undoing,
Why don't that rascal go and wash his car".
"It's a heap of rust and a heap of trouble,
But you can dig my grave with a trusty shovel,
On the day that I go out and wash my car."

I'm a dreading the day it's rainy weather,
'Cos it's the mud that's holding the rust together,
And that's the reason I ain't gonna wash my car.
It's a heap of rust and a heap of trouble,
But you can dig my grave with a rusty shovel,
On the day that I go out and wash my car.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 07:35 PM

Back from the Black Hole of the Mudcat outage...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 07:47 PM

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Tinker
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 10:47 PM

Oh... I''m so glad this got refreshed... I'll have one by tommorow I promise...

Tinker

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 10 Jun 03 - 06:32 AM

Dunroamin' Blues
With apologies to Hank Williams

I got me a mortgage, a chain around my feet
And I twitch my curtains when you're walking down my street
And my kids give me worries, lawd my kids they give me grief

I got those du-uh-un ro-oh-oamin'
I got those du-uh-un roamin' suburban blues

I got a two-quart paunch and my hair is growing thin
Got a burglar alarm in case someone wants to break in
And I know I've got to bear it, but I'm buggered if I'll grin

I got those du-uh-un ro-oh-oamin'
I got those du-uh-un roamin' suburban blues

I went down to the river to catch myself a pike
For a break from my worries, some respite from my strife
Caught a shopping trolley and a rusty racing bike

I got those du-uh-un ro-oh-oamin'
I got those du-uh-un roamin' suburban blues

I'm swinging to the right every time it comes to vote
The kids call me Hitler, the wife calls me Pol Pot
I read the Daily Mail, so no wonder I'm losing the plot

I got those du-uh-un ro-oh-oamin'
I got those du-uh-un roamin' suburban blues

I used to be dashing, single, free and young
I used to be handsome, carefree and well-hung
But now I'm just a joke, a wretched figure of fun

I got those du-uh-un ro-oh-oamin'
I got those du-uh-un roamin' suburban blues

Got a mid-life crisis and my ulcer gripes and throbs
I hate my kids and I hate my deadbeat job
Sometimes in the evening lock myself in the toilet and sob

I got those du-uh-un ro-oh-oamin'
I got those du-uh-un roamin' suburban blues

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: GUEST,Dave Hollowood
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 04:59 PM

The Sub-Suburban Blues

Living way out here in a trailer, Only place I could afford
Living way out here in a trailer, Only place I could afford
I hope the train is running, can't pay the gas for my accord

Working for that minimum wage, a three hour commute to work
working for that minimum wage, a three hour commute to work
Lord it wouldn't be so bad, if the boss weren't such a jerk

I got the Blues
Got the Sub-Suburban Blues
Can't afford the life I'd choose
Got the Sub-Suburban Blues

My neighbors raise Pot Belly Pigs, I think that they're inbred
Lord, my neighbors raise Pot belly Pigs, I say, I think that they're inbred
They all've got six fingers on each hand, and a pointy little head

Landlord is a fat old man, shotgun and bottle are his friend
Said the landlord is a fat old man, shotgun and bottle his only friend
Hope he never gets them confused, it'll be a bitter end

I got the Blues
Got the Sub-Suburban Blues
Can't afford the life I'd choose
Got the Sub-Suburban Blues

My girlfriend was coming to see me, left her place a week ago
My girlfriend's coming out to see me, left her home a week ago
Asked the banjo player on the bridge if he'd seen her, he just shook his head no.

I got the Blues
Got the Sub-Suburban Blues
Can't afford the life I'd choose
Got the Sub-Suburban Blues

Got them blue collar workin'
Living in the boonies,
Su-hu-b Suh-huh-bur-er-ban Blues

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 10:30 PM

Are the neighbors inbred or the pot bellied pigs? *grin*

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: Bert
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 11:27 PM

How about this one?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jun 03 - 11:09 AM

BERT! yup - that's a good'un!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: KateG
Date: 12 Jun 03 - 02:44 PM

Oh, you can't sing the blues if you drive a Bay-Em-Vay,
Oh, you can't sing the blues if you drive a Bay-Em-Vay,
No, you can't sing the blues if you drive a Bay-Em-Vay,
Cause a Beemer goes so fast, it'll drive them blues a-way.

Oh, you can't sing the blues if you ride in a limosine,
Oh, you can't sing the blues if you ride in a limosine,
No, you can't sing the blues if you ride in a limosine,
Cause a limo's got a bar, a VCR and a TV screen.

Oh, you can't sing the blues if you live on the Upper East Side,
Oh, you can't sing the blues if you live on the Upper East Side,
No, you can't sing the blues if you live on the Upper East Side,
Cause the doorman's from Harlem, and he knows that you done lied.

Oh, you can't drown your blues in martinis and G 'n T's,
Oh, you can't drown your blues in martinis and G 'n T's,
No, you can't drown your blues in martinis and G 'n T's,
Stoli and Gordon's won't give you the real DT's.

there's probably more of this nonsense, but it hasn't come to me yet.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: GUEST,Dave Hollowood
Date: 12 Jun 03 - 03:07 PM

Be careful when you challenge someone - you might not like what you get. Here's my second entry "Old Suburban Blues". Number three is in the works.


Old Suburban Blues

Got me an old Suburban
She don't run so well no mo
Got rust in all the fenders
Got dents in all the doors
Probl'y end up walkin', wearin out my shoes
Lord I feel like cryin' Got them old Suburban Blues

She ain't got no heater
Her tires are bald and flat
The only thing t'ween the road and me
Is a grubby old floor mat
Probly' end up walkin' wearin' out my shoes
Lord can't you hear me cryin' got them old Suburban Blues

The seats ain't but bare springs
And I can't find second gear
The front bumper is in Detroit
Don't know where I lost the rear
Probly' end up walkin', wearing out my shoes
I'm sorry to be whinin' got them old Suburban Blues

Jump start her every morning
While I'm holdin' on the choke
The damn electric lighter
Is the only thing ain't broke
Probly' end up walkin', wearin' out my shoes
I'd like to chuck the whole damn thing, got them old Suburban Blues

I'd Like to get a new car
No more Subs for me
But I can't afford the sticker price
I'm as blue as I can be
Probly' end up walkin', wearin' out my shoes
Stuck with this old heap a' junk, got them old Suburban Blues

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 92
From: LadyJean
Date: 12 Jun 03 - 11:58 PM

Dishes in the sink and clothes on the floor. I clear them away 'cause that's what I'm for.
Hair in the shower, and toothpaste in the sink, and some stuff in the fridge that's beginning to stink.
Cleaning lady's here, she's going to make it go away. Going to scrub your bathtub, that's how she earns her pay. She'll pick up your socks and she'll put away your shoes, and that's why cleaning ladies get the blues.
A good sponge mop will get a floor nice and clean. But I scrub it on my knees because someone's feeling mean.
Your problems are mine, it goes with the job. I know your husband is a drunken slob.
I catch a little hell 'cause you've had a bad day. I listen to your troubles, that's how I earn my pay. You think you have worries? Let me give you some news. And that's why cleaning ladies get the blues.

They've saved dishes for a week, now I get to wasn them all.
Scrub around the toilet, clean the cat barf in the hall.
End of the day, I'm glad to stop, but I know there's worse than having floors to mop.
The thing that troubles me, every day, is that you'll fire the cleaning lady, and I won't get my pay. I can't seem to win, but I don't dare lose, and that's why cleaning ladies get the blues.